Chapter 67: Molting - Am I Good Looking? Am I Obedient?

He Guan observed Lou Dongcang for a moment.

In reality, he wanted to reveal to Lou Dongcang that he wasn't the same He Guan as before.

He had vaguely mentioned it before, but Lou Dongzang didn't react much—after all, his original self, an orphan since childhood, had no parents.

He Guan wasn't sure if he was feigning ignorance or truly unaware.

Should he speak up?

He really wanted to say it.

He Guan had been holding back for a long time.

No one knew of his transmigration into this book. This secret weighed heavily on He Guan's heart. Sometimes, he felt as if he would be ill from the suppression.

It seemed that not many transmigrators cared about this issue. After all, having managed to live once again, life is of utmost importance. Those who go with the flow live better lives, and such matters get pushed to the backburner until they're forgotten.

But He Guan cared.

Did Lou Dongzang also mistake him for the original individual?

Though it might sound inappropriate, He Guan really wanted to distinguish himself from the original.

At least the person he cares about should know. If only one person knows, there shouldn't be any repercussions.

But how should he convey it?

Should he reveal it?

The 521 gift he gave to his wife was...

"I'm sorry, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I'm not the original He Guan. I come from another world, and my name is also He Guan."

No matter how you hear it, it sounds absurd.

He Guan shook his head, momentarily setting aside that thought, washed the mushrooms, handed them to Lou Dongzang to trim the roots, and then began to chop onions.

After slicing the onions, the oven dinged in perfect timing.

He Guan took the sizzling bacon out of the oven and tasted a small piece.

With a swift motion, he cut another piece and fed it to Lou Dongzang, asking, "Is it good?"

The man twitched his nose, bit the bacon from He Guan's hand, and licked the oil off his fingers.

He Guan withdrew his hand, staring at it momentarily in a daze before swiftly regaining focus and continuing to cook.

Unbeknownst to him, Lou Dongzang's brows furrowed.

Unable to see He Guan's expression, he couldn't gauge his current emotions.

It greatly hindered their intimacy.

He Guan sautéed the sausages with a bit of butter, adding salt, black pepper, and thyme. While doing so, he also tossed in mushrooms, garlic, and onions to enhance the aroma.

For a moment, the aroma of the spices filled the kitchen, and He Guan stirred the contents slightly, ready to take it off the heat.

The person beside him placed the prepared mushrooms near his hand and picked up a cloth to wipe the knife.

He Guan prepared a simple English breakfast.

As for baked beans, he forgot to ask if Lou Dongzang liked them, and they weren't available at home.

As if knowing what He Guan was pondering, Lou Dongzang remarked, “Aren't there any baked beans at home? I can go and buy them.”

Turning off the stove and using the residual heat to warm the bread, He Guan expressed his surprise, "What? You want to go to the supermarket?"

Lou Dongzang nodded.

He Guan began, "Do you want me to come with..."

Lou Dongzang interrupted, "I'd like to go on my own."

After some thought, He Guan responded, "Alright, in a bit? I'm heading to work soon, so you can join me on the way."

Lou Dongzang affirmed with a nod, "Mhm."

The nearest chain supermarket was not far from here; a left turn upon exit, and they were known for their decent service.

It was rare for him to want to buy baked beans.

He Guan dished out the food onto plates, shared the meal, and then headed out.

In the morning, the heat hadn't fully set in. The residential community was lush with greenery, and a refreshing breeze greeted them as they walked past the green spaces.

He Guan walked shoulder to shoulder with him. Their bodies brushed against each other unavoidably during their stroll, yet neither of them expressed any discomfort, walking in silent harmony towards the community gate.

On the way to the community gate, He Guan kept contemplating whether to initiate holding hands with him.

This was the first time Lou Dongzang had expressed a wish to go out by himself, and He Guan didn't want to give the wrong impression by taking the initiative.

He didn't want Lou Dongzang to think he was trying to assist him.

And there was another reason...

He Guan felt a bit embarrassed.

This was their first time walking together outside during the daytime.

Everything seemed so natural before, but today's sudden outing made He Guan feel slightly out of sorts without their hands interlocked.

Yet, he couldn't recall how he'd previously reached out to take Lou Dongzang's hand and how they'd walked forward together.

He wouldn't have been concerned about these details before...

As they walked side by side, the shifting of their walking posture caused their knuckles and phalanges to brush gently against each other.

Occasionally, Lou Dongzang's pinky would bump into the hollow of He Guan's hand.

The first time it happened, He Guan thought nothing of it and continued walking.

On the second bump, Lou Dongzang shifted his palm, intertwining his fingers with He Guan's.

—And it didn't stop there.

Gradually, he tightened his grip on He Guan's fingers, squeezing to the point that He Guan felt pain.

Lou Dongzang teased with a hint of reproach, "Why aren't you holding my hand?"

They were already walking closely side by side, but now Lou Dongzang leaned in, brushing his head against He Guan's hair. The gesture added an extra layer of intimacy, making him seem particularly clingy.

He Guan found his behavior childishly amusing, yet endearing, so he chastised himself internally, all the while curling his fingers to grip Lou Dongzang's hand tighter, saying, "I just... couldn't find the right moment..."

Lou Dongzang pressed, "Do you need my permission to hold my hand?"

Following his lead, He Guan admitted, "I did consider that..."

Lou Dongzang softly called out, "He Guan."

While He Guan continued walking, the man beside him had already come to a halt.

Moving a half step further by inertia, He Guan quickly stopped under a tree, asking, "Yes?"

His 'yes' always came out short and nasal, and because it was directed at Lou Dongzang, it was filled with warmth.

Lou Dongzang took that as an invitation to move closer, saying, "You're too polite."

He Guan was too much of a gentleman.

With just a little thought, Lou Dongzang could discern He Guan's hesitation.

He Guan hesitated... wondering if holding Lou Dongzang's hand would imply that he was assisting him, suggesting that Lou Dongzang couldn't handle things independently.

But that wasn't the case.

He Guan felt this way out of habit; even though he was trying to date Lou Dongzang, there remained an ingrained instinct to care for him as one would family.

But they were in a romantic relationship.

How could love be so reserved?

Love possesses the most torturous exclusivity.

Like Lou Dongzang, if He Guan didn't initiate holding his hand, he would proactively seek him out, purposely confronting him.

Even if He Guan had never been in love before, he should know that couples don't always interact with such formal courtesy...

"May I hold your hand?"

"Yes."

"May I kiss you?"

"Yes."

They had maintained this kind of distance for quite a while. If they continued to seek permission for every gesture, they'd risk resembling strangers more than intimates.

It was time for a change.

Otherwise, their relationship would remain stagnant, which would be even more vexing for the one left in the dark.

He Guan, noting how Lou Dongzang had caught him and glanced down at their intertwined fingers, took a moment before inquiring, "So, what should we do? Can you guide me?"

Lou Dongzang responded playfully, "Lou Dongzang, why aren't you leading me by the hand? Are those hands just for show?"

He Guan chuckled, "You really..."

Lou Dongzang tightened his grip, retorting, "Mr. He, look at your wife. She always listens to whatever you ask."

He Guan: "..."

Drawing nearer, Lou Dongzang continued, "You said you'd look after me, where's that commitment now? You don't even walk with me. Hmm? Have you met someone else at work? Are they more attractive than me? More obedient?..."

Seeing that Lou Dongzang was growing increasingly dramatic, He Guan swiftly covered his mouth, cautioning, "Lou Dongzang."

Lou Dongzang gently pursed his lips, falling silent.

Even though he didn't pout or look away, He Guan could sense his feigned hurt.

Although it was mostly an act, a portion of it felt genuine.

With a mix of amusement and exasperation, He Guan pulled him close, deliberating for a moment before offering a sincere explanation, "I haven't met anyone. Every day at work, I'm with my assistant, mostly encountering files. None as lovely as you, none as obedient as you..."

"...And none as headache-inducing as you."

He Guan said this last bit more quietly, but he still voiced it.

Instead of taking offense, Lou Dongzang's grin only widened, nuzzling He Guan with his nose.

The gesture made He Guan chuckle, feeling as if he was rewarding a pet named Xiao Huang.

Xiao Huang had a pleasant disposition. When extremely pleased, he would raise himself to nuzzle He Guan's face, especially after meals or molting.

In conclusion, He Guan stated, "It's unlikely I'll change much. Over twenty years, I haven't been able to adjust my nature. I'm just a reserved kind of guy. Please understand."

Lou Dongzang frowned.

He Guan patted his shoulder and said, "Why wait for me to reach out when you can take the initiative? Do I always have to ask you? You really need to elevate your thinking."

Lou Dongcang replied, "But I can't see."

He was on the verge of saying, "Can't you just help me?"

With ease and poise, He Guan straightened his collar and smoothed out the wrinkles, saying, "Then find a way to see for yourself. That's not my responsibility."

"You're right. As of now, I'm only here to be in a relationship with you. Your inability to engage with me in a normal relationship due to your blindness is your issue."

"If you could see, not just holding my hand but even hugging or kissing me would be fine; the street's deserted. But since you can't, without me guiding you, you take forever."

"You even have to feel my face to know I'm blushing."

He Guan always had a knack for hitting the nail on the head.

Their relationship hadn't progressed much, at least in Lou Dongcang's perspective.

Lou Dongcang's blindness meant he missed many of He Guan's expressions.

Most of these silent reactions made up a significant part of He Guan's emotions and thoughts.

With He Guan, it wasn't like they hadn't made any progress. Often, his excessive politeness was a mask to cover his embarrassment.

Even when his heart raced, to Lou Dongcang, it seemed like they were stagnant.

It's downright absurd.

After waiting for a moment and seeing no response from him, He Guan said, "Let's go. I'm running late. I'll drop you at the supermarket entrance and then leave..."

But Lou Dongcang did make one valid point.

He Guan shouldn't tiptoe around his blindness.

They had discussed this issue before, and Lou Dongcang had expressed his lack of concern. He Guan just seemed to have forgotten lately and indeed needed to recalibrate.

He Guan was now the closest person to Lou Dongcang and the one most influential in his life.

If Lou Dongcang ever wanted to regain his sight, he would definitely seek He Guan's opinion first.

He Guan needed to express...

"I truly wish you could see."

"With your blindness, our relationship becomes so complicated."

"Don't you want to know what I look like?"

"Don't you want to see the expressions I make when we're in love?"

"Don't you want to know how I appear when I'm tired, irritated, daydreaming, shy, or happy?"

"Don't you want to know how I react when you hold my hand, nuzzle against me, or kiss me?"

The more of such attitudes, the better.

"You regaining sight is not for anything else, but for me — to satisfy my longing for you to see me, as a testament to your love."

"Don't you love me?"

"Then be bold and prove it to me."

Lou Dongcang would never say he doesn’t want to.

He should have long since moved forward from his stagnant time, undergoing his necessary "metamorphosis", especially when it's the wish of the one he loves.

He Guan felt the grip on his hand tighten, almost to the point of pain, yet he didn’t resist; instead, he gripped back even harder.

"I'm by your side."