chapter 42

Chapter 42: Summer Night. Don't worry, I'm chasing after you.

After dinner, He Guan tidied up an unused room on the first floor and decided to sleep there.

During the process, Uncle Yue offered to help but was declined by He Guan.

He Guan: "I thought you went to see him."

Uncle Yue: "Just got back."

He Guan smoothed out the bedsheet, nodding, without saying a word.

Uncle Yue: "Aren't you curious about what he said to me?"

He Guan: "Curious, yes. But I don't want to ask."

Uncle Yue also nodded.

The two exchanged a few cryptic words before attending to their own matters.

Early summer nights, combined with being on the ground floor, made the room naturally cooler.

He Guan leaned against the headboard, adjusting the blanket. He looked out, catching the distant shimmer of Jing Yuan Pond beyond the cassia trees.

Suddenly, there was a noise from outside.

He Guan listened for a couple of minutes; Lou Dong had come down to get water in the middle of the night.

For Lou Dong, day and night made little difference, which had previously led to some sleepless nights.

It was only after sharing a room with him for a few days that He Guan realized: if he came home late, Lou Dong would always wait.

Lou Dong couldn't sleep without He Guan.

Clearly, he wasn't sleeping now.

Sitting in the darkness, He Guan found it hard to describe his feelings.

He was still searching for the right words.

It's neither disgust nor disdain.

Otherwise, on the day He Guan realized that Lou Dongcang wasn't straight, he would've drawn a clear line between them and wouldn't have let their relationship get to this point.

But why, without doing anything, has it come to this?

He Guan hadn't planned on going out. He assumed Lou Dongcang would leave after getting some water. Yet, he heard footsteps changing direction, heading towards his room.

Anxiety gripped He Guan, prompting him to rise from the bed immediately.

"Don't come in! What do you intend to do at this hour?"

And how did Lou Dongcang know the location of his room?

Yet, it seemed Lou Dongcang just knew.

He Guan's room was directly below the master bedroom on the second floor. The first floor, being cooler, was used for accommodating guests and had never been occupied.

Lou Dongcang stopped right outside his door.

Could he be unaware that I'm not asleep?

He Guan stood on his bed, rigidly gazing at the doorway.

He initially thought Lou Dongcang was going to confess his feelings and even prepared to cover his ears with a sheet. Minutes passed, but he heard nothing.

Yet, Lou Dongcang didn't leave.

Because He Guan hadn’t heard any footsteps.

In the silent night where he could hear the buzz of mosquitoes from outside, He Guan lay in bed, pondering.

Why won't he leave?

What's the point of lingering outside his room? He won't give in anyway.

After a long day at work, He Guan was exhausted. Yet, the presence outside kept him awake, a presence he begrudgingly acknowledged.

He stared at the ceiling, sighing helplessly.

He had just checked his phone; it's already 2 a.m. What's he doing? Keeping a vigil? I'm not dead.

Barefoot, He Guan approached the door and opened it before the person outside could react.

Contrary to his expectation, the figure outside didn't hastily stand up and leave.

The person leaned against the doorframe, fast asleep.

In the dim light, He Guan saw Lou Dongcang crouched by his door, his face buried in his arms, looking as peaceful as a fledgling.

Touching his skin, it felt cold to the touch.

He took a blanket and draped it over him.

Having done that, He Guan was unsure of what to do next. He crouched in front of him, his gaze lost in the deep embrace of the night.

Unconsciously, he murmured aloud.

"Why all this?"

"Had I not spoken that way that day, we could've been sleeping together."

The sleeping figure suddenly murmured, "No."

He Guan was startled.

Recoiling in surprise, he found himself seated on the carpet, "How are you awake?"

Clinging onto the blanket draped over him to prevent it from slipping, Lou Dongcang made no further movements and simply replied, "I never slept."

Coming to his senses while seated on the ground, He Guan wasn't quite prepared for such a candid conversation when both were alert. His first instinct was to change the topic, "You should go then. I'm going to sleep."

Lou Dongcang interjected, "I'm not finished."

He Guan hastily made his way to shut the door.

In the nick of time, Lou Dongcang reached out to grip the door frame.

In the night's darkness, He Guan couldn't see his movements, and moreover, Lou Dongcang always acted quietly.

With a thud, as He Guan attempted to close the door, he reached out to feel for obstructions and ended up touching Lou Dongcang's cold hand, which was being pinched by the door.

He Guan: "..."

He Guan: "Do that again, and I'll be mad."

Lou Dongcang: "It hurts."

He Guan: "Stay out of the way."

Sleep was out of the question now.

He Guan switched on the light and stepped out.

The bright illumination revealed both their faces.

A bitter taste lingered in He Guan's mouth as he pondered on how to handle the situation.

When unseen, he could still muster courage through mental preparation. But now, seeing Lou Dongcang's face, He Guan simply couldn't find the heart to speak harshly.

What could he possibly say to him?

"I don't harbor feelings for you. Could you find someone else to cherish?"

Thinking in such simplistic terms, it seems almost heartless.

Wrapped in the blanket, Lou Dongcang trailed behind him.

Searching for the first aid kit and dressing the wound turned into quite an ordeal.

He Guan had long mastered this procedure, managing now to touch him minimally while still ensuring a thorough bandaging.

Lou Dongcang winced, "It hurts."

He Guan retorted, "Weren't you quite tolerant earlier? You never uttered a word about the injury from the bathroom."

Lou Dongcang: "If I held back any longer, I feared I'd never speak up."

He Guan fell silent.

Some areas had minor abrasions. While not severe, the pressure from the door caused some bruising. The swelling and discoloration made it look rather unsettling.

How could I exert so much force? Just to close a door and wound someone's hand like this...?

He Guan felt the urge to sigh more times tonight than he ever had before.

The bandaging process concluded swiftly. For fingers that remained intact, He Guan merely skipped them.

Upon completing the task, noticing Lou Dongcang clutching the blanket without letting go, he reached out to adjust it for him.

Lou Dongcang evaded his touch, remarking, "You always manage to send me mixed signals."

He Guan's hand paused mid-air, in disbelief he inquired, "What did you just say?"

The words seemed to squeeze through clenched teeth.

Lou Dongcang: "You claim not to care for me, yet you attend to me so. Why?"

He Gu said with a hint of frustration, "I'm only looking out for you. That's the reason I'm here."

Lou Dongzang responded, "He Gu, this isn't just taking care."

The pale man used his injured hand to grasp the edge of the blanket, pulling up the part that had slipped down. "I know what care looks like. I had a nanny who took care of me. No one has been like you."

He Gu questioned, "Is this how I care for people?"

Lou Dongzang asked, "Don't you know anyone else?"

He Gu exclaimed, "Of course I do!"

Lou Dongzang pressed on, "And do you care for them in the same way?"

He Gu fell silent.

He Gu frowned, "I treat different people differently. You're special, so the way I treat you isn't the same as others."

Lou Dongzang inquired, "Why am I so special?"

He Gu declared, "You are family to me."

Lou Dongzang countered, "I don't feel that way."

Disheartened, He Gu set down the medicine box he held, "What have I done to make you misunderstand? Since yesterday, I haven't figured it out. How did we end up like this?"

Lou Dongzang whispered, "I'm sorry."

After a pause, He Gu finally said, "You're troubling me with this."

Lou Dongzang nodded, "Yes, I know."

He Gu remained silent.

Lou Dongzang stated, "But I will eventually speak up."

He Gu began, "Then can't you just stop delaying—"

Lou Dongzang interjected, "I can't."

He Gu exclaimed, "Why?!"

Lou Dongzang replied, "It's inevitable."

Doubting his ears, He Gu shot back, "What's so inevitable about it? Isn't it just about speaking up? Is it that hard to hold back?!"

Lou Dongzang affirmed, "Yes, it's hard."

Desperate, He Gu raked his fingers through his hair, nearly driven mad by Lou Dongzang's calm demeanor, "What's so hard about it?!"

Only when he stopped did Lou Dongzang pose the question, "Are you sure you want to hear?"

He Gu remarked, "Of course, give me a valid reason!"

Lou Dongzang replied, "Alright, once I start, listen if you can. If it becomes unbearable, leave. I'll go back to my room myself."

He Gu's eyebrows furrowed, clearly hesitant, fearing Lou Dongzang might say something he couldn't bear, yet not wanting to seem weak, "I'm curious to hear what you could possibly say... that I can't handle."

Unexpectedly, Lou Dongzang inquired, "Do you know you have a distinct scent about you?"

He Gu was perplexed, "What?"

Lou Dongzang elaborated, "Only you have it. The moment you're near, I can smell it; it's like a mix of fresh fruits."

He Gu questioned, "How is this related to what I asked?"

Lou Dongzang reassured, "He Gu, relax. I'm not avoiding the topic, just emphasizing how unique you are."

He Gu remained silent.

Taking a deep breath, He Gu touched his face and said, "Then go on."

Even if He Gu verbally expressed disinterest in hearing Lou Dongzang speak, in reality, whenever Lou Dongzang began talking, he was invariably captivated.

As he himself admitted, Lou Dongzang was truly exceptional.

No two people in the world have exactly the same tone of voice.

Lou Dongzang's speech was unlike anyone else's. When they first met, even amidst harsh words, He Gu felt an unexpected serenity.

Moreover, those harsh words weren't truly heartfelt.

"Delaying won't prepare you better."

"As long as you maintain your current mindset, regardless of when I speak out, it will always be hard for you to accept."

"The situation will remain just like this."

"Maybe I was too vague yesterday, giving you the impression there was room for a turnaround with me."

"I'll clarify now."

But now... His tone differed from before.

While he currently spoke with calm deliberation, it felt as if he had tethered He Gu's nerves to a bungee cord, sending him on a freefall.

"I know you aren't fond of physical touch. Every time I come into contact with you, I sense your tension."

"But once you recognize it's me, you relax almost instantly. I really appreciate that about you."

"He Gu, doesn't that strike you as odd?"

"You say you treat me like family, but would you cuddle and cling to a family member every day?"

"Honestly, would you behave this way with your brother?"

He Gu's breathing became shallow.

It was the result of his mind going blank, struggling to process.

"I'm sorry for speaking to you that way tonight."

"But you're upset, aren't you?"

"Are you mad that I've distanced myself, or that we're not as close as before?"

"If expressing gratitude is too much for you, what should I do to make you happy?"

"Hold your hand and walk upstairs with our fingers interlocked?"

"Would you intertwine your fingers like that with family?"

He Gu thought Lou Dongzang would stop, but he didn't.

Without hesitation, he continued.

"Do you know your response to a kiss is rather naive? You just follow my lead."

"Driving away Lou Junyue was just an excuse."

"Yan Fengqing has always been around. If I mentioned both were present, you'd find a way to make them leave."

"But I'm wicked."

"I didn't say."

"That day in the castle, you let me kiss you at will. Whenever I wanted to, you'd softly respond without teasing — utterly adorable."

He Gu pleaded, "Stop it... Stop talking... I beg you..."

But Lou Dongzang didn't relent.

"This afternoon when I was in the master bedroom, you turned on that pet camera, right? I heard the honking sound from your side, and then you turned on the microphone."

He Gu felt like he was melting, "I didn't know... don't ask me..."

Lou Dongzang responded, "If you heard everything, what more is there for me to say?"

"I consider you someone who'd roll in bed with me, kiss me, and make love with me."

He smiled softly, summing up his words.

"Don't worry, I'll pursue you."

"No misconduct allowed."

Author's Note:

Continuing the narrative.