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page 107
He curiously asked her about her working experience during this period, and Lu Miao simply told him.
"How can you do this?" Shi Che heard in amazement, "You can actually set up a stall and sell food by yourself!"
"Don't mention it, what can I do," she said with an embarrassed expression: "I lost most of the money I earned from part-time jobs selling sausages. My cooking skills can only be described in four words."
But he still thinks she's amazing: "if I were you, I'd definitely run out of money when I came back, and I couldn't go on. Besides the money you took away from home, you could bring back another sum of money."
As soon as he said it, Lu Miao became more and more embarrassed: "Alas, it's just so much money, you can't boast."
What she did this year was regarded as a piece of black history by the family, how stupid it was. Both Lin Wenfang and Lu Yongfei were deeply ashamed to be mentioned by their gossip relatives.
That's why Shi Che was an outlier. He caught her and kept complimenting her—he used the phrase "you're so cool" no less than ten times.
When asked about her future plans, Lu Miao said: She plans to repeat her studies and take the university entrance exam.
The elders in her family were against re-reading. They knew that Lu Miao couldn't read, and the risk of re-reading was very high.
It has been a waste of time for a year, and I will repeat it for another year. According to Lin Wenfang's original words: "You are now a lot slower than others. Repeated reading does not guarantee that you will pass the test. Maybe it is not as good as the last time. Wait until you finish one. If you come out of a third-rate university, you will be an old girl, and you will have an average education, but you will not be young, and the young men with good conditions will all be picked away.”
What she planned for Lu Miao was that since she was willing to work and didn't want to study, Lu Yongfei could introduce her to an acquaintance's small company as the front desk.
She asked Lu Miao, "If you really want to study, what have you been doing?"
Lu Miao didn't bother with her parents. Her attitude was clear: the matter of re-reading was decided, and she just informed her parents.
When she came back from a run away, her parents felt that she was not sober and irrational, and she needed their control.
They still don't know how to respect her choice. In their view, she was incapable of choosing the "right" path.
And Lu Miao also used her "conviction" of running away to tell her parents that what she chose to do was beyond their control.
During Lu Miao's growth, her emotions and will were always regarded as irrelevant.
Just like the old hen named Cong Cong who was killed in junior high school, just like the 18-year-old, she was strangled with a lonely voice.
They told her to "be sensible", took out a feather duster, and forced her to apologize to Jiang Haoyue, who didn't want to be her friend; they told her to "learn to study" and set people with good grades as her role models, and if she failed in exams, she would be punished scolding; they told her to "grow up" and then dealt her heartbreak with blunt indifference.
They also told her that "this person is not suitable for you", "it will be easier to find a job after studying this major", "the interest is useless and making money is the most practical", "the behavior of chasing love and sticking to men is lowly"... Next, they will tell At what point should she fall in love, get married, and have children.
On the road of growth, they are determined to catch Lu Miao on the right path. Everyone is walking on this road, there is no wind or rain, and it looks bright.
But walking on that road, she often felt lost and powerless.
She didn't know why she was there, she was there, even if she wasn't happy at all.
Once off track, it is wrong.
Studying was something Lu Miao was not good at since she was a child. It gave her a headache and made her feel stressed.
In her third year of high school, she was locked in a boarding cram school with Jiang Haoyue as her goal. She looked up at him, chasing the path he had traveled, trying her best to get close to him.
She can fill in the "obedience adjustment" for him in the first choice, because he is all she wants.
But Lu Miao found that she couldn't do it. She stood on tiptoes desperately, but couldn't reach his height.
Jiang Haoyue was born as the moon.
When she was not admitted to her first choice, when she was explicitly rejected by Jiang Haoyue, he told her in the most humble gesture she could not bear to see that his feelings for her were not love... When all this happened, calm down Lu Miao let go of Jiang Haoyue.
She didn't want to be a burden to him, and he wasn't obligated to shoulder her expectations. He is free and has choices. Just as when he was a child, he could choose not to be friends with himself. Now, he can make the same choice.
Her feelings, the kindness of her family, the years they grew up together, his physical disability, she didn't want these to be things that bound him.
He should be free and can spread his wings to any sky he yearns for.
Therefore, Lu Miao no longer regards Jiang Haoyue as his destination.
Seeing the trajectory of their lives drifting away, she stopped and stuck in place, like a pool of rotting mud.
——Then why, continue on this path that you don’t like?
Lu Miao gradually lost the reason to move forward.
After months of hard work experience, Lu Miao finally recognized himself and convinced himself.
Reading is still not easy for her, something she wants to do, but it is something she has to do.
For herself, she wants to read.
Only after higher education can she have the knowledge in the professional field and be able to work in a less strenuous job in the future.
Lu Miao once thought that setting up stalls and cleaning would be easy. She is a person without lofty aspirations, she prefers to choose a "happy" ordinary life rather than "making a lot of money" in a strenuous life. It was only after she experienced it that she realized that those occupations that she thought were simple were far from being as easy as she imagined. They were tiring, she was struggling, and she wasn't happy at all.