Chapter 23 Coin

Chapter 23: The Coin

Xie Fengshi sat in the soft leather booth of the restaurant, his half-eaten crème caramel in front of him. Kaelen’s words had undoubtedly stirred up his usually calm state of mind.

On the day he first arrived, he had faced a shabby little room, instant noodles that were either expired or about to expire, and nothing but red exclamation marks in his phone. Later, he got lucky—the people he met were all kind and treated him well, which was enough to make his days slowly improve.

Xie Fengshi thought he had already come a long way. But now that Kaelen brought it up, he realized he had actually been standing still the whole time.

It wasn’t that his life hadn’t moved forward—it was his heart that had stayed rooted. Every day, he thought only about how to make more money, running himself ragged so he wouldn’t dare stop. Because the moment he stopped, he would have to face the question he had been avoiding all along.

What did he really want to do?

In his past life, Xie Fengshi never had a choice. The illness hit too fast—so fast that he didn't even have time to figure out what he wanted before he was lying in a hospital bed. The endless rounds of treatments had broken his life into pieces, each one measured by treatment.

The only point of living was just to survive.

Now, he was still living the same way as in his past life.

“Actually, it’s not that I don’t dare to think about it. I’m just not used to thinking about these things. In my past life… no, I mean, before… I never had that habit. Life was too precarious back then. Thinking about tomorrow today felt like a luxury—you never knew what tomorrow would be like. So I picked up this bad habit of only looking at the present, never the future.”

After saying that, Xie Fengshi felt like it sounded too depressing, so he quickly added, “But now I can think about next month.”

Hearing this, Kaelen said, “That’s already pretty good.”

Xie Fengshi heard Kaelen’s reassurance once more and couldn’t help but smile wryly. “You keep comforting me.”

“I'm not trying to comfort you. I'm just stating a fact. Going from only thinking about today to actually thinking about next month—that's progress right there. You can't expect to get results overnight. Take too big a step and you'll trip.”

Xie Fengshi’s lips curled up at his words. “How come you always have an answer for everything?”

“Because I spent a few years at the business school. I didn't learn much else, but I got pretty good at painting a rosy picture.”

Xie Fengshi was amused by this, his eyes crinkling into crescents. Isaac chimed in from the side, his tone flat: “He never talked like this before.”

Curious, Xie Fengshi asked, “What was he like before?”

Isaac said flatly, “Before, he would only say things like, ‘What’s the ROI on this project?’ ‘The timeline on that case needs to be moved up.’ ‘You need to check the Q3 earnings report.’”

Kaelen raised an eyebrow. “When did I ever say things like that?”

“When you were in meetings.”

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“When I talk to Fengshi, it’s not a meeting.”

Isaac poked at his plate. “‘W̲h̲e̲e̲n̲ ̲I̲ ̲t̲a̲l̲k̲ ̲t̲o̲ ̲F̲e̲n̲g̲s̲h̲i̲,̲ ̲i̲t̲’̲s̲ ̲n̲o̲t̲ ̲a̲ ̲m̲e̲e̲t̲i̲n̲g̲.’ ”

“Isaac.” Kaelen warned.

Isaac promptly shut up.

After his laughter subsided, Xie Fengshi admitted honestly, “I've still got over three years before graduation. I haven’t thought about these at all.”

“Three years go by fast,” Kaelen said. “You think three years is a long time now, but once you get busy, you'll realize time flies way faster than you think.”

Of course, Xie Fengshi knew that time passed quickly—especially after you turn twenty, time seems to go triple speed. By the time you realized it, you’d be sighing, wondering how it flew by so fast.

Xie Fengshi hesitated for a moment. “Actually… I don’t have that much passion for drawing.”

Even as he said it, he felt how absurd it sounded—an art student saying he had no passion for art was no different from a swimming student who was afraid of water.

But Kaelen didn’t look surprised.

“I mean, I can draw. My foundation from before… my past foundation is still there. But every time I pick up a brush, I feel hollow. I know how to paint, but I don’t know what I want to paint. When my classmates paint, you can feel that they’re completely immersed in it—there's this connection with the canvas that I can't really describe, but they're totally in the zone. I don’t have that. When I paint, my mind is full of other things.”

“What things?”

“What to eat tonight, what assignment is due tomorrow, when the rent is due.”

Kaelen nodded in understanding. He said, “That’s not strange. When people don't feel secure, it's tough to be creative. Your brain uses all its energy just to deal with survival, so naturally there’s no spare energy left for expression and creation. It's not your fault—it's just survival instinct.”

Xie Fengshi was stunned. He'd honestly never thought of it that way.

Sure, he didn't have much talent, but what Kaelen said also made sense: his brain had been constantly dealing with survival stuff, taking up most of his headspace, leaving no extra energy for artistic expression.

“But this isn’t a long-term solution,” Kaelen’s voice pulled him back. “You can get by with this, graduate, and get your degree. But you won't be feeding yourself with it. What do you plan to do later?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Xie Fengshi answered, “Cooking.”

Kaelen had guessed that would be the answer. Xie Fengshi continued, “I want to use this to save up some money first, then figure out the rest after I graduate. Maybe open a small restaurant, maybe become a private chef. Either way, I won't go hungry.”

“Of course you won't go hungry. Your cooking is so good—who could let you starve?”

Xie Fengshi looked up and met a pair of blue eyes. Every time Kaelen spoke to him, he had this serious look, stating things he was so sure of.

Xie Fengshi's ears burned under that gaze, and he quickly looked away.

Isaac watched the two of them go back and forth, his gray-blue eyes screamed, “Who am I, where am I, why am I even sitting here?” He finally said, “Could you two maybe consider my feelings here?”

Xie Fengshi looked at him. “What’s wrong?”

“When you two are talking, I feel like a third wheel.”

“You're not a third wheel. You're the little brother.”

Isaac snorted. “I’m taller than you.”

“So what if you’re taller? You’re still the little brother.”

“I’m eighteen.”

“Still the little brother.”

As the server cleared away the dessert plates, Xie Fengshi couldn't help but sneak a peek at the bill under the coaster.

Just one look, and he laughed bitterly.

Haha, he was laughing at himself for being broke.

He pulled his eyes away from the bill, his expression perfectly neutral.

When they walked out of the restaurant, the night wind kicked up the dry chill of late autumn. Xie Fengshi patted his stomach. “I'm so full. The place you recommended was amazing—I feel like I ate double what I normally do.”

Kaelen walked on his left. “You usually eat way too little.”

“I don't usually eat that little.”

Not young.

Xie Fengshi turned to look at him. Kaelen's profile was sharp in the streetlight, his blonde hair swaying slightly in the wind, and he looked about the same age as Isaac.

Xie Fengshi stared for a couple of seconds, then quietly looked away. He couldn't keep staring; any more and he'd be asking for trouble.

The car was just ahead, a short walk away. Xie Fengshi gauged the distance, then looked at Kaelen, who didn't seem to want to go that way.

Kaelen's eyes were fixed on the square across the street. In the center of the square was a small fountain, which had been turned off for the night. The water in the pool reflected the streetlights and the moon, with a few pigeons at the edge, necks tucked, dozing.

"There's a fountain over there," Kaelen said.

"I see it."

"Want to go take a look?"

The car was to the left, the fountain to the right. Someone clearly wanted to take a detour. Xie Fengshi chuckled. "Sure, let's go take a look."

The two walked side by side toward the fountain. After a couple of steps, Xie Fengshi suddenly remembered something and glanced back. Isaac was three paces back, hands in his pockets, his expression blank.

"Isaac, why are you walking so far behind?" Xie Fengshi called out.

Isaac sped up and fell into step beside Xie Fengshi. "I'm enjoying the view."

"What view?"

"The fountain."

"We're not there yet."

"I'm just checking it out from a distance."

Pure nonsense said with a straight face.

The three of them reached the fountain. Xie Fengshi leaned over the edge to peer in. The water reflected the moon in a perfect circle, rippling in the breeze.

"There are coins in the water," Xie Fengshi pointed down at the bottom. "Someone's been making wishes here."

"Do you believe in that sort of thing?" Kaelen stood beside him.

"Not really, but I think the whole coin-tossing thing is nice," Xie Fengshi said.

"What's nice about it?"

"In the moment you toss it, there must be something you really want. Whether the wish comes true or not, at least in that moment, you know what you want."

As soon as he said it, Xie Fengshi realized—wasn't he talking about himself?

Kaelen paused for a moment, then reached into the inner pocket of his suit jacket. He pulled out his hand, a coin pinched between his fingers.

"Where did you get that?" Xie Fengshi's eyes widened.

"Change from the check just now."

"Didn't you pay by card?"

Kaelen didn't answer, and Xie Fengshi didn't call him on it. As he hesitated, Kaelen handed him the coin. "You do it."

"This is your coin," Xie Fengshi said, holding it.

"Consider it lent to you."

"Can wishes be borrowed?"

Kaelen tilted his head, looking dead serious. "Why not? The coin is mine, the wish is yours."

The coin had been in Kaelen's hand for a while, warmed by his palm. Xie Fengshi held the coin. What did he want?

What did he want?

He closed his eyes, clenching the coin in his palm. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes, flicked the coin with his thumb, and the coin arced through the air with a glint, landing in the water. Ripples spread, the moon broke apart momentarily, then slowly reformed.

Kaelen had been watching him the entire time, his blue eyes impossibly tender. "What did you wish for?"

"It won't come true if I say it out loud."

"Then I won't ask."

They exchanged a smile.

Isaac's voice drifted over from the side. "Are you two done? I'm tired of standing."

Xie Fengshi turned around. Isaac was crouched by the fountain, chin on his knees. "When did you crouch down?"

"When you started talking about the coin."

"Aren't your legs asleep?"

"Yeah."

"Then why don't you get up?"

"I'm stuck."

"..."

Kaelen walked over and hauled Isaac up. Isaac was a bit shorter than Kaelen, but standing, they were almost the same height. Their similar faces side by side were quite easy on the eyes.

"You've lost weight," Kaelen said.

Isaac turned his face away. "You're the one who lost weight."

"I'm serious."

"I'm serious too. You weren't like this last time you came. It's only been a few days—are you even eating?"

Xie Fengshi thought the exchange sounded familiar. Wasn't that exactly what he'd said to Kaelen when they first met?

Kaelen reached out and lightly patted the back of Isaac's head, a fond gesture. Isaac stumbled forward half a step from the pat, turned and glared at him, then pulled his hood up over his head, showing only his face.

"Let's go."

Isaac tugged his hood lower, his eyes flicking sideways to Kaelen.

Kaelen really had lost weight—it hadn't been as obvious last time. Isaac wanted to say something, his lips parting, but in the end, he stayed silent.

While Isaac was lost in thought, Kaelen had already made his way over to Xie Fengshi. The two walked side by side toward the car. Xie Fengshi walked slowly, and Kaelen adjusted to his pace. They were walking quite close together.

Xie Fengshi said something to him, and Kaelen lowered his head with a smile. Xie Fengshi looked up at him, his eyes crinkled with laughter. Then, Kaelen blocked the wind for Xie Fengshi, standing beside him like a human windbreak.

Isaac: Huh?

Wait, when did these two get so close?

As far as he remembered, Xie Fengshi's attitude toward his brother had been polite—"I don't know you well, but you're a good person"—with a distance between them that could have fit Isaac himself.

Isaac watched Kaelen's figure blocking the wind and suddenly realized that his brother was being serious.

"Get in the car." Kaelen opened the door, his hand shielding the top of the doorframe.

When Xie Fengshi bent down to get in, his hair brushed against Kaelen's hand. Kaelen's fingers curled slightly—if Isaac hadn't been watching them closely the whole time, he wouldn't have noticed.

Isaac got in from the other side, plopped himself down in the seat, and stared at his brother from under the brim of his hood.

Kaelen glanced at Isaac in the rearview mirror as he started the engine, "What are you looking at?"

"At you."

"What's there to see about me?"

With Xie Fengshi there, Isaac held back any dramatic comments: "You look thinner."

"That's the second time you've said that."

"Because you didn't look like this last time."

"Last time was last time."

"It's only been a week."

"A lot can happen in a week—project's on a tight deadline, meetings are packed—it's normal."

Isaac didn't buy it, but he knew he wouldn't get anything more out of Kaelen. His brother had never said things like 'I'm tired' or 'I'm not doing well.'

Not as kids, and certainly not now.