Chapter 63

cold? Can't empathize? What about ruthlessness in rejecting suitors? Song Yu couldn't even say a word, not even a word.

Cheng Yan's face was right in front of him, so close that he could see the tiny fluff on his face, and so close that he could see the sadness in those eyes.

Is he tired these days? It is easy for a person to think wildly. He really wants to hug him, touch his red lips, and comfort him, but Song Yu dare not.

He hugged him, the deliberate alienation and struggle these days were all in vain, but let him say goodbye, he couldn't do it, he is now in a dilemma, accepting Cheng Yan is to hurt him, to satisfy himself, not to accept Cheng Yan is hurting himself, but he can avoid him from being hurt.

Why are they getting this far? Why does he have that mess of disease? Why can't he be like ordinary people, like whoever he likes, why should he stay away from the person he likes?

Song Yu raised his hand slightly, he wanted to touch him, he could no longer bear the distressed torture, the corners of his Cheng Yan's eyes were red, no, he couldn't watch him cry...

Before he was still hesitating and embarrassing, Cheng Yan gave a pleasant laugh, the voice was full of sadness, he took a step back, Cheng Yan nodded and said, "I see."

Song Yu's hand paused, and his eyes instantly changed to a panicked mood. He has grown up so much, and there is no reason why he has been overjoyed. He has never lost because he is not very interested in anything, and he is not interested in anything. There were so many expectations that he didn't know how to deal with this flustered emotion.

Why not Cheng Yan?

His desperate courage was based on the fact that Song Yu liked him, but some people on both sides were not firm enough, and his dedication alone might not last long.

Even if he insisted on staying by Song Yu's side, he had to stay away from him when he had an accident and not let him see it. At that time, he would probably be a burden. He was afraid that he would hurt himself and that his illness would worsen in the future. If he felt separated It was for his own good, and the separation was also beneficial to his condition. That Cheng Yan was willing to be more sensible.

Song Yu said that he is not obedient, he is indeed not obedient, if he is obedient, he will not be in the school team, he will not be here today, if he is obedient, he will not be obedient. .

He can accept the days without him in the future, he can accept that they will go their separate ways after graduation, and he can accept that they will never meet again for the rest of his life, so what's the use of his loneliness?

Song Yu likes him, but not so much, not like himself, he has to be.

Sure enough, people still can't be happy too early, what's the use of liking? If you know that you can't be together in the end, like... it's actually torture.

It's all because he has never been in love, and the first person he likes is Song Yu. He doesn't know how to digest this emotion. He also wants to be decent, but his voice is trembling and uncontrollable. Obviously already restrained.

"Then...bye." Cheng Yan looked at the ground, "Excuse me."

He turned and left the underground garage.

Song Yu clenched her hands tightly and looked at Cheng Yan's back. She stood silently for a long time by herself. Friends behind her came up when they saw people leaving. Someone asked unwittingly, "What's wrong?"

There were loud noises in his ears, including questions from friends, and the figure in his sight disappeared. They were not parting from life and death, but this feeling... was not inferior to parting.

Terrible.

Song Yu took out a cigarette from his pocket, but his hands were unstable and his movements were fast, so that the cigarette he drew fell to the ground. His throat was itchy to death, and he desperately needed the comfort of tobacco. When he took one, he didn't know what to do with his hand, but he couldn't hold it firmly, and the second one even fell off, and a surge of blood swelled him into chaos.

"Clap!"

Together with the lighter in his hand, Song Yu smashed it to the ground, scaring the surrounding friends to take a step back.

Song Yu squatted on the ground, rubbed his neck vigorously, and buried his face, unable to see his turbulent emotions.

It was raining hard outside, and the underground garage was freezing cold. Several boys were gathered together. Today's party was yellow.

——

Zhao Yibai came back from Cheng Yan's house and played ball with some friends from junior high school, but it rained heavily after playing for a while, and it didn't rain all day. The event started to fall as soon as the event was organized, and the friends complained one after another. , have no choice but to go back to their respective homes and find their own mothers.

Zhao Yibai was still a little wet. He ran to the door of his house and met a few little kids in the community.

"elder brother."

A little boy called him, Zhao Yibai hummed, the little guy opposite the door usually insisted on pestering him to play with him, Zhao Yibai was too naive and didn't want to take him, the kid said attentively: "Brother, come to my house Play."

Zhao Yibai said, "No time."

Little boy: "Do you have any homework?"

Zhao Yibai said, "No."

Little boy: "Then you come to my house to play, I bought an Iron Man, my dad bought it for me, and it will light up, let me show you."

Zhao Yibai is not interested in these things, and most importantly, he is not interested in this child. Zhao Yibai said, "Oh, I seem to have some math homework that I haven't written yet, it's over, it's over..."

His excuses are not enough to fool adults. It's okay to lie to children. It's all because of the child's mother. He asks him to help him every three days. Bai didn't want to.

The little boy walked away dejected.

Zhao Yibai didn't go to the elevator with him, so he deliberately waited for the next one. During this gap, Cheng Yan's mother called him.

"Auntie." Zhao Yibai answered.

"Yibai, have you found Cheng Yan?"

"Well, he's at Song Yu's place." Zhao Yibai said.

"Oh, then I'll call Song Yu."

Zhao Yibai asked, "What's wrong?"

Cheng Ma said: "No, I'll see if it's not dark today, and it's raining heavily. I don't know if he will come back, and no one answers the phone."

"Oh, then you can call Song Yu, do you have his contact information?"

"Yes, then I'll go, you're busy." Cheng's mother was polite, and hung up the phone after asking.

Zhao Yibai looked at the torrential rain that suddenly started outside, and an ominous premonition suddenly shrouded his heart. It was very strange. Zhao Yibai didn't think much about it. The elevator came and he walked up.

——

Song Yu went home at night, the heavy rain restricted their movements, and everyone could only stay in the house obediently.

Song Yu threw the key on the table, and his uncle came out.

Lightly closed the door, uncle put on a coat, poured a glass of water, and came to Song Yu without speaking.

The two sat facing each other. Song Yu was a measured and polite child. He was in a bad mood, but he did not forget to show due respect to his elders, "Thank you."

Uncle pulled the coat on his shoulders, looked at Song Yu's slightly damp hair, and asked, "It's quite big outside?"

Song Yu nodded.

Uncle glanced at the window. It was quiet in the middle of the night, and the thunder rolled, and then there was a sudden thunder, which made people panic. No lights were turned on in the living room, and only two figures could be vaguely seen in the dim light.

"What about your friends?" Uncle asked, "I heard from your aunt, how many friends are over there?"

"Elementary school classmates," Song Yu said, "I haven't seen you for a long time."

"Didn't you leave them to eat?" Uncle asked, "It's so late and it's raining, how did you arrange it?"

Song Yu had been hanging out with those friends recently, and only came back at night.

"Go home," Song Yu said, "they drove over, it's fine."

Uncle rubbed his hands together, feeling a little cold, "That's fine, my sister called me today to ask you."

Song Yu opened his eyes and did not speak.

The uncle sighed: "Song Yu, what do you think? You can't keep in touch with your family for a lifetime, right? My sister heard that you have been seriously ill recently, and she is also very worried. You can call her back when you have time."

Song Yu said softly, "Well."

With such a reply, my uncle didn't know what to say, and he, as an uncle, couldn't ignore family affairs, and said, "Sister, she also knows that she is wrong, she is just a child like you, no matter what, she is in the end. It's still your mother."

"I don't blame her," Song Yu said calmly, straightening up, the outline in the dim light was not clear enough, "As uncle you said, she is my mother, I won't hate her no matter what, I will come I just want to change the environment when I go to school, if you think I am disturbing you, uncle, you can say it directly, and I will rent a house outside."

"You child, can I feel that you are disturbing? I have installed your bedroom for you. It doesn't matter if you live here for the rest of your life," the uncle said. care."

Indeed, there is one thing to say, his parents are indeed very capable, and they can make people jump through the dragon gate with their hands. In a society that pays attention to power, his parents' reputation is still quite strong.

"Then I'll go back to the room to rest first," Song Yu stood up, the temperature was low, he instructed: "It's cold outside, don't sit in the living room, go back to sleep."

"Song Yu," the uncle shouted, Song Yu stopped, and the uncle said bitterly: "Uncle didn't treat you as an outsider, I hope you are too. If you need anything, just tell your uncle."

Song Yu said: "Well, go back to sleep, it's cold."

Song Yu went back to the room and persuaded others to go to sleep. He was not sleepy at all. He sat on the bed, and the occasional light in the room came from lightning outside.

The heavy rain in the sky always brings a feeling of depression. Sitting in the room, Song Yu will feel a little uneasy. This is not a groundless emotion, and then he received a call.

It was Cheng Yan's father who called.

"Song Yu," Dad Cheng asked, "are you at home?"

Not only Dad Cheng's voice, but also Mom Cheng's urging voice came out of the receiver, saying that he was asked to quickly ask, it's raining so hard outside.

Song Yu snorted and said, "Is something wrong, uncle?"

Dad Cheng was urged to stop chatting, and he entered the topic and said: "Oh, so, Cheng Yan hasn't come home yet, I just said that he was looking for you, I asked him if he didn't come back, or what? …”

"Cheng Yan didn't go back?" Song Yu grabbed the phone tightly.

"No, I don't answer the phone when I call him," Dad Cheng said, "hey, what do you mean? Didn't he go to you?"

Song Yu stood up, there was thunder outside, and the rain hit the window, making people panic, Song Yu explained: "He came, but he left long ago."

"It's weird, where did this kid go and didn't answer the phone." Dad Cheng said, his phone was snatched, Mom Cheng said, "Song Yu, did Cheng Yan tell you where he went?"

"No."

"Ah? Where did this person go, so late, he never disappeared after playing with me, and he didn't answer the phone today, and he didn't call Yibai..."

Song Yu didn't tell Cheng Ma more, what's the situation now? Cheng Yan didn't go home. With such a heavy rain, where could he go without Zhao Yibai?

His current mood...

Song Yudao: "Auntie, I won't tell you more, I'll go out and see."

After finishing speaking, Song Yu put down the phone and held an umbrella. When he went out, he bumped into his uncle who was going back to the room. Song Yu was in a hurry, and his uncle was frightened by his movement.

"Where are you going so late?" Uncle's eyes were on the handle of his umbrella.

"Go out." Song Yu didn't say much, opened the door, and ran out quickly.

The rainstorm was so heavy that it was difficult to see the road ahead, the street lights were weakly supported, and the vehicles on the road were rattled by the huge raindrops. Song Yu stepped on the water in the potholes, and the splashed trousers did not stop for half a minute. Looking for it on his way back.

In such a big city, what is the only way to go home? Where he came from and where he went, no one will know.

Why didn't you go home? Because of sadness? Are you sad? Or what? Anyway, he has to go home, where can he go in such a heavy rain?

Song Yu was confused, without any clues. He was walking on the empty street. The wind and rain were heavy. The sleeves and trousers were hit by the heavy rain. , but no progress at all.

"Cheng Yan!" Song Yu shouted at the street, several busy figures turned to look at him, Song Yu turned a blind eye, and shouted his name again and again on the street, "Cheng Yan! Cheng Yan!"

It's not easy for anyone. It's better to cut the mess with a quick knife. Long pain is worse than short pain, but this short pain can also kill people. How can it be easy to let go of the turbulent feelings?

It's all his own fault. He shouldn't accept his intentions easily, and he shouldn't be able to stop approaching him. That time, he finally managed to stay away from him. When he saw him at school, he gave up all his previous efforts.

He couldn't convince himself at all to keep his eyes on him. Where he was, his eyes would be sucked in. If they weren't together at the beginning, wouldn't it be much better now...

Accepting him and staying away from him, whether it's for his own good or not, isn't this behavior just giving him hope and dashing his hope?

Originally, Cheng Yan planned to ignore him. Originally, Cheng Yan could hold back and transfer his love for him, right? It was me, I let him see the light, I gave him the future he looked forward to, I got him into the school team, I wanted to hook up with him, I wanted to stay with him outside of class time .

what is this? what is this? What answer did he give him? What's wrong with the disease? He didn't say he was afraid, he backed away first, which wasn't fair to him at all. No matter what he thought, unilaterally announcing the end of the relationship was right, right?

How long have they been together, how many things have they experienced, he has the courage to be obsessed, how come he doesn't? He was so frightened...he was not worthy of Cheng Yan's solitary courage.

Song Yu was immersed in self-doubt and guilt, lightning struck his face, and his pale face was like a ghost.

Suddenly, the sound of an ambulance sounded, and Song Yu was shocked.

He calmed himself down, stepped forward, and walked to the place where there was a lot of noise. It was a bustling area. The bus was parked aside, and many people gathered around and muttered something.

Song Yu walked in little by little, the umbrella in his hand became heavier and heavier, his heart beat violently, beating on his chest, Song Yu looked at the ambulance in the crowd, the medical staff surrounded the injured people, he could not see the stretcher who is the person.

"It seems to be a student, covered in blood, but it's scary..."

"Student, oh, this parent is scared to death..."

"It should be a student, looking like a teenager..."

"Boys and girls?"

"Boy, I saw it."

The chatter made Song Yu even more flustered, but he couldn't see the people on the stretcher, students, teenagers, boys, covered in blood...

Will not.

The blood on the ground mixed in the rain made him feel extremely frightened for the first time. He didn't feel excited at all. The thick blood seemed to flow from his body, as if a piece of his heart had rotted away, and the pain was unbearable.

The umbrella suddenly fell to the ground.

Surprised passersby.

Song Yu clenched his fists and stared blankly at the ambulance that drove away. The flow of people became less and less, and the blood on the ground was washed away by the heavy rain and flowed down to his feet.

The sense of weightlessness made Song Yu unsteady on his feet, and the dazzling blood caused him to retreat back and forth, his arms were shaking, and Song Yu was enveloped in a strong fear.

The surrounding is illusory, whose phone is ringing, whose heart is beating wildly, who is talking, and everything becomes unreal.

Not him, how could it be him, how could it be a student? How could it be a boy? How could there be such a car accident when he just disappeared and when he just happened to be unable to find him?

Why is it raining? Why today? Why is he coming today? Why can't you wait any longer, why did you push him away?

What about his parents? What if they are sad? What if they hate themselves? What will he do? What if I really don't have this person for the rest of my life? What if I can't see him tomorrow...

Just as Song Yu was about to fall, a pair of arms passed through his waist, and then the damp heat covered his back, causing him to tremble and steady his steps.

The white light splits the bright night, and there is more than rain hanging from the corners of the wet eyes.

"It's not me." The boy's voice was so hoarse that it sounded weakly behind him. The thunder was too loud, and the sound of rain hitting the ground was so loud that it almost drowned out the tiny voice.

Song Yu slowly turned around and looked at Cheng Yan, who was soaked all over, his face was slapped by the rain, and his eyelashes were dangling weakly.

It was he who searched for a long time, it was Cheng Yan who was flustered, and it was Cheng Yan who he almost never saw.

He seemed to have changed overnight, from being full of vitality to a severely ill patient who was so weak that he could collapse at any time. His pale lips, hoarse voice, and unfocused pupils all made Song Yu's heart beat faster. .

Song Yu hugged the fluttering man suddenly, without asking anything, he lowered his head, his lips pressed against Cheng Yan's hot forehead, it seemed that there was only this last bit of residual heat.

Song Yu is trembling, he is afraid, is this the emotion of fear? Cheng Yan was not sure, his emotions were so hard to control, they always became so fast that he couldn't keep up and couldn't react.

Cheng Yan felt his heartbeat, raised his hand gently, placed it on his back, and said in a low voice, "Can't tell?"

If you can't say how to break up, if you can't say that you will go your separate ways after graduation, if you can't say that you will never be in your life, if you can't say it, then don't say it.

This intense heartbeat, trembling arms, and warm lips against his forehead have been rejected for him a thousand times.

Cheng Yan closed his eyes, was extremely tired, and said in a hoarse voice, "It's just right, I can't do it either."