chapter Five

A few nights later, when Zhao Nanshu was away for something, Xia Tingwan received a call from his agent Zhou Yang.

During this period of time, he has been avoiding Zhou Yang on purpose, and he often does not want to return phone calls and WeChat, but this is not always the solution.

"Ting Wan, how are you doing recently?"

Although it was a word of concern, Zhou Yang's tone was very light, more or less with a bit of business greetings.

Although Xia Tingwan has cooperated with Zhou Yang for many years, the relationship is far less than that of Zhao Nanshu, but Zhou Yang was introduced to Xia Tingwan by Xu Zhe.

Xu Zhe said to Xia Tingwan at that time, Zhou Yang is a man with both temper and ability. Listening to him will not make you suffer a lot.

Xia Tingwan trusted Xu Zhe, so he also trusted Zhou Yang. It's just that he is a sensitive person, and he has always understood that Zhou Yang doesn't appreciate him much from a personal point of view, so the two have been unable to get close.

Zhou Yang is stern and strong, and what he really likes is a star who works hard and obedient, not an uncontrollable and willful person like him.

When he was the most popular in the early years, he was indeed the most dazzling brand in Zhou Yang's hands, but after getting married, he himself relaxed about his career, made some unwise decisions, and had a few negative news, Zhou Yang The relationship with him also gradually cooled down.

To Xia Tingwan, Zhou Yang is a bit like Su Yan in some respects. They are both older and stronger men, but Su Yan is deeper and more restrained, while Zhou Yang is sharp and sharp.

Xia Tingwan has respect for Zhou Yang, but also somewhat in awe.

"fine."

Xia Tingwan knew that Zhou Yang was calling, mostly to talk about work, but he was not interested, so he didn't cite it.

"The hospital called me and said you didn't do scar repair this week, what's the matter?"

Although Zhou Yang's tone remained unchanged, Xia Tingwan immediately noticed that he was unhappy, he was silent for a while, and finally explained honestly: "I'm in such a bad mood these days that I don't want to go out, so I didn't go. "

After his car accident, Su Yan arranged for him to be in Renai Hospital, mainly dealing with fractures and multiple bruises on his body, as well as subsequent care, and everything else was left behind.

But when Zhou Yang saw Xia Tingwan's face at the time, he immediately made an appointment for laser scar repair treatment for him, and then basically asked Xia Tingwan to visit once a month.

As an agent, what Zhou Yang cares most about is of course Xia Tingwan's appearance. In the past few months, every time he talks to Xia Tingwan on the phone, he has to ask about the progress of the scar's recovery.

Hearing Xia Tingwan's answer at this time, Zhou Yang obviously couldn't hold back his anger: "Tingwan, I understand the problems you are facing emotionally, but you can't do this. I broke up with Mr. Su, but your Life goes on. Your face is not only about your appearance, it is also your job, do you understand? Even if you go to each treatment session on time and pay attention to your diet, the scar is destined to be impossible to completely disappear—— How much it can fade, how much can be covered with makeup, and whether it can be accepted by the audience depends on their fate. This matter is a devastating blow to any star, and God only leaves that for yourself. A little space where you can work hard, you don’t even know how to cherish it? Do you think you are worthy of yourself?”

Zhou Yang rarely said such rude words. Xia Tingwan just held the phone and listened, feeling restless.

"Also, in the past few months, the first is drunk driving, then the divorce, the news surrounding you is not at all positive, look at - look at what those weekly magazines and public accounts have written, look at you What kind of public opinion has become. I ask you how you plan to respond. If you don’t reply to WeChat, how long can you hide from me? About drunk driving, although I sent a public relations draft immediately, but you will attend in the future. At the event, a reporter asked you, what do you want to reply? How do you apologize to the public? Are you not going to think about these questions? Or are you actually planning to quit the entertainment industry indefinitely?"

Zhou Yang was obviously suffocated by the troubles during this period of time, so he simply said everything like a bean, and the extremely fast questioning made Xia Tingwan's fingers holding the phone tremble nervously.

Zhou Yang asked so many questions, but he couldn't answer a single one.

He has never been very good at dealing with the emotion of anger, perhaps because when he thinks of the word anger, what crosses his mind is the high slap of his father when he was a child, the heavy breathing from drunkenness, and the severe pain on his body, so even as an adult, It is also difficult for him to control his anger. When he is impulsive, he will do things that he also regrets.

But on the contrary, if someone is angry with him, even if it's just a stranger, his mind will still freeze for a moment, followed by reflex fear and withdrawal.

In the past five years, Su Yan hardly ever got angry with him, never raised his voice and yelled at him.

He almost forgot what it was like to face the anger of others, Zhou Yang's accusations made him overwhelmed.

"I'm sorry, Zhou Yang." Xia Tingwan's throat was dry, and after a long pause, she finally stammered, "I-I really didn't think about it that much."

Speaking of which, he felt weak himself. He seemed to be holding up a shield made of paper. Facing Zhou Yang's sharp spear, he was so vulnerable.

"Yes, that's the problem you've always had - Ting Wan, you never thought about it so much."

Zhou Yang's anger did not disappear at all, he simply said: "You always pity yourself and feel sorry for yourself, many times you do something wrong, you just hide, but never think about the consequences, and don't want to bear the burden of what you should have. Responsibility."

"After you got married, you were photographed drunk and kissing a male model, and people all over the world were eating melons. How much effort and how much we bought a draft to help you wash it off, even While embarrassed, Mr. Su has to explain to the media for you: it's all trivial matters, not cheating. If it wasn't for the kissing door back then, you would think that if you were divorced now, there would be so many media watching you lively and writing about you. Is it so unbearable?"

"Isn't it the same now? The wine you drink, the car you drive, the person you hurt, you get a six-centimeter scar on your face, but in the end, Mr. Su is helping you clean up the mess, and the company is helping you Sorry for the public relations, I'm in a hurry to get you to do scar repair, but what about you? You hide at home when you're in a bad mood and don't care about anything, should that be right? Ting Wan, you are already in your twenties. Start thinking a little bit more, no matter how vulnerable you are at this time, how much you don't want to carry it, you have your responsibility - we all have it, life is the fucking way, grow up."

"Okay, I still have something to do. Wait for you to change the appointment date for the treatment. Think about it yourself."

Xia Tingwan was so trained that his mind went blank, Zhou Yang hung up the phone for a long time, and he was still there holding his mobile phone in a daze.

Apart from the unbearable years in his childhood, he became an instant hit when he was young, and he was surrounded by everywhere after that, and then he was pursued by Su Yan, and he married Su Yan for five years like in a fairy tale castle.

He had never heard such merciless accusations, and even felt his face burn with shame and shame.

People are not very able to accept the worst of themselves, just like when looking in a mirror, the eyes will automatically correct those asymmetries, beautify those flaws, and then make up a more beautiful appearance than their own.

Xia Tingwan has always known that her personality is not very good, but it seems to be okay. Even Su Yan didn't tell him so bluntly what he said after his divorce - "you're terrible".

But today, Zhou Yang didn't give him the slightest leeway to evade, so he told him that.

Before going to bed, Zhou Yang sent him tomorrow's appointment time at Renai Hospital. Xia Ting took a late look and got into the bed.

He tossed and turned until the middle of the night, but he couldn't fall asleep. He thought about what Zhou Yang said word by word, and suddenly felt that something was wrong, so he couldn't help calling Zhou Yang.

"Hey?"

"Zhou Yang..." Xia Tingwan asked: "What did you mean when you said that the car I drove, I hurt people?"

There was silence over the phone for several seconds. Xia Ting looked down at night. It was obvious that he was still on the phone: "Hello? Zhou Yang?"

"Well, there was a problem with the signal just now." Zhou Yang finally spoke, his voice was calm: "What I just said is - you hurt others and yourself, not only did you suffer so many crimes, but also made you care about you. people are sad."

Did he just say that?

Xia Tingwan had some doubts in his heart, but he didn't record Zhou Yang's words word for word, and Zhou Yang was too calm, so he had to pass it like this: "Okay, I received your message. Yes, I will go for treatment tomorrow."

Zhou Yang didn't say a word, and hung up the phone with a "um".

——

Xia Tingwan hadn't slept almost all night. When she woke up the next day to wash, she accidentally saw her face in the mirror. She saw dark circles under her eyes. She was haggard to the point of frightening. The scar on her right face was also due to her skin color. Dim, more odious.

His disgust for himself swelled once more familiarly.

He had low self-esteem as a child.

Because of poverty, his clothes are always worn out. One winter, his boots had a hole, and the family had no money to buy new ones. Every day he walked to school, he stomped his feet hard to prevent his feet from freezing.

In his childhood without any color at all, he was like a gray mouse, hiding in various corners every day.

At school, no children like him. When he walks into the classroom, everyone's laughter will stop for a moment, and then they will look at him strangely.

Whenever he thought about the scene, he felt a cramp in his stomach.

When Su Yan pursued him, he and Su Yan drank beer and talked about the scenes of childhood, "At that time, I felt so inferior every day, I really wanted to disappear like that." As he talked, he couldn't help but yearn for comfort. It seemed to look at Su Yan.

Su Yan touched his head and said, "I heard that the best way to cure low self-esteem is to find someone who loves you and have crazy sex."

It was not until he married Su Yan that he really understood the meaning of that sentence.

Newly married, he is narcissistic to the point of inflated.

Even just casually looking in the mirror, I can't help but feel that I am so beautiful.

For the first time, he really liked his eyebrows, his eyes, and felt that he looked good when he smiled and when he was eating.

At that time, he was like a little male peacock who only experienced estrus for the first time. He was novel and proud. He wished to show his colorful tail screen with the whole world. The vigorous lust and vitality were rushing through him like a river all the time.

Love is a beauty.

Xia Ting looked at the mirror late, the light in his eyes gradually dimmed due to memories, and the face left in the mirror, even if the scars were covered, became ugly.

He turned his head and walked out of the bathroom, put on a jacket with gloves, put on sunglasses and went downstairs.

Zhao Nanshu had already driven the car and was waiting for him. When he saw him sitting in, he threw him a wrapped tuna sandwich, and said while driving, "Boss, that friend of mine made an appointment for me to meet with someone. It's the back office of the Pediatrics Department of Renai Hospital, who is in charge of the registration files, I'll check it out, I'll call you then, and if you have any questions about Wen Zichen, you can tell me."

Xia Ting held the sandwich unknowingly at dinner, and when he heard Wen Zichen's name, he suddenly felt uncomfortable. He squeezed the sandwich tightly and did not speak.

Xia Tingwan also came for a few repairs. Before the laser, the doctor put cold cream on his face. When he lay down, Xia Tingwan felt numb from his face to his brain.

The laser machine was lifted up, he closed his eyes, and he remembered the action of Su Yan supporting Wen Zichen's waist that day, and what Wen Zichen said to Su Yan: Brother Yan, then I will go up to accompany Ningning.

There seemed to be two completely different lines running in his mind. For a while, he seriously thought about who Ning Ning was, and for a while he couldn't help but aimlessly care about the tone of Wen Zichen when he called Su Yan "Brother Yan". Soft and a little dependent.

After the repair was completed, Zhao Nanshu happened to call, and Xia Tingwan went out while listening to him.

"I don't feel like there's really anything to investigate, just an ordinary person," Zhao Nanshu said in frustration on the other end of the phone, "Wen Zichen, who majored in nursing at N University, went directly to Ren'ai's pediatrics after graduating the year before last, and is usually very temperamental. Well, I can get along with children in particular. The family conditions are quite average, and there is a younger brother who is not in good health. He used to have a boyfriend who seemed to be quite rich. He broke up last year. I know this now, boss, you have Any questions?"

Zhao Nanshu said it was an investigation, but in fact he had no clue. Obviously, the things he asked were about Wen Zichen's personal situation and feelings.

"Oh, yes, also," Zhao Nanshu added another sentence before Xia Tingwan could speak: "He seems to be concentrating on accompanying a very important patient recently, so he only comes to work two days a week. It is relatively rare in Renai, so I mentioned it more."

"What patient? What's it called?"

"Ah...Wait," Zhao Nanshu obviously didn't expect Xia Tingwan to be interested in this. He seemed to cover the phone and say something to the person next to him, and it took a while for the voice to come again. Come over: "It's an eleven-year-old child named Yin Ning. He said he was hospitalized because of a car accident."

Xia Tingwan's footsteps suddenly stopped: "Yin Ning? He, when did he have a car accident?"

"Yeah." Zhao Nanshu didn't realize that he was wrong: "I have to know this too—then wait, I have to check it."

Xia Tingwan stood in the corridor of the hospital holding her mobile phone. Yin Ning, Ning Ning, the pediatric nurse, Zhou Yang said hurt people.

In the less than a minute of waiting for Zhao Nanshu's answer, these inexhaustible clues constantly crossed in his mind. He seemed to be waiting for his own trial, and he could clearly hear his heartbeat. Rapid and violent, it could jump out of his chest at any time.

"Boss, I found out that he was admitted to the hospital on March 15th this year after 11 o'clock at night." Zhao Nanshu said here, his voice suddenly was not right: "March 15th, this is not you boss... ,what happened?"

Before he could finish speaking, Xia Tingwan's cell phone had already fallen to the ground, and only Zhao Nanshu's anxious voice rang from the phone over and over again: "Hello? Boss? Hello? Boss, are you still there?"

Xia Tingwan didn't pick up the phone. He covered his face and knelt heavily on the cold floor of the hospital with a plop.

——

"Come and pick me up, I'm going to Xiangshan now. I have something to ask Su Yan, and I have many things to ask him."

Xia Tingwan didn't remember how he got out of the hospital. He only remembered that his fingers were shaking while holding the phone, repeating to Zhao Nanshu over and over again, "I want to see Su Yan."

"How could it be possible to hit someone," Zhao Nanshu said in astonishment as he drove: "The media didn't report it at all, the police just revoked your driver's license for six months, and no family members showed up. How could this be? , Is it a misunderstanding, boss, do you really not remember what happened that day?"

"Nanshu, I really don't remember anything. I drank too much that day, and I only remember that there was a bumper in front of me. I couldn't stop the car and hit it. I don't remember what happened after that."

Xia Tingwan murmured, and he turned to look at Zhao Nanshu, his eyes lost all expression: "I bumped into someone, I bumped into someone."

Zhao Nanshu was silent for a moment before speaking: "Boss, not necessarily, really, maybe it's a coincidence."

As soon as the words came out, he felt weak.

"Ha." Xia Tingwan raised his head, he shook his head vigorously, and almost squeezed out his voice in pain: "There is no misunderstanding, nor is it a coincidence. Su Yan knows and Zhou Yang also knows what happened. , they all lied to me, all lied to me.”

Zhao Nanshu couldn't say a word, he just accelerated his car and drove towards Xiangshan.

Coincidentally, it was terrifying that when Zhao Nanshu's car arrived at Su's house, he saw that Su Yan's black Maybach had just turned off and parked in the driveway of Su's house.

After the driver opened the car door, Su Yan came out first and stood aside to wait, followed by Wen Zichen in pure white sportswear.

After Wen Zichen came out, he bent down and seemed to say something to the people in the car. After a while, he saw a thin little boy holding Wen Zichen's hand and carefully got out of the car.

Xia Ting stared at the unfamiliar little boy and felt the world spinning for a while. He opened the car door, but his feet seemed to be on cotton.

Along the way, he thought about going to Xiangshan to ask Su Yan the truth, but now that the truth was in front of him, he suddenly felt an unprecedented fear that was drowning him.

Of course Su Yan saw him at a glance, and even from a distance of seven or eight meters, Xia Tingwan could feel Su Yan's face sinking.

Xia Tingwan staggered over, every step he took, the little boy's face became clearer, but the more he saw it, the more his heart sank.

The little boy is thin and handsome. On his fair face, his left eye is clearly stitched, and his eyelid is drooping. Therefore, when looking at people, he should turn his face slightly to the left so that he can use his right eye more easily.

"How did you come?"

Su Yan took a step forward, and today he looks more inaccessible than ever.

Unlike the calm and alienation that day, the corners of his tensed mouth were now guarded.

"Su Yan, how long are you going to hide from me about the car accident?"

Xia Tingwan watched Su Yan step forward, he didn't dare to look at the little boy's face, he could only stare at Su Yan fiercely: "Tell me, tell me, what happened? You did it all. what?"

"Mr. Xia—" Wen Zichen, who had been standing beside him, couldn't help but stand over. He opened his mouth and seemed to want to say something, but Su Yan suddenly pressed his shoulders heavily.

"Take Ningning first." Su Yan turned his head and glanced at Wen Zichen, and said with an unquestionable attitude.

Wen Zichen didn't dare to speak any more, he lowered his head and held the little boy's hand, turned his head and went to Su's house.

It was not until the backs of the two of them disappeared that Su Yan looked at Xia Tingwan and asked in a low voice, "What do you want to know?"

Xia Tingwan's lips trembled violently.

The question came to his lips, but it made him tremble with fear: "Su Yan, did I, did I... bump into someone?"

"Yes."

Su Yan said without hesitation even a little bit.

With the sound of "Boom", Xia Tingwan felt that his whole person was falling rapidly, into the bottomless well, and darkness enveloped him at that moment:

"Why, why? I clearly remember... I hit the bumper, how could I hit someone...?"

"You were drunk, you didn't even see the bumper, and you didn't pay attention to what was going on around you. After hitting the bumper, the car spun 270 degrees and skidded to the right. At that time, Yin Ning and his mother ran into a car. You were crossing the road at a red light and got rubbed by your out-of-control car, and you were basically unconscious at the time, so you don't remember."

Su Yan didn't seem to intend to hide any details, Xia Ting asked lately, and he answered simply.

Xia Tingwan felt that she almost lost the strength to stand, he looked at Su Yan blankly, and muttered: "I bumped into someone, I really bumped into someone, but why didn't the media report and the police didn't look for me, It's been half a year, I, I don't know anything, is he okay, Su Yan... Where is his mother, is his mother injured?"

"Yin Ning's mother only had a small scratch at the time. After the accident, I negotiated with her once about Yin Ning's injury and decided to lose the money. But after the money was given, she disappeared, and she never came to the hospital to see Yin Ning. I sent someone to investigate, Yin Ning's mother was addicted to drugs, and she took Yin Ning to stay at relatives' houses. This time, when this incident happened, she simply ran away with money. I have been dealing with this matter recently. already."

When Su Yan said this, he paused, and finally said in a deep voice, "Yin Ning suffered a severe blow to the head at the time and had problems with his body coordination for several months, but after taking care of him for half a year, he has returned to normal. But his left The eye is stabbed by the glass, the vision damage is permanent, and everything he sees in his left eye will be blurred for the rest of his life."

"Permanent..."

Xia Tingwan fell weakly to the ground. He wanted to support his body with his arms, but he couldn't control his body. He lay on the ground and retched with tears in his eyes.

He will never recover. He made an 11-year-old child lose his left eye with clear vision forever. Even if he dies now, what he has caused is irreversible.

Yin Ning has done nothing wrong, but he will never be as sharp and dexterous as children of the same age. It is all because of him, because of him.

Su Yan also squatted down in front of him, and those light gray eyes became deeper and deeper in the night.

"I'm guilty, Su Yan..."

Xia Tingwan's body trembled violently. Every time he said a word, he couldn't help retching because he hated himself.

He couldn't control himself any longer, stretched out his arms and tightly hugged Su Yan's neck in front of him, tears streaming down Su Yan's shirt collar drop by drop.

Xia Ting sobbed late, almost a weak cry from his throat: "It's me who should be damned, and it's me who should be blind, I'm guilty, Su Yan..."

"You shouldn't have checked." Su Yan didn't push Xia Tingwan away, but gently stroked Xia Tingwan's back.

"Shouldn't I investigate?" Xia Ting had not recovered from the endless annoyance and remorse for a while, he raised his head in disbelief and looked at the man in front of him in astonishment: "Su Yan, it was I who bumped into someone, Are you going to hide this from me for the rest of your life?"

"The car accident happened within the marriage—" Su Yan paused, then slowly continued: "I will be responsible, the media has already dealt with it at the time, I will take custody of Yin Ning's affairs, Then set up a fund and give him full use when he becomes an adult. Xia Tingwan, even if you don't know anything, I will handle everything and do my best to compensate Yin Ning. "

Xia Tingwan stared at Su Yan, the corners of his eyes were extremely red, and his expression gradually changed from shock to anger.

"Why do you think you can make amends for me? What's wrong with you? It's none of your business for me to make up for it - Su Yan, you are a fucking self-righteous bastard."

As he spoke, he roughly grabbed Su Yan's neckline, and at that moment, Su Yan's unreasonable calm made him grit his teeth with hatred.

He was arrogant like a little beast trapped in an invisible cage: "Su Yan, you heard clearly, the person I bumped into, the responsibility is mine, I don't want you to deal with it for me, and I don't want you to make amends for me. It's all my own business, I don't take your favor."

Su Yan broke free from Xia Tingwan's hands and stood up.

He pursed his thin lips and looked down at Xia Tingwan.

"At that time, I was very angry with you."

He uttered a thoughtless word in the night wind.

"On the day of the car accident, I watched you and that kid on a stretcher covered in blood and taken to the hospital. You will never understand the fear. I watched you every day when you were in a coma. I'm angry with you. I can't forgive you, and I can't forgive myself. But when you wake up, you have to face the wounds on your face, the wounds on your body, and at the same time, you have to face a heavy self-blame and guilt... ...I can't bear it."

Su Yan's expression was restrained and calm, but his eyes were filled with sadness.

"I can't bear it."

He said in a low voice, "Xia Tingwan, I always can't bear to be with you, so I always do things that are weak and unprincipled. I'm just as guilty as you are."