Chapter 62

From morning to evening, Cheng Yan, who had been soaking outside all day, had a lot of news piled up in his mind, each of which could not be cleared, because each of them was related to Song Yu.

This week, Cheng Yan was also contacting Song Yu, but the result was the same as now. He didn't reply, as if the world had evaporated. A few days ago, Cheng Yan thought that he had his own business, was busy and messed up, and was a little bit like Tan Tingting. Involved, he may need a little space of his own, until now, Cheng Yan knew why he avoided him.

He was so fascinated by thinking about things that Cheng Yan hurriedly avoided the whistle blowing behind him. Just as he stepped aside, the phone rang.

Cheng Yan picked it up with little interest.

"Hello." His voice sounded a little weak.

"Where is it?" Zhao Yibai called, "I didn't find you when I came to your house."

On weekends, Cheng Yan lived at home. Yesterday, he contacted Zhao Yibai and wanted to talk to him. Because he couldn't contact Song Yu, Cheng Yan didn't know what to do and was a little worried, so he wanted to ask Zhao Yibai.

But now he knows everything.

Cheng Yan said, "I'm outside, I won't go back for the time being, sorry."

"Have you lost your mind? Sorry about what I said," Zhao Yibai scolded him: "Just ask you, it's all right, have you contacted Song Yu?"

Cheng Yan was stunned inwardly. He didn't reply at all to the message he just sent. His morale was low, and he said, "No."

Zhao Yibai went downstairs with the key: "What are you missing? It's useless to hide even if the girl's affairs have something to do with him. It's not like Song Yu's style."

Even if he didn't know Song Yu well enough, Zhao Yibai felt that Song Yu was not a hit-and-run person, and Song Yu didn't need to know about it. He brought a full sense of security to others at that station.

"I'll visit his house later." Cheng Yan said, "Anyway, when you see someone, you have a good idea."

"Well, I'm afraid you're thinking, but I don't know if you're sensitive." Zhao Yibai said, "Go, do you want me to take you? Do you know where it is? I don't know. I'll find someone to contact you."

"I know, no need." Cheng Yan said, "Thanks."

Zhao Yibai was about to scold him again. In normal times, Cheng Yan would talk to him. Today, his interest was not enough, and he couldn't even deal with it. Cheng Yan was silent.

Zhao Yibai's slight breathing came from the phone, "Go ahead."

Cheng Yan said "um" and hung up the phone.

The sky was full of thunder, and the weather that had been brewing for a long time had not rained. Cheng Yan saw the familiar storefront, turned his head, looked around, and finally focused on one place.

This is... where he and Song Yu were photographed.

How did you get here?

Right in front is Han Chengyu's store. Cheng Yan took a few steps forward. The door of the store that used to escape the summer was closed, and the busy figure inside had disappeared. Has Han Chengyu found a new job? What about the big guy who followed? Where has he gone? Has Han Chengyu arranged for him? What about Tang Jiale?

Yes, he hasn't seen Tang Jiale recently. He heard from the old class that Tang Jiale is going to transfer. Why? Are you looking for Han Chengyu? don't know, don't know, it's all questions.

To others, to Song Yu, it is a question.

Cheng Yan was thinking wildly, he found a piece of chewing gum from his pocket, took it apart, put it in his mouth, put his hands in his jacket pocket, the wind lifted his hem, and his back was a little bleak.

It's a gloomy day again, the atmosphere is really bad, will this trip be good? will it be ok tomorrow? Will the future be good?

I don't know all about it.

The chewing gum in the mouth is not sweet at all.

Cheng Yan didn't chew a few times, then found a trash can and spit it out.

Half an hour later, he came to Aunt Song Yu's house.

Cheng Yan raised his head and looked at the closed door. He lingered at the door for a while. He hadn't seen him for so long. He didn't know what he was doing or what he was thinking. Cheng Yan was afraid of everything. Brave, why is he not afraid? In the face of Song Yushi who doesn't know his emotions, it's more terrifying than anything else.

Cheng Yan slowed down, raised his hand, and knocked on the door.

There was movement inside. Someone approached the door. My aunt, who was supposed to work outside, was at home today. After the aunt opened the door, she saw Cheng Yan and said, "Cheng Yan."

Aunt actually remembered her name, Cheng Yan didn't feel much emotion, and expressed her intention: "Aunt, I'm looking for Song Yu."

Auntie died and said, "Oh, it's unfortunate that you came here, Song Yu is not here."

"Not here? Where did he go?"

"He's a few friends over today," Auntie dodged a little, "You recently... better don't come to him."

Cheng Yan frowned.

Aunt didn't dare to say what she wanted to say, and said ambiguously, "Song Yu is in a bad mood. You should... stay away from him recently."

Cheng Yan knew in his heart why his aunt made such a speech. Sure enough, many people knew about it, but he didn't.

Back off? he is not here.

Cheng Yan said, "I'll wait for him here."

It's just not here, he will always come back. He doesn't see Song Yu today, how can he sleep at night.

Such a big thing happened.

Aunt wants to invite Cheng Yan into the house, but Cheng Yan is unwilling to go in, so he has to stand at the door, no one can do anything, aunt sighs, both of them are stubborn people.

Cheng Yan didn't know how long he waited. He sat at the entrance of the stairs, didn't play with his mobile phone, and twisted his wrist. Because his mind didn't stop, his wrist was red and painful, and he didn't even feel it.

Song Yu didn't know where he was going. Cheng Yan waited for nearly two hours, and his aunt persuaded him to let him go back first. When Song Yu came back, she would contact Cheng Yan, but Cheng Yan was unwilling. Yu's shadow finally appeared in the community.

Cheng Yan quickly stood up.

Because they hadn't seen each other for a week, the two of them were inexplicably strange. Cheng Yan didn't speak after seeing him, and Song Yu was stunned for a while, and then said with little reaction, "Why are you here?"

After sweeping Cheng Yan, Song Yu walked to the door of the room, took the key to open the door, Cheng Yan followed behind him, and said loudly, "Come to find you."

Song Yu paused for a moment. He turned his head sideways and glanced at Cheng Yan. That look was especially alms-giving. Song Yu pushed open the door and walked in: "What are you looking for?"

Aunt stood in the living room and saw the two of them. Song Yu nodded to her aunt. Aunt returned to the room, leaving only the two of them in the living room.

"Where have you been?" Cheng Yan didn't answer him, but instead asked his whereabouts.

"Get together with friends," Song Yu said, "I'll come back and get something."

Song Yu loaded a pack of cigarettes from the table, took the car key, and closed the bedroom door.

Cheng Yan asked, "Are you leaving again?"

Song Yu said, "they are still downstairs. Let's talk about it in a few days."

"In a few days?" Cheng Yan stared at him, "Isn't one week enough?"

Song Yu turned to look at him, Cheng Yan stepped forward, they hadn't seen each other for a week, and they've lost contact. Are they still so unfamiliar now? Cheng Yan didn't like this feeling at all.

"I know about Tan Tingting," Cheng Yan said, "Song Yu, it has nothing to do with you, you don't have to hide..."

Hearing the sound, Song Yu laughed. He turned around and looked directly at Cheng Yan: "Which eye did you see me hiding? She died or not, how she died is her own choice, why should I hide from her?"

"That's hiding from me." Cheng Yan looked at Song Yu's eyes, but the flashing thing in his eyes could not be quickly captured.

Song Yu put in his pocket, grabbed the key in his hand, and asked, "Why should I avoid you?"

"No?" Cheng Yan said: "You haven't seen me this week, and you won't reply to my news, do you dare to say no? I'm more scary than Tan Tingting, right?"

"Don't mention her again," Song Yu turned around and walked out holding the door handle, "You go back first, I really have something to do and don't want to deal with you."

Cope, what a good word.

Cheng Yan followed behind him. He didn't leave. Where did Song Yu go, where did he follow, the two of them came to the underground garage unknowingly.

Song Yu didn't lie to him. There were indeed a few boys in the underground garage. Cheng Yan glanced at those people. None of them were familiar. He didn't know what kind of friends Song Yu had. Maybe he saw Cheng Yan, that group of people. He didn't come, but looked at them from the same place, separated by a certain distance.

"When do you want to follow me?" Song Yu's tone was a little displeased. Those eyes were all dissatisfaction with Cheng Yan's disobedience. No matter when, they never choked each other like this. After Tan Tingting's matter fermented, The two of them didn't know what was going on, and they couldn't control themselves. Song Yu was even more serious. Every time his tone became cold, he regretted seeing Cheng Yan's aggrieved expression again.

Song Yu softened his tone and said, "Cheng Yan, I really have something to do. Can I find you in two days?"

Cheng Yan didn't want to pester him, but he had already reached this point. Song Yu still kept his mouth shut. He had already read Tan Tingting's information. Song Yu didn't choose to tell him, he didn't tell him anything, and he promised before. If you have passed him, you will not hide anything from him, so why is it not a word to speak?

Are you really that unbelievable? What does Song Yu want to show him? Hide the bad side forever? Can his mental illness hide for a lifetime? If he really wants to be with him in the future, and wants to be with him to the end, can he hide it from him?

Cheng Yan lowered his head. The parking garage was quiet and cold. After a long time, Cheng Yan felt a little cold. He said, "How long are you trying to hide from me?"

Song Yu asked inexplicably, "What am I hiding from you?"

Still insisting, still lying, how many chances has he given Song Yu? He never opens his mouth.

Cheng Yan didn't want to ask anymore, really, it was very tiring to keep asking, especially after knowing the answer, he wanted to give him a chance, wanted him to say it himself, and pretended he didn't know the question over and over again, but he just didn't mention it.

Cheng Yan looked at the tip of his shoe and felt extremely tired.

Song Yu didn't feel well either. He looked at Cheng Yan's lost face, and his tone softened a lot, "Will it work tomorrow? Tomorrow...I'll go look for you."

I don't know what happened to him, but today Cheng Yan's patience is exhausted. In the past, what Song Yu said was nothing. Today is really not good. It's really boring. Cheng Yan watched him go out and he was tall Looking back, he said tiredly, "It's just a violent fantasy, is it that scary?"

The footsteps of Song Yu in front of him suddenly stopped.

He just kept the standing position, his hands tightened slightly, Song Yu turned his head, the emotion in his eyes was colder than that of the underground garage.

Cheng Yan stepped forward step by step, he didn't want to be too far away from Song Yu, because he was a little tired now, and his voice couldn't be loud. In order to let him hear clearly, Cheng Yan chose to be closer to him, and, too far, he I feel that Song Yu is all illusory, "You don't have to wait until tomorrow, you can have the answer today."

Song Yu looked at him vigilantly: "How did you know?"

Cheng Yan answered the question: "Did you stand upstairs and look at Tan Tingting on the day of the accident?"

Song Yu did not respond.

Cheng Yan didn't expect to get a response either. He continued to ask, "Did you already know that she would commit suicide?"

Song Yu's fingers tightened.

Cheng Yan looked at his wrist, "Are you excited to see her blood? Do you expect her to die? Did her text messages scare you? Have you ever thought about dying with her? You would be afraid... Did she turn into a ghost to haunt you?"

The emotions in Song Yu's eyes were very turbulent. This matter was pressing in his heart. Once it was brought up, he would definitely not be able to stabilize his emotions. But if Cheng Yan was not in front of him, he would not guarantee that he would not do something with another person. what.

Song Yu said coldly, "I'm not afraid of anything."

Cheng Yan heard the sound and smiled, "Really?"

Aren't you afraid? He hoped that was the case, he was not afraid of anything, but Song Yu's tone was not convincing at all, did it affect him? Tan Tingting's death still affects him.

"Song Yu, do you have thoughts of suicide?" Cheng Yan's purpose Song Yu couldn't see clearly. He only knew that the person in front of him was very sharp. His eyes and his tone were not the Cheng Yan in his memory. like a judge.

As for himself, he has committed a serious sin and is waiting for his execution.

Cheng Yan continued to ask: "When the violent fantasy disorder reaches its extreme, will you want to end it? Besides wanting to abuse others, will you want to abuse yourself, or will you have thoughts of suicide?"

Song Yu answered cautiously, "What do you want to do?" He couldn't understand Cheng Yan at this moment.

"Don't do anything," Cheng Yan smiled lightly, but unfortunately it wasn't sincere enough. The accumulated smiles quickly disintegrated. He felt that the atmosphere was too stiff and wanted to laugh and relax, but Song Yu didn't cooperate with him, Cheng Yan said: "I I just want to know if Tan Tingting's words will bring you mental pressure."

Song Yu said: "It's her business that she died. If she expects me to accompany her to Huangquan with her in a few words, she will think too highly of herself and underestimate me, Song Yu."

Song Yu said ruthlessly: "I'm cold, it's not a matter of one or two days, isn't it?"

Cheng Yan was satisfied and nodded, "Well, very good, I like your indifference."

A few people behind them were looking at them. Cheng Yan looked at Song Yu, a group of friends he had never seen before, and said, "Then let's talk about our own affairs."

Song Yu was completely confused by him, not knowing how to respond, how to respond, he waited for Cheng Yan to speak.

Cheng Yan didn't know where to start for a while. There were too many questions, and he couldn't finish it, so he made a compromise and chose a relatively simple one, "Is it related to your psychological problems when you rejected me?"

Song Yu's fingertips loosened, and thoughts began to appear these days.

"Do you think it will hurt me, or do you think I will be afraid of you? What kind of reason makes you dare not accept my intentions?" Cheng Yan had the answer in his heart, but he just wanted to ask, he just wanted to hear what Song Yu had to say. He talked more, he hadn't been in touch for a while, and he didn't look like a lover anymore.

"You know now, if I say yes," Song Yu said, "What do you think?"

"No idea, my boyfriend has a problem, yes, then what?" Cheng Yan spread his hands: "Is it unacceptable? Does it frighten me? No, I don't have that kind of fear at all."

His fear of Song Yu would not be based on his violent behavior, it would only be the thoughts he was shaking at the moment, and his evasive eyes.

Song Yu sneered: "It's easy to say, I have some restraint on you, if I don't restrain myself at all, and let you see my bloodthirsty appearance, you will probably hide from me further."

No one can accept the torture of perverts. His inhuman appearance makes him feel disgusting when he sees it, let alone those who are mentally normal?

Whether it is his parents, friends, aunt or whoever, no one is not afraid that when he falls ill, he is a potential murderer and no one dares to approach him. How could Cheng Yan dare to talk nonsense?

"You can try it." Cheng Yan raised his hand and put his snow-white wrist under Song Yu's eyes, "I will feel pain at most."

Song Yu's gaze swept across his fair forearm, and he didn't play with Cheng Yan. They are not suitable for communication now. Song Yu retracted his gaze and said, "We don't want to meet recently."

Cheng Yan lowered his arms.

Song Yu looked complicated. He turned around and stopped walking. The man standing behind him made him extremely uneasy. Song Yu took a few steps and turned back. He came to Cheng Yan and was silent to this face. For a long time, he didn't know what Cheng Yan was doing these days, but he looked a little tired. Song Yu wanted to raise his hand to touch the corner of his eye, or to hold the person who had been following him in his arms, but he controlled it. .

Song Yu tightened his fingers, and the hands hidden in his pockets used all his strength. He said with difficulty: "Cheng Yan, these days... I've thought about a lot of things. Regarding our relationship, I want to pause for a while."

Cheng Yan's agile eyes overflowed with rich emotions, and he did not respond quickly.

Song Yu took a deep breath. He opened his mouth, closed it again, and opened it slightly again. Repeating this, it was obvious how difficult his words were. Song Yu turned his eyes away and repeated psychological construction. Self-confidence, "I like you very much, yes, but now, you know everything, we are still together, it may not be a good thing, I rejected you at the beginning, it is indeed related to my illness, blame me, all blame me, I shouldn't have responded abruptly to you."

Shouldn't you respond to him abruptly? What's the meaning? Is he regretting it now? Reply about agreeing to stay with him.

"Cheng Yan, I'm sorry," Song Yu said tangled and embarrassed: "Can we... separate first?"

He has been thinking about a question these days. He couldn't restrain himself a few times. Cheng Yan would definitely be hurt when he was with him. This was just the beginning, and his emotions were so turbulent. What if it was a lifetime? Is he going to hurt Cheng Yan for the rest of his life? Does he want Cheng Yan to live under his uncertain mood forever? What if... he also had a sudden nervous attack and died? Too many unknowns.

In this world, the most difficult thing for Song Yu is to say separation from Cheng Yan.

He never thought about the result the day we were together. He was so immersed and so happy to be with him that he would get lucky and think he could control his emotions. What will happen, who knows if he will be okay?

All are unknowns.

Cheng Yan understood what Song Yu meant. He didn't need to say it too clearly, he knew everything, he understood his scruples, and he understood his difficult expressions, but it didn't mean that he was willing to condone him.

"Break up?" Cheng Yan pierced the window paper, "You mean, you want to break up with me?"

Separation is the same as breaking up. If you don't meet, chat, or be together, in Cheng Yan's view, this relationship is unnecessary.

Song Yu didn't contact him these days, just thinking about this? Just such a result?

"I..." Song Yu closed his eyes gently, and his chin was hidden in the collar that stood tall, making Cheng Yan focus all his eyes on the hesitant eyes.

Song Yu's eyes are very good-looking. There is nothing unsightly about his face. He clearly has a pair of affectionate eyes, but he has to pretend to be indifferent.

"You want to break up? Well," Cheng Yan understood, nodded and said without emotion: "I won't go for a ride with you this weekend, I won't be there for your last ball game, and I won't tell you when I see you on campus. In a word, in the future, you graduate away from us and go our separate ways, even so, can you, Song Yu, accept it?"

Song Yu raised her eyes, her palms were full of nail prints.

It's useless for others to say anything. Their thousands of words are not as good as Song Yu's few words. Only they can speak their emotions.

Cheng Yan was not gentle at all, he stepped forward, the tip of his shoe touched the tip of his shoe, and said sharply: "Say, if you can say it, I can do it."