Chapter 41

There are Christmas songs in the distance.

Xia Tingwan couldn't remember how long he had been sitting on the ground. He slowly climbed up and stood in front of the window to look at the city center of H city on the other side. With a "boom", fireworks cut through the starry sky, leaving a moment of brilliance.

A beep suddenly came from WeChat on the mobile phone, and Xia Tingwan looked down at the screen with a slow movement, only to see that Ji Zhan and Zhou Yang had sent messages.

Ji Zhan: I have already made a decision, haha, after I figured it out, everything opened up, which is really cool. The concert is about to start. Ting Wan, I'm going to go on stage to sing. I wish you a Merry Christmas and a successful audition.

Zhou Yang: [Weibo link] Ji Zhan forwarded our Weibo! The online public opinion has exploded! It is said that Ji Zhan is an insider who is giving you a platform, and the program team must respond this time!

Xia Tingwan bowed his head and opened the Weibo, only to see Ji Zhan used his Weibo account to retweet the long Weibo comparison sent by his fans twenty minutes ago, with only one line of simple words attached. : But ask with a clear conscience.

Xia Tingwan looked at the line of words on the Weibo interface and didn't look away for a long time.

He suddenly picked up the jade ring and put it in his pocket, walked into the hall and put on his coat, then strode away from Xiangshan without looking back.

...

In the middle of the night, Tianmao Square in the center of H City was still full of people.

Not only because of Christmas Eve, but also because this is the outfield for the first solo concert of the returned singer Ji Zhan.

The Julang Stadium behind Tianmao Plaza can accommodate nearly 10,000 people, but all the tickets were sold out a month before the concert, and many fans of Jizhan failed to grab the tickets for the infield.

So Ji Zhan's studio made a bold attempt to buy seven or eight huge LED displays on several shopping mall buildings around Tianmao Square for the broadcast rights that night, and broadcast real-time broadcasts in CHIlang Stadium from all angles. concert.

This move further pushed the atmosphere of Christmas Eve to its peak.

The entire Tianmao Square became a sea of ​​carnival, with young people wearing Christmas hats, waving light sticks in their hands, and swaying to the deafening drumbeat.

When Xia Tingwan walked into Tianmao Square alone, the concert was coming to an end.

The hustle and bustle of people surrounded him like waves, and he followed the flow and gradually merged into the center of the crowd.

Amidst the frenetic crowd, no one noticed him.

On the huge LED screens around, close-ups are aimed at Ji Zhan in the center of the stage.

The young man who loved music dyed his hair a wild gray-blue, held the microphone and said in a low voice, "I miss everyone, but the concert has to end. Now I want to sing the last song. Now, this is not my own song, nor is it a Chinese song, but it means a lot to me at the moment - haha, I heard someone in the audience say it's the Christmas song Jin

gl

e Bell, unfortunately, not this one. Guess again?"

When he said this, he blinked and smiled playfully, and the background sound had slowly rang.

In the beginning, it was just scattered shouts in the auditorium, and then in the background music that gradually became louder, the shouts and screams of the audience have formed a trend of mountain torrents and tsunamis.

At the end, Ji Zhan handed the microphone to the auditorium. The audience in the infield and everyone crowded around Xia Tingwan couldn't help shouting at the same time: "It's my life!!!!!"

Ji Zhan smiled with satisfaction, he suddenly raised one hand to the sky, and shouted into the microphone: "Bon Jovi-It's my life!"

At the same moment, the sound was suddenly deafening, and the drum beat accompanied by screams resounded throughout H City.

Ji Zhan is still wearing a sleeveless black vest in winter, and the familiar cheetah silver Choker around his neck. He is holding his electric guitar and shaking his head wildly, charming to the point of confounding all beings.

“It’s my life

It's now or never,

I ain’t gonna live forever

I just wanna live while I’m alive…”

Ji Zhan's voice was hoarse and magnetic, he roared, and his voice was almost torn by the end of the song.

But at such a moment, the perfection of his singing skills is not important. The flame of his life seems to have completely ignited at this moment. The texture of rock and roll is rough and wild, dyeing the night sky scarlet.

Like thousands of fans flocking to Tianmao Square at this moment, Xia Tingwan watched Ji Zhan standing in the center of the stage on the LED screen.

At that moment, his eyes seemed to see those opportunities, those people, who passed by in his life.

Wen Zichen, who has always been surrounded by money and selfish desires, Xing Le, who was once ambitious but now exhausted, is Ji Zhan who sings with a clear conscience.

And Su Yan, who was hiding in the hospital and wrote to him alone, was always afraid of Su Yan who was "an old cat eats a child".

He remembered that in the novel "Search", it was the last night of Gu Fei's search journey. He had already met Xu Rong and finally decided to let go.

It was that night that a mute, speechless, listened to an entire rock concert.

The night he decided to leave the North was silent.

He turned around, and walked away without looking back with his worn gray-blue backpack.

That decision was so quiet, but in his heart, it was like a rock 'n' roll.

Xia Ting thought lately, so did he.

He opened his palm, put the emerald ring held in the palm of his palm religiously on the ring finger of his left hand, and then raised his arm high to the beat of the drum.

At that moment, bright fireworks burst into the sky.

Xia Ting raised his head late, and raging tears flowed from his eyes, but at the same time he couldn't help showing a bright smile that had not bloomed for many days.

On the rough road of life, he, Gu Fei, and everyone else.

The answer they are looking for in the end is never how to face the world——

how to face yourself.

He will not live forever, so live in the moment.

He will make mistakes and be weak.

But on this night, the confusion and suffering of a man growing up finally left him.

He no longer needs shelter and guidance.

He can protect the people he loves, he can face everything.

He walks in this world magnanimously, and he wants to enjoy—

To live, to love, to hold Su Yan's hand, and never let go.

...

The winter morning is gloomy but graceful.

A ray of sunlight penetrating the thick clouds shone on the white snow, and the world was half melting and half condensing.

Xia Tingwan walked out of Zhou Yang's studio and sat in Zhao Nanshu's car to the audition site.

He rolled the car window a crack and breathed in the cold and fresh air with a faint smile on his face.

It's a good morning.

Just now, he came to find Zhou Yang early in the morning and got good news.

The "On the Road" program team finally couldn't bear the pressure and issued a statement on Weibo: The editing of the second tidbit brought a huge negative impact to Xia Tingwan in order to create a flashpoint, so sincerely apologize to Xia Tingwan , and apologize for misleading the public.

Zhou Yang showed Xia Tingwan a complete reversal of public opinion overnight with a happy face, and even the things he played with big names before were turned over by the way.

Xia Ting smiled lately, but what he said to Zhou Yang immediately made Zhou Yang's face freeze for a moment, and he immediately objected.

"But I've made up my mind."

Xia Tingwan was calm and firm.

On this day when the public opinion had just fought a beautiful turnaround, after notifying Zhou Yang, Xia Tingwan published a video on her personal Weibo account early in the morning.

He was sitting in front of the table wearing a pure white sweater, without any makeup to cover the scar on his face, looking a little haggard and pale. Only the ring finger on the left hand wears an emerald ring inconspicuously.

In the video, he faced the camera and announced the buried truth to the public.

"The car accident I had drunk driving six months ago not only left an ugly scar on my face, but also permanently damaged a child's eyesight. I didn't reach the alcohol content of drunk driving, so I was finally exempted from criminal responsibility, but I always owe the public a truth. Six months ago, I chose to use my economic power to bury this truth. This behavior has caused me to avoid this society. In my due reproach, I also never really faced up to my faults. Six months later, I hope it's not too late for me to wake up."

He said seriously: "My actions are contrary to public morals, irresponsible and extremely selfish. In addition to the apology and compensation that I should have made for the victims in private, I think I have also caused great negativity to the society. I hereby solemnly decide that from now on, I will donate 70% of my annual net income to public welfare campaigns against drunk driving. I don’t expect the public’s understanding, but I hope the public can supervise me so that I can face my fault and give me a chance to make amends.”

When Xia Tingwan said this, she stood up solemnly and bowed deeply to the camera: "I'm sorry."

Zhou Yang did not agree with his decision, which was naturally based on absolute interests.

Since Su Yan is willing to step down in exchange for Hengtai Group's control of Ye Bingwen, it means that this matter will not spread out. At this time, admitting that it is like winning a difficult victory and suddenly turning the victory over again. The fruit handed over.

What's more, the huge pressure of public opinion may even affect the casting of the movie "Xun". Once the investor thinks that Xia Tingwan's image is too negative, they may even ignore the difference in acting skills and choose a healthier image. Time Miao.

Intellectually, there are 10,000 reasons for Xia Tingwan not to do such useless work.

But he still followed his heart.

In the end, it had nothing to do with Su Yan.

He did not choose to use Xing Le, nor did he avoid his own heart.

To face his own faults is only about him personally, and it is a crucial milestone in his growth process.

Stepping forward, even if there are obstacles and thorns, even if he gives up everything in front of him, he will eventually grow up frankly.

After Xia Tingwan posted the video, she didn't take a second glance at the remarks on the Internet.

On the way to audition for "Xun", he seriously typed a paragraph to Su Yan, edited and edited it several times, and finally sent it on WeChat.

This is the last thing he does before auditioning -

Sir, we have been in love for six years, I have received 138 love letters from you, but I have never written to you.

Because compared to yours, my literary talent is really out of the question. But after reading your letter, I know I have to choose the way you are more accustomed to communicating with you.

I think by the time I received this news, you must have seen the news about my admission of drunk driving and hurting people. In any case, please don't feel that this is my sacrifice for you.

I didn't think so.

In fact, I have never felt more relieved than this moment in all these years, and it was the best decision I've ever made.

Sir, you asked me in the letter, do I blame you.

In the first few days of looking for you, I did blame you, and not only did I blame you, but I hated you at certain moments.

For the first time, I deeply understood that you were never perfect.

You are not brave and sometimes even timid. She was so timid that she knew how sad I would be, but she pushed me away and hid by herself.

You love me, you are selfless and selfish, you don't ask for nothing in return, you just grit your teeth and hold back your longing.

You are not the omnipotent and powerful man I once imagined, you can't protect me well, you always do things wrong, and you are destined to not be able to take me through all the ups and downs in life.

However, after understanding all this, I love you more than ever.

I don't write so many beautiful sentences, I just knowsir, you've become so real, so real that when I close my eyes, it's like I could hug you.

Because until now, I didn't understand the meaning of holding hands when we got married.

No matter whether we are poor or rich, sick or healthy, we must love and respect each other, never betray each other, and never give up until death.

Do you remember.

Do you remember you looking me in the eyes and saying - Till death do us part?

My sir, I will always be your little peacock.

I perched in your arms, looking up at you and loving you as always.

But if in your life, there will be moments of weakness and weakness.

Can you also be my cat, crawl into my arms with confidence, and let me carefully protect and cherish you?

I've always respected your decision as much as I respect your desire to leave Hengtai to find meaning in life, but today is different.

I am not asking you, I am asking you.

Please look at my growth.

Please think about our unswerving oath, please regain the courage to take my hand into marriage five years ago, please... give me the right to be your husband.

I love you, Su Yan.

I am waiting for your reply.

...

When Xia Tingwan arrived at the small attic for the audition, Shi Miao had already finished her part, but she hadn't left yet, waiting to see his performance.

He Yanxi, Xu Zhe and Lu Xiangnan were all sitting there waiting for Xia Ting Wan.

When Xia Ting went to the bathroom to prepare in the evening, Lu Xiangnan followed, and said with a serious expression, "I saw what you posted on the Internet, you are such a thorn..."

"Senior brother, that's the decision I thought of. I'll try my best to audition. If the investor thinks I'm still not good enough, then it's not fate."

"..." Lu Xiangnan was speechless for a moment, and then said: "Would you like to simply tell you how Shi Miao acted?"

"No need." Xia Tingwan wiped the cheeks that had just been wet with cold water with a tissue. His smile was light, but he was very determined: "I'll just play my own."

Lu Xiangnan looked at him, and his expression became slightly subtle for a while, and then he didn't say anything more and walked out with Xia Tingwan.

...

The sound of the lens turning on with a click——

Xia Tingwan didn't have any process to adjust his state. He stood at the door of the attic with a gray-blue bag on his back, as if he was born in this time and space.

He pressed his hand on the dilapidated wooden door of the attic, and with a creak, pushed the door open a small crack.

Sky light came through from that narrow gap.

It wasn't until a gust of cold wind rustled the dust on the door frame to the ground that Xia Tingwan carefully pushed the door open, as if he was afraid of disturbing this long-unoccupied room.

In the cramped and damp attic, all the furnishings remained as they were when he left. The sky blue sheets were covered with a layer of ash, and his eyes slowly moved from the head of the bed to the end of the bed.

He remembered that six years ago, on a drizzly night, in the dilapidated attic, even the light bulbs were not broken, making a sizzling sound and flickering.

In the blink of an eye, he caressed Xu Rong's lips obsessively. The thin lips full of charming aura were like the most moving musical instrument in the world, even though he had never heard the sound of any musical instrument playing.

He walked to the end of the bed, where the army green easel was still standing crookedly there. Xu Rong liked to lean against the window the most, with a paintbrush hanging on his ear, and gazing at him while painting.

He couldn't help reaching out and stroking the rough wood of the easel.

The dust accumulated over the years was stuck on his fingertips. He subconsciously took a breath, but suddenly hesitated. In the end, he did not blow it away, but gently lowered his finger.

Nothing has changed here, there are traces of Xu Rong everywhere.

Xu Rong is so handsome, he speaks sweetly, and there is a hint of cuteness in his exaggeration.

He searched for that Xu Rong for six years.

When he finally found it by accident, he found that the shadow of Xu Rong in his memory had already become blurred in the endless cycle of time.

And standing in front of him was an ordinary middle-aged man with a beer belly slightly outstretched, a look of guilt and a sense of the situation.

Life has never been the same for six years.

However, he was not resentful.

Young love has a big dream.

When he woke up, it was like Zhuang Zhou dreaming of a butterfly.

He walked to the north corner of the attic and pushed open the door to the balcony on the top floor.

The sky light poured in all of a sudden, gray and white, coating his soft outline with a lonely halo.

The early morning in the south is so peaceful. There is a long clothesline on the balcony, and the clear dew drops from the end of the clothesline to the ground.

The year Xu Rong came, this small town was surprisingly wet.

Their clothes didn't seem to be completely dry, they were piled on the clothesline in a haphazard manner and dried over and over again.

He remembered him and Xu Rong playing hide-and-seek between a pile of jeans and white shirts, and Xu Rong picked him up from behind and held him in circles on the balcony.

He lowered his head and gently kissed Xu Rong's eyebrows.

Those pictures of the past, like dust rising with the wind, slowly whirled and danced in the air

He leaned on the door frame and looked at the small town under the attic that had not yet fully awakened. He saw the green hills as a curtain, and the clouds were rising—

So beautiful.

He couldn't make a sound, just sketched these words in his mind.

He often wondered what he was looking for, and on that last night in the North, in the middle of a crowd of grotesque young men, listening to rock music he had never heard before, he thought he finally understood.

He was always eager to go to a noisy world with sound, and for this, he eagerly held the hands that Xu Rong stretched out.

Xu Rong is an ordinary person who cannot afford his full expectations.

In fact, there was no deception. It wasn't that Xu Rong used an illusion to trap him, who was speechless, but that he was willing to plunge into a vivid fantasy.

The noise of others is not his, never has been.

Xia Tingwan looked at the direction of the balcony. There were crystal tears in his eyes, but he never shed a single tear.

The smile on his face was soft and strong, like a soft rising sun in the mountains.

He doesn't belong outside, he belongs here.

He was born quiet, like a forest without wind.

Waiting for the next year's swallows to fall on the branches.

...

The lights came on slowly, Xia Tingwan turned around and smiled at Xu Zhe.

The damp southern town gradually receded from his field of vision. There was no dust in this small attic, just like there was no dewdrops on the balcony, only a vast white snow.

In the whole room, no one spoke for a long time.

When Xia Tingwan packed up and was about to leave, he was suddenly stopped by Shi Miao.

"Wait," Shi Miao's voice was a little hoarse. When Xia Ting looked back late, he saw that this young man, who was as cold as ice, turned out to have red eyes. There was frustration and unwillingness, and there was naked envy and admiration: "You played really well."

Xia Tingwan was a little surprised and didn't know what to say for a while.

Many years later, he learned from He Yanxi that Shi Miao worked very hard in that audition, referring to Liang Chaowei's eyes sitting on the bed at the end of "Lust and Caution", and the classic picture of jeans wrapped in shirts at the end of "Brokeback Mountain", Combined, he emotionally performed what he thought was the peak of sadness.

That defeat made Shi Miao see an insurmountable gap, and for a long time he was completely helpless.

Thinking about it again after the passage of time, also feel quite emotional.

In this world, every path is different, and not every emotion that ends unsatisfactorily is heartbroken.

At that time, Miao was still too young to appreciate the sudden look back after searching, and the hundreds of turns after being obsessed with obsessions.

Love and desire, gain and loss.

There are as many kinds of grief in this life as there are kinds of perfection.

Xia Tingwan walked downstairs alone. While waiting for Zhao Nanshu's car to come, for a moment, he suddenly had a deep realization.

He scrambled to find his phone from his coat, staring blankly at the silent screen.

After staring for a minute or two, just as he was about to count like a child, he suddenly felt a warm vibration in his palm.

He blinked and looked at the name displayed on the phone.

All of a sudden, his nose was sore, and there were no tears that shed during the audition. At that moment, he lightly wet his fingers.

He connected the call and put the phone to his ear.

He didn't speak, he just greedily listened to the familiar, deep breathing from over there.

"Courtyard."

After a long time, Su Yan finally spoke.

"Come back," he said. "Please stay with me, my darling."

"I need you by my side, no matter what happens, till death do us part."

For a moment, Xia Tingwan was convinced that he heard Su Yan's choked voice.

"I'll be there soon." He shook his phone and rushed into Zhao Nanshu's car.

The front of the car caught up with the rays of the rising sun.

to his home.