Chapter 67 You Can Interpret It as Love

Chapter 67 You Can Interpret It as Love

Zhao Shengge was already hard to figure out, and in this world, if he truly wanted to isolate someone, that person would never be able to get close to him again.

Chen Wan stood out from others by knowing Zhao Shengge's habits, preferences, and thoughts. It wasn’t because Chen Wan himself was particularly smart, meticulous, or observant. Even if he were, it was all because of Zhao Shengge's indulgence, tacit approval, and honesty.

Losing this privilege meant becoming just like everyone else.

Chen Wan's breath quickened.

Zhao Shengge looked at the distraught Chen Wan, calm and unbothered, and said, "Chen Wan, you don’t need to feel bad."

"This is how you’ve treated me."

"You caught fireflies for me, decorated a Christmas tree, gave me peonies and hydrangeas, all in the hope of making me happy."

"It didn’t make me happy."

"Chen Wan."

"Today has been the saddest day for me."

Chen Wan’s eyes turned red.

Chen Wan didn’t cry when Zhao Shengge said he didn’t like it.

But when Zhao Shengge said he was unhappy.

He wasn’t happy.

Chen Wan felt a sharp, unmistakable pain in his heart.

Zhao Shengge had no intention of comforting him.

Gentleness, temptation, and guidance were no longer effective in taming Chen Wan.

To hit him where it hurt most, it had to be painful.

Zhao Shengge said, "When I was young, I thought I’d never experience the happiness that came so easily to others."

"Later, I thought love might be just as hard."

"Now it seems even a little trust is out of reach."

Chen Wan’s chest rose and fell, and his nose stung.

Zhao Shengge didn’t have to look to know Chen Wan was crying; his tears fell silently.

He said sorry again.

Zhao Shengge didn’t even say "it’s okay."

The rain poured down like thick black ink, slanting against the car window, blurring the dark world outside and leaving Chen Wan unable to see the road ahead. He asked again, "Zhao Shengge."

"Can I still chase after you?"

It seemed he couldn’t say anything else, just repeating this one sentence again and again.

The night sky was dark and heavy, the clouds thick with thunder and lightning, the wind howling.

Zhao Shengge turned his head to glance at him and said indifferently, "Probably not."

Chen Wan's pupils froze, his eyes turning slowly, his entire body trembling like a white bird soaked by the rain outside.

"I see," he replied slowly, a flood of dark, frantic thoughts flashing through his mind, but it was clear his consciousness could no longer control his body. His symptoms started to surface as his hands and lips trembled.

"Hmm," Zhao Shengge watched him, waiting until his breathing became increasingly labored and his expression more pained before saying, "If you can’t figure out how to chase someone, just stop."

"I’ll take over."

Chen Wan's head remained lowered. After a few seconds, oxygen returned to his chest, and it rose and fell slowly as he processed the words. Softly, he said, "What?"

Zhao Shengge didn’t respond immediately, just watched him, waiting for him to calm down and understand a bit more before repeating, "I said, you really don’t know how to pursue someone. No matter how much I try to teach you, it doesn’t stick. So, I’ll take over."

After a moment, Chen Wan’s crying finally became audible.

Zhao Shengge didn’t comfort him right away, calmly watching as he cried for a while before extending his hand and asking, "Do you want to come here?"

Chen Wan immediately said yes.

Zhao Shengge adjusted the driver's seat back and gently pulled Chen Wan from the passenger seat to sit on his lap.

Chen Wan’s thoughts were still muddled, desperate to cling to Zhao Shengge, but Zhao Shengge pushed his shoulders, not allowing it.

Chen Wan’s heart clenched again, not daring to blink, his body trembling like a puppet, his emotions entirely at the mercy of the other’s strings.

Zhao Shengge watched him anxiously, waiting until he almost reached a breaking point before giving Chen Wan a brief, shallow hug.

Even though it wasn’t deep, Chen Wan felt like he’d been given a lifeline, his heart once again filled with flowing blood.

He looked down at Zhao Shengge but felt like the one being scrutinized, his breath and pulse entirely in the other’s hands.

Zhao Shengge only held him for a moment before pushing him away again, "Chen Wan."

"I’m not going to leave you," Chen Wan's heart had just settled before it was lifted again, "but from now on, I’ll treat you exactly as you’ve treated me."

Zhao Shengge's voice was both gentle and cold, "From now on, for every secret you keep from me, I’ll keep ten from you."

"If you keep ten from me, I’ll keep a hundred from you."

"With all this hiding, we’ll drift apart."

"And eventually, we’ll fall apart."

"Are you planning to leave me, Chen Wan?"

Chen Wan's eyes grew wet again.

Zhao Shengge felt a drop of water fall on his face. Chen Wan rarely cried, except in bed.

Zhao Shengge watched for a while, then placed his hand on Chen Wan's back, tsking softly, "You messed up so badly, and now you’re crying?"

Chen Wan, who had barely cried in his life, seemed to pour out all his tears that day.

Zhao Shengge didn’t comfort him to stop crying. Chen Wan knew that letting himself cry in front of him was a step forward.

He removed his hand and looked at him indifferently, "If I’m going to chase you, it’ll be my way. Agreed?"

"Hmm," Chen Wan murmured, his eyes red-rimmed.

Zhao Shengge is clearly the one pursuing, but he has many demands: "When I pursue someone, I don't do sneaky, behind-the-scenes relationships. Do you accept that?"

His tone, expression, and attitude are very bossy and controlling. It's like he's already made up his mind, yet he still asks Chen Wan if he's willing.

"Mm."

His confession, coming from his mouth, sounds like cold, robotic legalese.

"When I pursue someone, I also don't do the whole self-sacrifice thing. We share the good and the bad equally. Do you agree?"

"Mm."

"You've messed up too many times with me, taking me for granted. It's hard for me to trust you again."

Suddenly, he grabs Chen Wan's hand, lifts his chin, and calmly commands in a soft voice: "Chen Wan, swear to me."

In the rainy night, Zhao Shengge's face appears dark and menacing, like an emissary from hell, looming over him, word by word: "If Chen Wan offends again, Zhao Shengge will never find happiness again."

A loud thunderclap suddenly roars in the night sky, and lightning splits the sky into pieces. Chen Wan is horrified, shaking his head desperately, trying to pull his hand out of Zhao Shengge's grip.

But it's no use. Zhao Shengge holds him tightly, the lightning flashing across his face, making him look like a merciless specter, declaring: "It's been witnessed. The vow is established."

His tone is solemn, his expression serious, as if this matter is real. Chen Wan cries sadly again, soaking Zhao Shengge's clothes with his tears.

After being harsh, Zhao Shengge becomes a bit gentler, rubbing his back: "Chen Wan, if you mess up again, I'll really lock you away."

Eyes red, Chen Wan asks for the first and only time: "Zhao Shengge, do you really like me?"

This time, Zhao Shengge remains silent for a long time, then says slowly, "Chen Wan, you can call it love, understand it as—"

"I love you, Chen Wan."

Chen Wan's eyes suddenly turn red, the color spreading like the rain-soaked bauhinia leaves outside the window.

Even he himself has never said "love" to Zhao Shengge.

Zhao Shengge feels like he can't breathe again, so he kisses the corner of his eye, his warm lips pressing against the damp skin, in this rainy night, it feels like they're clinging to each other: "Otherwise, I wouldn't have been fooled by the same person so many times."

"I loved you first, Zhao Shengge," Chen Wan suddenly becomes emotional, as if someone had stolen his thunder, "I love you the most."

Zhao Shengge comforts him: "I know." Chen Wan is the one person in the world who has the right to say this.

"I believe."

Chen Wan still sheds tears.

Zhao Shengge showers him with deep kisses and tight hugs, but it seems he still can't console him. This is probably the most vulnerable, honest, and authentic Chen Wan has ever been in front of Zhao Shengge.

Zhao Shengge sighs in his heart, holding him close and rocking him gently, saying, "Chen Wan, you really love to cry."

Chen Wan doesn't want to appear so out of control, but after being tense for so long and suddenly relaxing, his emotions fluctuate wildly throughout the night, and his physical symptoms are worse than usual.

Zhao Shengge knows he's having an episode, but he only asks, "What's wrong?"

Chen Wan pauses, then finally says honestly, "Zhao Shengge, I'm sorry, I'm sick."

Zhao Shengge seems somewhat pleased, feels Chen Wan's pocket, takes out the medicine box, and says, "Then take your medicine."

Chen Wan can't read anything from his face, so he says sorry again, because he originally wanted to give Zhao Shengge a healthy, whole version of himself.

Zhao Shengge gave him a deliberately odd look and said indifferently, "Why say sorry for taking medicine?"

Chen Wan choked up.

Zhao Shengge took out the medicine, twisted open the water bottle, and fed it to Chen Wan's lips: "Who doesn't get sick?"

As if nothing mattered to him.

After taking the medicine, Chen Wan felt much calmer. He watched Zhao Shengge's carefree attitude for a while, then gently wrapped his arms around Zhao Shengge's neck, hugged him, and whispered, "Thank you."

Zhao Shengge didn’t say "you’re welcome," just held him firmly.

After the rain, the night birds came out again, and one perched on the rearview mirror. Zhao Shengge could tell Chen Wan was still upset. He wasn’t used to comforting people, so after some thought, he pointed out the window and said, "Chen Wan, can it see you?"

"Make it stop looking," Chen Wan belatedly felt embarrassed, wiped his face, and sighed, "A grown man, almost thirty, crying like this." Chen Wan had never been so vulnerable in front of anyone before and felt ashamed afterward.

"There’s no rule against crying at thirty," Zhao Shengge told him, "You can cry with me at sixty too."

Zhao Shengge’s steady presence felt like that of a reliable older brother, and Chen Wan's heart gradually settled down as he held him tightly.

The rain had stopped completely, and in the winter mist, the Chen family’s villa looked like a mirage over the sea, precarious and on the verge of collapse.

"Chen Wan, did you grow up here?"

Chen Wan liked the warmth of Zhao Shengge’s body and nodded. He pointed in a direction and said, "That’s where the Chen family kept their dogs."

"Hmm," Zhao Shengge held him a little tighter.

"There were three Siberian Huskies and a Bernese Mountain Dog there."

"Hmm."

"I lived there for a year and a half."

Zhao Shengge stayed quiet for a while, masking his dark expression, and asked softly, "Before you went to Xiaolan Mountain?"

Chen Wan paused but wasn't very surprised. When Zhao Shengge wanted to investigate something, he wouldn't stop at the surface.

He looked down at Zhao Shengge and said very softly, "Do you pity me now?"

Zhao Shengge slowly shook his head and said, "Not pity. If I had to put it into words—I’d call it compassion."

Compassion, affection, and care—they’re all forms of love.

Chen Wan curved the corners of his lips and said, "You don't have to feel sorry for me. I gave them a lot of trouble every day, and in the end, it was hard to tell who tormented whom more, and—"

"I first saw you there, but you probably don't remember."

Zhao Shengge said, "Can you tell me?"

"In my third year of being sent there, officials came to select people," Xiaolan Mountain was a breeding ground for sexual crimes, and it was an open secret among the upper echelons of Haishi that they regularly "offered" protection in exchange for power and sex. "I escaped, and they sent many people to look for me. That day, you happened to be attending a charity event at the orphanage near the second phase of Xiaolan Mountain."

How ironic that the orphanage stood right next to the asylum.

A cold, murderous glint flashed in Zhao Shengge’s eyes, but his voice remained warm and deep: "Did I run into you?"

"I barged into your lounge because I spotted a knife on the table through the window."

Although it was just a fruit knife.

"You were pretending to be asleep at the time, and after I woke you, you looked at me for a while. You thought I was staring at the fruit, so you handed me a mangosteen without a second thought."

In his youth, Zhao Shengge hadn't yet become the cold person he would later be.

"I didn't eat it. You thought I didn’t know how to eat it, so you told me to peel the black skin and eat the white flesh inside."

Zhao Shengge was silent for a long time, his dry lips touched Chen Wan's cheek, his hoarse voice like ink spreading in the dark: "Did we talk?"

"You must have thought I was from the orphanage and asked me how I got there."

"Did you tell me?"

"No."

"Why?"

"It was the fourth day of my high fever, my tonsils were inflamed, and my throat was raw. I hadn't spoken for a long time." Moreover—Chen Wan couldn't bring himself to say it—he wasn't a kid from the orphanage; he was a patient from the nearby mental hospital.

"You were called away in a hurry, saying the charity ceremony was about to begin. Before you left, you told me I could take any of the fruit on the table."

But Chen Wan didn't, not even the peeled mangosteen. He only took the fruit knife.

At twelve years old, trapped in a mental hospital, Chen Wan didn't need sweet and delicious fruit; he needed a knife to defend himself.

And it was with that knife that Chen Wan stabbed the predator who tried to harm him.

Although, in the end, the knife was confiscated.

Zhao Shengge had forgotten whether he asked the orphanage staff about the child after his speech. He probably didn't. Zhao Shengge wasn't one to meddle in others' affairs, and Zhao Maozheng, for whom time was money, wouldn’t have let him waste time on something so 'pointless.' Even if he had, Chen Wan's name wouldn't have been on the roster.

Yet, for the first time, Zhao Shengge felt regret for his coldness and arrogance.

But Chen Wan looked up, his eyes bright, and said to him, "I originally thought I wouldn't make it out of Xiaolan Mountain alive, and even if I did, it would just be another cage, but—"

"I didn't have time to ask your name."

It took Zhao Shengge a long time to respond with a soft "Hmm," his eyes filled with emotion. "My name is Zhao Shengge."