I understand all the truths; I understand all the bad consequences, but I just can't control it.
Indeed, the only eternity in the entire universe is that everything will disappear. It will be like this on Earth, it will be like this with the sun, and it will be like this in the entire universe, but that will take long enough. Ten thousand years, the stars disappear; a thousand years, the sea dries up; a hundred years, species extinction; can anyone tell me how long it takes to disappear?
If not months, not years, but decades...
Of course, the final result must follow the law that everything will disappear, because our ròu body is annihilated, and the qíng feeling attached to the ròu body will naturally disappear.
The more I thought about it, the more distraught I got, so Xing got up.
Open the curtains, sit by the window, and look at the moon in the sky. It was the night of the full moon in the fifteenth month, and there was not a single star in the sky, only a bright full moon pierced in and out of the clouds.
I picked a dragon spitting bead flower from the rattan climbing the window, and played with it in my hand.
In the dead of night and all the sounds of silence, I actually remembered a lot of things about Jiang Yisheng.
Ever since he was a child, Jiang Yisheng has been a prodigy with excellent academic performance and multiple talents. He was originally my classmate, but he jumped three grades in a row and went to be a classmate with Datou. After the college entrance examination, he entered a famous medical school without any accident, and completed the seven-year undergraduate and master study in four years.
It is said that geniuses and lunatics are always separated by a fine line. In a sense, Jiang Yisheng is the actual embodiment of this sentence. Jiang Yisheng's family has a history of hereditary mental illness. Not everyone gets the disease. His grandfather and cousin are both normal. But his dad got sick when he was eleven, and it was during that time that we got close by chance and became good friends. When he was sixteen, his grandmother was paralyzed in China due to a stroke. In a family of four, but two are patients, Jiang Yisheng cannot leave his aging mother alone to face everything. With his excellent grades, he could have stayed in the big city to work, but in order to take care of his relatives, he returned to the island.
Jiang Yisheng is tall and has long legs, natural peach blossom eyes, and a suave and good-looking skin. He is smart, cheerful and talented, and is very attractive to girls. Since he was in college, there have been many girls chasing after him, but every feeling qíng as long as Jiang Yisheng leads the girl to the house once, it will end without a problem.
I still clearly remember that when I was about to graduate from college, Jiang Yisheng was drunk once, took my hand, and murmured, "I totally understand them, they all cried and said 'I'm sorry', but I don't need to 'I'm sorry', I just want, want someone..." Jiang Yisheng covered his wet eyes with my hands, even if he was drunk, he still didn't dare to express his extravagant hopes.
Because I know too much about the hurt Jiang Yisheng doesn't care about, I hate those girls who love them but don't dare to love them deeply. Once they meet the reality, they immediately retreat.
But tonight, I suddenly discovered that I was no different from the girls I once hated, and in the face of the reality of chai, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar, and tea, I didn't even have the courage to start! But I plan carefully for the future, what's wrong?
I lay powerlessly by the window, feeling suffocated and unspeakable, for Jiang Yisheng and myself.
I thought about it, struggled for a while, and stood up.
I gently opened the door and walked downstairs tiptoely, knowing that Wu Julan must be sleeping at this point, but I didn't really understand my thoughts. However, I just can't resist the urge to get close to him, even if it's just standing at his door.
When I walked outside the study, I found that the door of the study was not closed.
I hesitated for a moment and walked in.
The shutters of the study were not lowered, and the bright moonlight outside the window was like mercury pouring into the room, and it was not dark at all. Across the Bogu Shelf, I vaguely saw the sky above Chuáng, and it seemed that no one was sleeping.
I called out tentatively, but no one answered.
I immediately rushed to the bed, where the bed was clean, and the quilt was not even opened. Obviously, Wu Julan never slept here tonight.
I panicked, and immediately turned on all the lights, from the study to the living room, from the kitchen to the yard, and searched all the way downstairs, but I didn't see Wu Julan.
I hurried upstairs and opened the doors of both guest rooms, but Wu Julan was still nowhere to be seen.
I couldn't help shouting: "Wu Julan! Wu Julan! Where are you..."
Zhou Buwen opened the door and asked in confusion, "What's wrong?"
I panicked: "Wu Julan is gone, do you know where he went?"
"Don't worry, a big living person will not be lost."
Zhou Buwen accompanied me from the second floor to the first floor, searched all the rooms again, and confirmed that Wu Julan was indeed gone.
I was like an ant on a hot pan, walking around in the yard, unable to figure out where Wu Julan went.
Zhou Buwen recalled: "The last time I saw Wu Julan was around eight o'clock. Jiang Yisheng was dragged upstairs by you, and I was going upstairs to rest. Before going upstairs, I saw Wu Julan cleaning the yard and tidying up tables and chairs."
With a move in my heart, I stopped and looked at the place where the rattan chair was stored.
Under the bright moonlight, the fragrance of Jiulixiang flowers bursts, the green vines dance, the white dragon-spitting bead flowers are swaying, and the rattan tables and rattan chairs are neatly placed under the flower stand. My gaze followed the climbing vines up, first the wall, then - my bedroom window.
I covered my mouth all of a sudden.
He heard it!
He heard the words that made him useless, and I even said that it is better to like a scumbag than to like him!
I opened the courtyard door and rushed out, Zhou Buwen asked anxiously, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to the pier. I can't let Wu Julan leave like this. Even if he wants to leave, I have to make it clear."
I went crazy and kept running.
Zhou Buwen shouted: "Now the car is gone, how do you get to the dock..." Zhou Buwen chased after him for a while, but found that I didn't hear it at all, so he could only run to knock on the door of Jiang Yisheng's house first.
Jiang Yihuan drove me and Zhou Buwen to the pier.
At the pier after one o'clock in the morning, no one was there. In the surging sea làng sound, there are only stars and lights, illuminating the cool water-like night.
I ran back and forth along the pier, but I didn't find Wu Julan, so I couldn't help shouting loudly: "Wu Julan! Wu Julan..."
In the waves of the sea làng sound, my voice was swallowed up to the ground as soon as it came out.
I stood by the railing and looked at the pitch-black, boundless sea, and suddenly realized that Wu Julan could appear in front of me without any warning, and naturally he could disappear without any warning.
If he just leaves and never sees him again, I, I...
I was full of fear, swaying, and I was about to fall. Zhou Buwen supported me, "There are only two boats a day to the outlying islands. Even if Cousin Wu wants to leave, he will have to wait until tomorrow morning at the earliest."
I shook my head and said bitterly, "There are also fishing boats."
Jiang Yisheng hurried over and helped me sit on the bench waiting for the boat with Zhou Buwen, "It's even more impossible for the fishing boat to leave the island so late. I just went to ask the person on duty at night, and he said that after nine o'clock in the evening, If there are no fishing boats to leave, Wu Julan must still be on the island."
I stood up suddenly, "I'll go find him."
Jiang Yisheng stopped me, "Where can you find him? No matter if he is on a passenger boat or a fishing boat, he will leave from the dock. We will wait here and we will definitely see him."
Zhou Buwen said, "There's no need for the three of them to spend time together. Yisheng, you take Xiaoluo home, I'll wait here. Once I see cousin Wu, I'll call you."
I refused to leave, and Jiang Yisheng said, "What if Wu Julan is just feeling down, go out for a walk? Maybe he has gone home now."
Zhou Buwen also persuaded: "I was in a hurry just now. You go back and check his things. If the clothes and money are all there, it means that you must be wrong."
I heard them make sense and couldn't wait to get home.
Jiang Yisheng accompanied me home. As soon as I entered the door, I shouted, "Wu Julan! Wu Julan..."
No one answered.
Jiang Yisheng looked around and shook his head helplessly, "I haven't come back yet."
I rushed into the study, looked through Wu Julan's things, and found that the clothes and pants I bought for him were all there, as well as the 2,500 yuan salary that Qiáng gave him.
Seeing this, Jiang Yisheng breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Don't be nervous, he must not leave."
I stared blankly at Wu Julan's things. Living alone in the world, food, clothing, housing, and transportation are indispensable. I think it is very simple, but to pack things, I have to have several big boxes. But all Wu Julan's things are like this, not even half of the drawer is full, I feel very sad.
Jiang Yisheng advised me to go to sleep for a while, but I refused. Jiang Yisheng could only sit with me in the living room and wait. He worked all day during the day, after all, he was tired, lying on the sofa and slowly lost his mind.
I put a blanket over him, and seeing that he was sleeping soundly, I turned off the lights and went to the study.
I stood beside the Bogujia, looking at the empty house, and I was tortured by regret and pain in my heart.
The computer's power light kept flashing, and when I manually moved the mouse, the display turned on. I remember shutting down the computer after using it in the afternoon, and it seems that no one uses the computer at night.
With a thought, I opened the webpage and checked the search history.
The latest search record is "scumbag".
I opened the webpage that Wu Julan had browsed.
Scum man: short for "scum type man", referring to a man who is not aggressive in his career, has no responsibility for his family, and gives up on his life. It is also used for men who have bad conduct and cheat and play with women's feelings.
Wu Julan had never been on the Internet before, so he didn't know the Internet word "scumbag". When he searched for this word and carefully read its explanation, what kind of heart did he feel?
I looked at his other search records again, "treatment after hand injury", "renovation circuit diagram"... I didn't search for them, but Wu Julan searched them.
This is what people who I scolded as being worse than scumbags did for me! I felt ashamed and painful as if I had been slapped several times in the face.
I stood up abruptly, grabbed a flashlight, and left the house.
I don't know where to find Wu Julan, but I just feel that I have to find him, and I can't leave him alone outside.
I found the foot of the mountain from Mount Mazu, walked along the coastline, one foot deep and one foot shallow, on the reef, shouting, "Wu Julan! Wu Julan..."
On this island, he has no relatives, no friends, and nowhere to go. If he is scolded by others, his heart is not good, and if he wants to find a quiet place, he can only stay in these secluded places.
I was heartbroken, tears welling up in my eyes.
From the first day I met, I knew he was alone, with no relatives to turn to, no friends to turn to for help. But just because I wanted to kill my feelings, I treated him the way my stepfather treated me. I thought that giving him more than 2,000 wages would be treated as equals. It made it clear that he was bullying a person who had no power to fight back, and he felt very kind.
"Wu-ah!" I slipped and fell heavily on the reef.
Although the moon is bright and there is a flashlight, the reef is wet and slippery, and if you don't step on it firmly, you will fall. I didn't care about the pain, so I picked up the flashlight and continued to look for it, calling out, "Wu Julan! Wu Julan..."
Since I found Tianmengmingliang around two in the morning, I don't know how many falls I fell, and my voice became hoarse, but I still couldn't find Wu Julan.