Chapter 103: Liu Shuxian

Chapter 103: Liu Shuxian

Liu Shuxian, draped in a fox-fur cloak, let out a heavy sigh into the darkness of the night.

Her elderly attendant followed behind her, holding a lantern, and softly urged, "Your Grace, it's very late. It looks like a heavy storm is coming."

"Go on back to bed."

Liu Shuxian looked up at the distant sky, first seeing several bright, spiderweb-like flashes of lightning, then a muffled clap of thunder rumbled in her ears.

Twenty years ago, on the winter solstice, it had been just like this—a torrential downpour, rumbling thunder, the deafening sounds like wailing ghosts, sobbing as if to drag her down to hell.

Liu Shuxian was pregnant with the emperor's child. The day after the imperial physician confirmed her pregnancy, under the pretext of a weak fetal constitution, she was sent to Jingde Mountain Villa on the outskirts of the city to recuperate.

The villa was quiet and serene, warm as spring all year round, and split into an eastern and western hill. She lived on the east side and had never once set foot on the other.

During her pregnancy, Yuan Zun came by a few times. Liu Shuxian felt a sweetness in her heart and would coyly ask him all sorts of questions.

Until one day, she brought up the villa on the western hill.

Yuan Zun laughed heartily, the young emperor even showing a hint of boyishness in that moment.

"The Empress Dowager is over there practicing vegetarianism and chanting Buddhist scriptures. Best not to disturb her."

Liu Shuxian believed him and never asked again.

She had an elderly attendant who had come with her from the Liu household. The two were deeply close, and Liu Shuxian enjoyed learning to sew tiny doll clothes from her—tiny, delicate, and just adorable.

She always longed for that day to come, wanting to see her child wear the tiger-head shoes she had knitted with her own hands, wanting to watch him laugh in her arms at the rattle, wanting to accompany him as he grew up, whether he'd marry or be given away.

And so she thought, until the winter solstice came.

She lay on the bed, drenched in sweat, tears streaming down her face, her lips pale, yet she strained to reach out and hold the swaddled infant.

A tiny bundle nestled in her arms, eyes squeezed shut, mouth wide open, wailing at the top of its lungs.

Liu Shuxian smiled at the sight of him. She gently rocked him, pressing the child tightly to her chest, shielding him with her body from the fierce rain and rumbling thunder outside.

The paper window rattled under the pounding rain, and the air was thick with the scent of rain-soaked earth. Dizzy with pain, lulled by the infant's piercing cries, she sank into a deep sleep.

When she woke again, it seemed to be the middle of the night. The sky still poured with rain, and the window, which should have been shut, had been blown open a crack by the wind. The biting winter wind seeped through the crack, chilling her to the bone.

Liu Shuxian breathed heavily, uncomfortable, and sat up, groping carefully in the darkness.

Her fingertips brushed against something soft and warm. Shallow breaths brushed her fingertips, and soft, delicate skin rose and fell gently beneath her palm.

Liu Shuxian gathered the child into her arms, felt the thick swaddling around him, and let out a sigh of relief.

Please, don't let him catch a cold.

Her pale fingers pressed to her lips as a few weak, muffled coughs escaped her throat, but her gaze stayed fixed on the infant in her arms. The love in her eyes seemed about to spill over, as if she wanted to pour out all her affection.

Lightning suddenly struck outside the window, flooding the cold room with a ghastly white light for an instant. In that instant, Liu Shuxian saw the child's face clearly, and fear bloomed endlessly in her heart.

A muffled clap of thunder accompanied a hoarse scream that rang through the eastern villa.

Liu Shuxian, as if possessed, hurled the child in her arms onto the bed. The room suddenly lit up with lamplight, and an old woman's voice came from outside the bed curtain—eerie and unfamiliar.

"What's the matter, Your Grace?"

She wrapped her arms around her shoulders, burying herself back into the cold, damp bedding, leaving only her head exposed. Tangled, knotted strands of disheveled hair covered her whole face.

"Nanny... my child, where's my child?!"

Liu Shuxian stared fixedly at the swaddled bundle at the edge of the bed in the dim firelight, as if it were some kind of monster.

The sheer bed curtain was lifted aside, and the old woman stood with her back to the firelight, her wrinkled face hidden in the darkness.

Liu Shuxian huddled in the farthest corner, her terrified eyes watching as the old woman picked up the child and held it out to her.

"This is your child, Your Grace."

She stared at the old woman's face as it came into the light—it wasn't the nanny who had raised her since childhood. It was a complete stranger.

Liu Shuxian's gaze went hollow and vacant, her voice hoarse and broken as she whispered, "Who are you?"

It was as if the world had suddenly been swapped out. Liu Shuxian thought she must be going mad.

Tears streamed from the corners of her eyes. With a hopeless, incurable bitterness, she slowly sank down: "Where have they all gone?"

The old woman tucked the child back into her arms, guiding her hands in a gentle rocking motion, and said nothing more on the matter: "So many people outside the birthing chamber heard it—you've given birth to a prince."

She seemed to pity Liu Shuxian too, a trace of moved compassion appearing in her murky eyes.

"You gave birth to only one, and only one can leave the villa."

Liu Shuxian wasn't stupid; she understood perfectly.

She resignedly clutched the child in her arms tighter, as if grabbing the last straw.

Torrents of tears soaked the swaddling clothes. Liu Shuxian sobbed uncontrollably, aching beyond words: "Why would you do this? You've harmed a prince! I'll tell the Emperor..."

The old woman stood by the bed, looking at her withered hair, and sighed softly.

"Your Grace, the one in your arms is also of imperial blood."

The rain poured in torrents, the sky as if torn open with a gaping hole. Serpentine lightning lashed the clouds, and rain cascaded down like a breached dam, dripping through the tiles onto the muddy ground.

Liu Shuxian collapsed at the corner of the bed, her head lolling limply and unnaturally.

She sobbed and choked in utter collapse, her stomach churning as if she might throw up.

No wonder the Empress Dowager had suddenly left the palace, retreating to the villa to pray for the common folk; no wonder she'd been sent here on some flimsy pretext after getting pregnant; and no wonder Yuan Zun had told her not to go poking around the western villa...

She had done nothing wrong, and her child hadn't either.

"So disgusting..." Liu Shuxian's pale, icy fingers clamped onto the fragile neck of the infant in her arms, tears dripping endlessly onto his bloodless skin.

Her eyes were dry and dull, devoid of any light.

"A cursed spawn."

————

Bai Gudan walked beside Liu Shuxian, the fur of her cloak brushing her cheeks in the cold wind. The two of them walked alone on the narrow, desolate path.

"Yichuan brought up the sacrificial rites at court today. Before long, the ceremonial procession can be arranged for him to move into the Eastern Palace."

"Yuan Zun is terminally ill and on his last breath. Liu Shuxian, it's time for you to take the throne as Empress Dowager."

The black clouds in the sky dispersed, thunder and lightning faded, and a faint, thin halo shimmered around the waning moon.

Liu Shuxian finally felt at peace at this moment.

She took a soft breath of the cold plum blossom scent around her, and said with a faint smile, "I'm very tired."

A long silence fell between them, their hairpins swaying gently as they moved, clinking softly against each other.

"I hate him."

Bai Gudan heard a soft murmur. She froze for a moment, then followed her gaze to the three brightly blooming red plum trees not far away, and said softly, "I hate him too. He's about to die."

A small smile tugged at her lips, and she laughed easily, then hurried over with light, quick steps.

Streaks of gray had already appeared at her temples, yet she seemed as if she were back at seventeen, carefree and bright.

"Did you plant these?"

Liu Shuxian looked at her from afar and gently shook her head: "The Chen family's young master planted them here."

"Yuan Rang likes him."

Bai Gudan's eyes widened in surprise, then she smiled knowingly. "I do know about that. They say the royal family is heartless, but this generation has turned out a lovestruck fool."

The sounds around them grew muffled, her thoughts drifting and scattered.

Liu Shuxian stared blankly at her face, unable to speak.

Yuan Rang actually looked a lot like Bai Gudan; his facial features had a similar cast.

She recalled Yuan Rang at one year old, in this same courtyard, wrapped up tight like a little white dumpling, sitting on the wet nurse's lap, reaching out his tiny hands toward her and calling her "Mama."

Liu Shuxian followed Bai Gudan, a soft sigh fading into the biting wind and the scent of plum blossoms.

She had done nothing wrong, and neither had her child.

And Yuan Rang had done nothing wrong either.