Chapter 66 Night Chat

There is a bonfire party and a freshly roasted whole sheep at the horse farm in the evening, but in the summer, although the mountain here is cool at night, it is also hot next to the fire.

In addition, Ren Zhaoyuan didn't like to eat mutton, so they sat side by side on a low slope in the distance, not joining the crowd.

Around the bonfire, someone was playing drums and playing the piano, and the people who were sitting stood up and danced in a big circle, holding hands.

Ren Zhaoyuan leaned back with one leg stretched out amid the singing and laughter, with one hand behind his head, and the other patted Tan Zheng, motioning him to look up at the sky: "The stars are really bright tonight."

"It really is."

Tan Zheng looked up for a while, then turned back to look at Ren Zhaoyuan, Ren Zhaoyuan noticed that his eyes were slightly tilted: "Huh?"

"You are so pretty."

Ren Zhaoyuan couldn't help laughing, and just as he was about to speak, Tan Zheng leaned down and kissed him: "It looks better when you smile."

"It's outside," Ren Zhaoyuan raised his hand and patted his waist, "please restrain yourself."

Tan Zheng turned over and lay down like Ren Zhaoyuan, resting his head on his shoulder, holding his free hand: "Xingxing is not as beautiful as you."

"That's alright," Ren Zhaoyuan said with a smile, "If there is a Best Compliment Award, I will definitely give you one."

"No exaggeration, this is a statement of fact."

"Okay," Ren Zhaoyuan fiddled with his left hand as if he were a toy, and the voice at the end of the sentence was slightly prolonged, "You are right."

Tan Zheng agrees with satisfaction: "I think so too."

"The stars are not as bright now as they were when they were young."

"Well, I remember that when I was a child, my dad took me to climb a mountain, and I spent the night on the top of the mountain. The stars were so bright that they seemed to fall. At that time, I felt that Li Bai's saying "the stars can be picked by hand" is not an exaggeration, but I haven't seen it since. "

As soon as Tan Zheng said that he was a child, Ren Zhaoyuan thought of the crying child in the alley, and his heart softened: "How young?"

"Forget it, at most six years old anyway."

Tan Xuqing was born when he was seven years old.

Tan Zheng's childhood lasted until that year.

In the past, when Tan Zheng used all the New Year money to buy a sack of fireworks, I heard him casually say, "At that time, there was no Tan Qing, and I was still favored."

At the time, thought it was interesting for a mature and steady person like Tan Zheng to say it. Now that know more, mentality has changed, and when think about it again, feel distressed.

"What are you thinking?" Tan Zheng stood up and looked at him, "Don't speak."

Ren Zhaoyuan looked at him in the dark, his voice was gentle that he didn't even notice, as if Tan Zheng was a dandelion that couldn't bear the wind, for fear that the breath would blow away: "I miss you when you were young, like a poor little one."

"I feel bad for me," Tan Zheng squeezed Ren Zhaoyuan's hand and smiled softly, "Don't feel bad, it's all over, it's nothing."

Painful, not just distressed.

Although Ren Zhaoyuan himself suffered from the disappointment and disappointment from his parents, he was an adult, with a mature personality, understanding of reason and right and wrong.

But Tan Zheng is not.

At an age where he may need guidance to learn to share, he lost almost all his favor with the birth of another child, and all attempts to regain attention ended in failure, even when he was bullied. to the most basic maintenance of parents.

The influence of a family on a child during childhood can be overwhelming.

And Tan Zheng is not only not crooked, but also better than most people.

"Our Tan Zheng is really good."

Tan Zheng was startled.

It was night, with the bonfire and most of the lights in the distance. Tan Zheng held his body face down and hidden his face in a darker shadow. He could only distinguish his facial features, and he couldn't see the subtle changes in his expression.

But the watery light in his eyes was brightened by the darkness around him.

Ren Zhaoyuan raised his hand to touch his eyes: "Are you crying?"

"No," Tan Zheng lowered his head to let him touch him, "How can a big man cry so much, let you say it like a crying bag."

When it was dry, Ren Zhaoyuan still rubbed his fingertips on his eyelashes: "A big man can cry, but he's not in front of others, I like the little crying bag too."

Tan Zheng kissed him on the tip of his finger and bit gently again.

"I just put my hand on the ground."

"Not dirty."

Seeing that he was going to kiss him, Ren Zhaoyuan put his hand aside and said, "Lie down beside you."

"Well," Tan Zheng lay down next to him holding Ren Zhaoyuan's hand and turned his face to look at him, "what's the matter?"

"I can't see you that way."

Tan Zheng smiled, looked at him for a while, and said, "Tell me a secret."

"what?"

"Actually," Tan Zheng stretched Ren Zhaoyuan's fingers together, "the matter has long since passed, and I can't get over it."

Ren Zhaoyuan didn't show any surprise or surprise, he just replied softly, "Yeah."

Tan Zheng changed his hand to hold Ren Zhaoyuan, the middle arm was folded up and turned to face him: "Tan Qing was born in poor health. On the body. Boys themselves are not like girls to be spoiled. At my age, I know how to eat, know how to wear and learn, so it’s not surprising that they don’t think they need to care about me.”

Ren Zhaoyuan looked at him without making a sound, and listened to him quietly.

"When I was called as a parent in junior high school, Tan Qingzheng was hospitalized, and my dad was in a hurry. He was the kind of person who didn't protect his own shortcomings, and he had deep trust and respect for the school and teachers. When he arrived, he mistakenly thought that I was causing trouble and fighting. Even if you don’t want to slap you first, you can understand.”

"I was stubborn at the time, and I didn't want to explain it again when I had the chance. They just didn't know what happened."

I hated and resented him, but when grew up and looked back, parents didn't really care about him.

So for a long time in the future, Tan Zheng has been enlightening himself in this way.

"I understand, but I still can't get through."

Tan Zheng looked at Ren Zhaoyuan, unfolded the things he had said lightly in another way, and told him what he thought was worthless: "Sometimes I also think about the past. It's been so many years, and it's not a big deal, I don't have any arms or legs, so I always worry about this."

"But even if I have made myself clear sometimes, I still get stabbed every time I think about it."

Ren Zhaoyuan squeezed his hand with more strength: "It's normal, it's not your problem."

Tan Zheng looked at him, Ren Zhaoyuan smiled, and turned to face him: "I'm so old, it's still uncomfortable when it snows."

He made fun of himself and used himself as an analogy, and Tan Zheng's heart was suddenly relieved.

Ren Zhaoyuan is absolutely right here.

There is nothing unreasonable about Ren Zhaoyuan.

So he has been struggling, it's not a fuss, there's no problem.

Tan Zheng's tone became much lighter in an instant: "How old are you, you're only a few years older than me, just keep talking."

"Isn't there a lot to count on one hand?"

"Not much, and you are not old at all. If you walk outside and don't say anything, others will think you are younger than me."

Ren Zhaoyuan smiled: "How is that possible."

"Really, don't lie to you, it's because you don't know yourself clearly at all."

"I can't tell you."

"That's because I was right."

"Okay," Ren Zhaoyuan said with a smile, "you're right."

The song in the distance stopped, and the drums and the violin played louder. People beat the beat to the beat of the drums, and in the occasional quiet interval, the "crackling" sound of the burning wood could be vaguely heard.

Ren Zhaoyuan heard a girl shouting "Brother" loudly, and suddenly thought that it was rare for Tan Zheng to be so close to Tan Xuqing now.

"How's your relationship with your parents?"

"It's good," Tan Zheng said. "It's not like Tan Qing is clinging and acting like a spoiled child or talking about his family's shortcomings, but I'm a man, so it's strange to be like her."

Ren Zhaoyuan couldn't help laughing: "I didn't say that."

"Well, I know what you're worrying about," Tan Zheng curled his fingers and scratched on his palm, "they didn't know about those things, they didn't want to talk about them at the time, and they don't need to talk about it anymore. It’s not surprising, it’s not that I hate anyone, it’s really uncomfortable when I think about it, um.. how to say it..”

Ren Zhaoyuan said, "I understand."

"Um?"

"The thing is just the thing itself, and the only thing that can't pass is the situation at that time."

Just like when he was saddened to hear the quarrel of his uncle and aunt, he wiped out what he believed to be "as his own home" in one bite of "other people's children".

The scene at that time is still suffocating in retrospect, but it does not conflict with the closeness of the relationship now, and the uncle and aunt have always been very good to him.

Tan Zheng held Ren Zhaoyuan's hand on his heart and said, "You seem to have grown out of here."

Ren Zhaoyuan touched Tan Zheng's heartbeat, thinking that he didn't grow out of Tan Zheng's heart, but Tan Zheng took out the whole heart, showed him, and let him touch it.

"I always feel that I'm getting less and less image with you."

Ren Zhaoyuan came back to his senses: "Huh?"

"It was already naive enough, and now adding this, it seems that I am being careful."

"No way," Ren Zhaoyuan curled up his hand and stretched out only one index finger to poke him, "what does this have to do with being careful."

"Anyway, it's not very atmospheric, and it doesn't feel great at all."

Ren Zhaoyuan couldn't help laughing at his childish remarks, saying that Tan Zheng was better than him, at least he didn't have "sequelae" like him.

Tan Zheng was silent for a while before saying that it was not.

"When Anyu was first established, the project was put together. Hundreds of thousands of dollars were changed into a mess, and it was a bottomless pit to throw money in my hand. Jin Shiyan advised me to give up Anyu first, declare bankruptcy, and get rid of that hot potato. It will take a year and a half to re-register the company.”

"That's the smartest way to minimize losses."

Tan Zheng smiled and said, "But I can't accept it."

"It was only then that I realized that I had never stepped forward. I could have it, but I couldn't have it."

"At that time, in order to protect An Yu, I was heavily in debt, but it was a coincidence that I took advantage of the wind again. Uncle Jin later said that he always thought that I was born to be in business, and he almost thought it was wrong at the time."

"He really got the wrong idea. I didn't weigh the pros and cons at all, and I didn't think it through, I just didn't want to let go."

"I can pay countless times the price, but what is already mine must always be mine."

Ren Zhaoyuan met Tan Zheng's line of sight, and noticed the heat and strength in it.

"You didn't want to give up An Yu at the time, was it partly because..."

Tan Zheng said, "Yes."

The reason he just said was only half.

But Ren Zhaoyuan didn't even need to hear it all.

The other half is because he put his feelings for Ren Zhaoyuan on An Yu. The name is obscure and obscure implication, and the original intention is unspeakable private thoughts.

He knew that his feelings were destined to have no repercussions, so he couldn't give up on An Yu who was carrying them.

In fact, I understand the truth. If An Yu is not successful, there can be another An Yu, An Yu, and An Yu. The object of his affection has no knowledge. From beginning to end, he is moved by himself. Obviously, there is a better choice. It's stupid to lose your life.

It is useless to understand the truth when the person is in it. A symbolic reference that is meaningless to others may be all that the person concerned deserves to go to at that time.

"I don't dare to say it," Tan Zheng stood up, crouched over Ren Zhaoyuan again, held his profile with one hand, and lowered his head to touch the tip of his nose very lightly, "I'm afraid to scare you."

An Yu, who is sustenance of emotion, is still like this.

Not to mention Ren Zhaoyuan himself.

"You often feel distressed that I have loved you silently for many years. In fact, it's not difficult for me, it's just a natural thing."

"Ren Zhaoyuan, I can be without you from beginning to end."

"But absolutely, absolutely, you can't have it and lose it again."

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