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date="2021-11-08"

title="Chapter 19"

weight="145892"

series = ["Please, Don’t See Me"]

mode = "manual"

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That was the last half month they were together.

Shu Jin was absent from class, then took a long vacation and stayed with Sheng Xinghe every day.

Shu Jin didn't dare to look at Sheng Xinghe's eyes.

When he looked at each other, he would look away, and he dared not put his gaze on his face when speaking, as if there was a treasure on the ground, he would keep his head down at any time.

He was in a trance all day, Sheng Xinghe tried to communicate with him several times, and took him to do something he was interested in, but he was out of self-enclosed state. However, if Sheng Xinghe gets angry and anxious, he will post it impatiently again, acknowledging his mistake and acting like a baby.

"Brother. If your eyes are good, would you still like me?"

One night, he suddenly asked.

Sheng Xinghe was dealing with work. Hearing that he put the laptop aside, he looked down at the person on the pillow: "Why do you ask?"

Shu Jin said: "It's just a hypothesis."

Sheng Xinghe said: "This assumption is not true. I like you or not, what does it have to do with my eyes?"

Shu Jin buried half of his face in the quilt and said nothing.

Sheng Xinghe also lay down, with his arm hooked around Shu Jin's waist, and sighed: "What's wrong with this lately? Didn't you say that you should stop thinking about Uncle's side?" After a pause, he said, "But, I want to Not the eyes, I might not be funded by my uncle, then we won't meet it."

The quilt is very warm.

The body temperature of two people together makes people greedy.

Shu Jin closed his eyes and actively kissed Sheng Xinghe's lips. Both of them hid in the quilt and made a small and long sound.

Shu Jin patted it painfully, they hadn't done it many times, and they all could count clearly with one hand.

He sneered whenever he got hurt. Sheng Xinghe wanted him to adapt well, so he often let him dismiss it, even if both of them were on the line, they would not let it go. In that half month, they did it more than half of the time after being together. Shu Jin cried and hurt, but still didn't want to let him go.

Shu Jin did not go back to school, nor did he answer Shu Zhaoyuan's phone calls.

He had seriously thought about it, as if he still didn't know anything, he was willing to shamelessly ignoring his conscience, as if Shu Zhaoyuan's conversation with him hadn't happened.

But the world is so small.

In those last days of escaping from the truth, he was forced to wake up.

Everything seems to be destined, so that those who should be punished can no longer escape the guilt.

——They unexpectedly ran into the family in this city.

It was a very ordinary restaurant, and Shu Jin felt better, and tasted the famous barbecue here with Sheng Xinghe.

When the waiter came to arrange the bakeware for them, he was obviously taken aback and said, "What a coincidence, you are here for dinner."

That is a boy about twenty years old.

The age is similar to them.

He didn't have Sheng Xinghe's name, but Sheng Xinghe responded and looked surprised: "Well, you work here."

The atmosphere is awkward.

They are not like acquaintances, but they are not completely ignorant.

The boy put the meat slices in silence and adjusted the heat.

Sheng Xinghe did not speak either.

The boy finally said: "...the meat is ready when it starts to bulge, be careful not to scald it. It will be better if you dip it in the saucepan on the left, you can try it."

Shu Jin said "thank you" and the boy left.

When he left, Shu Jin asked who it was.

Sheng Xinghe poured him a drink, the relaxed expression on his face disappeared, and he couldn't hear the emotions and said: "The family opposite my house, who moved to study abroad, turns out he is already working."

Su Jin suddenly remembered something, and sat there blankly.

The sound of Shu Zhaoyuan's ears when he spoke to him half a month ago sounded again, and Shu Jin fell into a reincarnation that belonged to him. No matter how he deceived himself or escaped, the truth is like a circle, waiting for him to confirm repeatedly. .

Later, the waiter was changed, and the boy never came to serve them again.

Shu Jin remembered that Sheng Xinghe once said, "That person didn't dare to see me. Every time he met me from a distance, he walked away."

Because of guilt and not knowing how to face the victim, even if he saw Sheng Xinghe again after more than ten years and met Sheng Xinghe's gray eyes again, he would choose to avoid it.

The appearance of that person was a gust of wind, not even an episode.

But Shu Jin could no longer feel at ease, ***.

After they left the restaurant, Shu Jin went back there alone.

The boss said that the man was in the back kitchen, and when he was taken in, the boy was cleaning the kitchen. In early winter, the boy was wearing plastic boots and trousers, holding a cleaning tool that Shu Jin had never touched before, and he didn't know what to do. The back of his hand had frostbite.

Shu Jin returned to school without telling Sheng Xinghe.

He turned off the phone, went to Lingjiang alone, and found Shu Zhaoyuan.

When Sheng Xinghe was finally able to get through, he cried.

"Let's break up." He said, "I am the one who hurt your eyes."

Sheng Xinghe's tone was calmer than he thought.

Shu Jin remembered it a long time later, only to feel that that period of time passed very vaguely. Perhaps Sheng Xinghe knew before that phone call. He is so smart, how could he not notice the clues of Shu Jin's abnormal behavior.

Sheng Xinghe said: "No need to break up."

Shu Jin was crying.

Sheng Xinghe's voice has also become distant: "No matter who it is who hurt me, you don't have to break up with me."

"Shu Jin, give me some time."

"OK?"

Shu Jin couldn't remember whether he agreed.

They were in contact again, more than a month later.

The call was made by Shu Jin. He didn't ask Sheng Xinghe what he thought, nor did he ask what Sheng Xinghe knew during these times. He didn't even think that time flies so fast. It's a month and so long.

He just told Sheng Xinghe: "I'm sorry."

He said, "I can't be with you anymore."

He said, "Let's break up, brother."

Thinking of Sheng Xinghe's kindness to him and the love he gave him, the shackles on his body became heavier, so even if Sheng Xinghe kept saying "wait for me to come back" on the phone, and asked him "Where are you", "I don't agree." , He insisted on making the decision.

"Your life is still long, I don't deserve it." He sat in front of the window, and the puff crouched beside him, licking his tears.

He cried in a mess.

At night, Sheng Xinghe appeared at his home.

Shu Zhaoyuan was not there, and his aunt was not there. The locks at the house had been changed long ago, but Shu Jin did not hear the dog barking.

"I don't agree to break up." Sheng Xinghe carried a chill outside, and he was more haggard than before, and his gray eyes were full of sadness.

He pinched Shu Jin's chin and his eyes were red.

"Although it is difficult, we can overcome it!"

Shu Jin's eyes were swollen, and she lost a circle in a short period of time, with no previous dazzling look. Ren Sheng Xinghe looked at it, and he still had no room to turn to tell the truth: "It can't be overcome."

"do not you get it."

"In the future, every time I see you, I will remember that your eyes are because of me."

"I am the one who caused you, and the one who should avoid you is me! No one else! I can't pay you one eye, and I don't want you to see me again!"

"Even if we are together again, my love for you will be replaced by guilt in the future."

"I can't love you anymore."

Shu Jin had never seen such an expression on Sheng Xinghe's face, and never knew that the gray residual eye could also shed hot tears.

"How do you know if you don't try?" Sheng Xinghe asked, "Do you remember the future we talked about? If you don't try, how do you know that you will change?!"

Shu Jin broke away from him, backed to the corner, and cried puffs around him.

"I don't want to be true, I don't want it anymore." He shrank into a small ball and said, "You go and start your life."

"I don't want to waste time."

It seems to be stung by these words, and Sheng Xinghe's words are also harsh: "If I go to start my life, then you will not be in my life plan, Shu Jin."

I will never buy a one-bedroom house together, cook together, and raise a dog together.

In the future, the person who accompanies Sheng Xinghe will become another him or her, Shu Jin doesn't know, in short, that person will no longer be him.

He said to Sheng Xinghe: "Okay."

At the end of the day, Sheng Xinghe asked him "Have you ever loved me?"

He did not give an answer.

On the phone, Shu Jin remained silent for a long time.

Sheng Xinghe said that "there is no next five years", and was silent for a long time, until Shu Jin thought he had hung up, only to hear him let out a long breath and asked, "Where are you?"

Shu Jin seemed to be alive, tears burst out of his eyes, bit his finger to prevent him from crying, and said in a calm tone as much as possible: "You don't need to come over now."

He didn't want Sheng Xinghe to see his forehead injury.

I found an excuse to fear Shu Zhaoyuan's anger, "Inconvenient."

"Okay." Sheng Xinghe said, "Then I'll wait for you here, and call me whenever I need it."

Shu Jin immediately said, "No, you have given me your coat again when it's so cold, you go back first."

Sheng Xinghe changed his tone and seemed to chuckle slightly: "Why, my clothes are so good to wear, don't you want to return them to me?"

Shu Jin: "..."

Sheng Xinghe probably planned to wait for him, but didn't want to leave him here alone and go back by himself.

Before hanging up the phone, Shu Jin called him: "Brother!"

Shu Jin hesitated for a few seconds, feeling very confused.

**How to say, I can barely squeeze out the panic words: "I don't have one."

The meaning of these three words is unclear and extremely irresponsible, even he himself hasn't figured out what he wants to express.

But Sheng Xinghe only responded, "Yeah."