Ji Yuyan's surprise was obvious.

Jingxiu snorted lightly, and said with a bit of self-deprecation: "Is it because I look so beautiful, I don't seem to have any desires and feel inferior? It seems that everyone feels that way."

Ji Youyan suddenly pulled out her hands, turned to face Jingxiu, and tried to say something to comfort her, but her throat was blocked. Because she found that she couldn't justify herself. She was indeed as Jingxiu said, watching her go smoothly and confidently, as if she had never thought that Jingxiu would be afraid and uneasy.

Jingxiu didn't blame her, she took out the towel, raised Ji Youyan's left hand, wiped it gently, and said slowly, "I won one award after another, and I got more and more fans' likes, and I heard more and more. The more compliments. But I'm getting more and more sad."

Why? Ji Youyan didn't have the courage to ask her out.

Jingxiu changed Ji Youyan's right hand to wipe, one finger and one finger, gently wiping. "So many sleepless nights, I look at the ceiling and ask myself, if I'm really as captivating as they like me, why is the person I like getting further and further away from me and disliking me less and less?"

Ji Yuyan was stunned. The next second, she grabbed Jingxiu's wrist with her backhand and said eagerly, "I don't have it, Axiu, why do you think so?"

"But your behavior isn't like this." Jingxiu looked at her calmly. She pulled out her wrist little by little from Ji Yuyan's hand.

Ji Youyan lost his soul. She reflected on herself, what was her performance like?

She put herself at the disadvantage of this relationship, she was trapped in her own inferiority and unease. She distanced herself from Jingxiu; she had rumors of flirting with male stars again and again; when Jingxiu questioned her, she dishonestly concealed her again and again; she bought cakes in Jingxiu and traveled all the way. When celebrating her birthday with her, she asked her to wait until after midnight before returning to herself; after she called before Jingxiu was seriously injured, she was nowhere to be seen.

She always thought that Jingxiu was disappointed with her and cold-hearted, so he left her.

But Jingxiu told her, "It's not easy to admit your failure and convince yourself that you don't love me anymore."

In Ji Youyan's dodging again and again, she gradually couldn't find the evidence that Ji Youyan still loved her. She went through the path of self-comfort and self-deception. From the beginning, she couldn't bear to ask, and later she didn't dare to ask.

In the end, she collapsed in the "okay" that Ji Youyan promised to break up in front of the hospital bed.

Ji Youyan walked away without leaving a memory, as if waiting for that sentence to be released early.

The incisions on her two broken ribs that were still unable to heal, each time they cracked, it made her awake a little bit.

It was in such repeated pain that she convinced herself that Ji Youyan didn't love her anymore.

Ji Youyan rolled down tears, except for the pale "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know...I don't know..." She didn't know how she should explain herself in order to hug the crying Jingxiu in the past and make her believe , From beginning to end, she loved her like that.

As Jingxiu's closest lover, she was like all outsiders and never really thoughtfully understood Jingxiu. She couldn't imagine how Jingxiu spent those sleepless nights in such a fragile and restless state, and forced a smile when facing her.

A piercing bell suddenly came from outside the door, breaking the silence of the room. It was Ji Yuyan's cell phone alarm clock thrown in the bedroom, reminding her that it was time to sleep.

"It's getting late." Jingxiu walked out of the glass room, looked at the door, and said softly, "Go back, I have work tomorrow, it's time to sleep."

Ji Youyan saw Jingxiu facing her face under the shadow of the lamp, and the light of water also slipped down her cheek.

Ji Youyan's heart was so distressed that it seemed like a big mouth had opened, and blood was dripping. What kind of face does she have, begging Jingxiu's forgiveness.

She didn't know how she got back to the room, and she didn't know how long she had been sitting on the bed, silent about their chat records.

She fondly rubbed Jingxiu's avatar with her fingertips, and inadvertently jumped to Jingxiu's homepage, only to find that the circle of friends that Jingxiu had blocked from her for a long time did not know when it had been opened.

Inside, there is only one dynamic, a lyric.

The release time was three months after she broke up with Jingxiu, when she and the male protagonist of the new play "Tuina" had a hot scandal.

You are my dream of worrying about gains and losses, and I am someone you don't have.

The author has something to say: Note: The last lyric is from the song "Writing to Huang Huai".

Chapter 39

A calm and gentle sentence, but it seems to have the ability to destroy the dead, and easily tore Ji Yuyan's heart and lungs. She looked at the lyrics and burst into tears.

She always thought that Jingxiu was someone she didn't deserve to have.

Seeing Jingxiu standing higher and higher, she felt uneasy, feeling that Jingxiu was about to become her unreachable existence, but she forgot that when Jingxiu wanted to introduce her to her parents at the beginning, she joked to herself, "I'm good. I don't know, will your parents want to break my legs and marry their precious daughter home without anything?" Zeng said gently, you don't need anything.

I love you, that is your greatest strength.

Since when did she forget that Jingxiu loved her like this, the one who had nothing. Jingxiu never used those external names to measure her. From the beginning to the end, she was using these to measure herself, and even to measure Jingxiu's love for her. She had been in a state of shame for so long that she had forgotten that her Jingxiu was not an invulnerable queen in the eyes of outsiders, but a little girl who would cry in her arms.

Ji Youyan bit her lip, clasped the back of her hand, and tried hard to restrain her sobbing little by little.

She sniffed, opened the phone screen again, clicked into the dialogue window between her and Jingxiu, and watched the cursor flicker.