Chapter 109 - Unveiled

◎ The enigmatic fog that had puzzled him also suddenly lifted. ◇

Yu Lian: !!!

She let out a startled cry.

The man calmly held her on her bed, positioning her on his lap just as he did back in Upper Village when he'd accidentally doused her with medicine. His strong arms encircled her securely, one supporting her back while the other wrapped around her waist.

During his busy days attending to state affairs, the person who had frequently crossed his mind was now finally in his embrace.

This feeling of security and warmth was more comforting than their first awkward embrace, carrying a sense of relief and hidden joy.

He had finally confirmed his feelings.

No more hesitation.

He lowered his head to meet her gaze.

Gazing at the array of emotions on her face - surprise, hesitation, bashfulness, and a subtle flush around her eyes that betrayed her joy, the man let out a soft sigh. He gently captured her hand that was holding onto him tightly, enfolding it in his large, warm palm. He caressed her slightly cool and tender skin with his soothing touch, warming her small hand as he softly spoke, "I am smitten with you."

Yu Lian: ???

Maintaining a composed expression and a nearly indifferent tone, as if discussing state affairs with a subordinate, the man confessed his feelings.

"In my life... this life and the one before," he continued. "I have never loved anyone, nor have I known the feeling of cherishing someone in my heart."

"Over these past few days, I've thought about you."

He seemed to have an abundance of words to express, but they ultimately condensed into a few decisive words, "Lian'er, I am delighted by you."

Reflecting now, perhaps it was four years ago, on the day of his execution, when she fearlessly entered his family's gates dressed in a wedding gown, that he began to have feelings for her.

After he was rescued and saw her tearful eyes as she burned memorial texts in the memorial hall, he fell in love at first sight.

Her eyes were exceptionally beautiful - clear, vulnerable, yet resilient.

They pierced through his very being, gradually infiltrating his heart through the fragmented messages conveyed by his subordinates.

Yet, his inner hesitation had kept him from acknowledging his feelings and unlocking that door, allowing her light to fully enter his heart.

He had always used the differences between her past and present lives as an excuse to evade his emotions.

But these past few days, he finally came to a realization.

She was his rightful wife, the one who had braved all obstacles to enter his household, becoming his person, his spouse.

Even with lingering doubts, how could they compare to the significance of who she truly was? They were but insignificant particles of dust.

Under her astonished gaze, the man suddenly lowered his head and spoke softly, "Before, you wore your wedding attire and entered my magnificent estate alone. Now, shall I welcome you in?"

As he spoke, his eyes shimmered with a tumultuous mix of emotions like a churning sea. Back then, what kind of unwavering courage had she possessed, enabling her to act so fearlessly? Reflecting on it now, his heart was both sweetly touched and tingling with bittersweet nostalgia. His fingers trembled slightly as he held her even closer.

All the complexities in his starry eyes ultimately transformed into tender affection.

Yu Lian met his gaze for a moment before she didn't know how to respond. Deciding to feign shyness and panic, she buried her head in his broad chest.

He sighed softly and pressed her head against the back of her skull, imprisoning her completely within his embrace. A profound sense of fulfillment washed over him.

Upon her return, Yu Lian deliberately avoided pondering over the impending decision. In truth, ever since Hua Ji was reborn and they all returned to the capital, she found herself confronted with a choice similar to the one she had faced four years ago when she first transmigrated into this world.

It would be a natural progression to become his Empress, basking in a lifetime of prosperity and honor, yet not seeking the affection shared by ordinary couples. Should she choose to devise an excuse and depart, even if it means forgoing wealth and luxury?

From the very first night after her return home, she began to ponder over this matter once more.

And yet, even to this day, there remains no answer.

It's commonly said online that with wealth, it doesn't matter if a man has numerous mistresses; one might even forego physical intimacy with him, content to be a joyous, wealthy woman all alone.

Upon closer reflection, however,

In a place like the palace, as the Empress, the mother of the nation, how could one come and go as they pleased once they entered? If she were to assume the role of the Empress, her entire life would be bound to that palace. Even with the opulence and prosperity beyond the reach of ordinary people, it would be confined to those walls.

The world within those walls would shrink, and the number of people she would see would decrease. Day in and day out, she would interact with the same few individuals. Could she truly maintain an untainted heart, focusing solely on material pleasures and ignoring everything else?

There were still decades left in her life. Over time, could she genuinely demand of herself not to become greedy, not to crave the love and affection of those around her? Would she remain indifferent, witnessing him doting on other women day and night?

Just the thought of it made Yu Lian feel it was unfeasible.

She couldn't treat her heart so indifferently, without desire or hope. Even if she didn't seek his love, she would likely end up hating him—what was the point in that?

But if she were to rashly find an excuse and leave, the likelihood of being able to act on impulse was slim. If she insisted on leaving, what would become of the devoted lover persona she had so loudly proclaimed? The new emperor's marriage ending in divorce would provoke speculation and doubt throughout the empire. What kind of impact would it have on her parents and family?

In this feudal monarchy, she had to consider more than just herself.

She had already been impulsive once before. This time, she wasn't doing it solely for her own sake but for her loving parents, siblings, and the entire Huajia family, who had become as close as kin to her.

There were too many factors to weigh, so she decided to put these concerns aside for now and enjoy a few days of leisure.

Buried in his chest, a cool fragrance entered her nostrils, instantly clearing her muddled mind.

Suddenly, she realized that things might not be as terrible as her parents imagined. Since meeting Hua Ji, she had sensed a subtle affection from him.

Upon his return, although his eyes held a hint of curiosity when he saw her, he didn't push her away as she cried in his embrace. He let her weep, allowed her to tug at his clothes, and promptly caught her when she fainted.

After she woke up, he even held her while feeding her medicine.

Despite his aloof expression and few words, Yu Lian could sense from his gestures and subtle expressions that he was not unfamiliar, distant, or adverse to her; on the contrary, there was an underlying hint of affinity.

Initially, she thought it was because she had helped him care for his family, but now she realized it was more than that.

Otherwise, how could the villain, after his rebirth, put aside his resentment and confess his feelings to her?

That resentment... Yu Lian sighed softly in his embrace, for she had known about it since she guessed that Hua Ji had also been reborn.

Her hesitation was the reason.

In the previous life, the original host's actions were vastly different from hers. How could someone as cautious and astute as Hua Ji not be suspicious? The reason he didn't immediately behave like a loving husband, apart from his nature, was likely due to this doubt.

Recently, Yu Lian had dared to entertain a bold idea: why not be bolder, more ambitious, and commit fully to her disguise?

Not only would she secure her position as empress, but she would also capture his heart, refusing to let him indulge in a harem that would disgust her. After all, she had already played out a public display of affection before the entire city and survived a grand scene where the emperor sent assassins after her. What couldn't she do? She didn't need to betray the persona she had painstakingly built. All she needed was to dispel this doubt and open his heart entirely to her, making him hers!

To be cherished alone by the ruler of the world, held delicately and loved deeply.

Such an outcome, would it not be far superior to evading the position of Empress, fleeing the imagined intrigues of the three palaces and six courts, lacking the courage to compete and the audacity to desire?

With this thought, her mind became even more lucid, and her objective was now crystal clear. Yet, the man sensed a sudden tremble in the woman in his embrace, a faint hint of sobs escaping her.

Suddenly, he found himself at a loss, his heart fluttering wildly, unsure of where to rest. He quickly lifted her small face, cradling her chin in his broad palm.

Her eyes shimmered with a reddish hue, veiled by a misty haze. Under his bold and unwavering gaze, she suddenly found herself overwhelmed, tears cascading down her cheeks one by one. She buried her face back into his embrace, sobbing uncontrollably.

The man fell silent, not daring to press her. Instead, he gently patted her back, soothing her carefully. "Which word did I say that upset you?"

"I should have told you this earlier..."

Initially, his intention was to treat her well and give her everything she desired, regardless of her motives, out of gratitude for her kindness.

But now he realizes that no favor could outweigh the value of her single tear.

Yet, unexpectedly, he hears the person in his arms mutter, despising herself and filled with self-loathing, "No."

"I'm tainted..."

"How could someone soiled be worthy?"

He caught these words vaguely, only to see the person in his arms suddenly struggle free and dash out of his embrace, running away.

He was momentarily taken aback. By the time he chased after her, his mother-in-law wore an unhappy expression but dared not speak her anger. "She's hiding in my room. My daughter has always been an optimist; I wonder why she's crying like this today. She was still smiling when she returned. Poor thing, she hasn't had a single good day in the past four years. A fine young lady..."

The rest of her words were left unsaid but self-evident. She stopped herself promptly, pulled aside by her husband.

It would have been inappropriate for a man to enter his in-laws' quarters. He stood outside the courtyard for a long while. The eunuch suggested entering and knocking on the door, but he shook his head in refusal.

He stood there until it was very dark, with the moon high up and chilly night winds blowing. Only then did he utter a cold command to return to the palace.

That entire night, the man could not sleep.

He had intended to ask if she still held the same feelings for him as before, if she would marry him again. He would personally come to fetch her, with a grand sedan chair, a wedding procession of ten miles, and a crimson carpet leading the way, so that she could become his wife.

In a few days, the ceremony for his ascension to the throne, which the Ministry of Rites had been preparing for a long time, would take place. He had wanted to combine it with the coronation of his queen, so that she could walk hand in hand with him up the grand steps lined with red carpet, sit on the highest throne in the palace, and receive the obeisance of thousands.

But he was unable to utter a single word.

Those self-loathing sobs echoed in his mind all night, robbing him of sleep.

It's tainted.

I'm unworthy...

What did this imply?

As he dressed in the morning, he overheard the head eunuch instructing a newly arrived junior eunuch to discard the basin he had used once. The young eunuch, coming from humble origins, gasped, "This is made of gold!"

The head eunuch replied matter-of-factly, "Gold or not, it's dirty once it's been used."

"The Emperor is the ruler of the nation, the master of the world. His body is exalted. How could he use the same item every day? Wouldn't that make him no different from the lowly commoners?"

This was a corrupt practice inherited from the previous dynasty. On the surface, the emperor was indulged, but in reality, the palace servants would sell his discarded items for their own gain.

Yet, none of this registered in his heart.

He abruptly rose to his feet...

The veil of confusion that had engulfed him all night suddenly lifted.

Pangs of heartache pierced through him like a thousand needles, torturing his very essence, every inch of his being throbbing with intense pain.

How could this be?

How did he not foresee it?

...