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Chapter 16
Chapter 16
This was Xia Tingwan's first time riding a motorcycle. Of course, she felt uneasy at first. When she sat behind Ji Zhan, she didn't know where to put her hands. It was Ji Zhan who turned around and said to him, "You support me."
Xia Tingwan put his hand on Ji Zhan's waist obediently, and through the thin layer of T-shirt, he could almost feel the strong muscle lines of Ji Zhan's waist.
"Slow downโ" Xia Tingwan couldn't help but repeat it again.
"Don't worry." Ji Zhan turned his head and smiled at him, and turned the throttle knob handsomely.
The motorcycle rushed out with a roar and a roar, and the warm and humid tropical night wind rushed into his chest from the front.
The sweet smell of coconut permeates the Thai wind, and the Thai vendors on the street are actually playing Jay Chou's old songs on their speakers for many years.
He closed his eyes, and his body seemed to be floating with a strange freedom. This was a feeling he hadn't experienced for a long time. It was unfamiliar and a little nostalgic.
On a sultry summer night many years ago, Xing Le went home from the stadium with him, and took him on a bicycle like this.
Bicycles shuttled through the dark streets, the wind was oncoming, and the back of Xing Le's shirt was wet from the heat.
He remembered that he always held the iced Coke he bought from the vending machine in his hand. When he got to the intersection, Xing Le would stop and turn his head, so he handed the Coke over: "Lele, take a sip..."
Xing Le will come over to let him feed and drink, and then turn around and continue to ride hard. When the boy laughed, his eyes were as bright as the stars in the night.
The restless and ignorant youth period is like driving forward wantonly on a slope.
They were only sixteen or seventeen years old that year, they knew nothing about the future, but they felt very confident out of thin air.
Xia Tingwan couldn't help but faintly revealed a sour smile.
Does the best time of a person's life really only exist in the past?
...
The villa booked by the "On the Road" program group is the most beautiful at night. The bottom of the swimming pool is illuminated, and the water waves ripple under the swaying shadow of the coconut trees.
Xia Ting walked out of the bathroom after taking a shower and was wiping her hair with a towel when she saw Ji Zhan alone on the balcony.
The balcony outside their bedroom is directly connected to the swimming pool. Ji Zhan is sitting on the edge of the swimming pool with his feet in the swimming pool, playing and singing with his guitar in his arms.
Xia Tingwan walked over to open the balcony door, and was stunned when she heard Ji Zhan's singing.
"Want to go back in time, try to keep the story going, at least not let you leave me."
It's "Back to the Past" by Jay Chou.
It's an old song for more than ten years, and even Xia Tingwan can't remember how long she hasn't looked back to listen to this song, but in the middle of the night in Thailand, I just heard two familiar lyrics and vivid memories. Immediately recovered.
Ji Zhan's timbre is much lower and hoarse than the original singing, so in this night when times have changed, it sounds even more reminiscent of the vicissitudes of life and sadness.
When the bass is sung, it becomes more and more magnetic, with an enchanting vibrato.
Xia Tingwan listened carefully, holding his breath, and when he heard the last sentence, "Your figure is out of balance, slowly sinking, and you want to go back to the past...", his eyes couldn't help but get wet until the end The vibrato of the guitar strings is gone, all still immersed in it.
After Ji Zhan finished singing, he turned around and looked at Xia Tingwan with a mischievous smile. He whispered, "Do you know what you look like when you look at me?"
Xia Tingwan took a deep breath and calmed down, then walked over to sit next to Ji Zhan and asked, "Like what?"
"Like my fanboy." Ji Zhan's eyes were bright in the night.
"Hey, I'm not." Ji Zhan's proud look made Xia Tingwan retort: โโ"Before I came, I never heard your song at all."
"But you heard me sing now," Ji Zhan was not discouraged, and continued to ask confidently, "Then do you think it sounds good?"
"..." Xia Ting was silent for a while, but answered honestly, "Nice."
Ji Zhan smiled, took a can of cold beer from the side, raised his head and took a sip.
There was a hint of confusion in his eyes, slender fingers fiddled with the strings, and looked at the water waves in the swimming pool thoughtfully: "Since I heard this song when I was six years old, I fell in love with music, so This can be said to be a song that changed my life. I have been famous for a few years, but I never order my own songs when I go to KTV. I still want to sing Jay Chou's songs, because I have never written such a haunting song. The music of the music - in fact, I have been composing for many years, and sometimes I think, what is good music in the end... Is it right, I can't touch that realm yet?"
"I can."
Xia Tingwan looked at Ji Zhan's clear profile profile. What was strange to him was that although he didn't know Ji Zhan that well, he said it very firmly.
Since the first time he saw Ji Zhan, this big boy has been listening to music in the swimming pool, without the slightest interest in other people.
His love for music is the kind of focus that can take everything else out of the world.
How could such a person not be able to touch that realm?
Ji Zhan smiled at him. He didn't seem to take Xia Tingwan's words very seriously. With a persistent light in his eyes, he said softly, "If you can't touch it, it doesn't matter."
"Actually, I think that the real genius was never born alone. Behind him, there must be the artistic accumulation of several generations of creators to combine into the nutrients of his great inspiration. I love music, so even if I'm not talented enough, as long as I can be a part of this accumulation process, be a little splash in the long river of music, and one day can make a huge wave for the creation of true genius, I am also satisfiedโ"
"Really, Xia Tingwan, I rarely tell others about this, but I think you can understand. You are such a good actor, and you understand art."
When Xia Tingwan listened to Ji Zhan's words, she felt a throbbing in her chest and dry mouth.
What an obsession.
The true love may be like this. It transcends the attachment to one's own utilitarianism, and is willing to achieve it even if one's efforts are only a wedding dress.
He had never heard such sincere words from anyone.
In Ji Zhan's eyes, he turned out to be a good actor who could become confidants with Ji Zhan.
But he knew how disappointing he was, and it was the first time he was truly ashamed of himself.
After "Whale Talk", he can no longer be called excellent works, but he does not have the same serious attitude towards ideals and life as Ji Zhan. At the age when he should work hard the most, he let himself go.
"I'm not a person who listens to music very often, and I don't know much about music."
Xia Ting lowered his head late, he really didn't know how to talk to Ji Zhan about his own setbacks and grievances in his career, he could only think about it, and continued to talk about his feelings for Ji Zhan's singing: "Actually, I think, the real A good song should not only be a melody caught in the ear, but a picture that will wake up the memory whenever you hear it, and think of the person you miss the most. Good music... comes from the heart. "
"I don't know your creation, but the songs you sing are very good to me."
"Then have you thought of the person you miss the most?" Ji Zhan suddenly turned his head, looked at Xia Tingwan seriously and said, "Who is it?"
Xia Tingwan pursed her lips and fell into silence.
Ji Zhan didn't look away for a long time. After a long time, he took another sip of beer and said in a deep voice, "I think I guessed it."
"When I used to feel bad about being in love, I used my mobile phone to type everything I wanted to say to the other person in the dialog box, then put it in the draft, and then I deleted it when I woke up the next morning. But it feels a lot better.โ
Ji Zhan fiddled with the guitar and said lightly, "You can try."
After he finished speaking, he stopped watching Xia Tingwan, but hummed other songs to himself.
Seeing him immersed in the music in the evening, Xia Ting quietly stood up and walked back to the bedroom.
He thought of Ji Zhan's suggestion, although he thought it was a bit ridiculous, but the thought couldn't get rid of it in his mind, he fell on the bed and took out his mobile phone.
He didn't know what he wanted to do, so he just opened WeChat habitually and dragged down to the conversation with Su Yan.
Su Yan was still the avatar in "Whale Talk", and the last sentence of the conversation still remained at "Tingting, I'm going home late, remember to take medicine", and the time was suspended.
He typed out a few words like a demon: "Su Yan, are you alright?"
He knows what he entered, and his weakness at this time will not let Su Yan see, this is his own secret.
He could have said more and more presumptuously, but this simple question still seemed to haunt his mind.
How are you?
How contradictory and rich are these four words.
When a person asks "how are you", what he wants to ask the most and think about is not whether you are okay, what he really wants to say is "I am not good, I miss you."
Xia Tingwan knew that he was too stupid, but looking at the lonely words in the input box, his nose suddenly became sour.
At this moment, he suddenly found that the top of the dialogue window between him and Su Yan suddenly displayed a line of black characters: The other party is typing...
Xia Tingwan was so shocked that her heart skipped a beat. For a while, she thought she had accidentally sent that sentence out, but after a closer look, she found that it was not the case.
โโSu Yan just coincidentally opened the dialogue window with him at this time.
Su Yan is watching and chatting with his WeChat...
Does he have something to say to himself? Does he miss him too?
Xia Tingwan's fingers trembled, he couldn't help thinking about Su Yan's mood, and his heart felt more like a drum, but after waiting for a few seconds, there was no movement on WeChat, and the top of the line was still hanging there.
Xia Tingwan was anxious and uneasy, but at this moment, he suddenly thought that the top display that Su Yan opened the dialogue window with him was probably the same, "The other party is typing..."
For a moment, his face became hot, and Su Yan knew he was watching.
The two of them were really in a deadlock at this time, knowing that the other party had opened the same WeChat conversation, but no one sent the first sentence first, and no one closed the window first.
โโ
Xia Tingwan was lying on the bed holding the phone. He could not see Su Yan's face or hear Su Yan's voice. The only hint left to him was that the mechanical line was "inputting".
He seems to be at a stalemate with the air, the enemy exists, but it doesn't seem to exist.
He persisted until his eyes were sore, and there was still no movement in the WeChat window.
Maybe there was a bug in the WeChat card. Xia Tingwan thought a little to himself that he didn't want to wait any longer, so he began to put the sentence "Su Yan, are you okay?" word by word in the input field. I deleted it, but maybe I had been holding the phone for a long time and my fingers were a little numb. I accidentally clicked the send button when I was halfway through the deletion.
On the WeChat dialogue window, a few words of unknown meaning appeared on his side: "Su Yan, you"
This is so embarrassing.
"Fuck me..." Xia Ting took a deep breath and slammed the bed hard.
He was in a hurry to withdraw, but the notification sound of WeChat rang.
Su Yan returned in seconds.
"What's wrong?"
Three simple words.
Xia Tingwan could almost imagine what Su Yan looked like when she said these three words through the screen of her mobile phone - wearing a shirt upright and looking at him lightly.
His breathing was short for a moment, and Su Yan's reply made him secretly happy, but it was also accompanied by a guilty conscience.
Just before he set off from Thailand, he aggressively talked to Su Yan, and in just a few days, he took the initiative to send a WeChat message to Su Yan. If the world were to vote for the most spineless person today, he would definitely be elected.
But he used to be like this from time to time. His arrogance and temper came and went freely. Su Yan understood him, so during the years of marriage, he was often angry with Su Yan the day before, and Su Yan the next day. Come to give him a step down, and he slipped back into Su Yan's arms all of a sudden.
Xia Tingwan was thinking so messily in her mind, but she didn't know how to reply to Su Yan for a while. It was too stupid to ask "Are you okay" at this time.
He thought about it for a long time, and finally got very upset, so he honestly returned what was on his mind: "Are you free? I have something to tell you."
Su Yan quickly dialed WeChat and came back. After Xia Ting answered it late, the two of them couldn't help being silent for a moment.
In the end, it was Su Yan who asked first: "What's the matter, is it a work thing?"
Xia Tingwan listened to Su Yan's voice, the familiar, deep tone that used to make him feel dependable.
"Well. It's just... a lot of unpleasant things."
He curled up under the covers and whispered.
He was not used to the shooting of reality shows, and Xing Le's transformation hit him even more.
People's disposition, those things that they thought were still preserved in time, but were mottled in vain, so that he couldn't see through, he was lost and at a loss
But he also understood that he had to face all this. He had maintained this state of support for several days, and he was really exhausted physically and mentally. Even if Ji Zhan has a decent relationship with him, he is not the closest person to him. Only when he is by Su Yan's side can he completely reveal his fatigue and lack of support.
He knew that their relationship at this time was completely different from before, but he still couldn't hold back and told Su Yan all the subtle and embarrassing things that happened between him and Xing Le.
"He has a grudge against you," Su Yan said after listening, "Actually, this is not surprising."
"The male lead of "Whale Talk" is an opportunity that all actors dream of, because once caught, his life will be changed. At first, you just accompanied Xing Le to audition, but in the end it was you who took this role unintentionally. Although actually objectively speaking, Xing Le is not suitable for the role of Xiao Xia. If you don't audition, Xing Le will probably not be selected, but for Xing Le, it means that the fates of the two of you have been reversed from now on - this kind of The faint resentment and unwillingness are simply indigestible by ordinary people. In fact, Xing Le's matter, I mentioned it to you before."
Xia Tingwan listened to Su Yan's words earnestly, and at the end, he couldn't help being a little surprised, and said softly, "Ha, did you mention it?"
"Yeah. I told you once after we got married that you won the Cannes Best Actor because of "Whale Talk". Xing Le would mind anyway. You should either spend more time and see if you can repair your friendship, or you should be careful. Be careful, Xing Le won't treat you like he used to."
Su Yan said this, his voice gradually lowered, and he seemed to smile bitterly on the other end of the phone: "You were angry with me at that time, thinking that I was eating Xing Le's vinegar and thinking Xing Le too badly."
When he said this, Xia Tingwan suddenly recalled.
He remembered that he asked Su Yan angrily, in your heart, are people so bad? I knew Lele since I was a child, and he was not that kind of person.
At that time, Su Yan finally apologized to him first, and then explained to him: "I don't think Xing Le is a bad person. Even if he really minds that you steal his role, that kind of thinking... For me It's just human nature. Tingting, you haven't grown up yet. In fact, human nature is a turbid mass. It's not bad, but it's definitely not good. "
After hearing this, he became even more angry with Su Yan, dissatisfied with Su Yan treating him as a child, and even felt that the dejected words from such an old man made him feel uncomfortable.
But looking back now, he was really young at that time, and he had never experienced anything.
Times have changed, and when he thinks about what happened back then, he suddenly has some unspeakable feelings.
In fact, Su Yan taught himโ
It's just that time has passed, and there are many such fragments in married life. In fact, many times, he has forgotten.
In the past, he always thought that Su Yan's love for him was the most beautiful, but now that he thinks about it again, in fact, Su Yan has taught him a lot, and that may be the most precious.
The knowledge and mind of the old man he despised at that time was actually so accurate.
"Don't worry too much about the reality show."
Su Yan stopped talking about those things in those days, but changed the topic. His speech rate was the same as before, slowly but calmly: "Actually, reality shows are a false proposition, and everyone knows that the camera is facing There is absolutely no 100% real thing, but I still love to watch it, because as long as you can see some real and private clues of some stars, even if it is only performed, it is enough to cause discussion. Xing Le performed a kindness there. Understanding and pampering your old friend, this kind of plastic character is not good, he is used to being an idol and forgets what a real person is like."
"But it's not good for me to be like this. Xing Le makes me feel like a squeamish bag. Let's edit it again, will it look like-"
"Ting Wan," Su Yan interrupted him directly: "When you don't know what to do, just be yourself, and when you don't know what to say, just tell the truth. It's not cute to hide your true self. You can be yourself, and the audience can see it. As long as you don't affect others, what's the point of being squeamish and innocent? Who said it's not likable? Five years ago, Aren't you a good student who doesn't make mistakes, but everyone likes you - me too."
Su Yan spoke calmly and affirmatively. When he said the sentence "Me too", he almost carried a kind of domineering domineering for granted. When Xia Ting heard it late, her face became slightly hot.
"And you are an actor, you have to keep a distance from the audience, and you can make people more immersed in the role when you are acting. You should not appear often in reality shows. No matter what the news about you is written outside, you must Remember this, you are not a variety show like Xing Le who is trying to get people to gain popularity. You have your arrogance and capital, so you don't have to be too persistent in trying to please the audience. Now is a low period, and you may be talked about and hacked. But as long as you have excellent works in the future, the public opinion will be flipped at random, and in the final analysis, the works are the foundation."
Xia Tingwan's breathing was a little short. He knew that Su Yan was right, but he also didn't want to participate in the reality show. It was just the economic situation that forced him to do so, but he could only blame himself for this embarrassing situation. .
He thought of what Ji Zhan said just now, and the feeling of shame came up again, and whispered: "Su Yan, actually... Are you disappointed with me too? Over the years, I, I Nothing was accomplished."
"I wasn't disappointed."
Su Yan said in a low voice.
"Actually, these words are what I said today as a movie fan. I will feel a little regretful, because I hope you can shoot one work after another, and win one award after another. But in those five years, as your As for my husband, I really don't really want you to be a great actor."
Xia Tingwan's heart trembled when he heard the words "as your husband".
He couldn't help but ask softly, "Su Yan, during the years of marriage, have you, have you ever thought... what do you want me to be like?"
Su Yan was silent for a long time, and when Xia Tingwan thought he would not answer again, he still spoke.
"Maybe, I want you to be happy."
Su Yan's voice trembled for a moment.
Xia Tingwan's eyes suddenly turned red.
They were separated by the phone, and only heard each other's slight rapid breathing.
"In the news just now, there was a small-scale tsunami near the Andaman Sea in the Indian Ocean. Phuket is right next to the Andaman Sea. For safety reasons, it should affect your shooting schedule. I originally wanted to tell you, but in fact you The program team estimates that they will also inform tomorrow - it's getting late, go to sleep."
Perhaps it was because of their marriage that Su Yan suddenly didn't want to say more, briefly explained the reason for opening WeChat, and hung up the phone.
Xia Ting was lying on her back on the bed late, looking at the chandelier above her head.
During the days when he left Su Yan, he began to grow up alone, and it seems that because of this, he was able to recall many neglected details in his past life.
Layer by layer, he's getting closer and closer to the deep reason why their marriage failed.
He climbed to the top when he was young, and he was so proud that he knew the heights of the sky.
But the second blockbuster "Battlefront", which took a year and a half to shoot, slapped him severely when it was released.
The commercial film with big production and big investment was ridiculed by all the crowd. Even Xia Tingwan's acting skills were questioned as short-lived. He fell from the cloud again, couldn't bear such a big blow, and resisted his work overnight.
The crazy nightlife also started at that time, but the kissing incident with Li Kevin happened immediately after that. After being reported, his reputation worsened and Su Yan was angry again. Weedon was in his house in Xiangshan.
After that, his condition got worse and worse.
He was always moody.
Su Yan persuaded him several times to let him take over the filming. Sometimes he couldn't help but lose his temper, even if he knew it wasn't the case, he would forcefully question Su Yan if he disliked him for not making money.
But sometimes he hugged Su Yan again and said aggrievedly that he didn't want to film yet, and felt that something was not good, and he was very depressed.
Su Yan couldn't hold back, so he could only coax him again and again, so that he wouldn't be in a hurry.
Su Yan later did as he wished and stopped talking about work, but he felt more and more empty.
During that time, as long as Su Yan didn't accompany him when he was busy, he would get restless.
In fact, deep down in his heart, he was very afraid that Su Yan would not love him. Su Yan was an admirer who was fascinated by him at his peak. charm.
It was only now that he was willing to admit that his out-of-control behavior at that time was due to worrying about gains and losses when he lost his life goals.
Once, Su Yan went abroad for a meeting, and then took a 12-hour flight back to City H without rest overnight, just because he asked Su Yan to come back to accompany him on WeChat, and he was in a bad mood.
Su Yan was so exhausted that night when he came back, he said that he had been reading documents on the plane, and he really didn't have a good rest, so he wanted to sleep for a while.
But his temper came up, lying on Su Yan's body like a small animal, licking and biting Su Yan's chin and Adam's apple, insisting on making love.
Su Yan coaxed for a long time, and finally begged him for mercy in a hoarse voice.
But he still lost his temper willfully, and pulled the quilt over and shrunk to sleep on the other side of the big bed.
Su Yan really had no choice. He opened the quilt and knelt between his legs and gave him a mouthful for a long time. He didn't brush his teeth until he was satisfied, and then finally fell on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.
.
Xia Tingwan didn't know why she remembered Su Yan at that time very clearly at this moment, and said in a pitiful hoarse voice in his ear: "Tingting, I'm so tired, I haven't slept for thirty hours...tomorrow Do, do it tomorrow night, okay?"
His eyes were red and bloodshot, because he didn't have time to shave and his chin was full of prickly beard Su Yan, a man who could come back day and night without sleep for thirty hours because of him saying "I miss you". He was so self-willed and did not get angry, but leaned down and hugged the man who let him vent his desires.
Su Yan really loves him and really wants him to be happy.
He actually knew.
But he is so cruel.
He has never treasured Su Yan as much as Su Yan loved him.
Xia Tingwan's tears finally flowed uncontrollably.
โโ
To explain, I have always remembered that as long as the other party opens the WeChat conversation, you can see the words "the other party is typing", because it seems that this kind of thing happened, but I checked it again before posting today, and found that The official WeChat setting is as follows:
"Only after receiving the message, if the input operation is performed in the dialog box within 10 seconds, "the other party is inputting" will be displayed. Because of this display prompt, the user's excitement is aroused. And if it is more than 10 seconds away from the conversation, it means that the other party does not pay much attention to this conversation. Therefore, this state is not displayed for more than 10 seconds to avoid unnecessary excitement. "