Chapter Four

Su Yan was standing on the stairs wearing a white shirt, Xia Ting looked up at him late, it was the man who had slept with him for five years, but he was so unfamiliar that he didn't know how to speak.

"sit down."

Su Yan walked down, he did not shy away from Xia Tingwan, gently supported the young man's waist, and said gently, "I want to talk to Mr. Xia alone."

"Yeah." The young man looked at Su Yan with gentle and bright eyes, and he nodded obediently: "Brother Yan, then I'll go up and accompany Ningning."

The demeanor could not be faked, Xia Tingwan could understand the young man's admiration for Su Yan just by looking at it. And Su Yan's actions and words have also recognized the youth's position in this Su mansion.

Xia Tingwan suddenly felt that it was a big mistake to appear here.

This was his home a month ago, but now he is an uninvited guest. How ridiculous, he thought Su Yan couldn't give up, he thought he had a chance to try again.

"Is something wrong?"

Su Yan poured a cup of tea for Xia Tingwan and sat opposite.

His whole person was indifferent, his eyes only slid over him, he was polite and distant, and he didn't make any extra stops.

Xia Tingwan's face was pale, the hairstyle he took care of, the clothes he chose, and the encouragement he gave to himself were all turning into a clown-like performance, and he lost all fighting spirit in an instant: "I... I am today. I just found out that there are still some things that have been sorted out, and I don't seem to have received them yet."

"I will instruct the housekeeper to check it out. If there are any omissions, I will have someone deliver it to you tomorrow."

Xia Tingwan came up with a clumsy excuse, of course, was immediately dismissed by Su Yan casually, Su Yan owed his back, although he didn't stand up, he showed a veiled urging meaning: "There are other things. ?"

"without me……"

Xia Tingwan replied subconsciously, but when she raised her head and looked at Su Yan's light gray eyes, her nose was sour.

"Su Yan, why did you want to divorce me?"

He still asked stubbornly.

"Have you fallen in love with someone else? But you told me, you said then, that I am your little prince, forever... don't you remember?"

The love words that were said when the love was hot, but it was embarrassing and shameful to say it again at this time. Xia Tingwan knew that his questioning was too self-willed.

But how could Su Yan change his mind?

How could he change his mind after saying such a thing to him, how could he hold him in his palm for five years and then slammed to the ground.

If love also has a time limit, if he can only be the little prince for five years, why not tell him early.

"Xia Ting Wan."

Su Yan's eyes stared at Xia Tingwan for the first time today, his face tensed, showing a serious look.

"When we got married five years ago, you were the one who said you were forced to be reluctant; you were the one who said you like younger and more handsome men; the one who insisted on signing a prenuptial agreement and said you didn't want my money when you divorced was you. You; the person who got drunk and kissed other men and was photographed by the weekly magazine was you; half a year ago, you were the person who ran out of drunk driving after getting angry with me. You have no sense of security and want face, so if you do something wrong, you will also It’s only a little soft if you need someone else to give you steps. You never cared about my marriage with you. For so many years, because I love you, I have given face and lining. I’m tired.”

Xia Tingwan's body trembled, obviously it was the answer he was asking, but every time Su Yan said a word, he felt so uncomfortable that he wanted to cover his ears. At the end of Su Yan's words, his eyes were full of tears, exhausted. He tried his best to restrain himself from crying in front of Su Yan.

The courage he had just managed to piece together was defeated thousands of miles at this moment.

For five years, Su Yan has never turned his back on him.

No matter how annoyed you are, as long as you forgive and turn the page, you will never mention it again, so there are some wrong things that even Xia Tingwan seems to have forgotten.

"I was wrong," he choked: "Sir, I know I'm wrong..."

He also called him Su Yan in the previous sentence, but this sentence has been replaced by Mr.

He used to call Su Yan "Sir" only in bed and when he was coquettish, but this time, it was because of fear.

He had never admitted his fault so simply in front of Su Yan, but even if he did, his heart was full of panic.

He even wanted time to stop at this moment forever, so that he wouldn't have to hear Su Yan's next words.

"I'm tired, and I don't want to take care of your face anymore. Since you ask me, I'll tell you."

Su Yan's voice was low, and he repeated "tired" again, but his expression was calm, and he said slowly: "I divorced because I don't love you anymore, and it has nothing to do with others. I neither love you nor hate you. You, I owe you nothing, and I have no nostalgia for you. So, if there is nothing wrong, there is no need to see you again in the future."

——

Xia Tingwan left the Su family's house as if he was running away. Zhao Nanshu didn't dare to ask a word when he saw his dejected appearance, he just drove with his head down.

After driving down Xiangshan, Xia Tingwan suddenly said, "He doesn't love me anymore."

Zhao Nanshu's hand trembled slightly. He wanted to comfort him, but found that he couldn't say anything.

Xia Ting rolled down the car window in the evening. There was still the fragrance of the Su family's rose garden in the night. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he was at Zhao Nanshu's house a few days ago, he quietly sorted out Su Yan's letters to him.

Su Yan has a habit of sending a postcard to Xia Tingwan wherever she goes as long as she leaves City H for a business trip.

Xia Tingwan used to laugh at him

Republic of China

Su Yan is not angry with the antiques left over from the times. He said: When I was away, there were many things I wanted to share with you, but I'm not in a hurry, it's better to take it slowly.

They are really very different people. Xia Tingwan is the one who makes some noise at any time, eats a huge king crab, and wants to take pictures and send them to Su Yan; when he thinks of Su Yan, he immediately pesters him to ask what time to come back.

But Su Yan is different - Su Yan is very quiet and slow, he is like a river flowing under a moonlit night, don't know when, love has slowly flowed into the sea and never comes back.

In the first year of marriage, Su Yan went to France to deal with matters and sent him a postcard with a few words on it:

Tingting, see the letter.

I'm in Paris, it's been raining these days, but I'm in a good mood to receive the original French edition of "The Little Prince" published by Monsieur Saint-Exupéry in 1943.

There are a few sentences I've been wanting to excerpt for you to read, which I've attached here.

"My rose, others will think she is like you, but she alone is better than all of you. Because she was watered by me. Because she was placed in the flower cover. Because she was used by me Protected by a screen. Because the caterpillars on her body (except two or three left to turn into butterflies) were eliminated by me. Because I heard her lamentation, her boasting, and sometimes her silence. Because she It's my rose."

I can't help but think of you as read this.

You alone are better than everything in the world, because you are mine, the little prince I want to protect for the rest of my life.

The memories Su Yan gave him, like the scent of roses, came from a far away place, but they still had a sweetness that made him sad.

It was the words on this postcard that gave him the courage to come to Su Yan.

On his body, in those very secret places, there are many fine and dense spikes, as long as they are touched, they will stand up disobediently.

Maybe it's because he never thought he was cute, before he was with Su Yan, he never believed that someone would really love him.

Su Yan was his first man and his only man.

When he took off his clothes and had sex with Su Yan, Su Yan repeatedly and meticulously kissed the ugliest parts of his body, those scars burned by cigarette butts, and rough skin scratched by glass.

He cried in Su Yan's arms, begging Su Yan over and over again, not to hit him, can he never hit him.

Su Yan promised.

Su Yan promised time and time again, but even so, he couldn't restrain himself, he wanted to sting Su Yan.

Only Su Yan endured the pain to defend him and water him, so that he could feel loved. In the past five years, he repeated this action, confirming that he was loved over and over again.

As of today, it's all over.

Su Yan was tired of all this, and uprooted his torso, which had not yet bloomed, from the ground. He really hurt, because he hated himself, it hurt even more.

He personally ruined the only chance in his life to be loved.

——

For the next few days, Xia Tingwan felt that she could not get out of despair and pain at all.

Although the divorce agreement was signed before, because he never communicated with Su Yan face to face, the whole thing always seemed illusory and distant.

It wasn't until Su Yan told him in front of him that he didn't love him anymore, that he finally felt the pain.

He stayed at home and looked at the letters Su Yan had written to him. Sometimes the day passed in such a daze. When he was alone, he always had a hallucination, as if he heard the phone ringing, but every time he looked down anxiously to check it, in fact There was no movement.

Xia Tingwan thought about deleting Su Yan's WeChat, but when he opened the chat interface with Su Yan, he couldn't click the delete button.

The last sentence in the chat window stayed nearly two months ago. It was Su Yan who said, "Tingting, I'm going to be home late, remember to take medicine."

He did not return.

It should be from the year they met, Su Yan's avatar is the back of Xiao Xia jumping up in the movie "Whale Talk"

Xia Tingwan didn't know why Su Yan still used that avatar until now, but he couldn't help secretly imagining in his heart what the reason would be.

Even if he knew it himself, to this day, any speculation is so ridiculous.

He seems to have an obsessive-compulsive disorder. He flips and opens Su Yan's avatar every day. He is afraid that one day he will see Su Yan change his avatar to a photo with the young man in Su's house that day. Strong disgust.

He hasn't seen any movement yet, and the scandal about Su Yan's new love has already been reported.

In fact, before he got together with Xia Tingwan, Su Yan had basically never appeared in the entertainment section or gossip tabloids. In terms of his net worth, he was so low-key that he was almost mysterious.

It was not until he pursued Xia Tingwan and entered into marriage that the media suddenly discovered this hot spot.

The love entanglement between celebrities and the rich and powerful has always been the most eye-catching story, not to mention between men and men. From this perspective, Xia Tingwan and Su Yan are simply treasures in the gossip world. You can dig from any angle. The leftovers can be seen by the public with relish.

It was written in the newspaper that after the young man and Su Yan ate Japanese food together last night, they also went to the black box theater in H City to watch the play together. They behaved intimately and were suspected to be Su Yan's new love.

Of course, the article does not forget to mention Xia Tingwan. He didn't have any works in the past few years. After the drunk driving incident, his reputation has become increasingly sluggish. Coupled with the news of the divorce, the hot love with Su Yan seems to have changed in people's eyes. taste.

The media are happy to present him as a loser in a speculative marriage. Even in this news that has nothing to do with him, they should bring him out and ridicule him again with a teasing tone. He speculates that he was disfigured by drunk driving after emotional frustration. I didn't expect to be PKed by the young mistress because of this. This seems to be something that everyone thinks is very funny.

Xia Tingwan didn't really care what the media wrote about him, but when he saw the photos taken secretly in the newspaper, he still couldn't calm down.

The photos taken secretly were very blurry, but Xia Tingwan could tell at a glance that the young man beside Su Yan in the photo was indeed the young man he saw in the Su residence that day.

The young man's figure was similar to his, but his appearance was completely different. Leaning next to Su Yan, he slightly raised his head and spoke to Su Yan in a manner similar to him. The inexplicable familiarity made him feel a twitching pain in his stomach.

He also looked up at Su Yan in the night, resting his head on Su Yan's shoulder.

As time goes by, he has one day to retire, but there will always be someone who can take his place.

If you think about it, you may even find it funny yourself. For a while, he could suddenly understand why the public thought such news was funny and exciting.

Zhao Nanshu, who was next to him, was still reading the newspaper with him, but as if he had suddenly received some news, he returned to WeChat on his mobile phone with a serious expression.

"Boss, my friend knows this person."

When he raised his head again, Zhao Nanshu suddenly said to Xia Tingwan, "He is a nurse in the Pediatrics Department of Renai Hospital, his name is Wen Zichen."

"Renai Hospital?"

Xia Ting was stunned for a while.

Ren'ai Hospital is a well-known private general hospital in H city. The price is extremely expensive. After he had a car accident half a year ago, he was sent to Ren'ai Hospital for treatment and stayed there for nearly two months. don't know why, it made him feel Somewhat different.

"It's a little weird, boss," Zhao Nanshu glanced at Xia Tingwan and said tentatively, "Why don't we check Wen Zichen a little...?"

When he said this, he seemed to be afraid of Xia Tingwan's misunderstanding, and immediately added: "It's not for anything else, and it's impossible to trouble others, just check the situation."

"That's fine."

Xia Tingwan was a little overwhelmed. He actually didn't know why he wanted to investigate. Knowing that he knew a little more, he felt more heartbroken, but he couldn't help it. He wasn't curious about Wen Zichen, he just couldn't let go of Su Yan. .

——

That night, Xia Ting was so bored that he couldn't sleep. It was only then that he remembered to go to Su Yan. It seemed that Wen Zichen had mentioned "going upstairs to accompany Ningning", and Zhao Nanshu said that Wen Zichen was a pediatric nurse. These pieces of information seemed to be related a little bit, but he couldn't find a way to piece them together.

He stood on the balcony of Zhao Nanshu's house watching the busy traffic downstairs, lit a cigarette and smoked slowly.

Zhao Nanshu likes lively places, so even if it's past twelve o'clock in the middle of the night, the old neighborhood here is still noisy. There is a food stall on the corner of the street when the crowd is full of people. On the opposite street, a woman is chasing him. Her men fought each other, and the smell of skewers and beer wafted lingeringly in the midst of fierce cursing.

Xia Tingwan looked at it like this.

He suddenly thought, how do other couples and lovers get along with each other in this world? They will probably quarrel, just like the couple downstairs is doing now, but will they break up? Those who broke up are really Are not looking back?

Thinking about it, couldn't help being a little ecstatic.

"Boss, can't you sleep?"

Zhao Nanshu's voice came from behind. He rubbed his eyes and put on his sleepless hair. He took out a Marlboro from the metal cigarette case that Xia Tingwan had put aside: "Borrow a fire."

"Didn't you quit smoking?" Although Xia Tingwan said so, she still threw the lighter away.

Zhao Nanshu lit the fire neatly, then raised his head and exhaled the smoke ring in circles, and then replied, "I'll accompany you."

"Boss, do you still remember? When I broke up with you last year, I asked you for three days off. You were worried about me at the time, but I didn't let you come to see me. In fact, I watched it at home for those three days. Several times in "Spring Comes Together"."

I don't know if it was because of the smoke, Zhao Nanshu's eyes looked a little blurry, he smiled.

"It's strange, everything else is fine, but every time I see He Baorong say: Li Yaohui, it's better for us to start over. I want to cry very much - boss, will you feel this way, wake up one day and see When I look at the empty ceiling, I feel so sad, and suddenly I want to start over, go back to a certain point in the past, and maybe my life will be very different."

"Have you been."

Xia Ting thought lately, isn't that what it feels like now? After starting over, there are four words that make people look forward to but feel sad, "If you can really start over, when do you want to go back?"

"Go back to the time when I was with my first love." Zhao Nanshu leaned lazily on the reclining chair, raised his legs, and said nostalgically, "My first love was the captain of the high school basketball team, fuck, he was back then It's so handsome that I can't sleep. Until now, I still have dreams about secretly hiding in the men's locker room and making out with him during my lunch break. If I become a celebrity in the future, I must write a memoir and have him How handsome is written, sleeping with him is the most profitable thing in my life."

"Boss, what about Mr. Su - is he your first love?"

"How can it be considered first love?" Xia Tingwan asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Is this still a definition I want? What do you think it is?"

"Before Su Yan, I may have liked Xing Le."

"Fuck it, just that Xing Le who is really popular?" Zhao Nanshu sat up all of a sudden.

"Who else is Xing Le besides him?"

Xia Tingwan recalled that many years ago, he accompanied that ambitious boy who wanted to make a name for himself in the showbiz to audition for "Whale Talk", but he never expected that the fate of people was so paradoxical that in the end he was attracted by Xu Zhe.

At that time, he did have a good impression of Xing Le.

"But I don't know if it's first love or not, it's vague, we both got drunk and kissed, and then we got a little embarrassed with each other - but I can't count him, it's just that time I think he's very handsome."

Xia Ting lowered his head late, paused for a while, and then said softly, "Then there is only Su Yan."

Zhao Nanshu clicked his tongue loudly: "Boss, you know what, I always thought that a poor and poor person like you, entering marriage is like gambling, how do you know that you may sleep for the rest of your life in the future, then Is it in line with each other in the end, and are you motivated?"

Xia Tingwan raised his foot and kicked Zhao Nanshu's reclining chair: "You are barren."

He leaned forward, leaned on the balcony railing, looked at the drunk people walking downstairs, and suddenly said, "And you don't understand, Su Yan and I—"

Xia Tingwan suddenly stopped here, Su Yan and him...

Apart from the first time pain and anxiety, Su Yan almost taught him to enjoy the happiest thing in the world.

When they first got married, as long as they were together, they were frantically tossing and turning like that. Su Yan kissed his skin inch by inch until it was almost hot, rolled from the head of the bed to the end of the bed, and then simply fell on the ground. He couldn't even get up, but he couldn't help pestering Su Yan, coquettishly asking Su Yan to hug him to take a bath, and then play in the bathroom all morning.

Thinking like this, although he couldn't see it in the night, Xia Tingwan still felt his face and ears turn red, and he took a cigarette in disguise: "It's nothing."

"Boss, you're so cute when you're shy, hahaha."

Of course Zhao Nanshu knew what Xia Ting was saying when he held back, but he didn't ask.

Just standing beside Xia Tingwan and patted Xia Tingwan's shoulder, he paused: "It will all pass, really."

"Um."

Xia Ting nodded late.

This was the first time in the past few days that he mentioned Su Yan without feeling sad.

People are really amazing, because the memories are too good, so when think of it, don't even want to be sad.