Chapter 67: Try

Chapter 67: Try It Out

Xu Zhou's arm wound wasn't deep, but it was long enough to make the bleeding hard to stop.

Still, it was a shocking sight.

While the wound was being bandaged, Xu Xingli couldn't bear to watch and turned his head away to distract himself. He then saw the profile of the person next to him.

Because he had lost a lot of blood, Xu Zhou's lips were pale, and his complexion was not good, looking extremely tired. And because he had cried in the car, his eyes still had a faint, unnoticeable redness, making him look very different from usual.

Recalling the sight of this person shedding tears, Xu Xingli was momentarily lost in thought. He only turned back when the doctor started explaining the post-care instructions.

The two hadn't spoken since getting out of the taxi, unsure if it was awkwardness or something else.

It wasn't until it was time to pay that they finally spoke, and even then, it turned into an argument.

Both insisted on using their own cards, arguing heatedly over who would pay. In the end, the nurse at the payment counter, seeing that Xu Zhou was older, swiped his card.

Xu Xingli felt bad. He glared at Xu Zhou, then sighed in resignation, saying, "Another favor owed? How many do I owe you now?"

Xu Zhou smirked and said, "Then pay it back now. My right hand is injured, so you might have to take care of me for a while."

Xu Xingli shot him a look: "Didn't you hear what the doctor just said?"

Xu Zhou blinked, shaking his head earnestly: "You were there, so I didn't listen."

Xu Xingli: "..."

He really knew how to look out for himself.

He forced a smile at Xu Zhou, turned to hail a taxi, and then heard him speak: "Do you know what you look like when you smile?"

Xu Xingli looked back at him: "Hmm?"

Xu Zhou chuckled and replied, "A bee puppy."

Xu Xingli's smile froze on his face: "..."

The next second, he wiped the smile off his face and said with a stern expression, "Xu Zhou, you can roll home by yourself!"

After his harsh words, he turned and walked away.

But almost immediately, his hand was grabbed.

Xu Zhou followed closely, saying, "You owe so many favors, you can't shake me off."

Xu Xingli: "..."

This person wasn't pitiful at all. At least, not as pitiful as he'd seemed when he was crying his eyes out in the car.

Actually, Xu Zhou wasn't that dramatic; he had only shed a few tears, and his breathing hadn't even been disturbed. But this made Xu Xingli feel like he had overreacted.

Xu Xingli was unconvinced and insisted that Xu Zhou had cried terribly, but Xu Zhou didn't mind.

As they sat in the taxi heading back, it was already past midnight. Both were a bit tired. Xu Xingli, with eyes half-closed, looked at Xu Zhou beside him and whispered, "Thank you for today. Luckily I had you, and luckily that person wasn't carrying a gun, otherwise..."

Xu Zhou turned his head to look at him and asked, "Otherwise?"

Wasn't the rest of the sentence obvious? Xu Zhou, being someone so good at imagining things, wouldn't fail to understand. Xu Xingli closed his eyes and ignored him.

He finally spoke again after an unknown amount of time, answering the question: "We'd both die."

Xu Zhou was silent for a moment. In the profound silence, he suddenly spoke, "Can we go back to the very beginning again, just like this time?"

Xu Xingli closed his eyes, heard the words and was a little confused, but he was too tired, so he simply closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

Just as he was in a daze and his consciousness was about to fade, a gentle tickle came from his ear.

He frowned slightly, and before he could react, Xu Zhou had gently taken off his hearing aid. Then he heard the man muttering to himself, "Is your ear still not better?"

Lately, Xu Xingli had gotten used to wearing a hearing aid because of his music practice. Now that he thought about it, he realized he'd been wearing a hearing aid ever since reuniting with Xu Zhou. No wonder Xu Zhou assumed his hearing hadn't recovered.

Xu Zhou's hand touched his earlobe again, gently rubbing it.

"Why isn't it better yet?" Xu Zhou continued to ask, his voice low and magnetic.

Xu Xingli froze for a moment but didn't move, wanting to see what Xu Zhou was really up to.

However, Xu Zhou seemed only interested in his ear, rubbing it back and forth, clearly enjoying himself. Even with such a light touch, Xu Xingli still felt uncomfortable.

He was finally on the verge of exploding, almost about to violently slap Xu Zhou's hand away, when a warm breath suddenly drew near his ear.

Xu Zhou's voice was low and slow, his high nose tip resting against the upper curve of his ear, and his two exceptionally soft lips pressed close to his ear, the distance ambiguously close.

The hot breath completely permeated his ear canal, making Xu Xingli stiffen all over, almost unbearable, but he still didn't open his eyes. He was still waiting.

Finally, after an unknown amount of time, as the taxi was nearing its destination, Xu Zhou seemed to have finally confirmed something, made up his mind, and spoke word by word, almost in a breathy whisper: "I… love… you."

"Xing, I love you."

This was a truth he had pondered for a long time before finally acknowledging it.

From the moment Xu Xingli died in the previous life, and the moment Xu Xingli said he wanted to separate in this life, his feelings for Xu Xingli had long since transformed.

Xu Zhou was obsessive by nature; he controlled Xu Xingli's every move, yet he himself was constrained by Xu Xingli.

From birth until now, he had been like a puppet on strings. The person who had always controlled him disappeared, and those immoral, worldly constraints no longer bound him. He gained freedom in an instant but found himself at a loss, unable even to lift his head.

As Xu Xingli said, neither of them was bound by anyone anymore.

But if he was free, why wasn't he happy?

He only wanted the freedom that came from Xu Xingli. He just wanted Xu Xingli.

"Pay back the favors you owe me. Let's do it together now." He pressed close to Xu Xingli's ear, whispering and pleading, "Look at me, even if it's just a glance..."

"If you can, love me, just a little, just a little is enough."

*

As soon as he returned to the dorm, Xu Xingli's legs went weak.

He collapsed onto the bed like a disembodied spirit, his eyes vacant.

The hearing aid Xu Zhou had put back in his ear was still there, warm, as if still carrying someone's body heat.

After reaching the destination, Xu Zhou returned his hearing aid, then gently woke him up, and finally watched him go up to the dorm building.

Xu Xingli was not a good actor. Although he tried his best to appear normal, he still couldn't be sure if his actions and expressions just now had given him away.

He still hadn't reacted. His head was buzzing.

Ten minutes later, he finally sorted out what had happened today—

He was confessed to.

Four words echoed in his mind.

He'd been confessed to by Xu Zhou!

Fireworks exploded before his eyes, a blinding white.

He had never heard Xu Zhou say those words before.

And Xu Zhou had said them so humbly. He had never seen Xu Zhou like this.

"Please love me..."

His mind was filled with this sentence. It densely occupied every cell in his body, leaving him breathless.

He used to like Xu Zhou so much, but now Xu Zhou was begging him to love him.

Xu Zhou was the one who didn't cherish him. And why would Xu Zhou like him? He couldn't figure it out.

He could only think of one possibility. That was, after his death, Xu Zhou had been consumed by guilt, which was why his attitude towards him in this life had done a 180-degree turn.

Was that really love?

It wasn't love based on personal charm, love that could be regretted at any moment. Xu Xingli couldn't risk being betrayed again.

From that day on, he started to dread meeting Xu Zhou again.

The next day was Christmas, and all the convenience store employees had taken leave. Only Xu Xingli refused all social events and gatherings, accepted the hefty overtime pay, put on his vest, and dutifully worked his shift.

At two in the afternoon, two people walked into the convenience store.

Xu Xingli looked up and saw Jian Ran and Duan Yi, who'd left without saying goodbye last time.

"Surprise!" Jian Ran, wearing Duan Yi's baseball cap and scarf, looking radiant, rushed forward and gave Xu Xingli a big hug.

Before Xu Xingli could even ask, Jian Ran was already chattering, "I specifically came today to surprise you! I knew you'd be working today! You should also take a break; let's go out for dinner tonight!"

Xu Xingli looked conflicted. "I've already promised the boss," he said.

Jian Ran pouted. "Can't you just skip work?"

Xu Xingli explained to him, "Then I won't get paid, and I'll even have to pay back money."

Jian Ran slumped. "What a rip-off!"

Xu Xingli smiled. "Why didn't you tell me earlier that you were coming?"

Jian Ran glanced at Duan Yi and mumbled, "Someone told me it would be more surprising this way..."

"Never mind," he finally waved his hand, went to pick out a few skewers of oden, and said, "Then let's go tomorrow. We're going to be here for a while anyway."

Xu Xingli raised an eyebrow. "Are you on holiday?" he asked.

Jian Ran nodded. Xu Xingli then looked at Duan Yi, who was fiddling with instant noodles at a small table. "What about him?" he asked.

Jian Ran rolled his eyes. "Unemployed vagrant, enjoying an unlimited holiday," he said.

Xu Xingli chuckled, "That's good too. You two usually don't get to see each other, but now you can see each other every day, which is great."

Jian Ran waved his hand casually, "I'm already sick of it."

Duan Yi, who was beside them, immediately turned his head, a smirk playing on his lips, but his tone was innocent, "That's not what you were saying last night in bed... Mmm mmm!"

Jian Ran's ears noticeably reddened, and he angrily reached out to cover Duan Yi's mouth, shouting, "Shut up!"

Duan Yi took the opportunity to stick out his tongue and touch Jian Ran's palm, saying, "Okay, wifey!"

Jian Ran: "..."

He immediately withdrew his hand, told Duan Yi to continue making instant noodles, and walked back to the cashier to pick up the oden again.

The store had the heating cranked up high, making it warm and stuffy. The steam from the oden made Jian Ran's face red, but he still wouldn't take off his scarf.

Xu Xingli raised an eyebrow, "Why don't you take off your scarf? I'm worried you'll get heatstroke in the dead of winter."

Jian Ran's face grew even redder. He bit on a skewer, waved his hand casually, and stubbornly insisted, "It's not hot, I'm fine."

At this moment, Duan Yi also noticed the commotion. He stood up and walked to Jian Ran's side, raising his hand to untie the scarf around Jian Ran's neck.

Jian Ran immediately glared and slapped his hand away, "Hands off!"

Duan Yi pursed his lips, seemingly nodding helplessly and saying "Okay," then raised his hand to take off Jian Ran's hat and gently ruffled his hair.

Just as Jian Ran let down his guard, Duan Yi swiftly untied his scarf before he could react.

"Holy shit!" Jian Ran instantly jumped up, covering his neck with his hand, and glared fiercely at Duan Yi.

Although Jian Ran reacted quickly, Xu Xingli's eyes were even sharper. He saw a red mark around Jian Ran's neck just before Jian Ran covered it.

Xu Xingli raised the corner of his mouth and spoke as if unintentionally, "You two have been living quite well lately."

Jian Ran's entire face turned crimson. He angrily looked at Duan Yi, who was smirking and folding the scarf beside him, and declared mercilessly, "I'm unilaterally breaking up with you."

Duan Yi's smile froze. The next second, he reached out and hooked Jian Ran's waist, raising an eyebrow and saying, "You can try that, like last time. I don't mind."

Jian Ran, feeling that hand skillfully reaching into his clothes, was speechless: "..."

"Get lost," he finally pushed Duan Yi away with a dark face, then remembered something and added, "I forgot to ask, last time you came to find me, why did Xu Zhou come with you? You clearly know Li doesn't get along with him, and I haven't even settled the score with you yet!"

Duan Yi innocently lunged at Jian Ran, "I really didn't bring him! I came to chase my wife, why would I bring my brother along?! I'm innocent! Ranran, you gotta believe me!"

Jian Ran caught him dismissively and said, "Oh, please. How did he end up with you then?"

Duan Yi pouted and replied, "He's here on a business trip, saying he has a contract to sign. We met on the road." Then he quickly pecked Jian Ran on the face and said aggrievedly, "When your husband's right here, can you not keep mentioning other men?"

Jian Ran: "..."

He kicked Duan Yi away and looked at Xu Xingli, explaining, "He's having an episode, just ignore him."

Xu Xingli didn't mind the two of them showing affection around him. The atmosphere abroad was very open; he often saw couples kissing on the street. Many of his friends were also in relationships, so he was already used to it. He just buried his head in calculating today's profits.

Hearing this, he finally looked up at Jian Ran and shrugged, saying, "It's fine."

Jian Ran was about to say something else when Duan Yi, who was behind him, latched onto him again. Jian Ran tightened his lips, turned to look at Duan Yi, and said, "Since you're so free, go sing a song and attract some business for us."

He narrowed his eyes, thought for a moment, and instructed, "Let's do 'FREE.' Go on, if people know you're the leader and lead singer of Northward, you'll definitely attract a lot of customers!"

Duan Yi squeezed out a smile, "Are you really going to make me busk?"

Jian Ran immediately shook his head, "This isn't busking. I also want to hear it. Just sing it for me."

Duan Yi still faked a smile, but sighed helplessly. He still stood up and asked Xu Xingli, "Where's your store's sound system?"

Once he saw him walk away, he looked at Jian Ran and asked, "I've always been curious: did you develop feelings for Duan Yi because he's the leader of Northward?"

After all, his friend had stubbornly refused Duan Yi's advances until Duan Yi revealed he was the leader of Northward and sang love songs to Jian Ran for several months. Only then did Jian Ran's attitude begin to change.

Jian Ran shrugged, admitting without reservation, "Pretty much. When I found out he was the leader, my feelings were super complicated. I both disliked and liked him."

Xu Xingli asked again, "Then how did you confirm that you had fallen for Duan Yi?"

Speaking of this, Jian Ran's ears suddenly turned red, and his voice softened, as if he were recalling something. "The day I got my university offer, that guy pulled me into his car and forcibly kissed me. I realized I didn't resist, so I thought, 'Let's give this a try.'"

Xu Xingli raised an eyebrow, "Duan Yi doesn't mind?"

"Mind what?" Jian Ran slapped the table. "I'm already with him, what else could he be unhappy about?!"

Xu Xingli immediately reached out to steady the trembling table, saying, "No... it's just that your feelings for him didn't start with true love. It's... not pure."

He deliberated over those last four words for a long time before finally speaking them.

Jian Ran paused, then looked at him and blinked. After that, he suddenly understood something, immediately cleared his throat, and spoke with a rare serious expression, "No one's feelings start as love from the very beginning. Love at first sight is also just about the other person's face fitting your aesthetic. Would you fall in love with someone you've only met once? That kind of good impression isn't love; it's appreciation."

"As for purity, I don't even know if there are any truly pure feelings in this world that aren't mixed with any selfish desires. For me, even familial affection isn't pure. You and I became friends initially because our families were old acquaintances, didn't we? This varies from person to person. I don't think there's anything wrong with impure love. On the contrary, I think it's a manifestation of a person's clear-headed acceptance. Because he loves you, even with selfish desires, his subconscious reactions still revolve around you."

Xu Xingli lowered his eyes, "What if it's just out of guilt?"

Jian Ran enlightened him like a master, "It depends on the person. Some people will pretend for a lifetime out of guilt, but some won't. Most people won't, actually—at least there's no one like that around us."

"So, loving first then feeling guilty, or feeling guilty first then loving—in my opinion, it doesn't necessarily need to be distinguished. It's all love anyway, just different ways of falling in love, but the degree of love is the same."

As evening approached, the store emptied. Jian Ran and Duan Yi were bickering over the last bite of instant noodles, while Xu Xingli sat on a high stool, his arm resting on the counter, chin in hand, staring blankly at the dazzling, tall Christmas tree not far down the street outside the window.

Xu Zhou's love was impure, not to mention he was reborn from a previous life, which made Xu Xingli dislike him even more. But then he thought: his own love wasn't pure either. He had a prejudice against Xu Zhou from the beginning, always believing he should hate Xu Zhou, but this also caused him great pain.

Did he still love Xu Zhou? Could Xu Zhou also clearly recognize his own feelings?

Before he could figure it out, a familiar figure suddenly appeared outside the window.

He immediately straightened up.

The next second, the convenience store's doorbell rang.

The three of them looked over simultaneously.

Xu Zhou's expression was composed, his cheeks slightly flushed, staring intently at the person behind the counter.

"Xu Zhou?" Duan Yi called out, standing up and walking towards him.

Xu Zhou didn't even look at him, just gazed deeply at Xu Xingli.

Duan Yi immediately saw that something was wrong, "Drunk? Who dared to get you drunk?"

Xu Zhou didn't answer, still looking at Xu Xingli. Then he walked over to him, opened his arms, and hugged him tightly.

"Xing... Xing..." He buried his head in Xu Xingli's neck, mumbling incessantly, his breath hot.

The other two were startled.

Duan Yi's eyes widened and he immediately reached out to pull the man away, apologizing profusely to Xu Xingli: "Sorry, he gets like this when he's drunk... Hey, why won't he let go?!"

Xu Zhou pushed away the hand blocking him, his tone unpleasant: "Don't touch me!"

"Hey! Don't blame me for not stopping you when you sober up from this drunken fit!" Duan Yi rolled up his sleeves, about to pull Xu Zhou up, but was stopped by another hand.

"Don't touch him. His arm is injured," Xu Xingli said, pushing Duan Yi.

Duan Yi: "..."

He suddenly felt completely superfluous.

He pursed his lips, looking at Xu Zhou with a look of disappointment, then sighed, waved his hand and said, "Forget it, Jian Ran and I are leaving first. When Xu Zhou needs to go home later, call me, and I'll have his assistant pick him up."

Not knowing what keywords he heard, Xu Zhou shook his head and mumbled, "I want to go back to my rental house."

Duan Yi: "..."

He rubbed his forehead and said, "Then let's go now."

Xu Zhou shook his head again: "No." He hugged Xu Xingli tightly, "Xingxing..."

Duan Yi sometimes really wanted to punch him.

He closed his eyes, wanting to take a deep breath. Xu Xingli had already stood up.

"Duan Yi, can you watch the store for a bit? I'll take him home. I also have something to talk to him about."

Duan Yi was stunned for a moment, then quickly nodded: "Of course, I'll send you his home address. You can take a direct bus from here."

Xu Xingli blinked and nodded.

Xu Zhou was quite drunk, but at least he could still walk. He walked haltingly, leaning on Xu Xingli's shoulder, his nose and lips almost constantly brushing against Xu Xingli's neck.

Xu Xingli felt ticklish from him. Just as a bus stopped, he quickly got him on board.

He helped Xu Zhou to the back of the bus and sat down in the last row.

Even drunk, Xu Zhou was very calm. As soon as he sat down, he rested his head on Xu Xingli's shoulder, closed his eyes, and his breathing quickly became steady and even.

Outside the glass window, the streets were brightly lit, and Christmas songs were playing everywhere. The elaborately decorated Christmas tree in the square glowed with colorful lights, surrounded by many people.

It was then that Xu Xingli noticed it was snowing.

Large snowflakes, falling thick and fast, brought a crisp wind and the woody scent of the person beside him.

The bus wasn't moving fast. The street's neon lights, filtered through the white snow, spilled into the bus.

Xu Zhou was still asleep, his sleeping face calm and gentle, his features not as sharp as usual.

Because of the alcohol, his lips were not as indifferent as usual, but rather rosy and full, appearing lustrous under the night lights.

"Pulled me into his car and forcibly kissed me..."

Jian Ran's words suddenly came to Xu Xingli's mind.

"I found I didn't resist..."

Xu Xingli lowered his eyes, staring at Xu Zhou's face, his gaze slowly moving downwards.

"Just say, 'Let's give it a try...'"

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, turned his head slightly, and leaned down.

Their hot breaths mingled in an instant.

Their lips met gently, Xu Xingli, without much skill, kissing the corner of Xu Zhou's lips.