Chapter 289

Chapter 289

The little sparrow, utterly clueless about the cruelty of humans, was eventually caught by Kangxi’s outside help and placed into his hand.

If you didn’t see the whole process, you might actually think it's some sweet "holding you tenderly" moment.

Of course, calling in outside help like that? Total dirty move.

But hey, using whatever works is fair game too.

And Kangxi? He’s a pro at this—whatever gets the job done is a good method.

That sparrow, dead set on cuddling, ultimately paid the price for its impulsive actions, stiffening up like a stiff little corpse.

Sparrow: Is it too late to play dead now?!

Su Yi stood by like a total jerk bystander, peak trash behavior—enjoying the affectionate nuzzles without lifting a finger, then doing absolutely nothing to stop the bird from learning just how cruel humans can be.

In the end, the bird was left with messed-up feathers, the kind that would take forever to fix with its beak, with some spots totally unreachable.

Totally unreachable. But the bird wasn’t about to speak up.

Seizing the first chance to escape the grip of its tormentor, the sparrow booked it outta there, flapping its wings so fast they blurred, fleeing the scene like lightning.

Meanwhile, Kangxi kept a straight face as he washed his hands, the copper basin’s water floating with tiny feathers. Though his expression remained unchanged, a hint of disgust was unmistakable.

It wasn’t just the pudgy bowl-cut cat that shed fur—birds did too.

Su Yi cackled right next to him, utterly unapologetic. Normally, the bird wouldn’t shed much, but when you insist on petting it against the grain, the poor thing has to painfully fix its feathers back down. And you? You still have to wash your hands.

But she quickly lost interest in watching him scrub his hands repeatedly. Who’d wanna watch that?

Just as she was about to grab another handful of birdseed to feed the other birds, she was dragged into washing her hands as well.

Now we’re experiencing the thrill of washing hands together?

"I don’t really want to—" wash, she began, but her hands were already wet, so she swallowed the rest of her protest.

"Prepare to serve the meal," Kangxi reminded her.

Translation: Hurry up and wash your hands so we can eat.

As Su Yi dried her hands with a cloth, Kangxi suddenly said, "Not done yet."

Did he mean she needed to rinse a few more times? She had only been handling birdseed, not—bird droppings.

If it were the latter, she wouldn’t need Kangxi’s reminder—she’d scrub her hands a dozen times herself!

But no need for that "I-touched-something-disgusting-and-need-to-wash-repeatedly" look. Ugh, spare me!

A cool, soft cloth, wrung dry, gently brushed against her skin—Kangxi was wiping her face.

Leaning in close, his movements were almost caressing, staring way too intently.

Under normal circumstances, Su Yi’s proper reaction should have been turning red, heart pounding, eyes glazing over.

But this was the "mom-energy face-washing technique"—zero technique, all mom-energy. A towel thrown over the face and scrubbed like a dirty plate.

"Don't move."

Su Yi, who hadn’t budged: ?

Kangxi wiped without a change in expression, cleaning that small patch of skin before moving on to the cloak. Like brushing snow off his shoulders, he swept over the spots where the sparrow had perched, leaving no spot untouched.

Now he pressed harder. One could imagine—if this force were applied to her face, Su Yi wouldn’t be able to keep her expression in check, likely twisting her face right then and there.

Only after thoroughly covering both sides did Kangxi finally seem satisfied, stopping his motions and tossing aside the used cloth. He then gave Su Yi another once-over, revealing a faint look of approval—the kind that said, “Finally, you look halfway decent.”

Men are impossible to figure out. Who knows why he found it so displeasing before?

If not for the fact that the remaining cloak still had to be used, he probably would’ve preferred to replace it outright. Classic Kangxi move.

Though, what could possibly be appetizing about a patient’s diet? Su Yi would rather skip it entirely. Even without thinking, she knew rich foods like meat or fish were out of the question.

But falling ill didn’t stop her from trashing the place—ridiculous as it was.

And if wrecking things took that much energy yet she still didn’t need to eat? That’d be even more ridiculous. It’s not like she could survive on dew and air.

Though going without food for a few days was still manageable.

But since things had already gotten this absurd, the only option left was to make a token effort at damage control.

Broke, but not broken.

Su Yi had at least kept up the imperial concubine act before. After all, who hadn’t played a harem sim or two back in the day? This was just the real-life version!

Even if she broke character sometimes, there was no helping it. When faced with trouble, she’d *always* hit back.

At any rate, the jerk already had his suspicions.

Obviously. Seeing a “corpse” left unburied—who wouldn’t find that abnormal?

Su Yi had to admit, this guy’s resilience was unreal.

So what if she trashed the place? It was just training—after all, it’s not like Mount Tai *actually* fell before her eyes.

As long as he didn’t call her out, she could let her character slip a little—someone would even cover for her.

Score!

As for that whole “you know I’m acting suspicious but won’t say anything, just to keep me anxious and uneasy”—nah, not happening.

Su Yi, the type to point fingers before beating herself up, would never subject herself to such heavy, tangled psychological pressure.

She figured it was time to open things up—both sides could settle into a more candid state.

Candid: *Might as well kill me now.*

Appreciative: *If you can ruin me, go ahead and try.*

Understanding: *Wanting to murder me is normal—I do the same to those who cross me. Who doesn’t?*

Benevolent: *Folks these days like their graves tidy. But if there’s no grave to grow weeds over, that’d be tragic.*

Yet now, faced with an exceedingly bland meal, Su Yi found herself reluctantly downing fasting pills to ignore hunger.

Her stomach suddenly turned bird-sized, and a tiny bowl of porridge was enough to fill her up.

Ugh, plain congee again? Couldn’t they at least throw in some minced meat?

Watching Kangxi slowly sip the same plain congee with an unfazed look, as if it were gourmet fare instead of slop, his demeanor remained unchanged—just like when he feasted on delicacies or slurped bland porridge.

It was that classic "whatever, it all tastes the same anyway" attitude.

Su Yi knew better than to make a fuss. After the palace incident, she had to tread carefully.

She set down her spoon, took a handkerchief to dab her lips, and murmured that she was done.

Kangxi glanced up at her words. “Really? Won’t you have a bit more?”

Just going through the motions.

Su Yi: Still just plain congee.

Thinking back to the stomach capacity she’d displayed earlier, devouring an entire table of food, she added, “Maybe I’m just off today, so my appetite isn’t the best.”

Then she offered a gentle smile, her gaze soft as she looked at him. “You’ve had a long day—you should eat more. Watching you enjoy your meal is pleasure enough.”

“Congee’s good for detoxing!” Su Yi thought, her eyes curving into crescents as she smiled.

A hint of warmth crept into his voice as Kangxi set down his spoon and took her hand instead. “Your consideration touches me, Consort.”

And then—“Attendants.”

In an instant, the palace staff efficiently cleared the table of its bland vegetarian fare and plain congee.

Su Yi blinked, momentarily stunned. No way. We’re really choking this down together?

Since when did this bastard get so... diligent?

But soon, Su Yi understood. The air filled with rich, tantalizing aromas as a parade of fragrant dishes arrived.

If the congee was culinary bottom-tier, these were masterpieces—fragrant, visually stunning, and presented with flair. Within moments, the table was laden with delicacies.

No wonder the congee was gone—it was just dead weight ruining the vibe.

Su Yi’s mouth opened, then shut, staring at Kangxi. Hold up—you’re *starting* now?!

And there it was—the bastard side reared its head. He played dumb, ignoring her glare. “The doctor *insisted* on bland food for you. Knowing your poor appetite, I *sacrificed* my palate for you.”

Su Yi smiled. Ah yes, we *promised* misery together.

This is what you call suffering together??

You didn’t even *finish* yours!

This is like swearing off studying, then pulling an all-nighter to show everyone up.

“Since the Consort has no appetite, I’ll eat more on her behalf. My eating *for* you counts as your meal,” Kangxi said, faking tenderness like a pro.

Su Yi said coldly: Do you even hear what you're saying?

Describing the act of feasting and even eating skewers right in front of a sick person—something that would normally provoke hatred—as such an innocuous and classy behavior??

You eating by yourself was bad enough, but you had to drag me into watching you eat.

This is exactly like saying ‘I was just casually mentioning it,’ but you took it seriously and actually went ahead with it.

I wish I could go back and slap my past self for running her mouth!

He's really been mastering this whole 'I predicted your prediction' thing lately.

Had this food been prepared nearby earlier, Su Yi would have smelled it.

The curve of Su Yi’s smile was now indistinguishable from the Minion smirk meme—completely speechless, only because the things she wanted to say were too vulgar to voice!

Kangxi, seeing Su Yi’s seemingly calm and smiling exterior while knowing full well she was cursing inside, smiled even more warmly and playfully booped her nose with his finger.

Su Yi was restraining herself, holding back the uncontrollable swallowing reflex.

At first, Su Yi managed to keep smiling, but soon she lost control of her expression and just stared—hard—without blinking.

So infuriating—this bastard actually has the nerve to eat like this.

Kangxi had nerves of steel too. Being watched while eating didn’t faze him in the slightest—no trace of ‘maybe this isn’t quite appropriate’ discomfort, just pure ‘keep staring, you’re not getting any’ calm.

He's a pro at pushing people's buttons.