"The difference is that you saved him from that catastrophe in time in this life, allowing him to avoid fatal injuries, and have been living cheerfully and honestly until now." Song Yan paused when he said this. , "Every time I think about it, I am very grateful to you."

Xia Lin said lightly, "I didn't do this to get your gratitude."

"I know," Song Yan's eyes softened, "because you are naturally kind-hearted, even if I lost you because of Yu Luotong in my last life, you can still help him in times of crisis. This kind of mind makes me admire both. Ashamed again."

Xia Lin was not used to being touted like this in person, so he subconsciously moved his lips and wanted to refute, but he didn't know what to refute.

Song Yan continued: "I always thought that I loved Luotong, but it wasn't until this life that I realized that it wasn't love, but pity and responsibility. Because Luotong needed me, I decided to protect him. All my life, because he was extremely insecure and worried about gains and losses all day, I had to pay attention to him all the time, lest I accidentally touch his sadness and make him think he was abandoned again."

Xia Lin sneered and said, "You lied. If you didn't really love him, why would you seek death several times after learning of his death? If I hadn't stopped him again and again, you would have gone down to see the King of Hell long ago."

"That's right," Song Yan sighed, "I thought Luo Tong was dead at the time, and I really didn't want to live. At that time, on the one hand, I was angry with my family for forcing Luo Tong to death, and on the other hand, it was also because. Luotong swore a poisonous oath. During the darkest period of Luotong's life, in order to encourage him to live, I swore to him that if he died, I would not live alone, even if I went to the underworld, I would I will also accompany him and will not leave him alone. However, in the end, I still failed to fulfill my promise to him. He died, but I lived in this world, and even with you later, this is even more for him. It's a double betrayal. While indulging in your tenderness, I keep blaming myself in my heart. I also want to be nice to you, but I don't dare to be nice to you. I often wake up in the middle of the night when I am dreaming. I always dream of Luo Tong accusing me with blood on his face, saying that I betrayed him and trampled on my oath."

Xia Lin remembered that in the years when he and Song Yan were together in the last life, Song Yan did not sleep well at night. Often when he fell asleep, he suddenly sat up and called Luo Tong's name. At that time, he only thought that Song Yan couldn't let Luo Tong go, but he didn't expect him to have nightmares because of his inner self-blame.

Song Yan continued: "Later I accidentally met Luo Tong, and then I realized that he was not dead at all. At that time, my heart was really mixed. I hated your deception and Luo Tong's decision, but I hated me even more. I was so foolishly kept in the dark for so many years and suffered for so many years. At that time, I was really dizzy and completely lost my mind. I had no one to vent, so I vented all my anger. It was on you. But I didn't know that you were terminally ill at that time, and I didn't expect it. On the day I drove you away, I already regretted it.

"But I'm still deceiving myself, I tell myself, I'm just not used to your leaving for a while, I also met Luo Tong that night, I thought, as long as I and Luo Tong are reconciled, there will be no such thing as I felt a heavy sense of loss. But that night, after meeting Luo Tong's boyfriend, I realized that it turned out that Luo Tong and I were already over.

"He has a new man by his side, and that man's parents are very open-minded and won't do anything to stop them from falling in love, and that man can put a wedding ring on him aboveboard, instead of just making promises like me. Luo Tong doesn't need me anymore. Over the years, my ex and self-reproach turned out to be nothing. From beginning to end, I was just playing a one-man show. At that time, I was very eager to return to your side, only By your side, I have a sense of belonging. But God still won't let me go. When I first recognized my heart, I was about to lose you. During the time when you fell into a coma before you died, I always Holding your hand, I recalled a lot of things about the two of us. I don't know when you started liking me, but I clearly remember that when I wanted to die with Luotong, it was you who held me tight Holding me, crying and saying to me, if I die, you don't know how to live.

"That was the first time I clearly knew your intentions for me. I was surprised, but more moved. It turned out that there is still someone who has been guarding me silently. So I finally gave up suicide, Not because of anything else, just because. I don't want to see you cry so sad and desperate.

"I accepted you quickly at that time. I once thought it was because of emptiness and loneliness, but it was not until you passed away that I realized that my friendship for you has been rooted since the beginning of our acquaintance. If Luo Tong did not appear, maybe we will gradually attract each other, tell each other our heartfelt feelings, and stay together for a lifetime. But Luo Tong appeared too early and too suddenly. I haven't seen my heart clearly yet, and I don't understand anything. When it comes to love, I have made a lifetime commitment to him.

Xia Lin silently wiped away the tears from the corners of his eyes in the dark, he forced himself to stay calm and stay awake.

He said in a slightly choked voice: "In the past and present, love and dislike, all rely on your mouth and tongue to shine a lotus flower, how can you prove that...

"I can prove it."

"what?"

"Rebirth is the proof." Song Yan said slowly, "You always say that I chose you because Yu Luotong didn't love me. That's not the case. In this life, Luotong has been safe and happy. Growing up, I had similar interests with him, but I always maintained a plain friendship, because in this life, I was no longer his salvation, and he was no longer my responsibility.

When I saw Luo Tong and his boyfriend David again, I was really relieved, no matter in my last life or this life, I don't owe him anything anymore, I can finally let go with peace of mind and don't have to bear it anymore The torment of betrayal and self-blame.

Song Yan said this, turned his head and stared at Xia Lin's silent silhouette in the dark: "You know, Xia Lin, I was alienated from you again and again in the third year of high school, I was angry, I have been wronged, pleaded, and despaired. All the emotions are just because, I like you. It was not until the memories of the last life came back that I really saw my heart clearly. It turned out that long ago, I had already I keep you deep in my heart."