Chapter 20: Hide Away (Part 3)

Chapter 20: Hidden Away (Part 2)

Li Su cried himself weak, collapsing to the ground with his back against the door.

He no longer wanted to beg Li Shuo to open the door.

Outside was too quiet, so quiet it seemed Li Shuo was no longer outside the door.

Li Su felt a sense of despair.

What had he done wrong to deserve such punishment from Li Shuo?

Hadn't he offered his kindness to Li Shuo with good intentions?

If Li Shuo didn’t appreciate it, there was no need to turn things into such a mess.

The area under the slide wasn't completely sealed; there were gaps in the iron sheets where the wind blew in, brushing against his frozen cheeks.

He had run out of the house wearing only thin pajamas, and now he curled into a ball, shivering from the cold.

The madman's face kept surfacing in his mind uncontrollably.

A strong smell of rust, like splattering blood, made Li Su feel sticky all over, as if he was soaking in a vat of blood.

“Li Shuo, Huole (Li Shuo), don't do this… Open the door, please.”

Li Su sobbed quietly, his voice choked with resentment.

Li Shuo hadn't left either; he was also sitting on the ground with his back against the door.

Big brother was already hidden away.

But how could he keep his older brother from being discovered by the world?

What place was perfectly hidden?

“Li Shuo, how did you become like this… My little brother wasn’t like this.”

Li Shuo listened to Li Su’s broken accusations between sobs.

“I’ve always been like this, brother. The docile little brother you saw was never real.”

“Because Mom and Dad only love you. I had to act like the person you'd like, to earn your approval, so that Mom and Dad would throw me a crumb of attention.”

Li Su stayed silent, pulling himself into an even tighter ball.

After a long moment, Li Su replied, “That’s not my fault.”

“Of course it isn't your fault. But the moment you got close to me, that made it your fault. You should have been like Mom and Dad—ignored me completely. Then I wouldn't have craved the warmth of family, wouldn't have dared to hope for a real family.”

Li Shuo trailed off.

Staring at the moon veiled by clouds, he made another wrong decision.

“Li Su, do you remember the first time we met?”

Li Su relaxed his body, turned around, knelt in front of the door, and pressed his ear against it to hear Li Shuo’s low voice.

“At home… I don’t remember. Aren’t we family? The first time we met… maybe when you came out of Mom’s stomach. I really don’t remember. How could I remember something from when I was that little?”

Li Su tried hard to recall.

The earliest memory he had with Li Shuo was them huddling on the sofa watching cartoons together. It had always been like that, seeming like the most natural thing.

This brotherly bond had no clear starting point—by the time Li Su had clear, vivid memories, they were already brothers who had lived together for a long time.

“You idiot.”

“The first time we met was at the orphanage. You snatched my steamed bun…”

Li Shuo narrated the story calmly.

Li Su listened as if hearing a story about someone else, his eyes wide with shock.

“You’re lying to me… You’re lying, aren’t you? You're retaliating because I said I didn't want you, aren't you? Huole, don't joke about that…”

“Why is Mom so cruel to me? Because I’m not her child at all. I was just a toy Mom bought for you. Think about it—how did Mom handle your toys?”

Toys.

The toys Li Su liked, Mom would carefully put away where Li Su could see them.

If they broke, she fixed them. If they couldn’t be fixed, she bought new ones.

The toys Li Su didn’t like were abandoned aside, and Mom would throw them away, then buy new toys that matched Li Su’s tastes.

Li Shuo was that kind of toy.

Li Su covered his mouth to keep from crying out loud.

So it wasn’t that Mom was biased—it was that Mom never had Li Shuo in her heart.

Li Su knew very well how easily distracted he was. He quickly grew tired of the toys he had.

If Li Shuo was his toy, and his position in the Li family depended entirely on Li Su’s fickle affection… no wonder Li Shuo always craved his attention so desperately.

No wonder Li Su’s slightest frown made Li Shuo tremble with fear.

No wonder Li Shuo always demeaned himself to please him, no wonder Li Shuo never cried or protested when Mom beat him, no wonder Li Shuo didn’t care that no one attended his parent-teacher conferences, no wonder Li Shuo always felt like an outsider in the family.

The love and unbreakable family bond Li Su had enjoyed since birth were precarious for Li Shuo.

Li Su was speechless. The truth was too cruel for him.

Not only did he have to accept that he had lost a brother, but his impression of Mom was also cracked.

His gentle, doting mother was the executioner who had tortured another child.

Her constant scolding and beating—was it just her way of venting?

Was Li Shuo not only Li Su’s toy, but also Mom’s punching bag?

Her favoritism was a form of violence—every bit of care she gave Li Su was a slow death for Li Shuo.

Li Su was naturally sensitive and empathetic. Just imagining himself in Li Shuo's position made him so upset he could barely breathe.

Tears and snot mingled together.

“I’m sorry… I had no idea.”

Guilt kept growing in Li Su's heart.

"I'm sorry."

Li Su said sorry to Li Shuo for their mom.

But Li Shuo didn't want to hear that.

"What's the point? I'm not telling you this because I need your sympathy or apology. Brother, what I want is a family that sticks together."

Li Su stopped crying and apologizing, weakly thumping his head against the door.

"Let me out, let's go home. Whether you're telling the truth or not, I will always be your brother. I won't let Mom hit you anymore. I'll love you more."

"I don't believe you."

Li Shuo clearly had no intention of letting Li Su out.

Li Su was getting really anxious.

It was the dead of night, and he and Li Shuo were in an abandoned park. The darkness in his heart made him even more afraid—he was scared Li Shuo, still outside, might run into danger.

"Can we talk about this when we get home?" Li Su knew he couldn't persuade Li Shuo, so he started to beg. "I'm really scared, Huole. You know I'm afraid of the dark, don't you? It's so dark in here, and there are so many spiders..."

Li Shuo wavered for a moment, unable to stand Li Su's pathetic sobbing and begging.

"Brother, I'll give you one more chance. Cut off all ties with Song Wuyi, and be my brother, and only my brother. If you agree, I'll let you out."

Li Su didn't expect Li Shuo to still be stuck on this. Even though he had cried and suffered over the grievances Li Shuo had experienced, Li Shuo's stubbornness also made Li Su resentful.

"Song Wuyi will bring you harm, brother. He almost got you killed. How can you still associate with him?"

"I'm doing this for your own good. No one else in the world cares about you as much as I do."

"Stay by my side, and I'll protect you."

"Brother."

"Don't look at anyone else. Just focus on me, okay?"

"Brother, as long as you agree, we'll go home immediately."

Li Shuo's voice wrapped around him like a heavy net, and Li Su was stuck in it, unable to fight back.