Chapter 01: Loudspeaker

Chapter 01: Loudspeaker

Jing Yi opened his eyes and saw two pale faces staring down at him.

He rubbed his sore head, stood up, and realized he was standing at the entrance of a creepy bridge. The sky was dim, and a cold, eerie wind was blowing. As far as he could see, there wasn’t a single plant in sight, just a desolate wasteland that sent chills down his spine.

How could a place like this exist in a tourist town?

Jing Yi remembered that he was on a graduation trip with his classmates. In the evening, they had climbed an unnamed mountain. Along the way, they encountered a torrential downpour and a mudslide. He got separated from his classmates, and after closing and opening his eyes, he ended up in this ghostly place.

He was about to ask the two gentlemen next to him where this place was and if they had seen his classmates.

But when he turned his head, he froze.

These weren’t people.

They were clearly the Black and White Impermanence, the ghostly figures from horror stories.

The two figures were one black and one white, one tall and one short, one fat and one thin, looking like a poorly drawn yin-yang symbol.

These two underworld figures looked nothing like what he knew. Jing Yi’s heart skipped a beat as he took in their appearance. The White Wuchang had a smiling face, a tall and thin figure, and although his face was pale, the tall hat on his head read “See Wealth,” which immediately gave a good impression.

Then he looked at the Black Wuchang...

Short, dark-faced, with a fierce expression, wide body, and fat figure, holding shackles and handcuffs, his large teeth bared, as if he would pounce and tear someone apart at any moment.

Instead of being scared, Jing Yi moved closer and asked, “Am I dreaming? Or am I already dead?”

The chains rattled ominously as the Black Wuchang growled, “You’re dead.”

Jing Yi whipped his head around. “Nonsense! The fortune teller said I would live a long life!”

The Black Wuchang was stunned by his boldness.

It was rare these days to find someone who would talk back to an Impermanence; it was fresh, and he didn’t react immediately, his eyes wide and a bit dazed.

The White Wuchang, with a smiling face, said, “You might have been deceived. The Book of Life and Death is never wrong. Mr. Zhao XX, you did indeed die at 2:01:15 PM on July 1st, 2024. Here is your death notice, please sign.”

A white A4 paper fluttered down from the sky, landing in front of Jing Yi. He glanced at the “Death Notice,” then at the two Wuchang, and after two rounds of looking back and forth, he raised his face, looking completely innocent. “But I’m not Zhao XX!”

·

·

After ten minutes, Jing Yi sat at the edge of the Naihe Bridge, swinging his legs absentmindedly. His expression was calm and composed, not showing any signs of being a victim.

The culprits who brought him here—the two Impermanence gentlemen—had huddled in a corner and whispered for ten minutes.

Jing Yi waited for a while but couldn’t sit still anymore. He jumped down. “Brothers Wuchang? Have you figured it out yet? If you delay any longer, my body will be cold.”

The Black and White Wuchang turned their faces, their expressions no longer as fierce. They exchanged uneasy glances, clearly unsure of how to proceed.

Jing Yi narrowed his eyes sharply. Hmm? Something’s up.

He was pondering when Hei Wuchang walked over, his eyes flickering and his voice as rough and booming as a large bell. "You can't go back."

Jing Yi: "Why?"

Hei Wuchang: "You're dead."

Jing Yi blinked. "But you've got the wrong person. My situation... should be considered an unjust death, right? Aren't you afraid I'll harbor immense resentment and come back to haunt you two?"

Hei Wuchang: "..."

Never heard of someone threatening to haunt a death god before. What a laugh.

Bai Wuchang cleared his throat lightly, his face perpetually frozen in a smile. "Here's the thing. We saw your extraordinary bones and innate beauty, so we've decided to grant you a blessing. You can choose a new body for rebirth, with any family background you want. How about it?"

Jing Yi pursed his lips, and looked at him.

Bai Wuchang: "Oh, and by the way, the rebirth comes with a cheat ability?"

There's no such thing as a free lunch. Jing Yi narrowed his eyes slightly and stared at the two for a moment. "Actually, you two messed up and now can't return my soul, so you're just trying to shove any body at me to cover your mistake, right?"

I’m a smart college student with nine years of education under my belt—no way you can fool me. Jing Yi tsked in amusement.

Bai Wuchang didn't get upset when his ruse was exposed. He admitted it openly, "That's right. Once a soul is taken, the person is dead. Even we can't bring someone back to life. If you want to live, you'll have to borrow another body. To make up for our mistake, we can offer you the best possible identity for your rebirth."

Jing Yi took a different approach. "Can I just reincarnate instead?"

After all, he had no family or loved ones, so life and death didn’t matter much to him.

Maybe he’d get a good family in his reincarnation. He hadn't done any bad things, and just two days ago, he'd helped three old ladies cross the street!

Hei Wuchang sneered with a stiff face, "You think the Meng Po Tea is like bubble tea, something you can just grab anytime? Ghosts crossing the bridge need real-name authentication. You're not Zhao XX. Your identity doesn't match, so wouldn't we get punished for trying to pass you through?"

Jing Yi suddenly understood and pointed a finger, "Oh~~ So you get punished for taking the wrong soul~ ah?"

Hei Wuchang: "..."

That drawn-out, teasing tone was really pushing it!

Bai Wuchang, acting as the mediator, continued to persuade, "Mr. Jing, the situation is already decided. You should think about what identity you'd like for your rebirth."

True.

Who in their right mind would want to argue with two death gods at the Naihe Bridge? It was pretty creepy. He should leave as soon as possible.

Besides, being able to freely choose his identity was no different from reincarnation. It would save him the trouble of growing up. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal!

Jing Yi secretly rubbed his hands together and began calculating what benefits he could get.

After a moment, seeing Jing Yi's brow relax as if he was somewhat tempted, Bai Wuchang hurriedly asked, "So, Mr. Jing, have you decided?"

Jing Yi pondered for a moment and made a bold request, "I want to be a CEO, the kind who deals with millions in minutes, experiencing the joy of being rich."

"I want a top Michelin chef to cook for me every day, have a Maybach for transportation, three drivers, and a residence that allows me to swim, ski, fish, play golf, and other high-class activities."

"Oh, and I want a group of friends who love to party, with different fun activities every day. Also, I want a special ability. If I have to work, it should handle everything so I can slack off at the top of a skyscraper. Oh, and one more thing."

Hei Wuchang couldn't take it anymore and interrupted, "Are you trying to game the system with us?!"

Looks like this Hei Wuchang has a bit of a Northeastern accent.

Jing Yi shrank back after being yelled at and turned his head to look across the Naihe Bridge, pretending to leave: "Old Lady Meng should be on the other side, right? Since I'm already here, I might as well go say hi to her."

Hei Wuchang and Bai Wuchang: !!!!

For crying out loud, "since I'm already here." Do you think this place is your front porch? Why not just head to heaven and chat with the Jade Emperor while you're at it! The two Wuchangs cursed in their hearts.

Is there anything scarier than reaping the wrong soul? Yes, when the wrongfully reaped soul threatens to report you to your boss!

If they found out, it would be bad news—they'd be sent to the eighteenth level of hell for some serious punishment.

Bai Wuchang quickly grabbed Jing Yi, his tone softening considerably. With his smiling face, Jing Yi's anger subsided quite a bit.

Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Bai Wuchang said in a low voice: "Mr. Jing, you can make requests, but please don't make them outrageous."

Jing Yi blinked: "Are my requests that outrageous?"

Hei Wuchang gritted his teeth: "...Do you even need to ask!"

Jing Yi rubbed his chin and thoughtfully said: "Alright then, I won't be too hard on you. The identity I want is simple—someone around my age, male... You can't put me in a female body, or I'll go report to Old Lady Meng again. I hold grudges, you know."

The Wuchangs exchanged a look.

Jing Yi started counting on his fingers: "The background should be good, with a wealthy family so I don't have to worry about food or drink, and preferably a decent job. A monthly income of... let's say a simple 100,000, after tax, of course. I'm a law-abiding citizen."

Hei Wuchang was a bit exasperated: "You just said you wanted to be a CEO! Now you've changed your mind again? My monthly wage isn't even 100,000 in Underworld currency, so what makes you think you deserve that!"

Jing Yi pouted, muttering under his breath: "Being a CEO feels too much like work. Plus, if I were a CEO, there'd be a risk of the company going bankrupt. I've changed my mind, okay? What kind of service attitude is that?"

Hei Wuchang was furious.

Nowadays, people are actually talking back to us! It's driving me up the wall!

Bai Wuchang still smiled, but it looked rather stiff: "Go on."

Jing Yi: "I also want to be surrounded by influential people, preferably from business, law, and the underworld, since I'm unfamiliar with the area. If I get into trouble, someone can bail me out, right? Hehe."

The two Wuchangs exchanged a look, clearly unamused.

With that mouth of yours, you'd annoy everyone within a day.

Hei Wuchang was ready to explode with frustration.

Fortunately, Bai Wuchang was still clear-headed, desperately holding him back to prevent giving Jing Yi more opportunities to stir up trouble.

He could see it now—this wasn't just a simple reaping; it was a hot potato, and they couldn't scold or hit him. It was infuriating.

Best to send him off quickly.

Jing Yi continued babbling: "The employer's personality shouldn't be too nice. I like people I can humiliate with money at any time, and they should be handsome because it's everyone's duty to keep things looking nice. Ideally, they shouldn't make me work overtime. I don't like jobs that feel too much like, well, work. Other than that, I can't think of anything else for now, but I'll let you know if I do... Oh, you mentioned getting a cheat ability with rebirth?"

Jing Yi's eyes sparkled as he stared at Bai Wuchang, full of anticipation.

Bai Wuchang's ever-present smile was starting to crack.

But to send Jing Yi off as soon as possible, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a stack of long, narrow cards, explaining each to Jing Yi: "This one gives unmatched beauty, the kind that turns heads wherever you go."

Jing Yi stroked his chin and shook his head decisively. "I'm already handsome enough. Next card, please."

"……"

White Wuchang: "This card, a divine weapon with overwhelming attack power."

Jing Yi: "No, no, a weapon that brutal? I wouldn’t even get through airport security."

"……"

White Wuchang ground his teeth. "X-ray vision?"

Jing Yi wrinkled his nose. "That’ll give me a stye for sure. Isn’t there something like a cheat ability to turn stones into gold, or an elixir of immortality?"

Even someone as patient as White Wuchang was about to lose it. "Do you think I’m some kind of miracle worker?"

Jing Yi: "Alright, alright, go on then."

White Wuchang could barely hold back his frustration. "Top lawyer?"

Jing Yi: "No, I’m really not good with words."

You’re the most talkative person I know! Seriously!

White Wuchang was so angry his hand shook as he pulled out another card. "Senior teacher?"

Jing Yi looked horrified, shaking his head like a windshield wiper. "I just graduated, and you want me to go back to school? No way, not going."

"……"

For crying out loud, what do you even want? You’re impossible! Do you think you’re getting reincarnated as the Jade Emperor or something?!

White Wuchang suppressed his anger and continued flipping cards. "This one, a megaphone—"

Before he could finish, a shadow darted out, snatched the card, and covered Jing Yi’s mouth. Then it kicked the picky soul into the Pool of Rebirth by the bridge.

Caught off guard, Jing Yi face-planted into the water and slowly sank to the bottom.

White Wuchang: "……" Pfft.

Black Wuchang clapped his hands. "Done. If I had to listen to him yap any longer, I’d rather do hard labor in the deepest level of hell."

White Wuchang stood there, still in shock.

Black Wuchang suddenly remembered something. "By the way, what cheat ability did you give that kid? I didn’t catch it."

White Wuchang took a few seconds to respond. "Megaphone."

Black Wuchang scratched his head. "What the hell is that?"

White Wuchang shrugged. "No idea. No one’s ever used it before. It’s pretty obscure."

Black Wuchang didn’t care much. "Doesn’t matter, as long as he’s reincarnated. Let’s go find that guy with the surname Zhao, and this time, let’s be careful and not make any more mistakes..."

The two figures, one black and one white, gradually walked away.

Jing Yi, sinking in the cool pool, felt powerless as a sense of weightlessness overwhelmed him. A blinding white light enveloped him, and he lost consciousness.