Chapter 85: First Snow

Chapter 85: First Snow

The rain in Nan City had been falling for nearly half a month, almost unnoticed.

Nian Yi and Jin Chenggui parked their car downstairs. Jin Chenggui held an umbrella, but the apartment windows above remained tightly curtained, with no light visible even at night. Had they not known someone resided there, Nian Yi and Jin Chenggui would have truly believed it to be an empty unit.

"We can’t wait any longer," Nian Yi declared. "If this continues, he’ll either die or fall seriously ill."

She retrieved a tool from the trunk, motioning for Jin Chenggui to follow her upstairs. Over the past fortnight, visitors to Linhu Residential Complex had been ceaseless, yet no one had managed to coax Jin Zexu out of his apartment.

Before Jin Chenggui could even catch up with the umbrella, Nian Yi was already storming up the stairs, hammer in hand, fully prepared for a slammed door. To her surprise, Jin Zexu opened it himself.

In just half a month, Jin Zexu had become a shadow of his former self.

Nian Yi and the arriving Jin Chenggui both froze. Standing outside the door, Nian Yi’s brow furrowed in disbelief. Under the dim hallway light, the man before her seemed utterly drained of life—his hair disheveled, his expression vacant. When he finally lifted his gaze, Nian Yi saw his deeply sunken eye sockets and bloodshot eyes. She cautiously asked, "A-Xu, how many days has it been since you last slept?"

Jin Zexu offered no reply. Instead, he simply handed the cat, Whisper, from his arms to Nian Yi, then moved to close the door.

Nian Yi’s hands were full, but Jin Chenggui reacted swiftly, blocking the door with his hand.

The apartment was steeped in darkness. The more Nian Yi observed Jin Zexu’s disheveled, ghost-like appearance, the more her anger flared.

"What’s the point of locking yourself in here every day?" Nian Yi thrust the cat into Jin Chenggui’s arms, then, seething, lunged forward and grabbed Jin Zexu by the collar. "You’re not eating, you’re neglecting your cat—do you think torturing yourself will bring him back to life?"

The hammer clattered to the floor.

Jin Zexu remained silent, allowing Nian Yi to grip him. His eyes were hollow, his demeanor that of a living corpse.

"Jin Zexu, for heaven’s sake, snap out of it! You’re abandoning your cat—what about your child?" Nian Yi trembled with rage. "The child Chu Jin risked his life to bring into this world—have you even bothered to see him at the hospital? How can you face Chu Jin like this?"

Had Jin Chenggui not restrained her, Nian Yi would have slapped Jin Zexu across the face. "Jin Zexu, I know you’re hurting. No one is suffering more than you are. But you can’t keep living in this stupor. If Chu Jin were here, he wouldn’t want to see you like this."

Nian Yi’s voice softened. Working in a hospital, she had witnessed countless partings of life and death. If grief or prayers could change anything, she would have wished for Jin Zexu’s desires to come true long ago.

Whisper jumped from Jin Chenggui’s arms and padded over to Jin Zexu, rubbing against his legs.

Time had truly flown. Whisper had grown from a scrawny little kitten into a full-grown cat. The cat seemed to be in good spirits, a testament that even in his self-imposed isolation, Jin Zexu had not neglected her.

"Meow~" she meowed softly.

Jin Zexu cast a brief glance at her before looking away. "Take her with you."

He finally spoke, his voice hoarse, as if scraped by sandpaper.

"A-Xu..." Nian Yi frowned, hesitating but unable to hold back. "Keeping it all bottled up like this isn’t healthy. Your brother, me, Hangzhi, Xiao Shi, and Ji Heyang—we’re all here for you. If you need to vent, you can come to us anytime."

"...He’s not dead."

"What?" Nian Yi was startled by his conviction. "What did you say?"

"He’s not dead!"

He nearly roared the words. For the past half month, every single person who came to see him had, at every moment, reminded him that Chu Jin was gone—no longer in this world, and that he would never see him again!

But it wasn’t true. He wasn’t dead. Perhaps he just didn’t know how to return. Yet no one believed him. Everyone thought he was delusional.

Including Nian Yi and Jin Chenggui, who stood before him now.

"But we all saw it with our own eyes. You saw it too," Nian Yi said, bewildered.

Nian Yi understood that Jin Zexu couldn’t accept it. He had refused to let anyone touch Chu Jin’s body, locking himself in his apartment day after day. It was only when Chen Hangzhi broke down the door that they discovered Chu Jin’s body was gone. Without special preservation, a body would decay after death, so Nian Yi naturally assumed Chu Jin’s body had been cremated.

As for the ashes... only Jin Zexu would know their whereabouts.

Nian Yi sighed. "A-Xu, why don’t you go see the child? He looks so much like Chu Jin. You haven’t even given him a name yet."

Only Jin Zexu knew that his Chu Jin wasn’t dead—he had simply returned, leaving him behind.

After Chu Jin disappeared, Jin Zexu immediately went to the prison to see Zeng Fan, the only person in the world who might know the truth about transmigration. When Zeng Fan saw him, a wide grin spread across his face. He said, "I don’t know."

Jin Zexu’s desperation only fueled Zeng Fan’s manic laughter. He explained that transmigration didn’t make a person vanish into thin air. This meant that if the current Chu Jin died and transmigrated, another "Chu Jin" would appear to fill the void. If he died without triggering transmigration, then he would be resurrected, as a transmigration traveler’s body would, to some extent, repair itself to ensure survival.

But now Chu Jin had vanished, and no other "Chu Jin" had appeared. It was indeed puzzling.

"I can only tell you I don’t know. The conditions for triggering transmigration are highly random," Zeng Fan said bluntly. Besides Jin Zexu, no one would believe him anyway—they’d just think he was crazy. And if he was crazy, then Jin Zexu had now lost his mind. "I don’t know how to bring him back. But if you die, maybe you can go find him."

"See, I was right. You couldn’t keep him." Zeng Fan laughed hysterically. "Transmigration itself is a massive bug. It seems like the bug is being fixed now. Hahaha..."

Zeng Fan had exploited the body-repairing bug of transmigration travelers for organ trafficking experiments. He would face the punishment he deserved. But what about Jin Zexu? He had met Chu Jin because of transmigration, and they even had a child together. Would he be punished too?

He didn’t care about punishment. But if Chu Jin couldn’t return...

For a long time, no one spoke. The motion-sensor light in the hallway turned off, plunging the room into darkness. Jin Zexu finally broke the silence. "You don’t need to come anymore. I just need a little more time."

Jin Zexu knew all too well that time wouldn’t ease his grief or longing. He closed his eyes.

"Chu Xue," he murmured softly. "We’ll call the child Chu Xue."

Chu Jin... had loved the snow.

*

Jin Zexu refused to return to the villa. Every corner of it was filled with traces of Chu Jin—even his clothes still carried his scent.

He went to Qingyuan Mountain and Baoguang Temple, kneeling in front of the temple for three days. On the third day, a novice monk handed him a fortune paper—a crumpled, water-stained piece of paper, clearly once soaked and dried.

He remembered that slip. He had tossed it aside that day.

The novice monk handed it to him and urged him to go home.

When Jin Zexu stood up, he nearly stumbled and fell. The novice monk steadied him and asked what he had prayed for.

Jin Zexu fell silent. From beginning to end, his only wish had been one thing—for Chu Jin to be safe and healthy.

He visited many places alone, including the small rental apartment in the alley. Jin Zexu often returned there. The elderly woman selling pancakes at the alley entrance always asked about Chu Jin whenever she recognized Jin Zexu. He could only smile in response before heading upstairs to stay the night.

Later, Luo Changqing returned from abroad.

The first thing he did was rush to the villa and punch Jin Zexu, hard enough to draw blood. Luo Changqing couldn’t accept that Chu Jin was gone after just a few months abroad. Jin Zexu didn’t fight back. He let Luo Changqing vent until he calmed down.

As one of the few people in the world who knew about transmigration, Luo Changqing understood that, like the original "Chu Jin," this Chu Jin likely wouldn’t return.

Jin Zexu said nothing. He didn’t know anymore. The longer time passed, the less certain he felt.

Back at the villa, Uncle He had returned. The child, born prematurely, had spent some time in the NICU before being discharged. Gu Mingyuan had recommended professionals to care for the baby. Nian Yi had lied—the child didn’t look like Chu Jin at all. He looked like Jin Zexu.

Chu Xue cried constantly, wailing all day after coming home. As a new father, Jin Zexu was terrified. Several times, he rushed the child to the hospital in the middle of the night, but Chu Xue kept crying—whether he was put down or held.

Bai Huihe accepted surprisingly quickly that Chu Xue was Chu Jin and Jin Zexu’s child. Chu Xue was the spitting image of Jin Zexu as a child that she couldn’t doubt it.

"The weather forecast says there will be snow in Nan City next week," Uncle He said as he entered with Whisper.

Before they knew it, the New Year had passed. The sudden drop in temperature meant the snow in Nan City arrived unseasonably late.

Nian Yi carried Chu Xue downstairs but didn’t see Jin Zexu or even Bai Huihe. It was Uncle He who told her the two had gone to the cemetery. Only Bai Huihe and Jin Zexu knew that today was the anniversary of Bai Jinfeng’s death.

"I plan to visit your father later," Bai Huihe said. "He should remember today."

Jin Zexu replied, "He'd better remember."

Bai Huihe turned to look at Jin Zexu. He refused to put up a headstone for Chu Jin, unwilling to accept his departure. Except for the pained smile he managed when facing Chu Xue, he showed almost no emotion at other times. It was as if Chu Jin’s departure had taken his soul with him.

"I went to the basement on Ping’an Lane this morning," Bai Huihe said. "You should go back and take a look. Go through your things—what needs to be thrown away should be discarded."

The person on the tombstone smiled brightly, leaving Bai Huihe with a wave of sadness. The decades of grudges should finally come to an end.

*

It felt like Jin Zexu hadn’t returned to Ping’an Lane in a long time.

The basement was just as it had been before—cold and damp, and covered in a layer of dust, untouched by anyone. Jin Zexu didn’t think there was anything here worth taking away.

He opened the door and was immediately greeted by a billow of dust. The chair hadn’t been pushed in properly when he and Chu Jin left last time. A beam of sunlight from above fell directly on the chair, and for a moment, Jin Zexu could have sworn he saw Chu Jin’s figure resting over the desk.

Jin Zexu slowed his steps and edged closer, but aside from floating dust motes, there was nothing on the chair.

He pushed aside the clutter on the desk and sat down on that small chair. As a child, the desk had felt quite large, but now his legs could barely stretch out.

A broken pencil from the old exams fell to the ground. As Jin Zexu bent down to pick it up, he noticed his photo had somehow fallen beside the desk leg. The glass of the frame was cracked, but the photo inside was unharmed.

Jin Zexu froze, then picked up a piece of paper from the ground. It seemed to be torn from a school notebook. He didn’t remember hiding anything behind the photo.

Unfolding the paper, Jin Zexu’s breath hitched the moment he saw the first line. His pupils contracted, and he froze in place.

"A-Xu, I hope this letter finds you well."

Jin Zexu’s hands trembled. He recognized the handwriting—it was Chu Jin’s. It was a letter from Chu Jin...

—"A-Xu, I hope this letter finds you well.

I am Chu Jin, an unexpected outsider. I still remember the first day I arrived here—I was relieved. I thought here, I would no longer be a disabled Omega forced to hide my identity. But I was wrong. I am still myself, floating on the edges of this world.

You gave me my official identity. I’m sorry—for a long time, I planned to escape because this child constantly reminded me that I was still an anomaly. I don’t know when that mindset began to change.

Like you, my childhood wasn’t easy. But I never pitied myself. Compared to other children my age, I just had it tougher. I suppose you did too.

I’m glad we both grew up.

Jin Zexu, when it comes to happiness, I’m always slow on the uptake. The same goes for your love.

Forgive me for not understanding what true love is, how to love, or how to respond to it. Avoidance and escape were the only ways I knew to protect myself. So by the time I deeply felt your love, you had already wrapped around me completely.

I used coldness to mask my fear, caution to disguise my escape. Your directness and honesty often left me with no place to hide. When I couldn’t breathe, I began to feel anxious. Starting over has never been difficult for me, but Jin Zexu, I don’t want to leave anymore. Yet, staying or going isn’t up to me.

If coming here was a mistake, when will that mistake be corrected?

Along with love came helplessness and resignation. Thinking back, it seems I’ve never said I love you, but your love has unknowingly seeped into my very being and awakened me. No matter what happens in the future, wait for me there. If you can’t, I hope you stay healthy and happy.

I’m in the basement where you once lived. I’ve signed all your test papers that lacked a parent’s signature—you should recognize it. The pencil is too short, but it’s just enough for me to write these few words:

I love you.

—Chu Jin."

The handwriting grew heavier toward the end. The words "I love you" and "Chu Jin" were squeezed together at the bottom, nearly blurring into one.

So he had sensed early on that he would leave. So he had always known about his love. Chu Jin left behind very little. The scent on his clothes would fade. Chu Xue and Whisper didn’t belong to him, and Jin Zexu couldn’t use them as tools to project his emotions onto them.

When he missed Chu Jin, he could only trace the picture on the ID card. If only he had made him smile back then.

Now, seeing the letter Chu Jin left for him, Jin Zexu felt as if the emotions buried deep in his heart had finally found an outlet.

He knelt on the ground, his fingers trembling as he clutched the letter. A flimsy piece of paper felt like a heavy boulder pressing on his chest. Jin Zexu sobbed uncontrollably.

He stayed in the basement until very late. By the time he returned to the villa, everyone was gone. Chu Xue had been taken back by Nian Yi, and Uncle He had already gone to bed. The villa was silent.

Jin Zexu walked into the closet in the guest bedroom. The nest he had built during his rut remained untouched. He took off his shoes and stepped onto the soft rug. The scent of Chu Jin on the piled clothes was faint.

He didn’t dare breathe too hard, afraid that one day the scent would disappear completely.

Most nights after Chu Jin vanished, he struggled to sleep. Only in the closet, surrounded by Chu Jin’s scent, could he sleep soundly.

Jin Zexu closed his eyes and curled up in the hollow among the clothes. He didn’t know how much time had passed when, in his dream, he seemed to hear soft footsteps approaching outside, followed by the sound of the closet door opening.

Jin Zexu frowned and opened his eyes, ready to lash out, but when he saw the person at the door, he was dumbstruck.

"Don’t recognize me?" The person at the door said with a soft smile.

Jin Zexu was speechless. The person walked over and sat beside him. "It’s me, Chu Jin."

Before he could finish, Jin Zexu threw his arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. His voice shook slightly. "Why did it take you so long? I missed you so much. I thought—"

"Sorry, I was delayed for too long." Chu Jin gently brushed Jin Zexu’s eyes. "You’ve lost weight again, and the dark circles are worse. Haven’t you been sleeping well?"

"I couldn’t sleep." Jin Zexu stared into Chu Jin’s eyes. "It’s been so long, and you never appeared in my dreams."

If Chu Jin could appear in his dreams, he would gladly sleep forever.

A dream.

Chu Jin wiped the tear from the corner of his eye. "I’m here now. What do you want to say?"

"I don’t know." Jin Zexu had a thousand things to say but didn’t know where to start. "I found the letter you left me on Ping’an Lane. You said you love me—is it true?"

Chu Jin looked at Jin Zexu, let out a soft sigh, lifted his chin, and kissed him.

Their lips met, and the kiss deepened slowly. Chu Jin closed his eyes, letting himself be held and sinking into the nest. As the temperature rose, Jin Zexu suddenly stopped.

After waiting a moment without any further movement, Chu Jin opened his eyes and found Jin Zexu staring intently at him. "Why did you stop?"

Jin Zexu didn’t answer. He held Chu Jin in his arms gently, as if cherishing a treasure.

"I just want to hold you like this, for as long as possible. Don’t wake up."

Chu Jin’s nose stung with emotion. The person beside him gradually breathed steadily. Chu Jin raised his hand to trace Jin Zexu’s eyes gently and kissed his forehead. "Sleep well. Sweet dreams."

Late at night, the air conditioner in the closet was set high. The curtains weren’t fully closed, and the wind howled outside, waking him. Jin Zexu shifted slightly, reluctant to open his eyes. As long as he kept them closed, the dream of holding Chu Jin and sleeping soundly through the night could continue.

In his drowsy state, he suddenly felt something burrowing into his embrace.

"Keep it down, stop messing around." Jin Zexu lifted his arm.

"You're crushing my hair."

A sleepy complaint suddenly came from his embrace.

Jin Zexu snapped awake, his eyes wide open. He almost doubted his hearing until he looked down and saw a messy-haired head nestled in the crook of his arm.

Chu Jin, woken by him, opened his eyes sleepily. "Awake?"

"Chu... Chu Jin?"

"It's me."

Chu Jin sat up from his embrace. Jin Zexu’s fingertips hovered inches from his nose, not daring to move closer. "What's wrong?"

"Is this a dream?" Jin Zexu’s voice trembled.

Chu Jin chuckled softly. He directly grabbed Jin Zexu’s hand and pressed it to his cheek, nuzzling gently. "Not a dream. It's me, Chu Jin."

"You're back?"

"Mm, I'm back." Suddenly, Chu Jin was pulled back into an embrace. Jin Zexu held him so tightly, as if trying to meld him into his body, to press him into his bones.

"If you hug me any tighter, I won't be able to breathe."

Jin Zexu refused to let go, burying his face deep into Chu Jin’s neck. "When did you come back? Are you feeling unwell anywhere? I missed you so much, so much, so very much..."

Chu Jin automatically rubbed Jin Zexu’s back. "Right when you said I never appeared in your dreams."

Jin Zexu recalled the kiss Chu Jin had initiated in the dream. "You mean that kiss wasn’t a dream? Holding you wasn’t a dream either?"

Chu Jin nodded. "Did you see my letter?"

Jin Zexu understood, and he was completely awake now. He lifted his head. "Chu Chu, is it really you? It feels so unreal."

"Then stretch out your hand," Chu Jin said. "Close your eyes."

Jin Zexu obediently extended his hand. Chu Jin pretended to bite it. Jin Zexu smiled and closed his eyes, but the expected pain never came. Instead, a sudden coolness spread across his palm.

"Open your eyes," Chu Jin said.

Looking down, he saw a ring lying in his palm.

"Is this the sandalwood ring I lost before?" Jin Zexu asked in surprise.

"Mm," Chu Jin nodded. "This time, I'm not a thief. Returning it to you."

Jin Zexu smiled. Under the warm light of the closet, Chu Jin’s eyes were clear and bright, like a dewdrop on a lotus leaf, gentle and refined. He picked up the ring from his palm, shifted position, and knelt on one knee.

"Chu Jin, will you marry me?" Jin Zexu’s hands trembled with nervousness. "I know this proposal is too simple, I—"

Stammering, before he could finish, Chu Jin’s hand was already extended in front of him. "Put it on for me."

Jin Zexu hesitated for a moment. Chu Jin held out his hand, waiting until Jin Zexu finally came back to his senses. The ring slipped over his knuckle and onto his ring finger. Jin Zexu wrapped his arm around Chu Jin’s neck, leaned down, and kissed him. It was a soft, lingering kiss. Chu Jin, blushing and breathless, sank back into the clothes with no support, so he could only grip Jin Zexu’s collar and tilt his chin up.

The night was quiet, but the wind outside the window grew louder. Chu Jin’s glance drifted to the window—it had started snowing at some point.

"It’s snowing," Chu Jin patted Jin Zexu. "I haven’t asked yet, what name did you give the child?"

"Chu Xue."

Chu Xue, first snow... Chu Jin wrapped his arms around Jin Zexu’s neck and murmured, "Jin Zexu, I missed you so much."

Jin Zexu looked down into Chu Jin’s gaze. Chu Jin’s eyes were soft as water. He believed—

Love flows gently like a steady stream.

- End of Main Text -

Author's Note:

The story concludes here! First, let me give myself a pat on the back.

Thank you to all the friends who followed along, commented, gave votes, and showed your support. I'm really grateful for everyone's support throughout. There will be some sweet extra chapters and additional content later. If there’s anything specific you’d like to see in the extras, feel free to suggest it. Thank you!