Chapter 80

Chapter 80

The two insects gazed at each other, azure eyes meeting amethyst.

Both colors were equally saturated and vibrant, both once the clearest and purest of gazes. Yet now, though the same eyes and the same insects remained, separated by only a few months, one pair of eyes had grown as deep and dark as the ocean, while the other was as veiled and vacant as misty rain.

Just a few months—how had it come to this?

As they looked at each other, neither missed the changes in the other. Though they noticed the difference, neither seemed able to ask the reason as bluntly as they once might have.

Sitting down first on the long bench in the ward, Philo smiled wanly and gestured for the blue-haired female insect to take a seat as well.

Unconcerned with how Zhousha had just arrived only to be pulled outside by Yi Jia Fa, and equally indifferent to Yi Jia Fa’s palpable revulsion when looking at Gore, Philo simply handed the blue-haired female insect a cup of Stone Flower Juice and spoke softly.

"Gore, is there something you came to see me about?"

To be honest, this was the first time since waking that Philo had seen a familiar insect other than the medical staff and Yi Jia Fa.

For some reason, ever since his return to the Insectoid society, Yi Jia Fa had been particularly resistant to him meeting other female insects. If not for the fact that Philo himself rarely monitored his comms, Yi Jia Fa might have even attempted to delete all the female contacts from it.

As a result, whether it was Gore, Li Wei, or even Shang Ling and Li Qi, under Yi Jia Fa’s obstruction, Philo had remarkably been kept from seeing a single one of them.

As for whether these insects had visited him while he was unconscious, Philo knew not—nor appeared to mind.

Yes, he gave no thought.

Lying in the hospital bed, even as his vitals stabilized, even as his wounds all but vanished, even as his mind seemed sharper than ever before, he remained motionless, silent. Watching the scenery outside the ward, the male insect seemed content merely to observe, with no inclination to venture forth.

He no longer wondered whether the flowers of the insect race were more fragrant. He no longer questioned how revolutionary their technology and medical advancements truly were. He began to feel his body growing increasingly lethargic, his vitality ebbing. He began to...

Looking at Gore, this friend he had once been close to, the male insect realized that while speaking with him had once been effortless and joyful, now... Leaning back against the bench, he didn’t ask why it had taken so long for Gore to visit, didn’t ask whether he was curious about his experiences during this time, didn’t ask how he had been lately.

Amethyst pupils met azure, bereft of curiosity, bereft of inquisitiveness. Staring at Gore, Philo asked directly the question that perhaps should have been saved for last.

And this question of his...

Silence. The blue-haired female insect was silent for a moment.

Finally, he confessed plainly.

"The military received news that you are an S-Class Male Insect. I don’t know what orders General Zhou Sha received, but mine were to pursue you—to strive to become your primary consort, or at least a secondary consort if that failed."

Yes, those were the military’s exact words. A consort-second would satisfy. Even no official status at all would be acceptable.

As long as two S-Class insects—one male and one female—were willing to produce superior offspring, as long as that goal was achieved, the Alliance didn’t care. The insects didn’t care.

As for whether the two insects involved cared...

Facing Gore, the Council and High Command summarized their intentions with one phrase:

"Everything for the Collective."

Yes, they had no ulterior motives. If they did, they would have pushed their own offspring to compete for the position of the S-Class male’s primary consort.

But now, they were willing to cede ground. Not for Gore, not for politics or the military, but for the Alliance as a whole—for the future of the insect race, for their place in the universe.

So they chose to compromise. They chose to advance Gore as candidate.

But...

Looking into those sapphire depths, Philo smiled faintly, unshaken by the revelation.

Indeed, from the moment he learned he was an S-Class Male Insect, from the moment Gore and Zhousha arrived the very next day after the news spread, he had already anticipated this answer. But—

"And what about you? Is that what you think too?"

No anger. It seemed he didn’t even have the energy for anger.

With a slight curve of his brows, the male insect asked the female insect the same question he had when they first met.

What about you?

Do you think that way too?

Did you rush here so urgently because you, too, wanted to secure the position of my primary or secondary consort, just as the Alliance arranged?

Clenching his fists, staring at the silver-haired male insect, into those violet eyes he had visited in countless dreams, the blue-haired female insect’s knuckles turned nearly white, his ramrod-straight bearing like a stone cliff beneath a snow-capped mountain—aloof and cold.

For some reason, Gore felt he should have been happy at this moment.

After all, the male insect’s first reaction upon hearing the answer hadn’t been anger or doubt—he had asked for Gore’s own thoughts. That was the response he had most longed for. It should have been enough. But...

"No."

"That’s not what I think."

Though the words denied the earlier statement, though they were meant to prove himself, the blue-haired female insect’s voice was more ragged than before, his gaze darker than ever.

As if determined to brand every detail of the male insect’s expression, as if determined to sear this moment into his mind forever, Gore stared at Philo intently, his words stubborn despite their roughness.

"Philo."

"I came to apologize."

Then, seeing the confusion in the male insect’s eyes, seeing the unvoiced inquiry, Gore didn’t pause. He continued in one breath, saying everything he needed to say.

"I’m sorry. Because of my duties, I didn’t join the rescue team after you went missing."

"I’m sorry. Again, because of my duties, even when I learned you were trapped in the Chaos Sector, I still didn’t go to mount a rescue."

"I’m sorry, Philo."

Looking at the young S-Class male, at those violet eyes he adored, at that silver hair that shone like his own insignia, the blue-haired female insect’s stony countenance at last relaxed. Slowly, faintly, a small smile appeared.

"I’m sorry, Philo. Next year’s Silk Flower Festival... I won’t be able to bring you flowers anymore."

Not unwilling—but no longer worthy.

Philo, when it comes to you, even if I don’t want to admit it, I must. I wouldn’t be a good primary consort.

Truthfully, for any male insect, I might never be the best choice.

So, Philo.

I am willing to bury the rest of my life, my blood, my bones in that far frontiers. I swear, I will guard the Alliance—and I will guard you.

I will never let you endure another assault. I will never let any creature jeopardize your existence again. I will spend the rest of my days defending the Alliance that has you in it. Even if...

With a slight curve of his brows, gazing at the silver-haired male insect before him—the object of his deepest devotion—Gore stood up. With the same reverence and sincerity as when they first met, he executed the ceremonial prostration of a female insect to a male.

Placing her right hand over her heart, the proudest, youngest female soldier of general rank in the military, trembling with sincerity, gave her final salute to the male she adored.

Then, without delay—as if she had come here solely to say these words—Gore turned and walked toward the door almost without hesitation.

But—

"Gore."

In the end, the male insect didn’t let the female leave so easily.

Watching the blue-haired female insect's receding figure, Philo hadn’t expected that answer from her. Yet even though it caught him off guard, it ultimately matched the answer he had prepared for her.

"If I were truly Philo, I wouldn't blame you."

"If I were truly that male raised in the Alliance since childhood, I would’ve really liked you."

He wasn’t lying—the warmth in his eyes seemed the best proof of his words' sincerity.

Looking at Gore before him, at this female insect he’d always admired, at this one who truly put the group before herself and embodied love for the nation, Philo admired and respected her.

Truth be told, if Philo had truly been the Philo raised among the insect race, perhaps he would have liked her.

Perhaps he might’ve even fallen for her.

Because they believed in the same things. If their roles were swapped, Philo might have made the same choices as she did.

So, Gore, you don’t owe me an apology.

At least not to me.

Because I never blamed you, nor held it against you. Only—

"But I, after all, am not that male insect raised in the Alliance since childhood."

Looking at Gore, at this female insect seemingly destined to spend her remaining years standing by her lonely ideals, Philo gave a soft laugh.

"So, Gore, we should leave things here."

Anything deeper might be too much for both of us.

Her hair trembled slightly. The female insect, with her back to the male, remained silent, standing still for a moment.

No insect knew her expression at that moment, just as none knew her feelings. Thus, the blue-haired female insect quietly listened to the male’s final words, then stood quietly a moment longer before finally lifting her head and walking away.

She did not look back. She did not pause again, just as the male did not try to stop her.

As if both understood what this parting might signify, the female insect left without hesitation, and Philo turned away, saying nothing more.

The ward, briefly enlivened by the female’s presence, suddenly returned to its original stillness.

And in the depths of the male insect’s eyes, the hardly hidden emptiness seemed to deepen once more.

In the end, perhaps what kept them apart was not the twenty years of the past, but…

But what?

They didn’t know.

At least, neither of them knew at this moment.

Author's Note:

An extra update to make up for the shorter chapters from before!