Chapter 35: If: Shen Ci Travels to Xie Yu’s High School Days

Chapter 35 If: Shen Ci Travels Back to Xie Yu's High School Days

"I don’t have any parents; no one’s coming to bail me out."

"Pay for damages? I don’t have any money."

"Holding cell? Then lock me up—I won’t apologize to those scum."

Xie Yu sat in the interrogation room, his fist having hit the chain of his backpack while punching someone, scraping off a patch of skin the size of a coin. The wound had stopped bleeding, but a thick scab of dark red blood now crusted over it.

The clerk typed on the keyboard, clearly frustrated. "Judging by your uniform, you're still a high school student, right? This matter has to be reported to your parents..."

"I said, I don’t have any parents."

Xie Yu interrupted, his tone stiff. His hair looked like it hadn’t been cut in a while, hanging down and partially covering his eyes. His eyes locked on the clerk, his expression unreadably dark.

"Alright, then I can only process the holding cell paperwork..."

The clerk sighed, typing up the report in front of Xie Yu. Neither of them spoke. The cramped interrogation room fell silent, save for the sound of fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Click-clack, click-clack.

Xie Yu tapped his foot restlessly, feeling increasingly agitated. He didn’t know what this person was writing—whether it said he bullied classmates or broke the law, or that he was disobedient and stubborn. Either way, it wasn’t going to be flattering.

The clerk typed mechanically. After what felt like forever, the typing paused as the clerk double-clicked the screen, seemingly confirming something.

Xie Yu rubbed his pants absentmindedly, then got up with a shrug. "Done? Where are you taking me?"

He’d rather go straight to jail than endure those pitying stares.

"No, wait a moment," the clerk said. "Someone’s here to bail you out."

"Someone?" Xie Yu sneered, sitting back down. "Your system’s wrong. I don’t have any parents."

Unexpectedly, the clerk tapped the keys again. "No, really, there is. You can go out; someone paid your fine and is waiting for you in the lobby."

Xie Yu thought to himself—who’s playing a joke here? Maybe someone with the same name got mixed up. He stood up. "Who bailed me out?"

The clerk lightly tapped the screen. "Let me see... Oh, it’s Shen Ci."

Xie Yu met Shen Ci in the clerk’s hall.

*

When he came out, this man, whose name sounded pleasant, was flipping through the bail documents. He wore a suit, with old-fashioned silver-framed glasses, his face noble and gentle. He looked out of place in the noisy clerk’s hall, more like a scholar from another era, reading poetry in a courtyard shaded by banana trees.

Xie Yu didn’t know such a person. His high school life felt like a sewer, murky and stagnant, and he had nothing in common with the suited man before him.

Xie Yu thought: It must be a mistake.

He picked up his backpack, ready to head back and set the clerk straight. He didn’t recognize this Shen Ci, and the other person wasn’t there for him. He just wanted to get the detention procedures done—he wasn’t in the mood to drag this out.

But Shen Ci had already noticed him.

The moment Shen Ci saw Xie Yu, his eyes lit up with an intensity that took Xie Yu by surprise, like a mix of joy and nostalgia. He traced Xie Yu’s outline with his gaze, greedily, like a traveler in the desert finally finding water.

Xie Yu felt extremely awkward.

Subtly, he glanced at himself. His uniform was old, faded, and frayed, loosely draped over his body. Bloodstains covered his hands and backpack, marking him as a delinquent.

If they met on the street, Shen Ci would probably want to steer clear of him.

The boy's pride was instantly stung. He plopped down cross-legged across from Shen Ci, deliberately slamming his backpack onto the nearby chair with a loud thud, and then spoke nonchalantly, "Who are you? What do you want from me?"

Shen Ci's eyes had been fixed on the wound on the back of his hand. Then he pushed up his glasses and smiled gently, "Your father has some things to take care of and has asked me to look after you for a while. Don't go home for the next couple of days; stay with me."

As he spoke, he slid over a phone recording. A drunk man was swaying on the bed, mumbling like he was in a dream, "Shen Ci... it's you, a distant cousin, recently in Jiangcheng, I've asked him to look after you."

Xie Yu nearly burst out laughing.

For a moment, he couldn't decide if it was some stroke of luck from his distant ancestors that produced a figure like Shen Ci, who was either rich or noble, or if his thoroughly rotten father had lost his mind and, even while drunk, remembered to find him a temporary caretaker. Which of these two was more ridiculous?

Shen Ci said, "If you don't believe me, go ahead and call your father. It really was him who asked me to look after you."

Though he had to pull some strings.

Xie Yu didn't feel like talking to his father and picked up his backpack, "Fine, where are we headed?"

He eyed Shen Ci, drawing out the last syllable, "Cousin?"

Shen Ci hesitated mid-turn.

He quickly covered up the brief pause and naturally took the backpack from Xie Yu's hand, "I drove here; hop in."

Xie Yu's breath caught, and he yanked the backpack back from Shen Ci, "I don't need you to carry it for me!"

He was a high school student, not a primary school kid, taller than Shen Ci, so why should a seemingly frail cousin carry his backpack?

Shen Ci staggered slightly from the pull but stayed silent, only smiling good-naturedly, "Fine, carry it yourself."

"..."

Xie Yu was even more annoyed.

This cousin who appeared out of nowhere treated him like a three-year-old, with a mix of helplessness and indulgence, as if he needed coaxing to cooperate.

But one doesn't hit a smiling face, and with Shen Ci's demeanor, Xie Yu couldn't lash out, only pulling a long face as he watched Shen Ci open the trunk to place his backpack and then walk around to open the passenger door for him.

"..."

It felt even more like taking care of a three-year-old.

Xie Yu's anger flared, and he sat down in a huff. Shen Ci got in and gently reminded him, "Fasten your seatbelt."

Xie Yu was momentarily speechless.

This feeling was truly strange. In the first few decades of Xie Yu's life, his father treated him like an enemy, teachers and classmates avoided him, and other relatives were like strangers. Yet, this unseen "cousin" spoke kindly, telling him to fasten his seatbelt.

He muttered, "I know, no need to nag," but still obediently fastened it.

Shen Ci held the steering wheel and drove to a riverside residential area.

This place was adjacent to a business district, with two prestigious elementary schools nearby, and the property prices were sky-high. Xie Yu thought to himself, "Indeed, either rich or noble."

Shen Ci lived in a large riverside apartment. As Xie Yu entered, Shen Ci pointed to a room, "You'll stay here from now on."

He led Xie Yu around for a quick tour and smiled apologetically, "Time was tight, couldn't arrange much, but I bought you some small things, see if you like them."

Xie Yu couldn't possibly dislike them; Shen Ci had bought them according to his preferences.

Xie Yu didn't have many interests; he liked playing video games, so his room had a floor-standing display and matching controllers. He was into riding motorcycles, so there was a limited-edition helmet and motorcycle keys in the room. Even his favorite drinks and snacks, Shen Ci knew them all.

"..."

Xie Yu glanced around and awkwardly muttered, "Thanks."

He rarely said it, his face stiff and his stance uneasy. Shen Ci didn't comment on it and was about to leave to give Xie Yu some private space when something suddenly occurred to him: "Oh, by the way, you're gearing up for the college entrance exam, huh?"

He looked at Xie Yu's school uniform and the name tag on his backpack: "I recall your father mentioning you're about to enter your senior year of high school? So you'll have to cut back on gaming. You can only play after finishing your test papers."

Xie Yu was already feeling super awkward.

He couldn't understand why this cousin was so nosy. Handling his living situation was one thing, but now he was even sticking his nose into his studies. Xie Yu hadn't cracked a book in over a year.

But Shen Ci was serious.

That night, he actually showed up with test papers at Xie Yu's door, asking, "Wanna give it a shot?"

Shen Ci's look was earnest, and Xie Yu, feeling grateful and a bit guilty, reluctantly agreed. He found himself at the desk with a pen in hand.

It was a set of science practice exams. Xie Yu began scribbling away, half-asleep. The exam was a good seven or eight pages, and Xie Yu only got less than a page. He dashed through it and was about to stash it when Shen Ci grabbed the papers.

Shen Ci began marking.

He sat in the chair, his silver-framed glasses catching the warm glow of the desk lamp. Even the way he held the pen was graceful. Xie Yu, thinking about his terrible answers, lightly curled his fingers.

—Shen Ci would probably think he was a good-for-nothing.

It was strange. Teachers and classmates all thought he was a good-for-nothing, and Xie Yu prided himself on being one. But now, he suddenly felt a bit sad.

However, Shen Ci finished marking the papers with a calm expression, made some marks, and then looked up at Xie Yu: "Tired?"

Xie Yu: "...What?"

Shen Ci: "Want to sit here and listen to my explanation?"

Silence.

Shen Ci didn't rush, just sat quietly. Xie Yu, unable to sit still, moved to the chair.

He had encountered so little kindness in his life that a few gentle words from someone made it hard for him to refuse.

Shen Ci held the pen and began explaining smoothly.

His words were clear, his tone gentle, and his explanations were fluid, hitting the key points and breaking down the knowledge layer by layer. Xie Yu initially didn't want to learn, but as he listened, he ended up absorbing most of it.

As the clock passed midnight, Shen Ci closed the pen cap and nudged Xie Yu's shoulder: "Go to sleep. I'll wake you up for breakfast tomorrow."

In a completely unfamiliar bedroom, on a completely unfamiliar bed, Xie Yu thought he wouldn't be able to sleep. But Shen Ci had an exceptionally calm and gentle aura, and Xie Yu fell into a deep sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

For the next three hundred or so days and nights, Xie Yu went to school, and Shen Ci went to work.

Their lives became more and more harmonious, more and more intimate.

Xie Yu didn't know what this cousin did for a living, only that he always wore a suit, entered and exited tall buildings, and seemed like a busy elite. But every night, Shen Ci would come back without fail to teach him homework, breaking down each problem one by one, even turning down phone invitations, as if teaching him homework was the most important thing, 365 days a year, every day.

Occasionally on weekends, they would play games together. Shen Ci was an excellent cook, especially good at making radish and pork rib soup. Every time he tied an apron and cooked in the kitchen, the rising steam blurred his refined features, and the aroma of pork ribs filled the living room. Xie Yu often had the impulse to rush over and hug him. He had a vague illusion that Shen Ci was his family, and they had already spent many years like this, plain yet warm.

...Family?

Can a distant cousin really be considered family?

Xie Yu felt a bit lost.

His bipolar disorder hadn't flared up since he moved into this house. His grades had skyrocketed, from the bottom of the class to the top of his grade, at an astonishing pace. He had given up gaming and riding motorcycles, sitting from morning till night like an ascetic, and even his teachers marveled at his perseverance, asking him to share the secret of self-discipline with the whole class.

Xie Yu shook his head and refused.

It was somewhat embarrassing, but a large part of the reason Xie Yu suddenly started studying diligently was because of Shen Ci's beautiful smile every time he signed Xie Yu's report card.

Shen Ci was genuinely pleased with Xie Yu's progress.

Xie Yu didn't want to disappoint the only person in the world who was kind to him.

Days flew by, and before they knew it, it was time for the college entrance exams. Shen Ci took the day off work to accompany Xie Yu, waiting at the school gate like other parents to pick him up. As soon as Xie Yu stepped out of the exam hall, he could walk alongside Shen Ci.

This year, Xie Yu had undergone a significant transformation. He had cut his long hair, and his clothes, all picked out by Shen Ci, were stylish. His cheeks had filled out, giving him a vibrant, youthful appearance.

Shen Ci spotted Xie Yu in the crowd immediately. He was tall and stood out, so he made his way through the crowd to Xie Yu's side, asking how he was like other parents, and then inquired, "What do you feel like eating tonight?"

Xie Yu tilted his head and thought for a moment, then said, "Anything is fine."

Anything was fine, as long as he was eating with Shen Ci; he wasn't picky.

Despite this, Shen Ci still went all out. He even uncorked two bottles of red wine, toasting with Xie Yu in celebration.

Xie Yu hadn't slept well during the two days of the exams. After the meal and a bit of wine, he fell asleep the moment he hit the bed. In the middle of the night, he started dreaming hazily. In the dream, Shen Ci leaned into his arms, his elegant and beautiful eyes brimming with tenderness. They were close, embracing, and finally kissing, with shirt buttons undone and bedding slipping to the floor.

...

Only then did he suddenly understand the fluttering he felt every time he stood shoulder to shoulder with Shen Ci.

He liked the only person who was kind to him, yearning to be close, skin to skin.

Xie Yu woke up, stunned for a long moment, then suddenly slapped himself.

He didn't hold back, and red marks appeared immediately. Xie Yu went to the sink to splash cold water on his face, and when he looked up at his disheveled reflection, he suddenly forced a sarcastic smile.

He sneered at himself, "I really am no good."

Shen Ci was his cousin, who out of familial duty, provided him with food and shelter, and oversaw his studies, but the cousin he raised had wolfish ambitions, desiring what should not be desired.

Shen Ci really shouldn't have been so good to him.

He quietly washed up, using the cover of night to stuff the tangled sheets into the washing machine. The sound of the machine starting was loud, especially noticeable in the quiet night, and Xie Yu stood by the washing machine, praying that Shen Ci would sleep deeply, so he could hide his gloomy thoughts and not expose them.

But then, someone turned on the light.

Pure white light poured down instantly, the darkness receded and disappeared, and everything was exposed.

Shen Ci, wearing only pajamas, stood in the corner of the living room, looking surprised, "Why aren't you sleeping so late?"

Xie Yu stiffly blocked the washing machine, lowering his eyes, "Couldn't sleep at night."

Shen Ci looked worried, stepped forward, and touched Xie Yu's forehead, "Nervous about the exam? It's normal to be nervous after the college entrance exams."

Xie Yu didn't speak, and Shen Ci hesitated for a moment before asking, "It's really late, if you can't sleep, do you want... do you want to sleep with me?"

Xie Yu closed his eyes, wanting to laugh even more.

He couldn't figure out what Shen Ci was thinking. Was he, a high school graduate, still acting like a child? Couldn’t sleep without his mother coaxing him, throwing a fit to sleep with her? Or did Shen Ci, a distant cousin, really see him as his own child?

Did Shen Ci have any idea what kind of twisted thoughts this "child" in front of him was hiding?

And if he knew, what would he do? Would he freak out, avoid him like the plague, or... be utterly repulsed?

Shen Ci was clueless about Xie Yu's hidden thoughts. He even reached out and grabbed Xie Yu's wrist, trying to pull him into the room: "Come on, I'll talk with you. Everyone feels this way after the college entrance exam, don't be nervous."

It was like inviting a wolf into the henhouse.

Xie Yu was hit with a wave of inexplicable anger and yanked his hand away: "No!"

Shen Ci spun around, surprised.

Since they started living together, Xie Yu hadn't spoken in such a tone for a long time.

The shock in his eyes cut Xie Yu deep, who let out a bitter laugh: "Shen Ci, do you really see me as a kid?"

Shen Ci hesitated, blinking: "...Not really?"

—How could he see Xie Yu as a kid? Every lonely night, he ached for the warmth of an embrace, almost driving him mad.

It was just that Xie Yu was still in high school, and speaking too soon might make it seem like he had ulterior motives, scaring him away.

Who knew Xie Yu's expression would turn even more self-mocking? He stepped forward, pinning Shen Ci in a heavy shadow, almost accusing: "If you know I'm not a kid, how dare you ask me to sleep with you?"

Shen Ci: "..."

—Why wouldn't he dare?

But Xie Yu's expression was so unpleasant that Shen Ci didn't press, just changed the subject, saying gently: "Are you feeling unwell? Do you want something to eat?"

Xie Yu was stressed from the college entrance exam, and now he couldn't kiss or hug him. The only thing Shen Ci could think to do was feed him.

But this made him seem even more like a worried parent.

Xie Yu tightly closed his eyes.

He watched Shen Ci turn around, really about to tie an apron and steam some pastries. A sense of absurdity, helplessness, and pain suddenly overwhelmed him, burning his insides with a dull ache.

Long-term loneliness had made Xie Yu unaccustomed to being with others. He had received no favor from his father, so he always had low expectations. He didn't expect others to treat him well. Now that Shen Ci was treating him well, he couldn't believe that this kindness would last. He had been able to pretend before, but that filthy dream suddenly made him realize that he couldn't play the role of the obedient cousin anymore.

Everything before him seemed like a fleeting illusion. The day the bubble burst would be the day he lost everything.

And Xie Yu was suffering in the process.

He didn't want to wait anymore. He urgently needed an answer, so he suddenly had the impulse to expose all these unspeakable, dirty thoughts, laying them bare under Shen Ci's eyes, pointing at them and questioning—Look, this is what the child you raised is really like inside. Do you still want to treat him so well?

If you saw his heart, would you still be willing to treat him so well?

So he suddenly reached out, grabbed Shen Ci's wrist, and in Shen Ci's surprised gaze, held the back of his head and suddenly kissed him.

A brief touch.

This fleeting kiss exhausted Xie Yu's courage. He stepped back, waved his hand with difficulty, and smiled bitterly: "Now, do you still want to invite me?"

Shen Ci was stunned for a full two seconds.

Finally, under Xie Yu's lifeless gaze, he raised his hand and placed his fingers on his lips, which were still slightly moist.

"My God," Shen Ci hesitated for a moment, then told the truth,

"Xie Yu, your kissing skills... are as bad as before."