Chapter 194 - Roots

"If Elder Brother doesn't come back, it won't be Sweetie who will go first. It'll definitely be Second Brother and Sister. Father wouldn't… How could Father spare them?"

His words were veiled, but Shen Yin understood their meaning while Shen Tie remained in the dark. Shen Yin's breathing grew heavier, and his body trembled involuntarily.

Shen Jin didn't intend to scare him, but he knew that if he didn't make him understand the situation now, those foolish thoughts would take root in his mind and become fatal.

Seeing that Shen Yin had taken his words to heart, Shen Jin continued, "Actually, Sister might not even make it to the city. Or perhaps even earlier, when we were still in the village. Due to lack of food, she might have been sold for grain, just like Sister Mei Niang."

His voice became strained as he spoke. He had lost control of his emotions when he spoke so much to Wang Chunniang earlier, but now that he was calmer and with Shen Tie around, he dared not elaborate on how Sweetie was returned by Wang Meiniang or the pitiful state Wang Meiniang was in.

In fact, even their mother, who protected them, would she protect Shen An and Shen Ning? Not only would she not protect them, but it was also uncertain whether she would join their father in finding buyers. This was a question that Shen Jin, as a son, dared not entertain.

"Second Brother is a boy, so he wouldn't have been sold easily back then, but once he enters the city, he wouldn't escape the same fate as Sweetie. Only after Second Brother and Sister are gone will it be our turn, the four siblings."

"So do you understand now?"

"Our family has long split apart. The two branches have essentially severed ties. Given what our parents have done, it's normal for Elder Brother and Eldest Sister-in-law to ignore our survival. We're alive because Elder Brother and Eldest Sister-in-law don't hold grudges against us, because they still see us as their younger siblings. And because Eldest Sister-in-law is kind-hearted, she is willing to bear the burden of three extra mouths to feed in a world where even children can be sold for mere grains."

"So stay vigilant and don't let anyone with ill intentions sway you with mere words. Don't emulate her way of thinking."

"Should you follow her lead, your thoughts will become distorted, and you'll grow into someone just as detestable. Moreover, where do you place the love and care from your eldest brother and sister-in-law, your second brother, and your elder sister, given the thoughts that just crossed your mind?"

He nudged his empty medicine bowl towards Shen Yin and released his other hand, which had been clenched, placing the hawthorn and banana slices he'd been holding next to the empty bowl. He asked, "Can you really still stomach the medicine we drink, the food, meat, vegetables, and these dried fruits we consume every day?"

"To be able to hide safely in this valley each day, free from hunger and cold, without resorting to eating soil or starving to death, without fear of being targeted by those driven mad by hunger..."

"On that day in the county, both you and Little Tie weren't feeling well. You're unaware, but on the day our parents were gone, many of those gathered outside our shack were there for amusement, while others had ulterior motives against us. You had no idea."

"I've always been afraid of frightening you, so I didn't dare speak up. Even now, I still don't dare, but with Sweet Girl gone, you must understand what those people were after when they surrounded our hovel, right? Mr. Xu saved us and was followed by those same folks. You're unaware, clueless about it all."

He wiped away tears and spoke incoherently: "Why did shopkeeper Xu help us save us? Uncle Xu is not a real shopkeeper. Why does he come to our village at risk every day? Why can we exchange pheasants for food and money to treat my mother's illness?It is the eldest brother who has always entrusted the family to take care of us. Without eldest brother, we would not know where we died. He may have died before entering the city, or he may have died in the county seat. He could not have died in the same way as Tianya or even worse.Days like these.”

Speaking to the point where she broke down into tears.

Yin also wept. "Big Brother, I understand. I won’t have such wild thoughts anymore."

Shen Tie was unsure why his elder brother was so distraught. The torrent of words fell upon him like a downpour, confusing him. He could only understand bits and pieces, so he tugged on Shen Jin's sleeve and said, "Big Brother, don't cry. I remember how well Elder Brother, Eldest Sister-in-law, Second Brother, and Sister treated me."

Perhaps these words were the greatest comfort to Shen Jin at this moment. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he nodded. "Yes, remember it, remember it for a lifetime."

"We all nearly died in the county. We can't forget those days just because we've had a few good ones. Only by not forgetting the hardships will we not forget the kindness."

As Shen Jin spoke, tears streamed down his face. These myriad thoughts, which had previously resided only in his subconscious, now flowed like a river, unblocked and coursing freely as he counseled his two younger brothers.

It was only at this moment that Shen Jin truly recognized the root of his inner turmoil.

It wasn't solely the nightmare in the county or the hidden thoughts he dared not speak of, which Wang Chunniang had exposed. Deeper still lay his inability to confront his former self.

Only when one has tasted the brink of starvation can they understand the cruelty of their parents. But were his parents the only cruel ones? Hadn't he been just as merciless? In the months following the family split, had Big Sister, Xiao An, and Ah Ning truly fared better than he had?

Xiao Yin and Xiao Tie could be excused for their youth, but what about him?

Back then, he had never imagined that his parents would let Jiaan and Jinning starve. They provided grain, and every few days, there was more food. Everyone in the village seemed to manage, so he had no comprehension of people starving to death. He had laughed and given sparingly, never truly regarding Jiaan and Jinning as his siblings.

He had always known but never dared to confront his past self. The more his older brother, sister-in-law, Xiao An, and Ah Ning treated him kindly, the more he feared facing the person he once was.

Recalling how he had lashed out at Wang Chunniang for deserving to live such a good life, Shen Jin buried his face in his damp palm. Did he truly deserve it?

He was unworthy of it.

This realization, deeply ingrained yet suppressed by him from ever taking root, finally broke through its constraints at this moment, sprouting instantly and thundering into Shen Jin's heart and ears with a resounding impact.

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Pus pockets are excruciating to drain, but the Lu family's abscess didn't even have the chance to be lanced.

The moment Shen An left, Lu Dalang took a few steps forward, hoping to plead for mercy. But before he could, Mother Lu cut him off and merely asked Lu Dadao, who had been weeping softly all this while, to repeat word for word the nonsense her mother had spouted.

Lu Daniu couldn't bring herself to speak, burying her head and hesitating to open her mouth for a long time.

Lu Po looked at her for a while before nodding. " filial, huh? You don't want to say it, or is it just too hard to say?"

Seeing that she still refused to speak, Lu Po grew tired. "Alright then."

She nodded and got up. "You can't afford to waste time in farming. Go harvest the rice. That's about all you can do in this valley."

With that, she really did leave. If not for her faltering steps and hunched back, one might have thought she didn't care at all.

The more Lu Pozi behaved this way, the more terrified Lu Dalang became. His mind wandered as he followed his parents, watching them mechanically cut rice. Several times, his sickle nearly slipped and harmed himself. As the sun sank lower, his fear grew.

When the farm work was done, they returned to the cave. Without even having their evening meal, Lu Dalang knelt before Lu Pozi. "Mother, please forgive Chunniang one more time. I promise I'll keep her mouth shut from now on."

Upon hearing this, Wang Chunniang, in the small cave, turned to look at him.

Was Wang Chunniang afraid?

At first, she had been, but now, seeing Lu Dalang's desperation and his plans for controlling and punishing her, a strange sense of satisfaction welled up inside her.

This was her man. If last time she could still believe he was trying to save her, believing that again now would be foolish.

Lu Dalang wasn't saving her; he was merely using her to save himself from being expelled. She should have seen through him long ago.

Wang Chunniang regained her composure. Leaning against the cave wall on the narrow bed, she observed Lu Dalang kneeling before the old woman, a twisted sense of comfort rising in her heart.

Let him cry, let him plead. Neither of them were good people; why should she suffer alone?

...

Liu Dalang had already turned to plead with his father, repeating the same old arguments.

"How can we be pardoned?" Liu Pozi had been working tirelessly all day and hadn't even had a sip of water. Her voice was hoarse as she asked him.

But she didn't expect an answer from him; instead, she sighed, "Eldest son, each of us must take responsibility for our actions, or even for our inactions. We can't always rely on others to accommodate, forgive, or pardon us. It might work once or twice, but there's an old saying: one can do something twice, but never a third time."

As she spoke, she glanced at the five children standing behind Liu Dalang. Shuzhu and the others were older, but Huizi was ten, and the youngest, Shi, was only seven.

Seven years old.

Last year, Shen Jin was only eight, and even now, Shen Yin was seven, Shen Tie six, and Tianya was even younger.

Liu Pozi closed her eyes and murmured, "I'm also paying the price for not disciplining you properly."

The decision had long been made. Scanning her grandchildren one by one, her gaze finally settled on the eldest, Shuzhu and Tiezhu. She asked, "What do you have to say? Will you plead like your father, asking me to let this slide?"

Neither of the brothers spoke.

Liu Pozi's lips quivered, unsure if she could consider it a relief.

She fetched a stool and sat down, saying, "As long as you're not begging me like your father did. You've heard Shen Jin's words this afternoon, right? Back then, their parents didn't act properly, and even his own cousins weren't brought into this valley. How could you be an exception? If you're let off the hook once or twice, do you dare to rely on a third time?"

"Start packing. When your second uncle and third uncle return, I'll beg Mountain Lord again to send all of you away."

Upon hearing this, Lu Dalang slumped, his twisted smile of amusement freezing on his face. Wang Chunniang also shot up, her hands gripping the wooden fence. "What did you say?"

Only then did Old Lady Lu look at her. "I said that I'll send your whole family away. Didn't you ever imagine this day when you were causing such a ruckus?"

Wang Chunniang's breathing grew heavy. "How dare you? Aren't you afraid that I might reveal the valley's location?"

Old Lady Lu chuckled. "So you have some leverage, which is why you dared to stir things up? Don't worry. If I'm willing to let you out, I won't give you the chance to harm others."

She looked at Lu Dalang. "Do you feel the same?"

Lu Dalang shook his head like a rattle drum. "Mother, no, I don't mean that. It's Chunniang's fault. Can't we just send her away? The children are still so young. How can you bear to do this?"

Upon hearing these words, Old Lady Lu glanced at Lu Dalang. "Then will you leave with her?"

Lu Dalang fell silent immediately.

Widow Lu had no desire to look at him anymore and turned her attention to Zhan Zhu. "What about you, Zhan Zhu?"

Zhan Zhu's gaze flickered between his parents' faces several times. Observing them and listening to their words, he seemed to have forgotten who they were. It was only when his grandmother looked at him that he came back to his senses. "Grandma, I don't want to."

Widow Lu nodded. "That's good. It's easy to cower in this valley, but your spines will never straighten again for the rest of your lives. This is my final question: Do you want to hide here to preserve your lives or step out and give yourself and your younger siblings a chance to straighten the bent bones?"

The younger ones didn't understand, but Zhan Zhu grasped his grandmother's meaning. He glanced at his younger siblings by his side and nodded. "I'll listen to you, Grandma."

Tears welled up in Widow Lu's eyes, and her lips twitched, revealing the only smile-like expression she had shown since that afternoon.

"Good. If you're listening to me, then let's go."

Wang Chunniang was on the verge of madness. "Old hag, how can you be so wicked? They're your grandchildren, five of them! The roots of the Lu family!"

Widow Lu ignored her and focused on her eldest grandson. "Good child, your parents have no choice, but we can still be upright individuals. Grandma won't harm you; I'll ask your Uncle Er to find a relatively safe place for you. The road ahead may be more challenging, but it will be a broader one. You and Tie Zhu must take good care of your parents and teach your younger siblings well."

Tears rolled down Zhan Zhu's cheeks as he nodded repeatedly.

He didn't know what path his grandmother wanted him to take, but he trusted her.

The oppressive weight that had suffocated him ever since he entered the valley seemed to finally loosen its grip slightly in this moment.