Chapter 77 Positive and Negative Particles

Behind every adult, there is a child who has stopped growing under the seal of time.

The twisted and cruel childhood was boiled into a dose of immunity under the tempering of time. It quietly penetrated into Xia Xiqing's skin and injected it into his blood, causing him to lose his sensibility to the word love from the bottom of his heart, and he also lost confidence.

Man is not a collection of organisms, but a collection of experiences.

Zhou Ziheng hugged Xia Xiqing and kissed his tears very gently.

"With me here, this door will never be closed again." His hand patted Xia Xiqing's back lightly, rubbing his slightly bulging spine.

He didn't want to comment on all the things that Xia Xiqing's parents had done. Those things were meaningless. He just wanted to accompany Xia Xiqing, let him live in the love that overflowed, and live the free life he wanted.

Let him know that he is always worthy of love.

Xia Xiqing's hand hung loosely on Zhou Ziheng's waist. After talking about the past, he seemed to be hollowed out. Without any strength, even his heart was beating slowly in his empty chest.

Zhou Ziheng tentatively touched the wound he never dared to touch. The first time he saw it, Xia Xiqing was still completely awake, but this time he was awake. He picked up Xia Xiqing, placed it on the small bed, leaned down and kissed the terrifying scar.

The two were curled up on the small bed, and Zhou Ziheng held him tightly in his arms, leaning against each other, like two drifters who were leaning against each other on a small boat, and would fall into the vast ocean if they were not careful.

Zhou Ziheng's eyes were so tender that Xia Xiqing suddenly felt that he was a very despicable person, as if he was using this painful experience to deceive Zhou Ziheng's sympathy.

Knowing that he is extremely kind, knowing that he likes him, but saying this makes him sad and distressed, and then repays himself with tenderness tenfold and hundredfold. This approach is really too cunning.

But Xia Xiqing had no other way. The experience may be hidden, but the blood and genes flowing in his bones will not. What he is most afraid of is that the more he lives, the more like his mother. He'd heard a lot of similar things from gossip, that you and your flirtatious dad were made of the same mold.

All the way.

But only Xia Xiqing knew that he really resembled his mother. Gloomy and conceited, he did everything possible to maintain his dignity on the surface, tore open the beautiful skin, and the inside was full of pus, blood and residue.

"I don't want to be her."

After being silent for a long time, Xia Xiqing suddenly said such a sentence, which surprised Zhou Ziheng, but he was only surprised for less than a second, and soon understood who she was talking about in Xia Xiqing's mouth.

"You won't, you are different from her, you are kind and strong, and..." Zhou Ziheng grabbed his hand, put it to his mouth and kissed gently, "You have me here."

Xia Xiqing looked up at him, and there was still an indescribable depression in his eyes.

"We are people from two worlds." Xia Xiqing's shunning of love played a role again, "You are very good, you are the best person I have ever met, but I am on the contrary, we stand on every side no matter what. opposite."

He seemed to be afraid of Zhou Ziheng's rebuttal, and rushed to explain, "Actually, the cruelest thing is not false love, the cruelest thing is that when you fall in love with someone, that moment is real, you do fall in love with him, he I really love you, but..." He suddenly choked up, Xia Xiqing thought it was ridiculous, he just thought that it would be unbearable at that time, it was so unlike him.

"But what?"

He took a deep breath, "However, one day your feelings will be exhausted, and you won't love you anymore." He looked at Zhou Ziheng, his eyes were dodging with emotion, "That moment was also true."

Zhou Ziheng finally understood why Xia Xiqing resisted establishing an intimate relationship with others.

"So," he touched Xia Xiqing's ear with a deep tone, "you rejected me, not because you didn't like me, but because you were afraid of the last moment."

When he grabbed the center of gravity all of a sudden, Xia Xiqing's heart jumped heavily, as if it hit his chest. Zhou Ziheng always has his own set of logic, no matter what he says, he can always grasp the key point.

But that's not what Xia Xiqing wanted to express, "What I want to say is that you are in love with me now because of a temporary hormonal surge, but this feeling will definitely cool down after it boils, and you will hurt yourself."

Zhou Ziheng's eyes were still firm, "Why are you so sure that it will cool down?"

"Because we are two completely opposites." Xia Xiqing's tone hardened, like a temporary thorn, "Completely opposite things come together forcibly, and there is no good result."

Zhou Ziheng suddenly smiled and let go of the hand that was holding Xia Xiqing. Xia Xiqing frowned, "What are you laughing at?"

"I'm glad, I thought of a very scientific example to support my point of view," shrank down and shrunk down to lie down opposite him, coughing twice to clear his throat, "You say we are completely opposite, I will Let's assume this is true."

"Technical man." Xia Xiqing glanced at him. Zhou Ziheng stretched out his index finger and pressed it on his lips, then smiled, "You know what, I suddenly remembered the love poem about the Big Bang when we recorded the show for the second time."

"According to that theory, particles, electrons, quarks, anti-electron and anti-quarks exist in the universe after one trillionth of a second of the explosion. All in all, positive and negative particles." The corners of his mouth twitched slightly. Xia Xiqing looked at him and smiled, and involuntarily stretched out his index finger, wanting to poke the corner of his raised mouth.

However, Zhou Ziheng avoided it.

The outstretched fingertips stayed in the air, Zhou Ziheng also stretched out his index finger and poked Xia Xiqing's fingertips, smiled, his eyes bright.

"In the chaotic universe, positive particles and anti-particles meet, collide, and annihilate into photons."

After speaking, the fingertips that had just touched were held in his palm like this.

Xia Xiqing finally believed in the words ten fingers connected to the heart, his heartbeat seemed to be transferred to the fingertips, beating violently in his warm palm.

"Under the high temperature of the universe, photons continue to produce positive and negative particles. Like a chain reaction, they continue to meet and annihilate. Here is a mystery that scientists have not yet solved. What is left of positive matter? No one knows, we only know that the survival rate of these particles is one in a billion." He released his hand, and the moment he opened his fingers, the little rose on his ring finger was looming.

"Then, the temperature of the universe dropped again and again, so low that those electrons were attracted by the nucleus and became atoms, and countless atoms became stars under the pull of gravity. Some stars exploded, and some stayed, such as..." He He took out an orange lollipop from his pocket, "The sun, a tiny star born in a small corner of the universe." He peeled off the "sun" candy wrapper and stuffed it into Xia Xiqing's hand.

"In hundreds of millions of years, this small star will attract other heavy substances and gases to form planets." He took out a blueberry-flavored candy and held it in his hand, "such as the earth."

He grabbed the blueberry candy and circled the "little sun" held by Xia Xiqing like a small plane, "After a long period of time, rare liquid water appeared on this asteroid. Slowly, life forms appeared. Finally, you and I appeared."

Zhou Ziheng looked into Xia Xiqing's eyes, which were gentler than the stars in the universe.

"These were created by those particles that survived. Every part of your body and that of me, this bed, this room, the Earth, the sun, the galaxy, all came from those billionths of a billion. In the end, it came from positive and negative particles. encounter."

The long theory of the origin of the universe ended here, Zhou Ziheng came over and kissed Xia Xiqing's eyes.

"So, the encounter of completely opposite things may create miracles."

After speaking, Zhou Ziheng held Xia Xiqing's face and kissed his lips, a kiss that stole his heart at the moment of separation. Gravity is also inexplicable attraction.

"The argument is over."

Can't win at all.

The so-called experience that has stirred up countless hearts for so many years, the so-called invincible victories, became vulnerable in front of this person, and the moment he tried to disarm and surrender, he found that he had no weapons for a long time.

Each of us is composed of countless 1 in 100,000 surviving particles scattered in a sea of ​​billions of people.

Therefore, my encounter with you is a miracle created by countless tiny particles moving forward, annihilating and colliding.

Precious and rare.

The two of them slept in this small single bed so curled up all night, and then got up in a hurry early in the morning before returning to the crew to film. When locking the gate of this villa, Xia Xiqing's heart suddenly fell heavily.

He raised his head and glanced at the small balcony on the third floor. He vaguely seemed to see a little boy who waved to him with a smile on his face.

"What's wrong?"

Xia Xiqing lowered his head and smiled, then turned to look at Zhou Ziheng.

"Woke up too early, hallucinations occurred."

After Song Nian finished his career, he called Zhou Ziheng a lot, and sent him a lot of WeChat messages. Zhou Ziheng ignored it. He had encountered many similar situations when he was filming, and he usually explained it to the other party. She showed that she had absolutely no intention of falling in love, but Song Nian was really bothering people, and letting him know that her team bought the hot search hype, even a kind-hearted character like Zhou Ziheng would inevitably feel disgusted.

In addition, his heart is only on Xia Xiqing now, and he can't care about anything. His daily life is filming and liking Xia Xiqing.

[Song Nian: I know you don’t think that way about me, but no matter what I say, it’s all girls. You just left me and ran away after the banquet was over. So many reporters came to visit the class, and I was embarrassed. ]

Zhou Ziheng saw the last message she sent. If it was someone else, he would apologize, but he had no guilt for Song Nian.

[Zhou Ziheng: Don't pretend, those reporters were also found by your team, I have no obligation to come forward. ]

After sending this sentence, Zhou Ziheng blocked Song Nian. Ordinary stars won't do this, and even if they tear their face, they won't cut off contact, but Zhou Ziheng's family background has given him a natural barrier to mix with the circle, and this kind of seemingly tiger thing is nothing in his eyes.

The next few days were the highlight. As Gao Kun's illness became more and more serious, Zhou Ziheng spent more and more time on makeup every day.

Xia Xiqing felt sorry for him, saying that he was working too hard, but Zhou Ziheng actually enjoyed it.

After finally filming a scene at the CDC, Kun Cheng, Zhou Ziheng and Xia Xiqing sat in the car. Xia Xiqing watched the patients outside the car and waved goodbye to them, and his heart suddenly became sour.

In fact, when his private life was the most chaotic, he really thought about whether he would get AIDS. He even thought that it would be fine if he was really infected, anyway, it would be quite meaningless to live, even he himself didn't know what he was living for, why should he respond to Xia Yunkai? Or simply don't want to be looked down upon.

His eyes shifted from outside the car to the inside, looking at Zhou Ziheng who was talking to the director.

Almost in an instant, Zhou Ziheng also looked at him, smiled at him, then thought that nothing had happened, and continued to discuss the next performance with the director.

Such a smile, coincidentally, seemed to be an answer specially given to him.

He insisted on living for twenty-five years and met Zhou Ziheng.

It seems...it's not a loss.

"In fact, the state now distributes medicines for free, and it is not so difficult for the treatment of AIDS patients." Zhou Ziheng sighed and looked down at the script in his hand, "Maybe for them, the psychological pressure is far greater than the physical pressure. torment."

"Everyone's concept of AIDS is still too outdated, because they don't understand it, so there is discrimination and fear. These concepts are difficult to change, but video works can be spread." Kuncheng patted Zhou Ziheng on the shoulder, "This is also one of the meanings of making movies. what."

Zhou Ziheng also raised his head. Xiao Luo handed over a few cans of coffee. He took one and threw it to Xia Xiqing. Xia Xiqing took it and looked up at him.

"It's a heavy responsibility." He smiled, sparkling.

Xia Xiqing also smiled, resting his chin on his hand and looking out the car window.

He used to hate idealists, those overconfident people who always dreamed that they could save the world, trying to be a very important part of the world.

In fact, many so-called idealists are nothing more than severe patients suffering from redemptive delusions, and most of them will eventually die from the gap between ideal and reality that cannot be filled.

fell hard.

Xia Xiqing always liked to watch this kind of tragic scene where ideals were destroyed, until he met Zhou Ziheng.

This gleaming idealist.

He was so dazzling that Xia Xiqing was reluctant to pull him down just by looking at him. hope he can fly freely in the vast free sky.

Looking at Zhou Ziheng's face reflected on the car window, Xia Xiqing couldn't help but smile.

If possible, he would like to keep looking up.

The scene went back to the house they rented before, which is Jiang Tong's residence. When Gao Kun found out that there was no way out for AIDS, Jiang Tong took him in. Gao Kun runs between the CDC and the rental house every day, and spends the rest of the time doing odd jobs. When he has occasional breaks, Gao Kun is learning sign language.

While waiting to touch up the makeup, Zhou Ziheng and Xia Xiqing exchanged their lines, the director guided the movement, and filmed several scenes of their daily life in this rental house in the afternoon.

"These are the more positive sunlight in the film," Kuncheng instructed the lighting engineer, "The light source should be stronger, but softer."

When it got dark, they entered the night play.

This night scene made Zhou Ziheng very worried. Jiang Tong dreamed that his mother came home and packed up. At first, he said that he would take Jiang Tong with him, but in the end she left by herself. Jiang Tong also woke up from a nightmare.

Just reading the script, Zhou Ziheng felt shocking.

"Director Kun," while Xia Xiqing was putting on makeup, Zhou Ziheng sat next to Kuncheng, "Is this scene important?"

"Of course. This paragraph is an introduction to revealing Jiang Tong's past." Kuncheng discussed a lot with Zhou Ziheng about the script again, and Zhou Ziheng couldn't hear a word. He originally thought that if it wasn't important, he might as well remove it. To prevent Xia Xiqing from taking all his efforts to act, and finally being cut off.

But the director paid so much attention to it, Zhou Ziheng could only nod his head frequently, feeling uneasy.

Occasionally turning his head to look at Xia Xiqing, he could only see that he was memorizing his lines, looking down at the script in his hand. After finishing the makeup, the filming will start soon. While waiting for Kuncheng to arrange a move, Xia Xiqing said, "Director Kun, Jiang Tong's part is a dream, in order to distinguish reality, I think Jiang Tong acts like a normal speech in the dream. "

He explained again, "His dreams reflect his wishes to a certain extent. He misses his mother so much, so he dreams of her coming back and taking her away. Similarly, I think he also hopes I am a normal child and will not be laughed at for being speechless."

Kun Cheng thought about it for a while and decided to take his suggestion and try to play it again.

"The 45th A-mirror of "Track", the first time, Action!"

Jiang Tong sat alone on the old sofa, quietly playing with the blades of the old fan.

The knock on the door suddenly appeared, and the moment he stood up, the sound disappeared. Just as he was about to sit down, there was another knock on the door.

Jiang Tong took two steps slowly at first, but for some reason, he suddenly quickened his pace and anxiously opened the door.

There was a wounded woman standing outside the door, her body was a mixture of cheap perfume and bloody smell, withered curly hair, fishnet stockings with many holes, and long-spent makeup.

"Tongtong?" She laughed, bright red lipstick stuck to the corners of her lips, "Tongtong."

Jiang Tong froze in place, unable to say a word.

"Tongtong, I'm mother." The woman who had been away for many years hugged him tenderly and patted his back, "Mother is here."

Jiang Tong just stared blankly, letting her hug him tightly.

"Yes, mom is back." The woman let go of her arm and pushed him away by holding onto his shoulder, "You've grown so big..."

Her tone was hesitant.

Because the actor did not expect that Xia Xiqing, who played Jiang Tong, was already in tears.

At the moment of hugging, a big drop of his tears fell out of his eyes.

Even Kuncheng, who was behind the monitor, was secretly surprised. He had seen many actors who were emotionally fast, but this was the first one. He didn't even ask Xia Xiqing to have a crying scene here. Only Zhou Ziheng, standing in the corner without saying a word, was more worried than anyone else.

But the actress is also very professional. The director didn't call to stop, so she quickly continued to act. She brought in her worn-out suitcase, smiled and touched Jiang Tong's cheek, "Mom came back this time to take you away." After she finished speaking, she took Jiang Tong to the small bedroom, Zi opened the closet, took out a lot of clothes and skirts, and stuffed them all into the box.

"Mom," Jiang Tong stood dumbfounded by the wardrobe, with his fingers in his ears, but he couldn't touch the hearing aids, his eyes were full of confusion, "Are you really back?"

"Yes, silly child." Mom stood up from the closet and touched his face again, "Mom will take you away this time, and we will never come back." She glanced around, "Again. I don't stay here anymore."

Jiang Tong suddenly laughed, exulting like a child. Like his mother, he rummaged through the closet for his clothes, stuffing them one by one into the little tattered suitcase.

In the shot, he and his mother's hands are folded in the suitcase.

But the next second, when he stuffed his yellowed white shirt into it, several drops of blood suddenly dripped on it.

One drop, another drop, one piece.

As soon as he looked up, he saw blood on his mother's face, dripping from the top of her head to her chin. She was covered in wounds and even scars large and small from cigarette butts.

Jiang Tong suddenly panicked.

"Mom, I'll go, I'll go get you gauze, get medicine..." He hurriedly stood up, walked to the bathroom, opened the locker behind the mirror, found a small medicine box from it, and closed it again. When he went to the mirror, he clearly saw that he was also covered in injuries in the mirror.

Mother.

I'm going to wrap my mother up.

When he returned to the bedroom, it was empty, there was no sign of his mother, and there was no suitcase. He ran frantically holding the box and saw a figure open the door and leave the dilapidated rental house.

Mother!

Jiang Tong shouted, but found that he couldn't make a sound. He opened the door and ran down the stairs barefoot.

There's nothing, she's gone.

Jiang Tong held his small medicine box by himself, clenched his teeth, and clenched his jaw tightly. The muscles of his jaw were shaking.

Tears filled the bruised and swollen eyes, but not a single drop came out.

"Yes." Director Kun stood up, "This one is very good. It's very good." He felt a little touched in his heart. I thought that in order for this play to have the effect he wanted, it would take at least three or four pieces. Xia Xiqing felt so right, even better than he imagined. Kuncheng couldn't help but suspect that Xu's script was written for him.

After making up several shots, I finally finished shooting this dream. Xia Xiqing sat in the lounge, waiting for the props team to rearrange the scene. He actually didn't dare to think about whether he would be able to stabilize himself if the play was filmed before he took Zhou Ziheng home.

But now he seems to have let go a lot.

After filming was over for a while, Xia Xiqing found that his feet were a little sore. He lowered his head to check, only to find that the part of the sole of the foot near the toes had been scratched by something on the ground, and there was a small incision that was not too deep.

I was so dazed that I didn't realize I was cut.

Just when he was about to call Xiaoxiao, Zhou Ziheng came over with a pot of hot water.

"Where did you get it?"

"I asked Xiaoxiao to help me boil the water while you were shooting." Zhou Ziheng half-knelt on the ground, put his hand in to test the water temperature, then grabbed Xia Xiqing's feet and prepared to put it in, but Xia Xiqing hid.

"I'll do it myself." He glanced at the door of the lounge, "Don't do this, it's not good for people to see it later."

"What are you afraid of?" Zhou Ziheng still stubbornly grabbed his ankle, but found a little blood on the sole of his foot, "What's the matter? Are you injured?"

"Can this be considered an injury? You didn't have a broken arm and a short leg when you filmed before, so I'll scratch it." Xia Xiqing was afraid that he would say it, so he took the initiative to put his feet in the water basin, and reached out to wash himself. But Zhou Ziheng was very stubborn and had to help him wash. The two were awkward for a while. Xia Xiqing was afraid that someone would come in anytime, anywhere. It would be worse to see them making such a fuss, so he had to pretend to be dead and let him wash.

"Then hurry up and don't delay things."

Zhou Ziheng lowered his head and smiled, "No delay." His movements were extremely gentle, he stood up, took a soft towel, and the small first aid kit they always kept, squatted down again to carefully dry him, and put his feet on the On his knee, then sterilize the small wound, and finally put a Band-Aid.

"Okay." After finishing all the work, Zhou Ziheng lowered his head and kissed his fair instep, then raised his head and smiled at him.

Xia Xiqing looked down at him, "Fool."

Zhou Ziheng squeezed his ankle, "You did a great job just now. I was worried about you. I was afraid that you would lose control of your emotions."

"It seems to be a lot better when I say it," Xia Xiqing twitched the corners of his mouth, "It's easy to break out if you keep pressing it."

"You will definitely get better and better." Zhou Ziheng raised his face and smiled at him.

This person is very strange. When he is not smiling, his excessively sharp facial features always give people a strong natural sense of oppression, but when he smiles, his pair of deep eyes will bend unscrupulously, like a crescent moon, and the corners of his mouth will also bend. Raised, there is a childishness in the tenderness.

getting better and better...

Where does his confidence come from, he can continue to support him to believe in those happy endings.

Xia Xiqing lowered his eyebrows and smiled, "Have you seen the watchman in the wheat field?"

Seeing Zhou Ziheng nodding, he continued, "I remember there was such a sentence in it, an immature idealist will die tragically for the sake of the ideal, while a mature idealist will live for the sake of the ideal." Xiang Zhou Ziheng, "You are more like the immature former."

Too enthusiastic, too desperate.

Zhou Ziheng stood up, bent down again, put his hands on his straight knees, and approached Xia Xiqing who was sitting on a chair.

I thought he was going to refute, after all, he always has his own logic.

But Zhou Ziheng affirmed Xia Xiqing's conclusion.

"That's right."

Zhou Ziheng leaned over and kissed him, his eyes firm and soft.

"My ideal is you. If you replace it with an equivalent value, I am indeed willing to die tragically for you."

At this moment, Xia Xiqing was convinced that this person must be a natural positive particle, and could not wait to embrace the negative self and annihilate in the heat.

"For a performer, it was a dramatic and impactful ending."