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Chapter 105 Delusion, Truth and Love
Chapter 105 Delusion, Truth and Love
Lu Yingjiu took a half step back.
His eyes were rolling, not knowing what he was spying on.
"Crack-"
"Crack-"
With it as the center, black cracks spread little by little, all over the walls and ceiling. Soon, the entire room was covered in cobweb-like cracks.
A lot of wall skins fell off, smashed into white pieces and powder, and piled up a few centimeters at Lu Yingjiu's feet.
He looked around.
I saw eyes behind every peeling wall.
They turned slowly, densely packed, and spread around every corner, enough to drive any intensive phobia patient crazy.
【59 eyes】
This word appeared in Lu Yingjiu's mind for no reason.
For some reason, he just knew that a total of 59 eyes were watching him. The tide-like sight drowned him, and he was truly suffocated by the squeezed lungs.
Can't breathe.
The eyelids are heavy-
"...Mr. Lu."
"Mr. Lu, look at me."
"Lu Yingjiu, are you listening?"
"Huh?" Lu Yingjiu came back to his senses.
The sun was shining brightly in front of you, and the breeze gently blew the curtains. He sat face to face with a woman, the seat behind him was soft.
He thought blankly, where am I?
Didn't I just stay at home and see the eyes in the wall? How did you come to this place.
The woman took a note in her hand and pushed her glasses: "Mr. Lu, what is the frequency of this situation?"
"...What's the situation?" Lu Yingjiu asked.
The woman said: "You said that you often see eyes in the walls of the house."
Lu Yingjiu: "...I don't know."
The woman smiled, lowered her head and wrote something on the paper, then said, "You have been under too much stress recently, it may be that your anxiety disorder has caused a strong hallucination, I will give you some medicine, you must remember to take it on time. Let's talk about it today."
After she finished writing, she got up and prepared to take the walk to welcome the wine.
Lu Yingjiu suddenly asked, "What day is it today?"
"May 31st," the woman replied.
In Lu Yingjiu's memory, the day when he ended the commission and saw his eyes at home was May 14.
Half a month passed in between.
And he has no memory at all.
Lu Yingjiu walked out of the clinic with a medical certificate for [Severe Anxiety Disorder] and a pile of medicines, standing under the hot afternoon sun.
People come and go.
There was a huge daze in his heart.
The car was parked on the side of the road, and he drove home.
Opening the door, two cats greeted him with their tails upright.
Lu Yingjiu squatted down with a smile, touched their heads, and looked at the wall subconsciously.
The walls are clean and nothing.
Is it really his hallucination?
The days after that were business as usual.
He still drives out ghosts every day and works overtime at the Green Lantern Festival every day. The meeting knew that he was in a bad mood, and he had relieved him as much as possible. Xia Ping'an also reminded him to take medicine every day.
Life is back to normal.
It's just that when he comes home every day, he still subconsciously looks at the wall.
Every day the walls are intact.
Immaculately white.
Once at dinner, Lu Yingjiu asked casually, "By the way, how is the old man we met last time? Does he still live there?"
Xia Ping'an looked at him, hesitating to say anything, before replying in a low voice after a while: "Chief Lu, you don't know, he is dead."
"Dead?" Lu Yingjiu stopped.
"Yes." Xia Ping'an said very hard, and was also sad about this matter, "A week after we saw him, the old house caught fire, and he couldn't escape. The animals he raised also all died."
Lu Yingjiu was stunned for a few seconds.
Then he sighed and bowed his head.
There is an eye on the table, staring at him!
He stood up subconsciously, and took out the talisman paper in his hand——
"...Mr. Lu."
"Mr. Lu, please answer my question."
"Are you really all right?"
sunny.
It's the clinic again, and Lu Yingjiu still doesn't know how he got here. There was a gap in his memory, and he only remembered that he was having dinner in the last second.
The woman pushed her glasses: "Mr. Lu, have you had a good rest recently?"
"...Yes." Lu Yingjiu replied in a trance, "I tried my best to rest."
"You have a lot of work pressure," the woman said. "I suggest you take time off and take a break."
"I can't ask for leave." Lu Yingjiu said.
What if he has been on leave for so long and a new commission comes? If he can come forward with better results and save one more person, then he will go wherever he says.
The woman pushed her glasses again: "Your stress mainly comes from work, so I sincerely recommend you to do this. You have severe PTSD, and you should not be involved in that line of work for a short period of time to avoid...unnecessary consequences."
PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Many of Lu Yingjiu's colleagues had this problem - most of the time, it was because of their negligence and lack of ability that they failed to save the client, and even watched the client die in front of him.
They either quit exorcising ghosts again, or they have sleepless nights, wake up from nightmares, or develop extreme anxiety.
Lu Yingjiu has always been the kind of person with a strong heart. He can mediate his emotions, and there has never been such a sign.
Seemingly seeing his daze, the woman said, "Didn't you meet an old man named Cai at work?"
"Yes." Lu Yingjiu nodded.
"He died in a fire," said the woman, "with a dozen animals in his house, because you didn't chase away the ghosts."
Lu Yingjiu hesitated: "...because I didn't drive away the ghosts?"
"Well, you were negligent and didn't realize there was another ghost in the house," the woman said. "You told me this. That's how the fire started, and you never got out of this shadow. So, you It takes a break, a long break."
Lu Yingjiu was in a trance.
Is there really such a thing?
"Plop, plop, plop-"
"Plop, plop, plop-"
The heartbeat came again.
He went home, hesitated again and again, and asked the Green Lantern Festival for a half-month leave.
Lu Yingjiu didn't come into contact with any ghosts for half a month.
He waters the flowers and feeds the cat at home every day, and he orders all the delicious takeaways nearby. The rhythm of life suddenly slowed down, and he was uncomfortable at first, but he soon accepted the slow day.
He started having strange dreams.
The dream is a completely different scene.
Sometimes he dreamed of the mighty sea. The near-ocean ship is as helpless as a leaf, let the waves bump.
The freighter was not a sailor, but a ghost exorcist. The ape sat on their shoulders, and the golden hair was wet by the rain. In each of their hands is a complex rune paper, burning in the wind, echoing the formation on the bottom of the sea.
Then the golden light bloomed on the bottom of the sea, reflecting the lingering cloud.
Sometimes he dreamed of mountains after being burned by fire.
The sanatorium collapsed in the fire, leaving only the ruins. A crimson snake traverses the mountains, the surrounding fire is burning, and the mountains are all crimson.
The same bright formation lights up, all over the mountains and fields, shining brightly.
Then the people standing in the mountains, the strangers, started talking to him. Lu Yingjiu couldn't hear their voices, only saw their anxious expressions.
These wild dreams haunt him.
Whenever Lu Yingjiu woke up in the middle of the night, he could always see the black cat sitting by the pillow, rubbing his furry head against him, and there seemed to be complicated emotions in his scarlet eyes.
"...What do you want to say?" Lu Yingjiu couldn't help laughing and touched it, "What do you want to tell me?"
The black cat did not answer.
——Of course it doesn't answer, just wagging its tail and licking Lu Yingjiu's palm.
Lu Yingjiu just rested for half a month, and his condition improved.
On the day his sick leave ended, he got up early as usual to go to the Green Lantern Festival.
When he got downstairs, the sun was so bright that he couldn't open his eyes.
With people coming and going around, he half-squinted his eyes and tried to adjust to the light——
"Mr. Lu? You're distracted again."
"Mr. Lu, your condition is still not good, you must rest for a few more days."
"Does your delusions... still exist?"
"Delusion?" Lu Yingjiu said blankly, "What kind of delusion?"
He was back in the conversation room, sitting in a soft chair with a glass of warm water in hand.
The off-white curtains fluttered in the wind, and the children's laughter came from afar.
The woman leaned forward and looked at him intently: "It's just a delusion about ghosts."
"Do you still consider yourself a 'ghost exorcist'?"
Lu Yingjiu: "...I'm not a ghost exorcist, what am I?"
The woman sighed lightly: "There are no ghosts in this world, and there are no 'ghost exorcists' and 'green lantern festivals', all of which are your delusions. Of course you can't run paper, let alone die. Exorcism."
"Mr. Lu, you must recognize the facts clearly and take active treatment to get better."
She handed over a small bag full of pills: "The medicine is the same as last time, you have to remember to take it on time."
Lu Yingjiu: "..."
Lu Yingjiu said, "Didn't you just say that I have PTSD when we met last time? Shouldn't I be doing this again? You admit that there are ghosts in the world."
"No such thing." The woman still sighed, "Mr. Lu, your delusions are getting more and more serious. Let me contact your family."
She buried herself in her notebook, as if looking for contact information.
"No need to look for it." Lu Yingjiu said, "I have no family."
"What about my friend?" The woman looked at him.
At this moment, Lu Yingjiu wanted to blurt out a few names.
But the thoughts seemed to have been stolen, and he couldn't remember who those were, and finally said, "Me too... I don't have friends either."
The woman said, "then go back to rest early. If you live alone, you should pay more attention to your body. You have my phone number, and you can contact me anytime if you have anything."
"...Okay." Lu Yingjiu nodded, "I remember."
After leaving the clinic, he drove to the place where the Green Lantern Fair was.
It was empty, nothing but a run-down alley and a few dirty stray cats.
Call the phone number in memory, all empty, or be picked up by a stranger. The little ghosts who used to wander the streets were also gone, as if they never existed.
This is a world without ghosts.
Lu Yingjiu went home alone, went upstairs alone, and stood alone in the living room.
The cow cat was gone, the ghost exorcism talisman paper in the drawer was gone, and the safety talisman hanging on the door was gone.
Everything turned out to be his fantasy.
So what is real in this world?
He imagined the eyes in the wall.
He imagined ghosts and a dangerous, busy and fulfilling job.
He imagined relatives and friends, colleagues and old acquaintances, and all kinds of good life...
Now the illusion is shattered.
Everything about him was denied.
Lu Yingjiu stood alone in the dim living room with a pill, until the twilight completely drowned the earth.
"Meow-" came a familiar voice.
Lu Yingjiu was stunned for a moment and turned around in disbelief.
The black cat turned from the corner and rubbed his trousers affectionately.
Lu Yingjiu didn't know why his eyes were a little wet. He picked up the black cat, touched its soft fur, and murmured, "Only you are real..."
The black cat would not answer, and licked his palm gently.
In the days that followed, the condition got worse.
The whole world of Lu Yingjiu is twisted.
The clock turned backwards, the bus platform entered the ship, and the accumulated water flowed back to the black clouds in the air. The whole city is talking, sometimes months of day, sometimes endless polar night.
The lamp has grown eyes, looking up to the sky is a spotlight, and looking up to the ground is a street lamp; the stairs have a mouth, and he will sing every time he goes down. The handle has a nose and can smell who is in front of you, so people no longer need keys and locks.
The fire brigade doused the sun with water, and the thief took a corner of the moon. Fish drowned in the ocean, and the ground was full of fallen birds, their guts flowing out and blooming beautiful flowers.
Lu Yingjiu often sees the dead.
Walking on the street at midnight, his shadow split into three, broke free from the ground, and followed closely behind him.
There are monkeys on the top of the wall, red snakes on the ground, peacocks open their screens under the moon, and dogs with big ears lie on the streets. The animals that had died in the fire had come back silently, watching him, staring at him.
"Have you seen the world in the eyes of Tiandao?"
A voice suddenly sounded.
Old man Cai was standing on the corner of the street with no expression on his face.
With every passing second, his face changed.
Young and old, handsome and ugly...
Like countless figures condensed on his body.
Lu Yingjiu was accustomed to these illusions, and replied calmly: "I imagined it anyway, I think it's what it is, just how it is."
"What does it look like in your imagination?" the old man asked.
"It is orderly, and everything in the world is clearly planned. When you see an object, you can know its origin and whereabouts; when you see a person, you can know his birth, age, illness and death." Lu Yingjiu thought for a while, "It's the law after all."
The old man shook his head: "No, what you said is wrong."
"What's wrong?" Lu Yingjiu smiled.
The old man pointed around: "The world you see now is the world that Heaven sees. It's all chaos and distortion."
Lu Yingjiu: "Huh?"
"The world was born out of chaos. Time, space, all forms and souls have no meaning to it, so it doesn't have to 'see'. It just needs to see the world in its original form, and in the chaos, glimpse The truth of everything."
Lu Yingjiu said, "I don't understand."
Old man: "..."
Lu Yingjiu added: "I have a mental illness, so I assume you are someone I imagined, trying to preach to me and make me sicker." He patted the old man on the shoulder, "If you are not what I imagined Come out, then you look worse than me, go home and take some medicine."
Old man: "..."
Seeing Lu Yingjiu go further and further, he shouted, "Aren't you curious, why can you see the 'world in the eyes of Heaven'?!"
"Because I have paranoia." Lu Yingjiu said, "If I wanted to, I could still see 'the world in your eyes'."
The old man: "..." He was almost exasperated, "Look around you!"
Lu Yingjiu looked around.
Those animals still stared at him silently, their eyes faint, as if urging.
The old man caught up with him.
This time, the old man's face became young and handsome, like a complete stranger, and he said again: "These - including me, are all your subconscious, reminding you that it is time to go back."
"Where to go back?" Lu Yingjiu asked.
"Go home," he said. "Go find someone you love, and someone who loves you."
"Lu Yingjiu, there are still people waiting for you. Your journey should not end here."
"But I—but we can't teach you how to tell the difference between true and false." He looked at Lu Yingjiu deeply, his face was ever-changing, "The way of heaven has denied you everything, but that doesn't mean that those things are true. It's fantasy."
"But," he smiled, "you've already noticed."
"Plop, plop, plop-"
"Plop, plop, plop-"
Another heartbeat.
On this day, Lu Yingjiu returned home along the twisted street.
Take a bath, take medicine, go to bed.
He started dreaming again.
I dreamed that the blue-green peacock spread its wings and flew over the empty buildings, and the tail feathers were wrapped in the glow of the formation.
I dreamed that on the coastal bridge, the woman was alone fighting with the attendant, and she burst into tears after seeing a burnt car.
Lu Yingjiu turned over and over again.
The final dream was fixed in the gloomy ghost world.
He saw the man in black clothes, handsome and cold, when he raised his hand, blood mist rose up for miles - he crushed hundreds of ghosts over and over again, crushing the bones into the dust. In the end, the man turned back and looked at him from a distance, his eyes seemed to have a thousand words and love.
"...Jingxian." He shouted in his sleep.
The mind gradually became clearer.
He seemed to remember something.
When he woke up from the dream, Lu Yingjiu subconsciously wanted to find the trace of the black cat.
In these crazy days, the black cat is his only solace, his only truth.
But different from usual.
The black cat did not answer his call.
Lu Yingjiu thought that it might be locked in the living room, so he got out of bed and opened the bedroom door.
The doorknob was covered in viscous liquid.
He turned on the light and saw that his hands were full of scarlet.
Not only that, the entire living room, the whole room was covered with bloodstains, and the wall was cracked again, and 59 eyes were rolling in it, staring at the very center of the living room.
In the center is the dead black cat.
It lay quietly, and the blood of the big beach gushed out from under it and rushed to Lu Yingjiu's feet.
【It's dead】
The eyes said silently.
【Now you are truly alone】
Lu Yingjiu: "..."
Not right.
Very wrong.
A strong thought lingered in his mind: "He wouldn't leave me like this."
He will always be by my side, as promised.
The split made his mind clear. Breathing is smooth, heartbeat is strong, and the chaotic thinking becomes very clear.
Lu Yingjiu walked over silently, knelt beside the black cat, and stroked its scarred body.
Then he stood up again.
On other people, the death of the black cat must be the last straw that breaks the camel's back.
But his thinking was already different.
He ignored those terrifying eyes and went back to the bedroom to open the drawer.
In the drawer are heavy notebooks.
When you open it, the page is full of dense runes and formations!
——These things have all appeared in his dreams.
But those dreams were blurry and dim, and even people's faces could not be seen clearly, not to mention the fine lines of the formations that could make anyone dizzy. Every time he saw it, he glanced at it in a hurry, and didn't have time to observe it carefully.
Besides, with his mental state, even his daily routine is difficult.
But he actually drew those formations!
Not even the slightest mistake!
Lu Yingjiu wrote down complicated lines in every frantic dream, in those fleeting glances.
If you don't see it clearly, you can draw it out of thin air by relying on theoretical knowledge, instinct, and perhaps a little subconscious memory.
In this way, in a few months, he slowly recovered the four eyes in an impossible way.
At this moment, he picked up the pen and added the last part of the battle eye-that was what he had seen in the dream just now.
The shapes of the eyes are connected to outline the appearance of peacocks, monkeys, canine-eared beasts and snakes. It happened to correspond to the animals he met, one by one.
This can't be a coincidence.
It can't be just his imagination.
The formation eyes were complete, and he saw the clue: the meaning of these four formation eyes was for protection.
protect something.
For example... people who are deep in hallucinations.
Lu Yingjiu took a deep breath and put down the pen and paper.
For the first time in so many days, he truly felt that he was alive.
He sighed
"Mr. Lu, are you still delusional?"
"Mr. Lu?"
"Are you listening to me?"
The sun in the clinic was warm, and the woman pushed her glasses: "Have you insisted on taking medicine?"
"...No." Lu Yingjiu replied, "I threw away all the medicine."
The woman took a deep breath: "How can you do this! If your condition worsens, you will be forced to be sent to the hospital. For your health..."
"Who am I?" Lu Yingjiu asked.
Woman: "...Huh?"
"Who am I?" Lu Yingjiu asked again, leaning forward and touching his fingers.
Minaret gesture.
Represents confidence and aggression.
He looked at the woman blankly, and at this moment, the identities of the patient and the doctor had been reversed.
The woman was obviously panicked: "You are my patient, receiving treatment for severe paranoia. You have created a world full of ghosts, and you are the so-called 'ghost exorcist'."
"The so-called 'ghost exorcist'." Lu Yingjiu smiled, "Then I'm curious, does the talisman have any effect on you?"
The talisman paper flew out and began to burn in the woman's terrified eyes.
The fire spread rapidly, igniting the entire clinic and the entire world. People were burned to the point of screaming, their eyes popped out, and Lu Yingjiu sat quietly in the red.
"You have two failures," he said.
"First, you underestimated my ability, you didn't expect me to restore the formation, and you didn't expect me to have so many things to worry about. No matter what, I'm a genius, right? You despise me like this, it will make me very unhappy of;"
"Secondly, you let 'Jingxian' die, trying to give me a fatal blow. But how could he die like this? He is so powerful and omnipotent, promising to never leave me, and I am willing to believe his everything."
"Besides, even if it's death," Lu Yingjiu smiled, "then a love-minded person who doesn't die by my side, I'm afraid he'll be haunted. He can't allow this kind of thing to happen, he just wants to die in in my arms."
The woman could no longer answer and was engulfed by fire.
Lu Yingjiu opened his hand, and there was an old wound on the back of his hand, which was a medal for fighting ghosts. Warm blood and sincerity.
How could these be fake?
It's just that he hasn't noticed it, it's just that he has been deceived all the time.
Countless faces flashed across.
Jing Xian, Ye Feng, Chu Banyang, Chen Zheng, Chen Xiaoling...
The flames lit up and overturned this illusory world.
Everything I love, he thought, is real.
- They are waiting for me to come home.
...
Hundred ghosts are still surging in the air.
In the illusion, several months have passed, but in reality, only a short second has passed.
In this second, Lu Yingjiu's figure was swallowed by a thick fog.
There was extreme darkness in the thick fog, and only a beam of light fell from the sky and landed in front of him.
In the light beam, a translucent golden human figure slowly descended.
Its face and body shape are constantly changing, and finally it is exactly the same as Lu Yingjiu, with a red heart at the chest.
"Plop, plop, plop-"
"Plop, plop, plop-"
Heartbeat came out.
It reached out and touched Lu Yingjiu's face almost gently, leaning over to touch his forehead.
[Come on] It said silently.
The golden light gradually merged with his body.
However, in the next second, Lu Yingjiu suddenly opened his eyes!
Before the humanoid could react, his left hand grabbed its neck like a pincer, while his right hand clenched the heart.
"Plop plop plop!"
His heart beat faster, and the human figure struggled frantically.
"I didn't expect it." Lu Yingjiu stared at it intently and raised the corners of his mouth, "I'm back."
The traces of the gods swept over, his eyes were stained with silver light, and he pinched his beating heart with his bare hands!!