Chapter 92: Secrets - It's not that he doesn't love me; he just can't anymore.

Lou Yingjie: "Don't tell him."

"He'll understand," He Guan tilted his head slightly, "In fact, I think he already does."

"Why do you say that?"

He Guan: "Otherwise, he wouldn't be in pain."

Lou Yingjie remained silent.

After a long while, He Guan reminded him that he hadn't finished the story. Lou Yingjie shuddered slightly, refocusing his wandering eyes.

"You still want to hear?"

"It's intriguing, why wouldn't I?"

"Alright then, you're quite a brave kid."

He Guan grinned triumphantly.

Perhaps because Lou Yingjie was much older than He Guan, He Guan always seemed lively around him.

The elder continued.

"What follows is the story of me and these individuals with disabilities."

"I met many, many people. Some lacked hands, some legs, some eyes. They'd get stared at for a long time when they walked on the streets. They chose to stay on this island, where only they reside, willing to work here, giving me the opportunity to live with Xian Yue back home."

"Once, during a usual homecoming, Xian Yue again expressed her wish to have a child. She wanted to name them Dongzang, be it a boy or girl, intending to pair them up."

"I asked her why she was so fond of kids. She was already in her forties then and not in the best age for childbirth. So, I... didn't quite agree."

"For the first time, she got mad at me. With tears streaming down, she questioned if I truly understood her desires, asking what a sick and incapacitated person needs the most."

Lou Yingjie looked at He Guan, silent.

He Guan chimed in: "The dependence of others."

"He Guan," Lou Yingjie sighed deeply, "You surpass me."

"You're just not familiar with it," He Guan, eyes half-closed as if feeling sleepy, said with a smile, "I'm just... very adept at it."

Lou Yingjie gazed at him for a long time before saying, "You carry a lot on your young shoulders. Try not to overthink things."

He Guan spread his hands, "Do you think I choose to think this way?"

"Then just confide in someone, like me." Lou Yingjie couldn't help but laugh at his mischievous tone.

"Continue your story first. If you tell it well, I might just share mine. Deal?"

"Sounds fair."

He Guan nodded solemnly.

"Indeed, as you mentioned, I had both her and Li Lanting. But when I left, she only had her children to rely on. And as these kids grew up, they would, out of principle, avoid troubling her."

"Xian Yue cried so heartbreakingly, I couldn't bring myself to decline her request."

"Afterward, I also underwent a vasectomy."

"Then... Lao Si was born."

"After his birth, Xian Yue was the one raising him. Business on the island began to thrive, and I rarely returned home. Thus, I failed to notice Xian Yue's illness."

"Luo Dongzang was surprisingly quiet as a child, speaking very few words. I could never get much information from him; he always just said that everything was fine when he was with his mother."

"It was much later that I discovered Xian Yue had early-onset Alzheimer's."

"I didn't even know... didn't know when she got it."

"When I questioned Lao Si, he just looked at me."

"The child had incredibly beautiful eyes, bright and large. Not to mention, the color of his eyes was unlike any ordinary person's..."

Lou Yingjie paused here, seemingly lost in thought for a long time before gathering the strength to continue.

"So, when I found out, I was furious in the hospital room."

"Useless individuals often blame everyone else. I was even worse; I blamed my own child. I told him, 'What's the use of having those eyes if you couldn't even see your mother's ailment?'"

He Guan's lips tightened.

For a child, such words could be a devastating blow. A more fragile child might even consider ending their life because of it.

"I realized the weight of my words immediately and apologized to him right away," Lou Yingjie lowered his head, seemingly avoiding He Guan's gaze in an evasive manner, "But he gently pushed my hand away and turned to find his mother. I knew then... I was too late."

"I hadn't been there enough for Xian Yue, so I later spent much more time by her side. Sometimes, during her lucid moments, she'd be delighted to see me, but all I felt like doing was crying. As for Lao Si, he'd avoid being in the same room as me."

"Her health deteriorated rapidly, and her memory worsened. She'd often wake up, not recognizing herself, terrified by her reflection. Later on... when Luo Dongzang was six, she..."

"She passed away."

"Am I a failure?" Lou Yingjie asked, "I claimed to do what I wanted, but in reality, I violated others' lives. I claimed to love my dear ones, but they never truly felt that love. And when I wished to make amends, they didn't give me the chance to."

He Guan had responded to every statement so far, but he remained silent at this one.

"It feels like it's all too late," Lou Yingjie continued despite the lack of a response, "From then on, the relationship between Lao Si and me only deteriorated. He studied abroad and didn't return home once during the four years. After graduation, he vanished. Eventually... I only got to hear about my son's accomplishments through others, praising how well I'd raised him."

"But the truth is... he doesn't need me."

"He hasn't severed ties with me only because I am the sole connection to Xian Yue."

"Later on..." Lou Yingjie's eyes grew misty, as if seeing both nothing and everything, "I stayed in that old mansion, where every corner echoed Xian Yue's presence. I missed her so deeply that I didn't announce her passing, didn't hold her funeral, and even had numerous wax figures of her made."

"Smiling, unsmiling, angry, eyes closed... every expression I could think of, I had crafted."

"Coincidentally, Lao Si returned... and saw them."

"He was as expressionless as ever. After all these years, I thought perhaps he no longer held a grudge, especially since he mentioned staying in the main mansion for a couple of days," Lou Yingjie spoke in a daze, "I was somewhat pleased."

"But to my surprise... he destroyed all the wax figures during those two days."

"When I went to the wax museum, he sat atop the highest display platform, looking at me, saying, 'You truly are trash.'"

"I know I am," Lou Yingjie murmured, "I've wronged Xian Yue all my life, yet I still deluded myself into seeking her forgiveness through those wax figures."

"Then he said..."

Lou Yingjie remembered every word vividly, highlighting the deep impression those memories had on him.

"'What's the use of having these eyes if I couldn't even see my father's ailment?'"

"He truly despises me."

After that, Lou Dongzang became blind.

Both Lou Dongzang and Lou Yingjie knew that his blindness wasn't due to any physical ailment.

He simply chose not to see.

He didn't want to, and he wouldn't.

He loathed and was tormented.

"As for Wei Liu," Lou Yingjie said, "She's Xian Yue's twin sister, almost identical to Xian Yue. She never liked me and hadn't been in touch with Xian Yue for a long time. She didn't even know about Xian Yue's death. When Xian Yue decided to be with me back then, Wei Liu felt it was beneath Xian Yue's dignity and cut ties with her."

"But this time, I can't remain passive, unable to discern anything," Lou Yingjie covered his eyes, voice raw with pain, "I begged her to impersonate Xian Yue, hoping it might restore Lao Si's sight."

"After finding out about Xian Yue's death, Wei Liu berated me for a full day and night. Being well-read, her words were so refined that I often didn't understand her insults."

"She was right, every word she said."

"Yet, in the end, she agreed."

"Lou Dongzang is just too perceptive. No matter what Wei Liu says, he refuses to even glance her way. When Wei Liu realized she couldn't sway him, she intended to leave. But I was too greedy... too greedy..." Lou Yingjie confessed, "I begged her to stay by my side. I pleaded with her... I urged her to spare me a glance when she had the time."

"She despises me. Every time she looks at me with disdain, I feel as if I've been struck by lightning... but when she smiles, as radiant as a crescent moon, I find myself speechless."

Such a repeated mistake, such obstinacy.

How foolish.

On this alone, He Guan would call him a fool.

As He Guan gazed at the deep lines on his face, he remained silent.

"So when Fourth Brother brought you to me... I was particularly... surprised," Lou Yingjie paused for a long while, "Can you share your story with me now?"

"Of course," He Guan responded promptly, "One story for another, I promise to be truthful."

"I'm all ears."

"Well, it's a bit... unsettling," He Guan frowned as he pondered where to begin, "To start off, I wasn't originally from this world. In another realm, I had parents."

A hint of curiosity lifted Lou Yingjie's brows, but they soon settled again.

He's seen too much for such revelations to astonish him.

He Guan leaned back into his chair, fingers interlocked and tightening.

"My family was relatively affluent. Life was good until I was 23, when my parents handed over the family business to me and seemed to disappear. I searched endlessly for them, to no avail."

"Until one day, I traced the whereabouts of our family's butler. I had a private detective tail him for a while before finally obtaining my parents' address."

"I used to resent them so deeply. I kept wondering how they could neglect their child, handing over the business and then just... vanishing?"

"I later realized they simply couldn't handle me."

"I'm not sure what the general odds are for developing dementia, but in my family, it's a sure thing."

He Guan's fingers clenched to the point of turning pale, the tips flushed with red.

It seemed he had drained all his courage to reveal this.

"Their departure wasn’t because they didn't love me. It was because they couldn’t."

"Yet, out of my ignorance, I harbored resentment for them for a full three years."

Hence, He Guan worked even harder afterward.

He wasn't sure of the real purpose of accumulating wealth, but he knew he needed something else to occupy his mind. That’s why, upon arriving here, he was so eager to immerse himself in work.

Anything would do, just something to distract him.

Rarely did he feel pity for himself.

But then, realization struck.

One day, as he rose from his ergonomic chair, a sudden dizziness overcame him. He released the glass he was holding to get a drink, his knees buckled, and he collapsed back into his seat.

He ceased to breathe.

When he awoke, the world was unrecognizable.

His dark eyes sparkled brilliantly, instinctively and rapidly absorbing information from his surroundings.

He had something... to distract him.