Chapter 9 Enduring Pain Something She Could Never Have…

Chapter 9: The Pain of What She Could Never Possess

Qin You took a deep breath and slowly released her, his eyes filled with resignation—he was utterly helpless when it came to her.

"Are you angry?" Tao Jiang blinked, exaggerating, "Are you really that easily upset?"

"No," Qin You took her hand. "What else do you want to do?"

Tao Jiang seemed to have already made up her mind, stating directly, "Let's go do an escape room."

Qin You readily agreed. He could never refuse Tao Jiang's requests; even if he wasn't interested in escape rooms, he was willing to spend a lot of time with her. As for the message from Yu Kui, it had long been pushed to the back of his mind.

Perhaps he knew that no matter what he did, Yu Kui would always wait for him. Or perhaps, at this point, he could no longer control his favoritism, willingly abandoning unimportant people and things for Tao Jiang.

Including Yu Kui.

Not receiving a reply, Yu Kui lay curled up under her covers, miserable for what felt like ages. She couldn’t believe Qin You hadn’t seen the message—he always kept his phone in his uniform pocket, even replying during lunch. Yu Kui had once asked who he was messaging, and Qin You had responded indifferently, saying it was just classmates asking questions.

Yu Kui didn’t doubt him, instead admiring his outwardly cold but warm-hearted, helpful nature.

She had lost count of how many times he hadn’t replied to her messages, yet each time he stood downstairs as if nothing was wrong. If Yu Kui didn’t bring it up, he wouldn’t explain why he hadn’t responded.

Maybe it was time for her to grow up too.

Yu Kui got out of bed, opened her English book, and started memorizing vocabulary. She had devoted too much time to Qin You, forgetting that he was no longer the little boy who needed companionship. He had found things he wanted to do, while she remained stuck in place, waiting for him to come back to her.

This situation was truly awful.

If he didn’t turn back, what should she do? Sit and burst into tears like in kindergarten, or cling to him like a madwoman?

Neither was what Yu Kui wanted.

She wanted a healthy and fulfilling relationship, not to wait for someone’s pity.

Yu Kui put away her phone, calmed the disappointment in her heart, and threw herself into studying. Whatever Qin You thought, she needed to focus on her own life.

The next morning, Yu Kui neither asked why Qin You hadn’t replied nor where he had been the day before. She was still curious but stopped asking proactively.

On the bus, Yu Kui found a seat and sat down, instinctively glancing at Qin You. He didn’t sit beside her but chose a spot some distance away. Her heart ached for a moment, but she quickly turned her head away.

Qin You looked at the message on his phone: "Remember our agreement yesterday? Don't you dare talk to Yu Kui today, or I’ll really ignore you."

It was a reminder from Tao Jiang. He had upset her yesterday, and she had demanded he ignore Yu Kui today. He had agreed.

After replying, Qin You glanced sideways at the girl by the window. She wore earphones, seemingly practicing English listening, her gaze not on him. A faint unease rose in him, but he looked away, missing the redness in her eyes.

All day, whether Yu Kui asked what he wanted for lunch or other questions, Qin You acted as if he didn’t hear, giving her the cold shoulder.

Tao Jiang noticed and chided him, "What’s wrong with you today? Didn’t you hear Yu Kui?"

Qin You pursed his lips, his gaze dark. He was only doing this because of her—if she hadn’t demanded it, he wouldn’t ignore Yu Kui. Now she was siding with Yu Kui, making him the villain.

Yu Kui didn’t notice the subtle exchange between them, only feeling suffocated, her chest aching with spasms.

She had never felt so miserable, but now she felt like a joke. What did she mean to Qin You? Ignoring her messages, deliberately cold—was this the boy she knew? Or had she never truly understood him?

Noticing Yu Kui’s pale face, Qin You’s pupils slightly contracted. He was about to ask what was wrong when Yu Kui stood without looking at him. "I’m not hungry. You two eat."

She left with her tray.

"Yu Kui..." Tao Jiang called out, but Yu Kui walked away without turning. The blatant mockery left only an indescribable, chilling bitterness.

Qin You stood to follow, but Tao Jiang chuckled. "What, still care about her?"

He froze, meeting her mocking eyes, and slowly sat back down, staring at his cooling food. "We don’t have to play this game. It’s hurting her."

"Don’t play?" Tao Jiang laughed at his words. "You chased me, promised to do anything for me. Did I force you?"

Qin You’s lips twitched, but he said nothing.

"You’re already feeling sorry for her before the game’s over, yet claim you don’t care. Do you think I believe that?"

"She’s just a friend," Qin You explained patiently. "There’s nothing ambiguous between us. Why do we always bring her into it?"

"Because she’s had you all to herself for over a decade!" Tao Jiang snapped. "You were even closer back then—childhood sweethearts. How can I not mind?"

Qin You felt utterly conflicted. "The past is past. The present and future matter more."

"Prove it," Tao Jiang stared into his eyes, enunciating each word clearly. "Prove I’m more important than her, not just today, but always."

"Fine." Captivated by her intensity, Qin You forgot Yu Kui again, gripping Tao Jiang’s hand under the table. "You’re the only one in my heart." His expression was calm, but his eyes burned like blazing summer fire, almost scorching her.

Tao Jiang had a secret smile, reveling in the thrill of taking away what someone else cherished.

Yu Kui didn’t return to class but wandered around campus. She couldn’t understand how things with Qin You had come to this. They used to be so close, yet now he hurt her so deeply. Had she done something wrong to anger him? Or was he facing some unsolvable problem?

But she couldn’t figure it out—Qin You was ignoring her.

He no longer valued their friendship.

A girl’s natural intuition told her something bad had happened between them, something she hadn’t anticipated. She didn’t know what it was, and had no idea how to address it.

Qin You hadn’t told her but was gradually shutting her out of his life.

Yu Kui sat on a bench in a corner. A breeze blew, making her shiver from the cold. But the cold outside was nothing compared to the chill in her heart.

Qin You still waited for Yu Kui downstairs every morning, but her conversations with him were few and far between. Each time she saw his frosty expression, she wanted to say: if you don’t want to, stop waiting. They didn’t have to be friends; they could go their separate ways.

But the words stuck in her throat. Over a decade of feelings couldn’t be erased overnight. Letting him go felt like tearing her heart in two.

She couldn’t bear it.

Maybe time would smooth things over, but for now, she’d rather endure the pain and stubbornly stay by his side.

Yu Kui grew quieter—not only Qin You and Tao Jiang noticed, but her deskmate Sun Shuya saw it most clearly. Her chubby cheeks gradually thinned out, sharpening her once-cute face into delicate, teenage features.

"Yu Kui, you’ve gotten prettier," Tao Jiang remarked at lunch. "You’ve lost weight, and your features stand out now."

Before, Yu Kui’s round face made her seem merely cute, but now she was like a budding lotus, revealing a nascent grace.

Yu Kui hadn’t noticed the change until her mother said she’d lost weight and promised to cook more for her. She realized she’d grown taller and slimmer but didn’t dwell on it, focusing harder on studying—it was the only way to briefly forget Qin You’s hurt.

"Really?" Yu Kui smiled faintly. "My mom said so too."

"You’ve lost too much," Tao Jiang said. "That’s not good—you’re still growing. You need to eat properly."

Yu Kui nodded and ate an extra chicken leg at lunch.

Qin You looked at her soft, fair, delicate face, realizing without realizing it that she had become dazzling during the time he hadn't been paying attention.

In the third monthly exam, Yu Kui's performance ranked at the top, with significant improvements in math and English, which directly boosted her overall score and pushed her into the top five of the grade. The homeroom teacher praised her repeatedly, noting that she was the only student in the class to make it into the top ten of the grade, and even rewarded her with school supplies.

The Chinese teacher even had her participate in city and national essay competitions. Yu Kui had always excelled in Chinese; back in middle school, she had won special and second prizes in essay contests. When the class previously compiled a list of award winners, it became clear just how many awards she had received. It’s worth noting that the special prize is even harder to achieve than the first prize, and you could count on one hand the number of students in the entire school who had ever won a special prize.

The homeroom teacher directly assigned Yu Kui to participate in the essay competition, instructing her to write the essay first and then come to the office at noon tomorrow to type up the manuscript on the computer.

When Tao Jiang saw her own lack of progress in her grades, she finally realized that what separated her from Yu Kui wasn’t just Qin You, but something else entirely—something about Yu Kui that she absolutely hated.

It was as if, even after she had taken Qin You away, she still couldn’t extinguish the girl's radiant glow.

That was something she could never take away, and something she could never possess.

Author's Note: