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Chapter 23 The Past
The sun was just right in the afternoon, Shen Qingxuan was sitting at the table, holding a thin piece of letter paper in his hand, resting his chin in one hand, while looking at the letter, thinking about the reply, and yawning in distress, with a very lazy look. After yawning, tears came out. He put down the letter and rubbed his eyes again. After rubbing for a while, he simply lay down on the table and buried his face in his elbows, as if he was about to take a nap.
Yimo was leaning on the imperial concubine's couch behind him, holding a book in his hand. He read it casually, but he was still serious, but this seriousness caused the yawning of the people in front of him, and there was absolutely nothing to do. Stay focused. Putting down the book in his hand, Yimo said, "Who's letter makes you look like this?"
Shen Qingxuan didn't lift his head when he heard the sound, and replied in a vague voice: "My brother's letter." After a short pause, he grumbled and muttered: "This child is proficient in writing and ink, how can he write a letter to his family, and he is three years old. Baby, the nagging is sticky and sticky, and you can repeat a sentence ten times over and over again, and it is not too complicated. I can smell the saliva of his murmuring and drooling on this paper. "
Yimo said, "I'll take a look." He stretched out his hand, and the papers covered with small characters on the table flew up one by one and floated into his hands.
Sure enough, on those five or six pieces of paper, those words were repeated over and over again, nothing more than homesickness. Furthermore, the food here is very unpalatable, not as delicious as the one at home, the water is also unpleasant, and the tea brewed is salty and bitter. The coquettish taste in the words almost overflowed between the lines, wrapping people up. Yimo couldn't help frowning when he saw it, and said, "What is this."
Shen Qingxuan hummed, and finally raised his face, his eyes still full of confusion, and said, "I receive several letters of this kind of family letter every month, so it can be seen that he sat under the lamp at night and finished writing one and asked someone to deliver it. Write another letter every two days, and then ask someone to send it. Otherwise, the journey is long, and it is not bad to communicate once a month. "
Yimo asked, "Are you back?"
Shen Qingxuan shook his head: "I was diligent a few times before, but recently I've been lazy. I thought he was a little pampered, this is not a big problem, and now it doesn't seem like a small problem. Let him be left alone there. Come on, I'll be back next month."
The two were talking when the maid announced that the old lady was here. Shen Qingxuan immediately shut his mouth, his face was a little displeased, and he said please, Shen Qingxuan turned his face and said to Yimo: "But here, I think that no matter how slow I am, I don't like her temperament."
Yimo didn't speak, watching Shen Qingxuan push the chair to open the door, spontaneously hiding his figure, so as not to fuss.
Not long after Shen Qingxuan opened the door, Mother Shen walked in with the maid. Holding a book in his hand, he looked very dignified.
Looking at his mother's friendly and familiar face, Shen Qingxuan didn't know what it was like, thinking that maybe all the ladies of the official family are like this. The intimacy of their mother and son, although connected by flesh and blood, has always been polite. Shen Qingxuan didn't even remember if his mother had ever hugged him, but the nanny and the second mother often held him in their arms and spoiled him when he was young. In the end, the first to kill him is the one who treats him the most affectionate. The world is unexpected, but that's all.
Shen Qingxuan called her mother, mother and son sat at the table, Shen mother looked around and said, "Why didn't I see your guest?"
Shen Qingxuan thought it was strange to see it, and said, "Go out."
Mother Shen nodded, Shen Qingxuan changed the subject, and asked, "What are your orders for my mother here?"
After his reminder, Mother Shen just remembered it, put the book in her hand on the table, and said: "I made a wish to the Buddha, and now it has come true. You and my mother should copy the Buddhist scriptures together, so as to thank the Bodhisattva for the manifestation. I brought the Buddhist scriptures, and if you have spare time, copy a few more copies for your mother.โ
Shen Qingxuan immediately understood what her wish was, even though he knew that the recovery of his voice had nothing to do with the Buddha, so he couldn't refuse, so he agreed, took the Buddhist scriptures and put them aside, saying, "It's just copying, it's just that things will be complicated after the new year, so I'm afraid Itโs impossible to copy that much.โ
Mother Shen said: "Nothing, just do your best."
Shen Qingxuan said yes, poured tea and handed it over, and asked, "What else is there to do, mother?"
Shen's mother hesitated for a while before she explained the real intention of her visit, which was not beyond Shen Qingxuan's expectations, and it was a marriage. She is the mistress of the Shen family, and she gave birth to a son, which can be regarded as fulfilling the responsibility of inheriting the incense for the Shen family. Now that her son is already an adult, she has never married a wife because of her health. At the age of 28, she finally agreed to marry a wife. Taking a concubine, but the concubine's room was not up to par, she was pregnant with a male child but fell off. The marriage that had been decided was also pushed cleanly. Seeing that she was going to be alone again, the incense of the Shen family had no success. As the mistress of the Shen family, how could she not be impatient?
Shen Qingxuan knew that this happened, seeing his mother's melancholy expression, he felt a bit of remorse in his heart, regretting that he should have left the family early, and it would be better to delay it for a few more months. It's good now, just a few days after the marriage was retired, and the marriage event has come to the threshold again.
Shen Qingxuan sighed secretly, and glanced at the seemingly empty imperial concubine's couch, feeling a little more annoyed in his heart. It was all this snake that turned his full heart into a gesture of alms-giving, which made him discouraged and thought of severing the relationship, so he ran down the mountain and planned to marry a wife and have children. Thinking of this, Shen Qingxuan slapped himself a few times in his heart, knowing that he was still young and vigorous, unable to hold back his breath, and when his blood was agitated, he became muddled, causing trouble for himself.
But things have come to this point, annoyance is useless, only to find a way out for themselves.
Shen Qingxuan was silent for a long time before he said: "Mother, although I can speak up, my body has not improved. I still have to eat soup and ginseng pills every day to get my spirits. Although Brother Yi promised to heal my legs and feet, I still feel the same. I have been suffering from an old disease, and my connection has been blocked for many years. The disease in my bones has been made, and I can't take care of it. Even if there are good girls who are willing to marry me, I can't afford it. But in a lifetime, it is not a sin. Mother is a merciful person, loving her son is kind, and pity for other girls is also good. Being kind to yourself, no matter how big it is, is small, and being kind to others, no matter how small, is great. Motherโs kindness is always good. Don't destroy your Buddha-nature because of your son."
Shen Qingxuan knew that what he said was a bit heavy, but he didn't feel guilty. People say that mother and son are connected, he knows his mother too well, he is kind all his life, and he never doubts the intentions of others. So when he fell into the ice cave, he clearly showed the disgust he didn't know to hide in front of Erniang several times in front of her. This mother didn't have any doubts, and after crying for a few nights, he treated her as usual and harmed her. A son's woman is like a sister. Even though she seldom spoiled her children, she held Shen Zhen in her arms several times. He even regarded his disgust for his younger brother and Erniang as psychological isolation after bad luck. Never ask, why do you hate this pair of mother and son so much, when you were so close to them before?
She never asked her a question. Not a word. Instead, he blamed him for angering others because of his own bad luck and losing his demeanor.
This is the style of the official lady. Treat people with generosity, be kind to others, do things well, and refuse to let himself fall into any trouble, not even his own son.
Shen Qingxuan was actually resentful.
Why not? I was still a child, but when something happened, even my mother didn't have any sense of crisis. Instead, she trusted the person who harmed him. If the child she held in her arms wasn't for the existence of the child he called his younger brother, How could it happen that he was thrown into the ice cave. A lifetime of waste!
Hate is not to mention, just full of resentment and nowhere to resolve. At the age when he still needs protection, none of his closest relatives can reach out and pull him by his side. Even his own mother didn't say a word to him, don't be afraid, the mother is here.
Leaving him alone, curled up on the bed and savoring the feeling of being handicapped in silence, he couldn't even complain. Seeing his mother and his enemy, they chatted and laughed, gave each other humility, and sat down to embroider. He couldn't say anything, he couldn't do anything, he couldn't even go down and pull his mother away. Finally had to give in.
Yes, this is his mother. A well-known lady from the official family, she is proud of her life and will not allow anyone to say anything bad about her, so she bows down at her feet in a convincing manner, and calls out Madam with great respect.
Even if a woman is jealous at the most basic level, she doesn't bother to do it. Her husband respects her all his life.
Her son can only respect her.
Watching her mother walk away, Shen Qingxuan looked at her back, until the straight and dignified back disappeared from view, then slowly turned his head, facing the corner of the couch, smiled and said, "Brother Yi, let's talk Chatting. We've known each other for almost a year, and I haven't had a good talk with you yet."
Yimo showed his body, looked at his expression, waved his hand, "Speak."
Shen Qingxuan sat up straight, picked up the letter from Shen Zhen's family again, read it for a while, put it down, still grinning: "Why don't we start with my brother."
Shen Zhen.
Shen Qingxuan chanted the name, and his thoughts went back. At that time, Shen Zhen had just learned to walk. He had grown a few small baby teeth. Erniang didn't allow him to come, so he cried, and his voice was so loud that even the birds and insects in the courtyard were silent. That was howling and crying. It's enough to cry, and her light and tender little butt sits in the dirt, kicking her legs and rolling. He was covered in dirt, his face was covered with ashes, two small grooves were formed on his face by tears, and he couldn't breathe.
Every time Erniang brought him helplessly, Shen Zhen was a little bitch.
Everyone knows that Shen Qingxuan's temperament has changed drastically after his bad luck. Nobody cares. At first, Shen Zhen was ignored, and then he couldn't stand the soft grinding and hard foaming of this dirty ball, and finally he did. The two often stick together, and they can't be separated, and even sleep, they hug each other.
A half-sized child, holding a soft toddler, covered with a quilt, slept sweetly. Truly a brother-in-law Christine.
But no one knows that Shen Zhen eats the "sugar pills" that his brother gave him every day. The "sugar pills" are mud balls that Shen Qingxuan grabbed and loosened by earthworms in the courtyard, soaked in sugar water and wrapped them outside. , Threatening him to eat. Shen Zhen ate it with a bitter face, afraid that his brother would ignore him and eat it every day. After eating, I had a stomachache, and I saw the doctor every three or five times. Later, the doctor prescribed a strong medicine, and a few worms fell in the child's stomach. Just such a small toss, the small cheeks that were originally bulging were immediately gone. But he never dared to tell others, because if he did, his brother would ignore him and beat him.
Later, when he was older, Shen Qingxuan knew that he could remember things, so he would not do such a thing. Winking, he encouraged him to climb up the tree to scavenge birds, and chose those trees with thin branches to let him go. Shen Zhen went up and fell down every time he fell several times, but he was also smart, and every time he didn't climb very high. I fell on purpose, and it didn't hurt too much. How could his brother allow him to show his heart in front of him, so one day, he picked a big tree growing out of the courtyard wall and asked him to dig out the bird's nest on it.
Shen Zhen went up to the top. dare not come down.
Shen Qingxuan opened his hands and mouthed to say you jump, I'll continue. Although it was far away, Shen Zhen couldn't see his mouth shape, but he understood what he meant.
Shen Zhen was six years old at the time, and he stared at him for a while, and then he really jumped.
How could Shen Qingxuan pick him up? He didn't move, just watched him jump down with cold eyes.
Shen Zhen was caught by a branch halfway, and he didn't break his arm or leg, but he also dislocated his shoulder. He didn't know how long he cried while hanging on the tree before someone came to rescue him. He was carried by the servant to find the doctor. In the servant's arms, he found that his brother who was sitting under the tree had disappeared.
At that time, Shen Zhen was still ignorant, but he also vaguely understood that his brother didn't like him, hated him, and wanted to harm him.
It's just that he still likes his brother, and still wants to follow behind him, leaning on his lap, looking at his brother who has never stood up and smiling at him kindly.
Every time he was more seriously injured, my brother smiled brighter. His eyes also brightened, no longer so gloomy.
So Shen Zhen continued to be naughty and naughty, hurting himself again and again.
Until one time, Shen Qingxuan gave him a fire stick and asked him to light a fire in the firewood room, saying that he would make a fire and roast sweet potatoes to eat. When he set the fire to go out, he found that the door of the woodshed was locked. He couldn't pull it away, and he couldn't get out again. The fire was getting bigger and bigger. When the flames licked his face, eight-year-old Shen Zhen saw his brother's face through the burning window lattice. Still smiling, he looked at him with a smile.
Shen Zhen said, "Brother!"
"elder brother!"
"Brother, brother, brother, brother!!"
He didn't say anything, he just called his brother.
Just like Shen Qingxuan who fell into the ice cave back then, he shouted at the nanny at the back who pushed him down.
It's just that his brother broke his throat and no one came to save him. And he has.
His brother finally opened the door of the firewood room, crawled and dragged the frightened child out, put out the fire on him, and crawled aside with one arm around him. The two brothers hugged each other and looked at the firewood. The house was reduced to ashes.
Afterwards, no one knew why the fire started, and no one knew how the fifteen-year-old Shen Qingxuan dragged Shen Zhen out of the fire. Shen Qingxuan couldn't speak, and Shen Zhen shivered when he mentioned the fire. , life and death do not say.
Until one night, Shen Qingxuan woke up in a haze, and a small figure stood beside the bed in the darkness. The figure shivered in the cold, stepped on the ground with bare feet, and looked timidly at the elder brother on the bed.
Shen Zhen said, "Brother, don't you hate me?"
Shen Qingxuan lit the candle, looked at him, and didn't know how long before he nodded.
The past is gone.
Shen Qingxuan drank a cup of tea, poured another cup, was silent, raised his head to drink, then looked at Yimo and smiled: "It's strange. I did so many bad things to him, and then I was good to him again, and I felt in my heart. But I didn't feel any guilt. I just felt that I should have killed him in the first place, and I should have treated him well if I didn't kill him later. I never felt any guilt. Do you think it's strange?"
Yimo shook his head: "It's not surprising."
Shen Qingxuan looked at him. Yimo was silent for a while, and said, "He sympathizes with you."
Hearing this, Shen Qingxuan thought for a while, then agreed with an "um", and added: "If I am healthy, he is not as good as me, whether it is academic or future, I will definitely beat him by a lot, maybe today, he hates it. mine."
Yimo said, "You think it through." Then he said, "But what you said is true." Then Yimo told a little story. The younger brother and the younger brother are two years old and are also born of a concubine. The elder brother is early-witted, talented, and he is superior in everything. The elders in the family often comment on the two of them together, saying that the younger brother is stupid and the elder brother is excellent. Having said this a lot, the younger brother had resentment in his heart and hated his elder brother. The whole childhood was gloomy and there was no joy at all, because the good things belonged to the elder brother, and his elder brother picked up the rest. Later, when his father died, his younger brother and older brother separated and the two never communicated again. After that, the elder brother became an official, and he became rich and rich, while the younger brother became a mediocre businessman, drinking wind and dew, and living hard.
Twenty years later, my brother took a wrong step in his career, was stripped of his official position, and returned to his hometown. The younger brother also has his own business name after many years of hard work, which is quite wealthy. The older brother had nowhere to go, so he came to rely on the younger brother.
Brothers see each other for decades. The younger brother is well-dressed and his face is red, while the older brother is in rags, with yellow face and thin skin, and is seriously ill.
Yimo stopped here and asked Shen Qingxuan, "What do you think about their brotherhood?"
Shen Qingxuan thought about it for a while, and said with a smile: "My younger brother naturally accepted my brother, gave him food and clothes, cured his illness, and really started a sibling relationship."
Yimo nodded: "That's right."
"If I were a younger brother, I would do the same." Shen Qingxuan said, "What else is more heart-warming than seeing someone who was once unattainable crawling under your feet and accepting your charity?"
When Yimo heard this, he looked at him, thought about it, and then said, "It's not like that."
"what is that?"
"After all, you are a little short." Yimo said slowly: "Although there is a gap, they are brothers in the end, and the blood is connected in their bones. Therefore, the younger brother accepts the older brother and treats him kindly, not entirely because of revenge. It is because, when When the younger brother saw his brother's dejected appearance, the first thing that came to his mind was himself. He had been humbled and discriminated against, and he knew it was hard. When the two brothers met after many years, at that moment, it was not a relationship of giving and giving. But between them, they are finally equal, and they can put aside all external interference and regain their brotherhood."
Yimo said: "Shen Qingxuan, you harmed Shen Zhen because you knew that you were the victim, and Shen Zhen was the beneficiary of the whole incident. You didn't let him go, it was right, and you didn't need to feel guilty. Later you Save him and cherish him, because you finally let him die and feel the pain you have suffered. You are finally even, and you don't need to feel guilty. "
Emer said, "Am I right?"
Shen Qingxuan was speechless.
After an unknown amount of time, he nodded and sighed with a smile, "Yes." After a short pause, he added, "Actually, Shen Zhen never asked me why I hated him before, maybe he vaguely guessed something, but he just didn't dare to say it. ...the same as me."
Shen Qingxuan thought, in the end it was a brother. Even if it is not clear, know that once this matter is pierced, the consequences may be unpredictable.
They can't talk, they can't ask. Because the Shen family is where they grew up, no matter how bad it is. Those who are not good are not worth the good ones that make them nostalgic.
No one has the heart to really destroy this home.
Therefore, those who are not good can only be hidden and suppressed. As time wasted, time honed, and finally decayed into a rotten thorn in the flesh. Maybe there is some chance that this rotten thorn will be pulled out and turned into dust, so that the wound will grow back to granulation and heal it.
Shen Qingxuan pushed his chair over, took Yimo's hand, didn't say anything, just held it quietly.
Fingers intertwined, silent.
As if holding on like this, to go to the end of time.
The sun was shining all over the house, shining brightly on the unmelted snow.
Shen Qingxuan said, "What a fortune."
Then don't make a sound.
If he didn't finish speaking, Yimo knew it.
That sentence is - how lucky I am to meet you.
Perhaps because the sun was too good, Yimo asked him to hold hands and watch the scenery outside the window side by side, never pulling away.