Chapter 21

"Su Yan, I really think that the role of Gu Fei really seems to be made for me..."

Xia Tingwan's breathing was a little short, and he couldn't describe the excitement in his heart.

From the moment he finished reading the novel "Xun", he wanted to play Gu Fei.

This urgent desire to interpret a character has never appeared in his many years of career as an artist.

When he was filming "Whale Talk", he became famous by accident and became the leading actor.

Maybe it's something too easy to get, and it doesn't feel so great at an ignorant age.

But when I look back now, I'm actually very emotional.

Five years ago, he still remembered his painful childhood, and he hesitated a lot when he played the character of Xiao Xia, and instinctively wanted to hide his true self.

But he is a complete experiential school. He doesn't have many skills in acting. If he wants to really get into the play, he must devote himself wholeheartedly.

Under the training of the national treasure-level director, he finally got out of his own shell.

After playing the play in which Xiao Xia committed suicide in despair, he secretly cried for a long time, but couldn't come out for a month or two.

He always wondered if Xiao Xia was, to some extent, another self, a more hopeless and vulnerable self.

Times have changed, and now he has more sorrow.

He has an adult who is lost in the face of love, and has experienced the happiness and sweetness of sadness.

He understands the feeling of wanting to chase after the person he loves, and he also understands the taste of loneliness.

Five years ago, he might not be able to play Gu Fei, but now, he thinks he can.

Xu Zhe told him that a good actor should use all his life experience to add flesh and blood to a character who does not exist. Therefore, a truly shocking performance must flow from the heart.

If you think about it this way, his acting life and his own life trajectory seem to fit in fatefully.

Inside and outside the play

Destined to achieve each other.

"This is not a good role to play." Su Yan said calmly: "Gu Fei is dumb, which means that there are no lines in the whole process, and all emotions must be mobilized by expressions and actions, which is not easy."

"I know."

"And nude scenes and same-sex sex scenes are very challenging. Not only do you have to trust the director, but you also have to trust the actors who play opposite you."

Su Yan spoke at a slower rate when he said this. When he looked at Xia Tingwan, he faintly showed a concerned look: "Who is Xu Rong's role?"

"Not yet. The teacher said that Xu Rong's role is very important. He has actors he really wants to invite, but he didn't tell me who they are."

Xia Tingwan shook his head, as if he had thought of something, suddenly brought his face closer to Su Yan, he probed, and whispered: "Su Yan, if ah... I mean if. If we If you don't get divorced, would you mind if I make a scene like this?"

Su Yan was silent, and after a long time, he said bluntly: "There is nothing good if."

Xia Tingwan looked at Su Yan's stern face, and was so angry that she could not wait to bite Su Yan.

The guy who was suddenly very guarded, once keenly aware that he was being spied on, suddenly put on a serious and old-fashioned face, making people unapproachable.

Xia Tingwan also got angry and stopped talking, and the two fell into silence for a while.

"When is the audition set?"

After a while, Su Yan took the initiative to ask.

"I don't know." Xia Tingwan turned her head away, deliberately not looking at Su Yan.

"Xu Zhe didn't say anything?"

"No." He replied coldly.

"...I would mind."

Su Yan still couldn't beat him, and answered in a low voice helplessly, "If we don't get divorced, I'd mind. But I'll just think about it in my heart and won't tell you."

Xia Tingwan turned her head and wanted to laugh, but also wanted to hug Su Yan for no reason.

He thought of Su Yan's trouble with Li Kevin three months later, and felt that Su Yan's answer at this time was absolutely true, and it was so honest that it was almost pitiful.

Su Yan sighed slightly and continued: "Acting is your job, no matter who is with you in the future, you should not be jealous of this, and you should not think about these unimportant little things. If you want to play Gu Fei, Just do your best to win, Xu Zhe has always been very demanding, since there is an audition, it is impossible to be partial—"

"I know."

When Xia Tingwan heard him say the words "no matter who is with you", there was a sudden confusion in her heart.

As Xu Zhe said, Su Yan's attitude towards him was indeed softened.

Su Yan can no longer say no to him as hard as he did before.

But what followed was that he felt more and more that Su Yan was facing him with an unprecedented weak attitude.

Like a tired and cowardly old cat, downcast and ready to part ways with him. As soon as he stretched out his hand and wanted to get close, he would turn around and run away at any time.

Su Yan has never done this before.

He had a panic that he couldn't grasp and couldn't speak.

"Su Yan, can you do me a favor?"

Xia Tingwan looked at Su Yan and said softly, "I, I really want to prepare for the audition, but the scene that Xu Zhe wants to watch is the first time Xu Rong has drawn Gu Fei nude. This kind of scene, It's really hard for me to figure it out by myself. Can you accompany me?"

"What do you mean?" Su Yan raised his head abruptly, his eyes suddenly alert: "Accompany you for a show? For a nude show?"

"um, I……"

"No." Su Yan refused without waiting for Xia Tingwan to explain any more, and his tone repeated firmly: "Impossible."

Xia Tingwan was a little sad.

He knew that Su Yan probably thought he had other thoughts in his mind, and he also understood Su Yan's dilemma.

He admits that he misses Su Yan and wants to have as many opportunities to get along with Su Yan as possible. But he really didn't use the film to get close.

Xia Tingwan actually has her own sensitivity and opinions on script analysis.

The atmosphere of that scene was wonderful because of the relationship between Gu Fei and Xu Rong - it wasn't just two ordinary young people talking about love with their eyes.

It is the relationship between watching and being watched.

A dumb boy, lying naked on the bed, was drawn in strokes for two hours.

Gu Fei was being watched.

To go further, Gu Fei was being watched by the boy he secretly loved under the condition of self-awareness and sobriety.

Shy and ambiguous, narcissism is entwined with a bit of erotic awakening and addiction.

This emotional tension is definitely one of the most difficult scenes to grasp in the whole movie.

So he needs Su Yan.

He needs Su Yan to be his Xu Rong.

Because only in front of Su Yan can he approach and restore the design of that scene most easily.

It was only at Su Yan's place that he felt extremely safe.

He can take off his clothes in a relatively relaxed state, and quickly become Gu Fei in the best state.

"You said it yourself just now that this kind of play requires me to trust the actors who play opposite me from the bottom of my heart."

Xia Tingwan said a little aggrieved: "I can slowly develop trust with other actors during the official shooting. But what about when I'm groping for the audition? If you don't want to, who do you think I should go to to accompany me? play?"

His words were actually equivalent to asking Su Yan - who should he go to to relax and undress.

Su Yan's face was blue and his lips were slightly open, but before he could speak, he saw Wen Zichen and Yin Ning walking towards them.

Wen Zichen smiled and said to Yin Ning, "Ningning, go and show brother Su Yan, what did you draw today?"

Yin Ning listened to Wen Zichen's words very much, and ran to Su Yan with her painting in hand and spread out the drawing paper: "Mr. Wendy asked me to paint it today."

"Well, let me see."

Su Yan quickly packed up his emotions, reached out and touched Yin Ning's head, holding the drawing paper on one side.

Xia Ting was sitting next to Su Yan, and of course he could see it clearly. On the snow-white drawing paper, Yin Ning drew a small brown house with crayons. There were three simple people in the house. It could be vaguely seen that two tall men were holding a little boy together. Outside, the sun and flowers and plants were painted with childish brushstrokes.

"What is this?" Su Yan asked patiently, "Ning Ning tell me."

"Mr. Wendy said, I will draw the home in my heart today." Yin Ning pointed at the three people in the painting earnestly: "This is me, brother Su Yan on the left, and brother Zichen on the right."

Xia Tingwan's body suddenly froze.

He looked down at the colorful crayon drawing, and for a moment, he was so sad that he almost wanted to cry, and he was holding on with a stubbornness that he didn't want to lose face here.

The most real desire is hidden in the childish words of children.

Yin Ning hoped that he would be with Wen Zichen and Su Yan, that was the home in his heart.

What is he.

Su Yan was willing to go to bed with Wen Zichen, but he refused to accompany him to play, and even refused to see his body.

But Su Yan used to be the one who kissed every inch of his body over and over again.

Xia Tingwan knew rationally that the more she thought, the more extreme she was, and that she was simply mixing everything together, which was unreasonable.

But he couldn't stop himself, the grievance of being rejected by Su Yan, and the dislike of Yin Ning, all the things added together, almost pierced him.

He was so embarrassed and humble, and he didn't know if he was in a situation of unrequited love, which made him feel so wronged.

Su Yan seemed a little surprised. He took a closer look at the painting and suddenly asked, "Ning Ning, did Mr. Wendy want you to paint the home in your heart?"

"Yeah." Yin Ning nodded.

"Then the real home in Ning Ning's heart, is there no mother?" Su Yan frowned. Although he was asking Yin Ning, his eyes raised and he stared at Wen Zichen sharply.

But Xia Tingwan didn't want to listen to the three of them continue chatting anymore. He stood up and said quickly, "I still have something to do, so I'll go back first."

After he finished speaking, he didn't look at Su Yan's expression again, turned around and left.

——

Intellectually, Xia Tingwan did not understand Su Yan.

Su Yan couldn't say that he liked children at all. Taking care of Yin Ning is entirely because he is responsible for his car accident.

After chatting with Xu Zhe, Xia Tingwan also secretly thought about-

Su Yan's kindness to him was never beyond words, but was hidden in his heart.

When Su Yan was first responsible for Yin Ning, not only did Xia Tingwan know nothing about it, but Yin Ning's mother disappeared because of drug addiction.

Su Yanming knew that once he took over this burden, he might have to take care of Yin Ning for the rest of his life, but he still decided to do so resolutely.

A man is willing to silently take responsibility for a child's life for faults that are not his own.

This not only requires great courage, but also a deep commitment.

Every time Xia Tingwan thought about it, her heart moved.

Su Yan really didn't mention a word or a word, but it's not hard to imagine how much he is uncomfortable in life, how many difficulties and awkwardness he has.

He really needed someone to help him take care of Yin Ning, even if it wasn't Wen Zichen, it would be someone else.

Therefore, although Xia Tingwan was sad in her heart before, she really didn't want to blame Su Yan.

But this time, he couldn't help being angry with Su Yan.

He is proud of himself.

He can bow his head for Su Yan's love. He can go and beg for mercy with Su Yan again and again, admit his mistakes, and show weakness in front of Su Yan. He doesn't think that he is so humble.

But he didn't want to get entangled with Wen Zichen. The ugly tearing and tearing, even if he was passively mixed in, there was a feeling that two people were trying their best to compete for Su Yan, which was vulgar and shameful.

He felt sick to his stomach when he thought of what had happened before.

He was angry with Su Yan, and his anger Su Yan gave Wen Zichen confidence and hope, even if the confidence only came from a sexual relationship once or twice.

To put it bluntly, behind the anger, what really made him sad——

Maybe Su Yan had a moment when he completely gave up his love with him.

If it wasn't for the moment of giving up, no one would have the opportunity to intervene in their love.

At the end of that weekend, Xia Tingwan did not go to Xiangshan, but asked Zhao Nanshu to drive to pick up Yin Ning.

Su Yan didn't look for him, and he didn't take the initiative to contact Su Yan.

Ji Zhan called him halfway through and said that he was going to work in H City next week, and he might stay until the concert.

Ji Zhan is still the same Ji Zhan, and he is not polite at all: "Xia Tingwan, invite me to dinner then! I don't mean just a meal, you have to take me to eat the best food in H City. "

"No problem, I'll take care of the meal." Xia Tingwan said, "but you have to accompany me to K-song—and, sing your own song."

"Hey, then you still don't admit that you are a fanboy."

Xia Tingwan couldn't help laughing.

Talking to Ji Zhan always made him feel very refreshing and happy.

In fact, he had also been quietly worried before that the vague ambiguity between them, if just like the hazy relationship between him and Xing Le back then, he would fall into an embarrassing situation after being exposed, then for him, he would once again lose a friend he really admired. A really sad thing.

But fortunately, Ji Zhan is simple and pure.

The night with Ji Zhan in Chiang Mai, like the summer breeze in Thailand, passed by smoothly, without leaving any excess stickiness.

...

On the other hand, Xia Tingwan did not give up her hope of getting along well with Yin Ning.

In the past few days, while reading the script of "Looking" repeatedly, he also tried to interact more with Yin Ning at home.

He bought a set of coloring picture books for "Secret Garden" and wanted to color in with Yin Ning.

It was drizzling in H city, perhaps because it was almost autumn, and the night wind was gradually turning cooler. Xia Ting opened the window a small crack in the evening and made a pot of orange tea on the table.

In fact, if the relationship with Yin Ning is not close, this can be regarded as a very warm scene.

Xia Tingwan opened the picture book and asked Yin Ning to choose a page with simpler lines, then spread out a set of 120-color watercolor pencils on the table, and asked seriously, "Ningning, teach me, what color tone to choose. nice?"

Yin Ning lowered his head and didn't speak at first. After a while, out of a dozen pencils in brown tones, a few lighter ones jumped out and stuffed them into Xia Tingwan's hand, then pointed to the owl on the picture book and whispered: " You color the owl's head—"

"it is good."

Xia Tingwan was very obedient, picked up the pencil and began to draw strokes according to Yin Ning's instructions. Yin Ning picked out several green pencils and painted the complicated leaves around the owl.

Xia Tingwan didn't know anything about painting, and she didn't know how many years she hadn't held a paintbrush. Even if it was just coloring, she felt that the brushstrokes were extremely clumsy.

Yin Ning is very demanding. As soon as Xia Tingwan draws a line, she stretches out her hand to break Xia Tingwan's fingers, and stubbornly bows her head and wipes off all the flawed areas with an eraser.

Xia Tingwan clearly felt the dislike from the little boy and touched his nose.

Yin Ning suffers from vision loss in her left eye, and she has to tilt her head slightly when painting. Sometimes, when her face is not turned around and her left eye is blurry and unreal, she will draw colors out of bounds.

Yin Ning seemed a little paranoid again.

There was a leaf that was not well drawn, so he used a lot of strength to erase it with the eraser repeatedly—the color was off, and then it was reapplied. Broken a small piece.

"Ningning—" Xia Tingwan raised her head worriedly and just spoke.

I saw Yin Ning suddenly slammed the pencil in his hand to the ground.

He seemed uneasy, and pushed Xia Tingwan's hand away again, tore the page of the picture book that the two of them drew together, and slammed it out of the book, crumpled it up, and threw it out.

The boy's eyes were red, his chest was heaving violently, and the expression on his small face was a kind of brutality and anger that Xia Tingwan was afraid of.

"I hate you."

Yin Ning covered her eyes and lay on the table, with a whimper in her voice: "I can't see clearly, I can't see clearly with my left eye, I don't want to paint anymore, I don't want to paint anymore."

Xia Tingwan looked at Yin Ning's thin back, raised her fingers, tremblingly wanted to touch the boy's shoulder, but never dared to put it down.

Hearing Yin Ning say that, his heart ached and he was about to cry.

——

"sorry Sorry……"

Xia Tingwan said in a trembling voice, "Ningning, you already know, right?"

Yin Ning was lying on the table, his body was trembling, and after a long time he whispered: "I... I asked Brother Zichen, why do I have to live with you, did Brother Su Yan want me? He told Say, because you did something wrong, you want to make up for me, you want me to forgive you...I, I knew it was you. I thought about it before, why you have scars on your face, and when you see me, you... ...it's weird."

Xia Tingwan was a little absent-minded, but this was indeed expected.

He knew in his heart that Yin Ning would know sooner or later, and he couldn't hide it. So he never thought of trying to hide it.

The second time he saw Yin Ning, he kept apologizing for gaffe, and even forced Su Yan to pull him up to stop himself. In fact, his performance at that time was enough to make people suspicious.

He had no position to blame anyone, even if it was what Wen Zichen and Yin Ning said, they didn't do anything wrong in principle.

He thought before that maybe after repairing the relationship with Yin Ning, it would be better to talk about it slowly, but in fact, after thinking about it carefully, what is the difference - he was drunk and driving and hit someone, so there is nothing to be wronged.

Xia Tingwan tried to calm down, he took two deep breaths, lowered his head and put the scattered pencils into the iron box one by one, then looked at Yin Ning's head lying on the back of the table and said, "Ningning, I'm sorry. "

He repeated those three words, thinking of the boy lying on the table saying he didn't want to paint anymore, he felt so powerless, and continued softly: "Actually, I also know that it's useless to say sorry 10,000 times now. ... Taking care of you, I really want to make amends, but for you, this kind of compensation is already a remedy for the damage. You, you hate me, and it should be."

Hearing what he said, Yin Ning raised his head, stared at Xia Tingwan and said, "I hate you, and I don't want to forgive you. No matter what you do, I will never forgive you."

The boy's eyes were red, but he stubbornly refused to cry.

Xia Tingwan's nose was sore, he squatted down, but he didn't dare to look Yin Ning's eyes again, lowered his head, and murmured, "Okay, don't forgive me, Ningning don't forgive me."

Yin Ning pushed him away, turned around and ran into his room, locking the door behind him.

...

In the middle of the night, Yin Ning suddenly had a stomachache.

Xia Tingwan wanted to take him to the hospital, but Yin Ning curled up in the bed and covered her face.

No matter what Xia Tingwan said, he refused to go, just kept clamoring for Wen Zichen and asking Wen Zichen to accompany him.

Although Xia Tingwan was worried, he couldn't be as tough as an ordinary parent, and he couldn't beat Yin Ning, so he had to call Su Yan in a hurry.

"Hey?"

It took a while for Su Yan to answer, and the moment he opened his mouth, there was a thick nasal voice. His voice was already low, but at this moment, he almost covered the words in his throat.

"Su Yan, do you have a cold?"

"Well," Su Yan replied in a deep voice, "fever."

"You, are you all right?" Xia Tingwan's heart suddenly twitched.

"I'm fine." Su Yan's tone was still calm, and he quickly asked, "Is there any situation on your side?"

"It's Ning Ning." Xia Tingwan talked about Yin Ning's story. After speaking, he couldn't help but ask again: "Su Yan, shall I go see you?"

"No need." Su Yan flatly refused, he thought about it for a while, and said in a hoarse voice, "It's midnight, and it's no good to keep on tossing like this. There happens to be a doctor here in Xiangshan, so I'll call the driver to pick up Wen Zichen first. Then take him back to your place to take a general look, don't delay. You don't have to worry too much, just go to sleep. If the situation is not good, I will see how to deal with it. "

Xia Tingwan felt a little uncomfortable.

He knew that there was nothing wrong with Su Yan's handling of Yin Ning's matter.

Yin Ning fought with him and refused to listen to his words. In case, because of this delay, it would not be good for his condition, and Su Yan was ill, so there was nothing he could do to call Wen Zichen here.

It wasn't that he was distressed.

"Su Yan, you don't want to see me so much?" He squeezed out a word out of his throat.

"No." Su Yan said two words subconsciously, he coughed several times, and then said in a hoarse voice: "Ting Wan, I'm almost healed, I don't need to use it anymore. Infected, be obedient—"

Hearing this late, Xia Ting suddenly hung up the phone.

He slid to the ground against the wall and sat, burying his head between his knees in frustration.

He was so frustrated, and felt that everything was so frustrating.

Su Yan has a very healthy lifestyle and works out every day, so he rarely gets sick.

They had been married for five years, and Su Yan had only caught a cold twice, but each time it came on fiercely, and when he had a fever, he would have a fever on and off for a week or two.

At that time, Su Yan was afraid that he would be infected, so he went to sleep in the small bedroom connected with the study.

But he couldn't sleep in the master bedroom by himself, so he quietly ran to the small bedroom at night, got into Su Yan's bed and squeezed with Su Yan.

Su Yan fell asleep after taking the medicine, but subconsciously held him tightly in his arms.

When we came together the next day, he really had a fever of his own accord.

At that time, Su Yan was so angry that his face turned white, and he yelled at him for being ignorant, and then drove him back to the big bedroom unceremoniously.

After shouting, Su Yan felt sorry for him again.

While instructing the housekeeper to take good care of him and let him recuperate, he sent him several WeChat messages, but there was no murder in WeChat.

He still remembers the message Su Yan sent him, "Be obedient, baby."

——

When two people are sweet, the word obedience can always calm all his restlessness and anxiety.

Although he was covered in rebellious thorns, in his heart, he was so infatuated with the tenderness and tolerance that Su Yan gave him.

As soon as he heard those two words, he felt safe.

But now he is so powerless.

He is so lame, he can't do anything except ask a few questions weakly, he can't get close to Su Yan, so he can only hang up the phone childishly and lose his temper, but what's the use of it, feel discouraged when think about it .

The relationship between him and Su Yan is like duckweed in the wind. He can feel and see that weak existence, but he can't catch it.

Can't catch it.

Wen Zichen arrived shortly after, and Xia Tingwan had no interest in talking to him.

On the contrary, Wen Zichen enthusiastically added Xia Tingwan's WeChat, saying that if there is any situation, he will be informed immediately.

Xia Tingwan thought about her relationship with Yin Ning, and Su Yan was sick and didn't want to be bothered, so she endured the discomfort and added Wen Zichen, and once passed, she threw Wen Zichen into a group that couldn't see her Moments.

After Yin Ning left, Xia Tingwan was lying on the bed of her new house alone with her eyes closed. There was a thin layer of mist on the window, hazy, as if she could see the fallen leaves in the autumn night.

In that instant, an indescribable loneliness seeped out of his skin.

He curled up into the blanket, rubbing the fabric with his skin—so lonely.

He longed for Su Yan's embrace, longing to make him vulnerable like a newborn kitten.

...

In the early hours of the morning, both Su Yan and Wen Zichen sent him messages, saying that Yin Ning was fine and had a normal stomach discomfort, so he slept in Xiangshan.

Su Yan also took a photo of him, which was a thermometer.

It showed 36.5 degrees, Su Yan added one more sentence: The fever has subsided, it's all right.

Xia Ting replied "understood" late, and then fell asleep tiredly.

After the night passed, Yin Ning returned to Tianlan Pavilion.

A day later, he began to behave very uncomfortable again, lying in the bedroom and telling Xia Tingwan that he had a stomachache and wanted to find Wen Zichen.

After an afternoon of trouble, still complained of stomach pain and refused to eat dinner.

Zhao Nanshu has something to do at home. He has not been in H City for the past two weeks, and Su Yan has a cold again. He doesn't want to go and delay Su Yan's rest because of these trivial matters, so he doesn't even have anyone to discuss.

Xia Tingwan was really exhausted, he didn't know what to do with Yin Ning, he felt like he was going to be tossed and sick.

In the end, he obeyed Yin Ning's wishes.

This time, he didn't even contact Su Yan at all, went directly to Wen Zichen, and asked Wen Zichen to take Yin Ning back to Xiangshan for a night.

But Xia Tingwan did not expect that such a situation would actually intensify.

After Yin Ning came back, he changed the reason after two days, saying that he had a headache. But Xia Ting touched Yin Ning's head late, but it wasn't hot at all.

Of course, Yin Ning was still making trouble - asking Wen Zichen to accompany him.

Xia Tingwan was really intolerable this time.

In fact, the second time Yin Ning made trouble again, he was already suspicious. He also came from his childhood. This kind of trick is not difficult to guess to be honest.

He didn't have a good relationship with Yin Ning, and he didn't want to make the children unhappy too much, so he pretended to be sick to Wen Zichen once or twice, even if it made him embarrassed in front of Wen Zichen, he still endured it.

But by the third time, he was also a little temperamental.

He treats Yin Ning sincerely, Yin Ning may not forgive him, but he has been deceived and fooled him like this, which really makes him feel aggrieved.

He didn't show anything to Yin Ning, and didn't directly expose Yin Ning. Instead, he squatted by the bed as calmly as possible and said, "Ning Ning, it's not that I don't want you to go to Xiangshan, but you keep getting sick like this, I'm really worried. .You ask me to take you to see the doctor, prescribe some medicine, let me rest assured, and then I will take you to Xiangshan."

"I don't want to go to the doctor." Yin Ning huddled under the covers. He didn't look at Xia Tingwan, but stubbornly turned his head to look at the corner of the bed.

The boy's carefree expression and behavior made Xia Tingwan feel a little annoyed.

"Ningning, you have to go to the hospital with me." Xia Tingwan stared at Yin Ning and repeated word by word, "I didn't discuss with you, since I am sick, I have to go to the hospital."

Yin Ning couldn't help being stunned for a moment. He raised his head and looked at Xia Tingwan with a pair of black eyes at a loss.

Xia Tingwan has never been so tough on Yin Ning before. He never thought that he would also be angry with Yin Ning.

He thought his guilt and guilt would allow him to fully embrace everything.

But it turns out that getting along with each other is too idealistic.

What's more, Xia Tingwan herself is the little peacock who has always been favored by Su Yan. He was used to being held in the palm of his hand, and he was indeed unfamiliar and clumsy when it came to caring for another injured child.

"I-I'm not going..." When Yin Ning spoke again, his tone was obviously a little wandering, not as firm as before.

"You must do this," Xia Tingwan took a deep breath and paused for a while, seeing Yin Ning still unwilling to let go, and finally he could only continue: "I will ask Su Yan to find a pediatrician to come over and give me a careful treatment. Check it out and let Su Yan see what the problem is."

This is his trump card.

Sure enough, after hearing him mention Su Yan's name, Yin Ning sat up all of a sudden.

The little boy clutched the quilt with his fingers, his eyes were full of tension, and he stared at him vaguely with some annoyance.

Xia Ting gave up her heart, stood up and said, "change your clothes, I'll wait for you outside."

Xia Tingwan is a person who observes emotions very sharply.

Although Wen Zichen and Su Yan didn't say anything to him, he could clearly perceive that Yin Ning was close and reliant on Wen Zichen, but towards Su Yan, Yin Ning had a subconscious and authoritative power over his father. Image awe.

To put it bluntly, wasn't he the same back then? Su Yan is gentle, but also has an invisible sense of majesty and weight.

Even when he was most willful and stubborn, he always had an inexplicable respect for Su Yan in his heart. Su Yan never murdered him, but as soon as his face sank, he instinctively wanted to ask for mercy.

Of course, he can understand Yin Ning's feelings.

Xia Ting went to the living room late to wait for Yin Ning. He stood up abruptly just now and felt a little dizzy.

In the past two days, he was in a bad mood and state, and he ate irregularly. He felt a little weak under his feet. He barely took a piece of chocolate and put it in his mouth, but he didn't care too much.

After a while, Yin Ning walked out wearing a light blue coat with his head lowered. He ignored Xia Tingwan and just stood there silently.

Xia Ting didn't say anything. He walked in front and opened the door, but when he walked to the elevator, he found that the elevator was not running during maintenance, and he couldn't help but feel a little irritable for a while.

He lives on the fifteenth floor. In fact, in normal times, it's okay to walk down, but now...

Xia Tingwan turned around and walked to Yin Ning's side, held Yin Ning's little hand, and the two walked down a few steps, Xia Tingwan thought about it, but said helplessly, "Ningning, can you go downstairs? Will my head feel dizzy? Should I still call a doctor?"

He was indeed basically certain that the child was pretending to be sick, but even if there was only a 1% chance that it was true, he was still worried about Yin Ning. Afraid that Yin Ning was really ill and went downstairs with dizziness and discomfort, she became stubborn and refused to talk to him.

But he didn't expect Yin Ning to misunderstand what he meant, and raised his head suddenly: "What do you want?"

Xia Tingwan couldn't help being stunned, Yin Ning stared at him with eager eyes, but there was deep resentment inside.

Yin Ning really hates him.

His heart was empty for a moment, and in the daze, the feeling of sadness seeped out of it again, he stood on the stairs and paused, lowered his head and asked softly: "Ningning, in fact... you are Didn't you get sick at all?"

In the end, he still failed to control himself, and exposed Yin Ning's lies in person.

Yin Ning's eyes widened. He didn't seem to expect Xia Tingwan to ask so directly. His face suddenly turned red, and the corners of his eyes even had a slight spasm, which was very red: "I, I..."

"The first time you got sick, I tossed around in the middle of the night and woke up Su Yan, but you were lying to us from the beginning."

"I do not have!"

Hearing what he said, Yin Ning wanted to break free from Xia Tingwan's hand fiercely. He stared at Xia Tingwan, his eyes reappeared with the gloomy and irritable look he had when tearing up the painting book before. .

Xia Tingwan clenched the boy's hand subconsciously and continued slowly: "Then the second time, then this time..."

"I said, I didn't!" Yin Ning yelled loudly.

He shook his hand suddenly, seeing that he still couldn't get rid of Xia Tingwan, he suddenly pushed Xia Tingwan out of control.

"Bang" a sound.

Xia Tingwan never thought that Yin Ning would push him so hard.

He was already a little weak, and he didn't even have time to hold the railing.

"I didn't..." Yin Ning was still shouting, but before he had finished shouting this time, he looked at Xia Tingwan who was sitting on the marble floor in the stairwell in a panic, and the last syllable stopped abruptly.

For a moment, Xia Tingwan almost thought she was dead.

The sudden vacation was followed by a severe pain, as if to penetrate his body, and his whole soul went out of the body for an instant.

Xia Ting was breathing heavily. For a moment, he couldn't tell what was wrong with his body. He subconsciously held on to the railing and wanted to stand up, but as soon as his feet were hard, he couldn't restrain a scream. speak out—

Only then did he realize that it was his right foot that was hurting.

Xia Tingwan lowered her head with a cold sweat on her face. She could not see the injury of her foot through the moccasins, but the trousers on her left leg were slid away by the iron carving on the stair railing, and the flesh on the side of her thigh was also smashed. Scratched, it looks very scary at this time with blood dripping.

But despite this, he gradually regained consciousness and realized that he should only have a trauma, at most a fracture of his right foot, but it should not be life-threatening.

Yin Ning stumbled down the stairs at this moment, and when he saw his appearance, he knelt down in front of him with a plop, his small face was pale, and his lips were trembling incoherently because of panic: "I, I... "

Xia Tingwan looked at Yin Ning in front of him, the little boy was so frightened that he burst into tears as soon as he opened his mouth, and his voice trembled as if it were broken.

That kind of helplessness and fear can't be faked.

At that moment, he felt a pain in his heart.

He understands.

It was the same the day he just found out that he had hit someone.

He fell to his knees with a plop in the hospital, fear like a deep well, and he was falling infinitely.

Xia Tingwan took a deep breath, his body twitched slightly due to the pain, he slowly reached out his hand, and finally touched Yin Ning's face.

Yin Ning couldn't hold back any longer, and cried out with a "wow".

"Don't be afraid. I'm fine." Xia Tingwan struggled and showed a pale smile.

He took out his mobile phone from his trouser pocket, unlocked it, and dialed Su Yan's number.

It was just such a simple action, and the pain made him gasp for several breaths. He was so in pain that he couldn't say a long series of words. He handed the phone to Yin Ning tremblingly, his voice getting smaller and smaller: "Help, Help me and ask Brother Su Yan to come over."

——

I have a cold myself, and I happened to write a cold story. It's really nice!

Today the author has something to say for a long time. (About three minutes of reading time, so skip it.)

In fact, have been wanting to talk about it a few days ago, but feel inconvenient to mention it when the emotional plot is more intense, because don't want to spoil everyone's reading experience, nor do want to interfere with everyone's judgment on the love between two people.

From the very beginning, this essay is often caught in a bipolar dispute over the characters.

Whether it's dislike of Shou's self-inflicted self-inflicted self-inflicted dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction with Wen Zichen's relationship after attacking marriage, or unfairness to Xia Tingwan's unwillingness to develop further with Ji.

Speaking of which, many readers seem to be a little worried about this, so I can always see consolation that advises me not to take comments to heart and write what I want.

It's hard for me to understand this concern, because the feedback from readers is a very powerful thing, and it is both satisfying and sometimes confusing to be around.

For a while, I felt very depressed, and even had an inexplicable powerlessness. I wanted to rest for two days, but I felt that it would be good to grit my teeth. After I survived, my mood became much calmer.

At the beginning of writing this article, I actually knew that this way of writing is bound to lead to misunderstanding and controversy.

Xia is a clear character. His mood, his shortcomings, and his pain are all on the surface. He is easy to understand and easy to empathize with.

But Su Yan is not. Su Yan is hidden in words, memories, and details, gradually piecing together a full-fledged character. The test is the skill of "hiding".

I don't dare to comment on how hard I "hide", but my original intention has not changed.

I appreciate everyone's participation in this article. I am an author who likes to read comments. I will read every message carefully.

In fact, judging from my comments and replies, you should be able to feel that I am not partial to any party, and I am happy to accept all reasonable discussions as long as they have something to say, and enjoy the process of communicating with you. .

What I feel powerless about is the tiny fraction of the comments that make people feel a great sense of ego and lack of respect.

Some people don't seem to care about what the author wants to express, but only what they want to see. Once they fail to meet this demand, they are greatly disappointed, and even feel that there are problems with the text, characters, and three views.

Therefore, here, I want to say something in my heart for myself, for my identity as an author, and for my writing.

Writing is essentially a very personal desire to talk.

I do not seek absolute realism.

Even this text, in essence, has a kind of fantasy and fairy tale about love and romance.

But on the other hand, for each character, be it Xing Le, Lu Xiangnan, or Yin Ning, I will try my best not to write about them in a simple two-dimensional way of good and evil, but to write about their true temperaments, Desire, helplessness, and the past, I hope that in this short 200,000 to 300,000 pages, I can present some layered characters and emotional journeys.

This is true even for the supporting roles, not to mention Xia Tingwan and Su Yan, two characters that I hold dear in my heart.

Complexity is the most eternal word in human nature. Being willing to face this complexity, I think, is a respect for my characters as a creator.

I'm not good enough, and I owe a lot of writing, but I'm willing to try my best, even if I only show two or three points of complexity.

I hope that in this article, their feelings are natural, like water, according to their inner flow, their actions and decisions can be in line with their identity background, growth environment, and the development of the plot.

Su Yan is the son of a powerful man, but he is also a rare middle-aged young man in this group.

He has a deep and romantic side, but also a very indifferent side. At least he has no warmth towards Wen Zichen. Many things in their relationship have not been fully revealed yet.

But for him, taking the kidney and not taking the heart is definitely the way of love that he is most familiar with. This is the normal state, and there is nothing wrong with it. He and Xia Tingwan are not the norm.

This does not mean that I think this is correct. Xiao Xia knows that Su Yan has done something wrong, but Xiao Xia also knows that Su Yan's love for him cannot be copied by others.

Xiao Xia is an innocent little peacock. He sees his body very precious. On the one hand, he has a very pure love for Su Yan, and on the other hand, the past of domestic violence makes him lack the sense of security of indulgence.

He and Su Yan stayed at the level of not taking off their clothes for half a year and letting Su Yan help him solve it. Su Yan endured it for half a year. This is the perseverance of an old man, and it is also a crucial part of impressing Xiao Xia.

But Ji Zhan doesn't understand. Ji Zhan has lived in the United States for many years, and he is a boy with a very straightforward and wild personality. Let him endure it for half a year. It is conceivable that this is mostly impossible.

Xiao Xia knew it, so he knew that Ji Zhan couldn't give him what he wanted.

He can do it, but he just can't and doesn't want to do it. This choice is natural, based on growth experience and character.

The road to reconciliation does not matter whether it is chasing after a wife or a husband, and it is not in line with the concept of a crematorium.

These are just two awakened people. The process of slowly turning back and approaching each other is a simple instinct, but it is also complicated by playing with their inner demons and concerns.

I don't have any rough and boring concept of chastity. If you need to keep your body like a jade, you can go to hell when you attack it. Even thinking about it makes me feel extremely funny.

This kind of accusation, like when Su and Wen's episode first appeared, was commented that it was malicious sadomasochism.

So, if you are willing to feel the true feelings of the characters in the stories, why are you stingy to give some kindness to the flesh-and-blood authors who type these stories word by word?

When I wrote a few years ago, I always wanted a lot of compliments.

But in the past two years, I have become more and more aware that although it is great to be appreciated, it is even more difficult to get a real understanding.

Amongst the understanding—the most precious thing is the respect and tenderness toward each other when opinions differ.

I still yearn for a sane, yet warm, reader-writer relationship.

If you like it, you don't need to be frenzied. If you don't like it, just let it go.

At the end of the day, I don't really have much to complain about, and the original intention of these words is not to complain.

Ninety-nine percent of the communication is pleasant and happy for me, and I am always moved by the meticulousness and affection of the many comments below.

The remaining 1% of unhappiness can of course be ignored and digested, but I still want to say it.

When I am a writer, what I want to write is the story in my own heart, and I can only write about the emotions and love in my own heart. I cannot take responsibility for what other people want to see. This is objectively impossible. to the thing.

I am not writing flawless, not flawless.

Nor do I write two protagonists without any flaws and mistakes.

What I write is about reunion, repair, redemption, and redemption.

With a very sincere heart, I also want to be respectful and upright.

Don't impose things that I don't intend to write, and then criticize why I don't write that way, and there is no need to go beyond the text to speculate on my values, and I will not change my original intentions for anyone's wishes.

Finally, thank you all for your support and love during this time.

Bit by bit, I put it all in my heart.