Chapter 34

Chapter 34

As the words trailed off.

The air seemed to freeze momentarily.

Yan Mei's face remained buried in his shoulder, not moving, nor showing any sign of pulling away.

The sound of the whistling wind came from the stairwell, and silence settled between them.

Ye Jishu heard the pattering rain in his ears, and the cold crept in through the gaps in his coat.

The narrow space instantly felt oppressive.

Yan Mei did not speak.

He didn’t move, still keeping his arms around him.

Ye Jishu was only wearing a shirt.

His hand slipped through the coat and rested on the back of the shirt.

As time passed, the "drip-drop," "drip-drop" sound of the rain grew louder, and a slippery, sticky sensation seeped through the thin fabric. Meanwhile, Yan Mei finally moved, his arm around his waist tightened, then tightened further.

His bones creaked.

Ye Jishu said, "Yan Mei, it hurts."

As the words fell.

The force that was almost crushing him suddenly vanished, and the oppressive tension that had been hanging in the air also dissipated.

Yan Mei finally raised his head.

Ye Jishu turned his head to look at that face.

The first thing he noticed was those eyes.

Normally, Yan Mei always wore a smile when interacting with people.

But contrary to that, his eyes rarely held any warmth. Staring into them too long would only evoke a sense of dissonance and an overwhelming chill.

Ye Jishu seldom looked directly into his eyes. He deliberately avoided meeting such a cold gaze.

However, at this moment—

These eyes were more unsettling than any he had ever encountered.

Within them, a storm seemed to be brewing.

But Ye Jishu couldn’t look away. Because Yan Mei was staring at him intently.

With a pair of dark eyes he’d never seen before.

"Jishu, do you remember what happened a few days ago?"

"..."

Suddenly bringing up something unrelated.

"Ever since that aquarium date, I’ve been wondering what to do. From the moment we got in the car, Jishu seemed off. He wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t talk to me, just kept to himself. Even when we went to the exhibit together, he didn’t seem happy."

"What’s wrong? Does he not want to be with me? Has he been disliking me all this time, just putting up with me?"

Ye Jishu: "Yan Mei."

But Yan Mei didn’t seem to hear him, breathing heavily and rambling in confusion.

"Did I do something wrong? Did I pressure Jishu? So he doesn’t want me near him... Is it because of Lin Lin? His roommate? Wen Yuhe?... Or that streamer from the other day? If it’s me, I’ll change whatever Jishu wants—"

"Yan Mei."

Ye Jishu cut him off again.

This time, he spoke louder.

"..."

Yan Mei finally stopped talking.

Then, those eyes stayed fixed on him, unblinking, waiting for an explanation.

Why bring up breaking up?

Why out of the blue? Why break the promise and leave him like this?

His confused, bewildered face seemed to be asking these questions.

If anyone at school saw Yan Mei like this, they’d be shocked.

He actually made Yan Mei waver...

Ye Jishu: "I just want to end things, that’s it."

Those weren’t the reasons he wanted to split, and now thinking about it is pointless.

Some might feel smug seeing someone like Yan Mei, who always gets what he wants, break down because of him. But Ye Jishu just wanted to end it fast.

As he spoke, the hallway went dead silent again.

"Pointless... I get it. I understand."

"Drip."

"Drip."

...

The rain outside seemed to pour even harder.

The two stayed in that position, with Ye Jishu being held. In the sound of the pouring rain, the dim light above cast long, grotesque shadows of Yan Mei that looked almost inhuman.

In Ye Jishu’s vision, the shadow seemed to twist.

He shifted slightly, a sudden tension tightening his chest, his body curling into the other’s arms for a moment.

After an unknown amount of time, Yan Mei finally spoke again.

"I understand."

"..."

"I was genuinely taken aback by Jishu's words. It really caught me off guard, which explains my reaction."

His voice was calm and steady.

It was as if the frantic effort to salvage the situation and understand the reason had been just an illusion.

The earlier frenzy lasted only a few seconds.

Yan Mei quickly returned to his usual self, speaking calmly, showing no signs of distress.

"I apologize; I shouldn't have reacted that way."

Then, Yan Mei smiled apologetically.

It was a faint smile, but that very subtlety drew all eyes to the corners of his mouth.

Then, their gaze naturally drifted upward.

Once you noticed him, his strikingly beautiful and intense features would completely overwhelm your senses.

If someone else were here, a single glance would send them spiraling into uncontrollable infatuation.

Whenever he smiled.

It felt like anything could be forgiven.

Even Ye Jishu, upon seeing that smile, couldn't help but gaze at his face for a few moments.

"I fully grasped his allure."

"I thought I was ready, but even after four months, I couldn't resist Yan Mei..."

With a smile like that.

The tension in the air unwittingly eased.

Ye Jishu gradually relaxed, realizing how absurd his earlier thoughts had been.

"Yan Mei, of course, didn't give him a second thought."

There was no stubborn persistence or questioning of reasons, as he had expected.

He couldn't quite put his feelings into words.

Should he feel relieved? Or was it a heaviness in his chest and a hollow pit in his stomach?

What was happening?

This was undeniably the best outcome.

Ye Jishu didn't want to overthink it.

At least for now, he could get what he wanted.

He sighed in relief, and the tension in his body melted away.

"Jishu, did I startle you earlier?" "...Not at all."

Yan Mei stayed close, not moving away from their previous proximity.

Once again, he reached out and gently caressed his waist, the fabric rustling under the pressure in the hallway.

Ye Jishu felt a weird sensation.

Because two people who had already decided to break up shouldn’t still be this close.

But he had never been in a serious relationship before.

And since Yan Mei was the type who liked physical touch, he wasn’t sure if he should say something—

He hesitated for a moment: "Uh..."

His words were abruptly cut off.

Because Yan Mei’s voice cut through his confusion and bewilderment.

"But, about the breakup, can we hold off on deciding for now? I need time to think about what I really want, what I’m feeling. Because Jishu had been 'thinking about it for a while' without me realizing... but I totally missed when Jishu started feeling this way, who planted these ideas in your head. That’s why you suddenly decided to leave me—"

Yan Mei’s voice faded, lost in the sound of the rain.

Ye Jishu couldn’t make out the words.

And so, he missed his chance to address the distance between them.

What should he do now?

I guess... it’s a done deal, right?

Even though Yan Mei said he’d think about it, his hesitation pretty much sealed the deal.

They’d been close for four months.

Ye Jishu knew Yan Mei rarely gave a straight answer; leaving room for doubt usually meant no.

He waited a bit longer.

Yan Mei stayed still, his grip still tight.

But Ye Jishu was running out of patience.

"I’m so tired. Even though the breakup went as planned, something still feels off, my mind’s a mess."

Especially in his chest, an unexpected heaviness.

All Ye Jishu wanted now was to go back to the dorm, play games all night, and then crash. He didn’t want to think about Yan Mei anymore.

The overhead light flickered and creaked.

The light kept flickering, like it was about to go out.

Once. Twice.

Ye Jishu didn’t hesitate anymore; he raised his hand to push Yan Mei off his shoulder.

But before his hand could land on the other's body, Yan Mei had already stepped away first, not giving him a chance to touch him.

Ye Jishu's hand froze in mid-air.

Then, he let it drop back into his coat pocket.

His fingertips in the coat brushed against something.

Suddenly, it hit him what it was.

It was the birthday gift he’d prepared for Yan Mei...

But he’d forgotten to give it.

Now, he’d missed his chance.

Even the most socially clueless person would know it’s too late to give it now.

"Guess I’ll head back."

He paused, "See you, Yan Mei."

Time to head back to the dorm.

From today on, he could slip back into being just another face in the crowd.

Out of the campus spotlight, he’d fade back into the background. He’d study for exams in the library, spend days gaming in the dorm, and no one would bug him for replies or drag him places. The hassle would be gone.

Ye Jishu turned and made his way to the stairs.

But he’d only gone a few steps.

"Jishu."

A voice called from behind.

It was Yan Mei.

Ye Jishu turned to see Yan Mei looking up, his face shadowed in the dim light.

"Oh, one last thing, Jishu."

"Huh?"

"Mind walking me back to the dorm one more time?"

"..."

The request—

It might seem odd, but it was just habit.

Except for the rainy confession night and driving, Ye Jishu always walked Yan Mei back to the dorm before heading back alone. It was their unspoken rule.

Yan Mei’s request was only natural. Nothing strange about it.

Should he say yes?

As he hesitated, his fingers brushed the gift in his pocket.

The soft touch wiped away any thought of saying no.

"You can hand it over on the way."

Ye Jishu: "Yeah."

Yan Mei remained silent.

He just kept his gaze fixed, patiently waiting for him to walk over to his side.

Then, the two headed out of the dorm.

It was only then that Ye Jishu noticed the rain.

The slick rainwater trickled down, leaving shiny streaks on the floor and giving off that musty damp smell.

The downpour was worse than expected.

It was normal at first, how did it suddenly...

Before he could snap out of it, Yan Mei beside him had already pulled out an umbrella with a swift motion from the storage rack at the dormitory entrance.

"This scene felt all too familiar."

For a moment, Ye Jishu felt disoriented, as if they were back in that rainy night four months ago.

But this time, he was the one walking Yan Mei back.

Yan Mei popped open the umbrella.

They stepped out into the rain.

After only a few steps, Ye Jishu's eyes were suddenly drawn to the blinking headlights of a car nearby.

It was a pure black car, oddly parked in the soggy bushes.

From where he stood, the two bright orange lights in front of the car were too bright, so he couldn't see who was sitting inside. But Ye Jishu could feel that the person in the car was watching him and Yan Mei closely.

It felt like someone he knew.

Wei Yangze...?

Why was he there observing them, but not coming forward?

He didn't move.

His mind was spinning with questions.

The next moment, a somber voice came from beside him.

"Even when I'm right beside you, Jishu's attention can't be fully on me, but on some random people."

Ye Jishu came back to his senses.

Yan Mei looked down, his face unreadable: "Forget it, it doesn't matter. After all, Jishu has always been like this. Perhaps I was wrong, thinking that Jishu would care about me more than I imagined, and not just because he was too lazy to refuse."

...What lazy refusal.

In the past, Ye Jishu would have tried to explain.

But now, it seemed there was no need for an explanation.

Because of his aloofness, the air around them felt even more suffocating.

The two of them left the car.

After walking a distance, Ye Jishu turned back and found that the orange headlights had gone out.

...

Ye Jishu walked in the direction he recalled.

From his dormitory to Yan Mei's folklore dormitory building, there was quite a long distance.

He usually passed the time by playing games, making the walk feel shorter.

But now, with Yan Mei by his side, he suddenly found his phone unappealing.

The wind rustled through the greenery around them.

Despite his jacket, Ye Jishu still felt cold.

The shadows of the trees swayed eerily above them.

It might have been his imagination, but those branches twisted slowly in the shadows, whispering faintly overhead, and the streetlights cast shadows that wove a dense net, covering their path.

Soon, they arrived at the foot of Yan Mei's dormitory building.

In the end, he still didn’t manage to give the gift away...

Ye Jishu’s hand in his jacket pocket fumbled with the gift, and he felt a twinge of regret.

Yan Mei beside him still didn’t speak.

As on the road, they had stayed quiet for so long.

Yan Mei stopped.

Ye Jishu sensed that Yan Mei wanted him to speak.

"You know... in the future, if you don’t like something, just say no. If the crowd bores you, just walk away. You don’t have to join clubs or force yourself to fit in. That goes for the film club too. And... if you don’t feel like smiling, don’t. I know you usually don’t like the people around you, even if you hide it."

It was the longest thing he’d ever said at once.

He wasn’t sure why he said it.

As the words left his mouth, he was surprised, his eyes widening.

A cold breeze swept past them.

Yan Mei turned, half-drenched by the rain.

"Jishu, come upstairs with me."

"..."

"You’ve never even seen my place."

Ye Jishu couldn’t find a reason to refuse.

We’ve already come this far.

Refusing now would seem cold.

Besides, it’d be a lie to say I’m not curious. For four months, Yan Mei’s always been the one coming to my classroom and dorm; I’ve never seen his place. I used to avoid it to keep things casual, but now it doesn’t matter...

Under Yan Mei’s steady gaze, Ye Jishu snapped out of it, muttered "Mmm," and they headed to the dorm.

He closed the umbrella.

When he shook it, raindrops scattered to the ground.

Ye Jishu’s clothes and pant legs were soaked.

Yan Mei: "You can change upstairs."

"Now there’s even less reason to say no."

Ye Jishu trailed Yan Mei into the unfamiliar dorm.

No card swipe needed.

It wasn’t like the math department’s dorm.

Honestly, this dorm was what he’d imagined when he applied, but for some reason, there wasn’t a single student around. It was eerily quiet, the rain having stopped.

They skipped the elevator.

Ye Jishu followed Yan Mei up the stairs.

They made it to the third floor.

Then Yan Mei stepped into the hallway.

Ye Jishu was a little surprised.

His room was the last one on the floor.

Somehow, Yan Mei was already behind him.

The door ahead was slightly open.

With a light push, it creaked open.

Yan Mei suddenly approached him.

A cold, damp breath brushed against him.

Ye Jishu hadn’t reacted yet.

Suddenly, a strong shove from behind sent him stumbling into the room.

"Bang!"

His body couldn’t steady itself in time.

The room was dark. Ye Jishu tried to turn, but all he heard was a "click" behind him.

This is—

The sound of the door locking.

Ye Jishu whipped his head around.

The corridor’s only light source vanished.

And his last sight was Yan Mei gripping the handle, staring at his figure.

"Jishu, so easy to fool," Yan Mei said flatly.

The surroundings had completely plunged into darkness.

"Thump, thump, thump."

That was the dull thud of his heartbeat.

Nothing could be seen.

Ye Jishu's heart raced, a wave of panic like he’d never felt before.

His limbs started to tingle and go numb.

The next moment, footsteps echoed from the darkness, growing closer.

Ye Jishu took a step back, inadvertently hitting the corner of a table, a sharp pain stabbed his lower back, and he couldn't help but let out a muffled groan.

But it did nothing to quell the overwhelming fear in his chest.

Back when he was with Yan Mei, he’d never felt like this. Even when Yan Mei was in a low mood and showed a side different from usual, he was always predictable, always in control around Jishu, never making Jishu uneasy.

But now, he had no idea why the other was acting like this.

What was Yan Mei planning?

Although it was just a glance.

But the dorm had no windows, no bathroom, nowhere to run.

What kind of dorm was set up like this?

All the school dorms are supposed to be the same... So, was this even the humanities dorm? No windows, yet he could hear rain, like something twisting and writhing in the dark.

"I didn't want to do this."

A flash of lightning burst in Jishu’s mind, like a hallucination.

He could’ve sworn he could gauge the distance by the sound.

But now, his senses were useless.

All he could sense was Yan Mei closing in, way too close.

"Jishu’s always been everything to me, that hasn’t changed since the day I promised. Even now—getting tired of me, abandoning me, it’s the same... I never thought I’d end up like those trashy games—thrown away."

Yan Mei’s voice was light, almost laughing.

But that laugh was chilling, as if talking about something unrelated to himself.

If this were a human, their mental state would clearly be messed up.

But this was Yan Mei.

How could someone who was adored and obsessed over by countless people end up in such a state just because of a breakup with a nobody like him?

Even so.

People can't help but feel uneasy about the unknown.

Despite maintaining a blank expression.

Ye Jishu's breathing had already quickened.

At the same time, his body started heating up on its own, and his breath turned hot.

"I've been thrown away..."

"I had that premonition long ago, because Jishu never plays the same game twice. Once he finishes it, he tosses it aside without a second thought."

"No, that's not it."

Jishu retorted in his heart.

Games were just a way to kill time.

The only entertainment for someone like me.

I had already stopped caring.

If he didn't pick and choose, he'd lose his only sense of purpose.

So, this was a rule he set for himself. In fact, it effectively allowed him to ignore his surroundings and survive until now.

But Yan Mei wasn't about to listen to his excuses and continued on his own.

"...I really, really like Jishu. I like him so much it scares me. I put up with and mimicked the disgusting people around me just to keep him. Maybe that's why he got bored and 'beat the game.'"

Something cold pressed against the small of his back.

His shirt was lifted, and something wet and thick wriggled its way in, roughly rubbing the tender spot on his lower back.

It wasn't gentle—more like aggressive rubbing and licking.

"I'm done pretending," Yan Mei sneered. "You're supposed to be my boyfriend, but when others flirt with me, you don't even bat an eye. While I was on the road, I kept thinking, and finally understood... It started when I faked being asleep with that cold, trying to pawn me off on someone else. Who exactly are you interested in... Too many people around lately—I want to kill every last one of them—"

Dangerous words kept spilling out.

"But if I can keep things fresh for you, maybe you won't throw me away. Really... Like I care? They're just people. Nothing special—"

Novelty...

And humans.

"What is Yan Mei talking about?"

The feeling of being violated was beyond words.

Ye Jishu's thoughts were a jumbled mess.

But the more it was like this, the harder it was to block out the rough handling.

"What is this...?"

"It can't be fingers, but I can't imagine anything else being this flexible..."

As his mind was overwhelmed with confusion and unease, his shirt was lifted again, exposing more skin to the air. Suddenly exposed to the cold, Ye Jishu shivered. At the same time, the objects that had slipped into his jacket and under his shirt multiplied to two, then three...

This was a pure, shocking violation of common sense.

For a moment, Ye Jishu's mind went blank, unsure of where he was.

His body started to slide down from inertia but was caught halfway and tightly embraced.

A familiar scent reached his nose.

It was the unforgettable smell unique to Yan Mei.

Ye Jishu gripped the fabric within reach, feeling dizzy.

He couldn't make sense of what was happening.

With his vision completely obscured, only his other senses were active, and they were even harder to ignore than usual.

The force was completely unrestrained.

He could even feel bruises and abrasions forming at the points of contact. There must be blood.

Ye Jishu twisted his body and instinctively blurted out.

"Yan Mei, what is this? I don't want it. It's uncomfortable..."

Even though they had only been together for four months.

But subtly, he had already grown used to turning to Yan Mei to solve problems when they came up.

He didn't realize he was asking for help from the very person who had caused all this.

This was a weak attempt to stop.

If it were any other human daring to do such a thing, Yan Mei would have dealt with them without hesitation.

However, as soon as the words were spoken.

The objects that had slipped into his shirt suddenly stopped.

But this was Yan Mei's demand, for "everything."

It was impossible to refuse.

Even now, he was still happy that the other person relied on him, feeling that things hadn't completely fallen apart...

In the darkness, Yan Mei stared at Ye Jishu, as if trying to capture every expression on his face.

"I don't care what Jishu thinks at this moment," he said, looking intently at the latter's face. "If Jishu sees the real me... and can accept it, can we avoid breaking up...? Of course, this doesn't mean I care about the opinions of mere humans. Just—"

"I just want you to keep looking at me. Don't break up."

"Don't break up."

"Otherwise, I don't know what I'll do."

From their short four months together, although Ye Jishu always wore an expressionless face, making it hard to guess what he was thinking, his acceptance and tolerance were unusually high.

He really, really liked...

Ye Jishu made him want to stick around, ready to do anything.

So, even for someone like Yan Mei, who was not of this world, a hopeful idea took root.

If it was Jishu, showing his true self would be okay.

He was sure Jishu would accept it.

This could be their chance to get closer.

If that’s the case, keep things fresh… don’t let it end.

Thinking this, Yan Mei pulled back the shadows.

In an instant, his true self was laid bare before Ye Jishu.