However, if you don't leave, I can only live and die!
After a long time, Wu Julan held his forehead, sighed weakly, and muttered, "I really don't know whether you are a monster or I am a monster."
I thought about it carefully and said seriously: "Probably all of them! Haven't you heard a word on the Internet? The best products appear in pairs!"
Wu Julan laughed angrily at me, "Shen Luo, no matter what I say, you have the ability to shamelessly twist it into what you want?"
I said cheekily: "It's not a misinterpretation, but I am shy and clever, and I see through what you don't want to say, or dare not say!"
I pointed to the skinny, old and frail me in the third picture, and asked confidently, "When you drew these pictures, did you ever have the slightest thought of abandoning me? Not even a single thought! In the future you imagined, even if I changed Old and ugly, slow and clumsy, you are still taking care of me and accompanying me!"
Wu Julan lowered her eyes and stared at the picture without saying a word, her eyes gradually filled with deep sadness.
I also stared at the picture, and it was no longer from my eyes that I saw him who was always immortal, but from his eyes, I saw me who was getting old and lying on a sick bed.
Sadness filled my heart, and I asked in a low voice, "Isn't it hard to paint these pictures?"
Wu Julan looked up at me, her eyes surprised.
I said, "When you tell me to face the future, you have to face it yourself. It must be very hard to watch me grow old, and even watch me die, but I can't do anything, right?"
When I hold the hand of my son, but cannot grow old with my son, of course I have to face the cruelty of time and bear the pain brought by time, so why not he? The pain of both of us, no matter which one is more important, must be heart-wrenching. However, in terms of time, he has to be longer. The dead are long gone, and the living are still sad songs!
Wu Julan's demeanor changed suddenly, and it was obvious that my words touched his sore spot.
I held his hand lightly.
Wu Julan didn't say anything, looked out the window, but his eyes were out of focus, and his eyes fell into the dark void.
After a long time, he withdrew his eyes, stared at me, and said: "Loving someone should be to hope that he will live happily. You know very well that your time is limited. After a short time with you, you will leave me and leave me for a long time. Why do you insist on starting? Your love is knowing that the final result will be pain, so why start selfishly?"
His voice was calm and clear, without a hint of fireworks, just like snowflakes in nine cold days, falling silently and slowly, but freezing the entire world.
I anxiously wanted to say something to deny his interrogation, but my heart was blank and I couldn't think of what to say.
I have always started from my own point of view, considering Wu Julan's inhuman identity, his long lifespan and immortality, which is different from human beings, and asking myself if I have enough courage to accept everything from him.
However, I have been neglecting to consider his feelings from his point of view.
To him, I am not of my race, and I am an outlier. Compared with his violent life, I still have terrible weaknesses - short lifespan and fragile body. When I think about accepting what he's going to endure, he has to think and accept what I'm going to endure.
I always take it for granted that I need extraordinary courage and even self-sacrifice to accept him, but in fact, he needs extraordinary courage and self-sacrifice to accept me.
Wu Julan's deity returned to his calm and unhurried look, and said gently, "Let's eat, and take care of your body first!"
Chapter11 I am here
Don't think you can guide the direction of love, because when love finds you qualified, it will guide you.
After all, I am young, and my illness comes and goes quickly. Two days later, all discomfort disappeared and my body fully recovered.
However, after two days of thinking, I still couldn't answer Wu Julan's question.
In the evening, as soon as I finished taking a shower, I heard Wu Julan call me: "Xiaoluo, Jiang Yisheng is on the night shift tonight, let's go to the hospital to see him."
To see Jiang Yisheng? to the hospital? My heart skipped a beat, I thought about it, and said loudly, "Okay! I'll come down soon!"
I quickly took off my pajamas, put on my outing clothes, tied my hair, and ran downstairs.
When we walked to the intersection of Mazu Street, we took a taxi and arrived at the hospital after more than 20 minutes.
This is the first time I came to see Jiang Yisheng when he was on the night shift. After asking several nurses, I found Jiang Yisheng outside the ward of the inpatient department.
He asked in surprise: "Why are you here? Who is not feeling well?"
I said, "I'm in good health, I just came to see you and chat with you."
Jiang Yisheng twitched the corners of his mouth with a smirk, gave Wu Julan and me a thoughtful look, and asked, "Have you caught a cold?"
Jiang Yisheng said, "It's so good! Let's go and sit in my office for a while."
We walked along the long corridor, flanked by wards.
Because it was still early and the patients had not yet rested, the doors of most of the wards were wide open. When my eyes pass by inadvertently, I can always see the various forms of red dust in miniature: the husband helps his wife who is paralyzed in bed and can't turn over; the wife takes out the potty from the bed and prepares to serve the husband who cannot walk; some patients Skinny, with dead eyes, lying alone on the bed; some patients have gauze wrapped around their heads and IV tubes on their arms, chatting and laughing with their family members; some brothers and sisters are arguing over medical expenses; some couples are splitting up. Eating an apple makes you feel good...
A small world, but it has brought down all the eight sufferings of life - birth, aging, sickness and death, resentment and hatred, love and separation, inability to seek, and the five aggregates are in full bloom, which makes everyone who sees it feel inexplicable pressure. I consciously restrained my eyes, and tried my best to only stare in front of me instead of looking inside the ward.
I was relieved until I got to the end of the corridor and there was no ward.
Jiang Yisheng said: "My office is upstairs, only two floors. Let's walk upstairs and wait for the elevator to be slower."
Wu Julan and I had no objection, we followed Jiang Yisheng and entered the stairwell.
Halfway through, we saw a man in a light gray shirt and black trousers standing at the corner of the stairs, with his forehead against the wall, silently weeping.
It could be seen that he was trying to suppress his crying, his whole body was tense, and his drooping hands were tightly clenched into fists, but the pain and despair were so overwhelming that he let out a broken whimper or two from time to time.
This is a hospital, and it is an intensive care unit area. Anyone can imagine why. We tried our best to take our steps lightly, hoping to walk over without disturbing him at all. But the stairs were that big, and he clearly sensed someone was coming, and immediately wiped away the tears with his hands.
When I passed him, I couldn't help but take a closer look at him, only to realize that it was a familiar face. I suddenly stopped and cried out, "Lin Han!"
He raised his head, saw me, and squeezed a smile, "Shenluo, hello!"
I vaguely guessed why he was crying here, and my heart suddenly became very heavy. I said to Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan, "You go up first, and I will have a chat with my friends."
After Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan left, I tentatively asked Lin Han, "If you have time, can we sit here for a while?"
Lin Han seemed to be exhausted and sat down on the steps without saying a word. I sat next to him and sat beside him.
Lin Han is in his early thirties and works in the tax bureau. It is said that he is the youngest department-level department. He is very young and promising. I met him in the hospital because we have a common identity - family members of cancer patients. It's just that my grandfather had stomach cancer, and his wife had stomach cancer.
His wife found out earlier than my grandfather, and she was young, not yet 30 years old. She had surgery in time and had a great chance of recovery. When I met them, they were undergoing post-operative rehabilitation. I once asked him for advice on how to take care of gastric cancer patients. He gave me a lot of help and encouragement, and the two quickly became familiar from strangers.
The last time I saw him was six months ago, also in the hospital. I came to help my grandfather to get the medicine and met him. He told me beamingly that after accompanying his wife for a review, he confirmed that the operation was a success and that he should fully recover.
Unexpectedly, in just six months, he fell from the cloud of hope to the abyss of despair.
I hesitated to ask about the specific situation, but I really didn't know how to speak.
Lin Han took the initiative to ask, "Why are you in the hospital?"
I said, "The doctor was my friend just now, and I came to see him."
Lin Han said, "It's better to see a doctor! I heard that your grandfather passed away. I planned to visit you, but Xiaoyun was found to have cancer cells that have spread, and I didn't have time to contact you."
I don't think he avoided this topic. He must have been too depressed and grief-stricken, and he was willing to talk to someone who had a similar experience like me. I asked, "How is Miss Xiaoyun now?"
Lin Han said with difficulty: "The doctor said... it's just two or three days."
I reacted for a moment before I understood what he meant. His wife may die within two or three days! ?
I murmured in disbelief, "How could this be?"
Lin Han lowered his head and choked: "I've been thinking about how this happened. The doctor said that the family should be prepared, but I don't know how to tell her parents... I don't know why, she Still so young... At the wedding, she said that the happiness she yearns most is to grow old together with me, and she also said that she must have two children, but she didn't even have time to have children..."
I don't know how to comfort Lin Han. In the face of death, all language seems pale and weak, so I can only accompany him silently.
Lin Han is by no means a weak man. It can even be said that he is stronger than most men I know, otherwise he would not have been able to accompany his wife to fight the disease for more than two years. But at this moment, all the strength was gone, and he was crying like a child with sadness and despair.
After I finished talking to Lin Han and watched him leave, I did not go upstairs to find Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan, but slowly walked down the stairs one by one.
At this moment, I didn't have the courage to face Wu Julan, I just wanted to be alone for a while.
This evening, from the moment he told me to go out, I knew that Wu Julan had another purpose, not just to see Jiang Yisheng. Although I didn't know exactly what he was trying to do, I was ready for everything.
When I walked through the ward, I vaguely understood Wu Julan's intentions, but even Wu Julan certainly didn't expect that his hospital trip would be so effective, and I ran into Lin Han.
Could it be that even God thought his choice was the right one?
After leaving the hospital, I didn't take a car and walked slowly along the sidewalk in a trance.
The image of Lin Han crying silently while hiding in the stairwell has been lingering in my mind.
From a certain point of view, my life span of only a few decades, to Wu Julan, doesn't it look like a terminally ill patient? I'm with him, isn't it just like Lin Han's wife and Lin Han? After a short period of joy comes the pain of trivial torment, the pain of a long parting.
For Lin Han's wife, misfortune has already happened. Of course, I hope that someone can accompany and take care of her, but what about Lin Han? Would there be no suffering today without the beginning of yesterday?
That night, I heard Wu Julan question me, "Do you want to start your love selfishly knowing that the end result is pain?" I just feel like I'm neglecting to think about things in his shoes.