Chapter 121 Four Tones 33 Heartbreak

For a long time after that, Lin Chen was thinking, what would he do if Xing Conglian was the one who got out of the car and chased after Xu Ran?

He may not be as silent as he is. With his skill, maybe he will hold Xu Ran before she knocks over the newsstand, or he will shout and use his voice to stop the chasing in front of him. People running wild, what would he say, "don't move" or "stop"?

If it was Xing Conglian, there might be a better way...

If there is a better way, maybe Xu Ran is sitting opposite her now, she will cry to him about Li Jingtian, he will hand her a tissue or a glass of water, and tell her that everything will pass, he will Catch that bad guy.

However, now, Lin Chen's eyes are looking into the intensive care unit.

In fact, it is also a face-to-face situation now, but now, he is standing outside the window and she is lying on the bed.

Some catheters and wires were connected to Xu Ran. She lay there lifelessly. A light yellow medicinal liquid was injected into her body drop by drop along the hose. The heartbeat, blood pressure, and respiratory index on the monitor were all temporarily. It was stable, but it was only temporarily stable. No one knew when the alarm that the vital signs disappeared would sound again.

Lin Chen looked at Xu Ran's face, most of which was covered by the ventilator. She had deep lines on her eyebrows and eyes, a very typical look that was tortured to death by life. She was only 25 years old, but her age seemed to be the reverse of her true age.

Because of the car accident surgery, Xu Ran's intracranial pressure was too high, and a skull bone flap was removed from her head, and there were traces of brown blood and yellow vomit on her face, as if it was the most shoddy doll, because the children were fighting for it. In the process, they fought and became fragmented.

But unfortunately, dolls and people are always different. The doctor said that it is unknown whether the patient can wake up or not, because the truck is run over twice, and the patient's internal organs are facing failure at any time.

In short, the classic episodes in those movies or TV series are like this. Doctors always say that whether you can wake up depends on the patient's will to survive, because in the eyes of the screenwriter and director, there must be such a despairing and difficult part in those stories. Only hopeful passages can highlight the tension of dramatic conflict.

But Lin Chen knew very well that for Xu Ran, there might not be such a hopeful moment.

The physiological saline mixed with the medicinal liquid dropped drop by drop, as if the life of the girl on the bed had passed.

Lin Chen felt someone pat him on the shoulder, he turned his head blankly, and saw the dynasty, the young man's eyes were full of gentle and sad black, he saw the dynasty open his mouth, he wanted to say something to him, or maybe say Something happened, but he couldn't seem to hear it.

It was very strange that when he saw the face of the dynasty, every scene that happened on that sidewalk resurfaced. At that time, the dynasty got off a little late because he had to put down the computer, but he always felt that the young man was in the car. He ran not far behind him, and Feng Mingming was not so cold, but when it scratched his face, it smelled bloody. This kind of clarity was very scary, because he could recall every detail of the scene at that time, such as There were a few newspapers floating in the sky or a plush pendant that was swayed by passers-by, of course, including the moment when Xu Ran was crushed.

Lin Chen closed his eyes, the tinnitus made him unable to hear any sounds around him.

He is very clear that he is in the post-traumatic stress reaction period. In fact, it is fair to everyone to hurt this thing, no matter how many books you have read, how many psychotherapy techniques you have mastered, and what great truths you will say, when hurting this thing, it is fair to everyone. When it comes, when it is time to feel the pain, those pains will not diminish at all.

When Lin Chen opened it again, he realized that the dynasty was going to say something to him.

He saw Xing Conglian and the police officers from the forensics department coming from the end of the corridor. He seemed to be watching a criminal investigation drama that had nothing to do with him. He watched the uniformed officers push the door open and enter the intensive care unit. They are doing some forensic work seriously and seriously. The flash lights are on, some people are taking pictures, some people are collecting evidence from Xu Ran's fingerprints, some people are simply checking Xu Ran's shoulder bag, and some people have removed the doctor from Xu Ran during the previous operation. The bloody clothes from the bottom were put into the evidence bag, and everything went on in an orderly manner, as orderly as the passage of time.

Finally, Lin Chen saw that someone handed over a mobile phone with a broken screen to the dynasty.

He didn't look up, but just from the calluses on the slender knuckles and joints due to the gun, he knew that it was Xing Conglian's hand.

He lowered his head, not knowing whether Xing Conglian was speaking or not, the symptoms of tinnitus disappeared temporarily, and the ward was terribly quiet.

Later, the people who came back withdrew like running water, and there was no one in the entire aisle.

He began to hear the hissing sound of the ventilator.

Lin Chen felt that he should do something, at least not stand here in a daze, deeply immersed in the plot of PTSD, deeply immersed in the pictures that kept flashing back and powerless.

He took out his mobile phone and wanted to see if there was any new news or content on the Internet, even if it was just some very strange entertainment news.

Although he thought so, he subconsciously knew very well that what he wanted to see was not what he wanted to see. Therefore, in the first post of all popular Weibo, he saw the photos of the car accident scene again.

Irritated asphalt roads, blocked traffic, parked people...

Those faded scenes became vivid again. The photos of Xu Ran lying in a pool of blood were released one after another. Although those photos had mosaics, the memory would not be coded. Those mosaics were moved and the scenes were automatically displayed again. Completely filled.

Lin Chen even saw himself in the photo.

This seems to be a very funny scene. He looked at himself at the scene of the car accident, with blank and empty eyes from a distance, as if he had not recovered from being overwhelmed. For the first time, Lin Chen discovered that he was really Very fragile and incompetent, man, always fragile and incompetent.

When Xing Conglian returned to the intensive care unit, what he saw was that scene.

Lin Chen was looking at his mobile phone screen with a mocking look, and the screen emitted a light blue white light, which made his face pale.

He clenched the paper cup in his hand and walked towards him.

When he walked in, he realized that what Lin Chen was looking at was the photo of himself at the scene of the car accident, and it was only when he got closer that he could see clearly that the mockery in Lin Chen's eyes even had some contempt. In self-mockery, he felt incompetent.

Xing Conglian felt that he should say something. In fact, when he arrived at the scene of the car accident, after Xu Ran was carried into the ambulance, he should have said something to Lin Chen.

But when he searched his stomach, he suddenly realized that he was really not the type to persuade people. After all, Lin Chen had always been doing the persuading job, and Lin Chen could always do it well, he just stood there, It seems to have a soothing aura that can make you temporarily forget the pain.

He thought about it, of course he could say to Lin Chen, don't be sad, don't be sad, it's really not your fault, of course he can think of a lot of such pale and powerless words, but these are all nonsense, having witnessed the tragedy with his own eyes, once again Watching life fly by at his fingertips, no one is not in pain, even Lin Chen.

He sighed, raised the paper cup in his hand, and touched Lin Chen's cheek.

Lin Chen felt his cheeks get hot.

He raised his head, only to find that Xing Conglian came back at some unknown time, there were only the two of them in the corridor, and the dynasty did not know what to do, most likely to check Xu Ran's mobile phone.

"What are you thinking?" Xing Conglian handed him the paper cup and leaned against the glass window on the side, asking him.

Lin Chen stared at Xing Conglian's dark green eyes, his answer almost blurted out: "I was thinking, why did you cover my eyes just now."

Now, of course, his thoughts are very abnormal or even unprofessional at all. The victim is lying across the wall, but he is still asking Xing Conglian, why didn't you let me see the scene of the car accident?

This is a kind of vulnerable temptation at all. This kind of temptation is very common among people who are in love. People who are carried away by love use these questions to test each other's mind, hoping to get something unexpected that will make them happy. Pao's answer, in the past, of course, he would not be so naive, but now, like those little girls who are dazzled by love, trying to use temptation to gain hope, and desperately eager to get some love responses from Xing Conglian.

Even if Xing Conglian sees a trace of shake or love in his eyes, it is a great consolation for him now. The desire for love that only those little girls have can make him forget the pain in an instant, because love is the best refuge.

But ah, Xing Conglian, if it is Xing Conglian, of course not like this.

His eyes were still calm and serene, like a deep pool in the mountains, and he said, "Because, this time, you don't need to look at those."

"what?"

"I can see it."

In an instant, Lin Chen understood the meaning of Xing Conglian. He said that when Xu Haozhen committed suicide last time, he didn't have time to come to him and witness the tragedy on his behalf, so now, these things should be seen by him.

Although this is not a love story, it is better than a love story.

Lin Chen felt a little funny, he opened the hot drink he brought, and found that it was a cup of hot cocoa, the kind he once ordered for Dynasty.

"A friend of mine said that sweets boost dopamine in the brain and make you feel better."

"Your friend is really literate."

"Yes." Xing Conglian looked at him and said seriously.

He took a sip of hot Keke, a little embarrassed, "Actually, you don't have to. I'm not the kind of person who never forgets to torture himself when he sees a tragedy. I don't have the idea of ​​saving the world..."

"Similar words, I have heard it last time, what's the matter with you now?" Xing Conglian's words did not feel harsh at all, but probably when he really reprimanded his subordinates, it was like this. The look in his eyes when he said "what's the matter with you" is enough to make people honestly explain clearly.

"Some PTSD, just take it slow," he said.

"You're blaming yourself, very badly."

Xing Conglian is very serious, he is extremely sharp, and he can see through the crux of the problem at a glance.

"Self-blame is inevitable. If I don't blame myself, I will have antisocial personality disorder."

Lin Chen gently turned the paper cup in his hand, and there was a pretended relaxed smile on his face.

But Xing Conglian really couldn't laugh.

He had never seen such Lin Chen before.

Lin Chen was wearing a white shirt that had been the same for ten years. His cuffs were rolled up, and the collar of the shirt was undone, revealing his wrists and collarbone. He looked a little thin. I didn't dare to look him in the eyes, not knowing what I was thinking.

Xing Conglian remembered that after Xu Haozhen committed suicide last time, Lin Chen would tell him that he knew very well that he was not a saint and could not save everyone in the world, so he would not blame himself too much, but the current situation is completely different from that day. He was so remorseful and so remorseful that his bones were hurting. If he could trade his life for the girl's life on the hospital bed, he might be very willing.

"You have absolutely no obligation to take that responsibility," he said.

"Why not?" Lin Chen almost laughed, but it could hardly be called a smile, because the first time he saw it, Lin Chen's eyes were red, "This is entirely my problem, and when Xu Hao really committed suicide, Same, Xu Hao's real psychological problem was something I couldn't judge at the time, but Li Jingtian was different. After knowing that Li Jingtian sexually assaulted Xu Ran, I should have read the dossier as soon as possible, but I didn't. What am I doing? Eating ice cream in the store, I'm confused by all the online talk, I don't understand what's going on at all..."

Although Lin Chen's eyes were red, he said every word so calmly, as if he was expounding some facts in the air. It seemed that the object he was accusing was not himself, but a stranger in a parallel space.

At this time, any words are useless, Xing Conglian shook his head, he took the paper cup in Lin Chen's hand, and then hugged the person with one hand.

Of course, it was the encouragement and hugs among the comrades-in-arms, but Lin Chen was completely different from all the comrades-in-arms he had hugged before. Lin Chen leaned in his arms obediently, his body was unreasonably cold, like a piece of ice or lifeless. Inorganic, he just heard him constantly narrating his feelings, like a repeater of feelings.

"Later, then I was completely attracted to Li Jingtian, you know, to psychologists, this kind of abnormal abnormal individual seems to have an extreme attraction to us, yes, I looked at Li Jingtian, I kept repeating Analyzing him again and again, from his fingertips to every strand of his hair, I was very excited, I felt that I had grasped all the keys, this proud excitement made me completely ignore Xu Ran, I ignored the real victim, how could this not be my fault, this is my fault... I'm sorry, I'm really sorry..."

Lin Chen's dull voice still kept beside his ears, he heard Lin Chen keep talking, those whispers seemed to penetrate into his heart, but it was very strange that Lin Chen was obviously blaming himself, He is obviously repenting for the mistakes he thinks, but Xing Conglian thinks those words are beautiful, like red roses as red as fire, white roses as white as snow, kind people are always kind to their bones, Lin Chen is so beautiful to him My heart is breaking.

Finally, after Lin Chen said a lot of sorry, the hoarse talk finally stopped.

It was a very strange feeling. The lights were bright and the surroundings were silent. He was holding a same-sex and standing in the empty corridor. The hug that was supposed to be encouraging among comrades in arms became very complicated, mixed with sadness and pain. , despair, self-blame, all kinds of unspeakable emotions, and even love that he didn't realize at that time.

Xing Conglian felt his shoulders wet, he lowered his head and looked at Lin Chen's black hair.

Many times later, Xing Conglian recalled the scene at that time alone, and he realized that at that moment, he should have wanted to bow his head and kiss the top of his hair.

But then, he just said, "We'll catch him, I promise you."