Ji Youyan stroked Jingxiu's gentle face on the screen, touched her tears and continued: "In the year I was a graduate student, Lu Fang was going to study abroad. I don't know how the parents of the two parties negotiated, and I don't know what happened to Lu Fang. I told my parents and they decided to get me and Lu Fang engaged. When they asked my opinion, I immediately exploded. It was the first time I had argued with my parents so loudly. But I couldn't win them. They Everyone asked me, what am I dissatisfied with Lu Fang? Lu Fang likes me so much, what's not good about Lu Fang? Everything is good, but I don't like it. But to them, liking is a phantom. And childish words, do not constitute a reason at all."

"Axiu, do you know? Actually, I'm a very weak person. I've been used to being restrained since I was a child, and even struggling is like a symbol. I can't break free, so I habitually want to find some comfort for myself, If I can't convince others, I will habitually convince myself. I convince myself, in fact, everyone is not all united because of love, maybe it doesn't really matter if they like it or not, they can come here in the previous generation. , No, it's fine, I should be fine. Or maybe, I may still fall in love with Lu Fang. So I compromised and agreed to get engaged."

Jingxiu's heart twisted into a twist, biting his lower lip.

Ji Youyan saw her sadness, and reluctantly made a joke to amuse Jingxiu: "It seems to be completely nonsense now. After all, you see, I am bent into a paper clip."

Unfortunately, none of them laughed. Jingxiu watched her laugh more ugly than crying, and the tears that had been swirling in her eyes also fell, she raised her hand and wiped them away quickly.

"However, before I got engaged, I went to the hospital to visit a friend. She was a good friend of the off-campus music club I joined in college. She suddenly became seriously ill and her time was running out. In fact, I had broken with her for a long time. Because during the time when I joined the club, I did a lot of things that my parents thought was outrageous, including skipping classes to participate in singer competitions, and staying at night to play music. These friends, in the eyes of my parents, were the ones who brought me bad because of my lack of business. At that time It was a critical period to obtain the qualification for postgraduate research, so my father explicitly forbade me not to be allowed to mix in it any more. I couldn’t compete with my parents, so I really cowardly stayed away from them.”

Every time she said that she was "cowardly", it was like a knife was gouged out in her heart, and it was like a knife in Jingxiu's heart.

"The day I went to visit her, she asked me to sing a song to her. She said that she hadn't heard me sing for a long time. When she was unhappy before, when she heard my song, she would forget everything, my song. , has the miraculous effect of healing people. Before leaving, she asked me a question, she said, life is very long and short, are you really willing to live obediently like this?" Yu Yan, I think you , very special, unfortunately. Ji Youyan remembered his friend's pale face and regretful tone at that time, and his nose was stuffed as if he was going to be out of breath.

Jingxiu watched her cry, and followed her silently with tears streaming down her face.

"Shortly after saying this, she died. I went to see her off, and a friend from the club gave me a guitar, saying that she had left it for me. I carried the guitar back home, and my father saw The guitar just remembered my skipping class before, and his face suddenly darkened. It's like a rainy day again, and I suddenly feel very boring. "

"It's so tiring to be their ideal daughter. They never take my complacency for granted. If I die like that friend tomorrow, what will I have in all my years of living to prove that I am who I am? Myself, have I really lived? That night I couldn’t sleep until dawn, and I kept asking myself this question, and the more I thought about it, the more frightened I became. I found that I seemed to be unable to find myself.”

"Before I got engaged, I made up my mind that I didn't want to be their ideal daughter, I wanted to live the life I wanted. I communicated with them, we broke up, and finally, I was kicked out of the house and cut off the relationship. It's the ending." Ji Youyan looked directly at Jingxiu, and said with difficulty and sincerity: "So, Lu Fang and I really have nothing. Axiu, you believe me."

Jingxiu reached out and wiped Ji Yuyan's tears on the screen, but she could only watch the drops of water on the screen more and more. It was her own tears.

"I believe in you." Jingxiu raised his head to stop his tears and replied hoarsely. "Yanyan, I've always been willing to choose to believe you, and I've always been willing to understand and understand you. It's just that you never gave me such an opportunity before. You didn't tell me anything, and I didn't know anything."

She has always believed that understanding a person, including understanding her family and her past, can only be truly understood if you truly understand it. But Ji Youyan was always like a cloud of fog, which she could see but couldn't see through. Ji Youyan's deception had overdrawn her understanding and trust. When her insecurities overwhelmed everything, she couldn't find the confidence to continue to convince herself to believe unconditionally.

Ji Youyan took a breath and said, "Axiu, I apologize to you. I'm sorry, in the past few years, I have been vague, and I haven't confessed to you. I didn't know you cared so much."

When Jingxiu heard the words, she breathed a little deeper. She was silent for a few seconds and asked Ji Youyan softly, "Yanyan, do you really know that I don't mind?"

Straight to the heart, Ji Yuyan's heartbeat seemed to stop for a beat. She found that she was covering up again unconsciously and justifying herself again. No, she actually knew? She just ignored it on purpose, she pretended to be numb, it wasn't important, Jingxiu didn't mind, let herself feel better. Then after a long time, it seems to be true.

"I am sorry……"

"You know, what I want is never your sorry." Jingxiu looked at her gently and sadly: "When I first learned about your past and my parents, I was very distressed; when I first learned about the existence of Lu Fang, I Very hurt." Her tears fell on the camera, burning Ji Yuyan's heart.

"For a moment, I suddenly didn't know if I had really entered your heart. I feel as if I have never really opened your heart defenses or been accepted by you from beginning to end."

Ji Youyan really wanted to hug Jingxiu. Jingxiu's grievance and Jingxiu's tears broke her heart. But she couldn't.