Chapter 182

Chapter 182

"Can you shower on your own?" Yu Jingmo asked, tidying up the IV stand as he glanced at the young man on the bed, whose complexion was looking healthier.

Tian Ruan felt a bit lazy and shook his head. "I don't have the strength."

Yu Jingmo picked him up bridal-style and carried him to the bathroom door, pausing briefly before sidestepping inside. Once in the bathroom, he set Tian Ruan down and said, "I need to fill the tub."

Tian Ruan: "..." Guess those CEO romance novels lied.

Yu Jingmo adjusted the water temperature, then tossed in a bar of Hermès handmade soap under the rushing stream, creating a rich, frothy lather. A fresh citrus scent filled the air.

Next, he unscrewed a small sapphire-blue glass bottle and poured in a bit of Acqua di Parma, stirring it into the water to give it a Mediterranean vibe.

Tian Ruan sat on a waterproof bamboo stool. Most of the bathroom's decor followed a bamboo motif, with a traditional Chinese feel, while the high-end bath products on the counter blended Eastern and Western styles.

"Mr. Yu," Tian Ruan mused, finding the scene increasingly surreal, "you're like some kind of wizard."

Yu Jingmo finished stirring the bathwater and sprinkled in some rose petals before chuckling softly. "If I were a wizard, I'd whip up a magic bath to fix everything. One soak, and you'd stay forever young and live a hundred years."

Tian Ruan spread his arms. "Sounds good."

Yu Jingmo bent down, cradling him with one hand under his bottom and the other supporting his back, then set him gently into the warm water.

Petals and bubbles quickly enveloped him. Half-submerged, Tian Ruan clung to Yu Jingmo as their lips met.

Yu Jingmo leaned in to kiss him, bracing one hand on the edge of the tub, veins standing out on the back of his hand from the pressure, his thumb pressing into the frothy water.

Tian Ruan's clothes were soaked, and the tub was slippery. Soon, he lost his strength.

Their lips parted after a heated exchange. Yu Jingmo lowered his phoenix eyes, his long, dark brows damp, his pitch-black pupils fixed intently on the young man before him.

Tian Ruan's lips were flushed, his face equally red. He lifted an arm and said, "Help me."

Yu Jingmo gripped the hem of his T-shirt with one hand and pulled it up.

Without the fabric barrier, the foam surged against Tian Ruan's fair, delicate skin but couldn't obscure the twin pink buds.

Tian Ruan tilted his head back, arms open like a plum branch, inviting.

Yu Jingmo found the plum blossoms too pale, so he plucked them to examine closely, tracing and teasing them until their faint hue deepened like rouge, blushing bright.

"...Mr. Yu." Tian Ruan was already panting.

The buckle of a belt clinked as it hit the floor. Yu Jingmo's deft fingers swiftly shed the obstructive clothing, and like a sleek merman on the hunt, he plunged into the water.

Water sloshed over the tub’s edge as their bodies entwined.

Tian Ruan rocked and swayed helplessly, tossed about until he couldn't tell whether the foam came from the soap or from him and Yu Jingmo.

Having just fainted earlier and still worn out from earlier, he was already dizzy again.

Yu Jingmo didn't overdo it. After rinsing him with warm water, he carried him out of the tub.

Clean and comfortable, Tian Ruan snuggled under the light summer blanket, the cool silk sliding over his skin. "Feels like I'm floating on a cloud now," he murmured.

Yu Jingmo brushed his hair back and whispered, "Sorry. I got carried away."

Tian Ruan curved his eyes, "Intimate couple activities can effectively promote dopamine secretion. I feel much better now," he said.

"Then when you wake up, we'll do another session."

"..." Tian Ruan drifted off into a hazy sleep and had a bizarre dream—

In his dream, he and Lu Qiuyan went to the hospital together. The attending physician was Yu Jingmo, wearing a white coat and a blue mask, speaking in an icy tone: "You have touch starvation syndrome and need injections for treatment."

Tian Ruan asked, "What is touch starvation syndrome?"

Yu Jingmo replied, "Have your friend step out for a moment, and I'll demonstrate."

Tian Ruan asked again, "Then what illness does my friend have?"

Yu Jingmo said, "Unrequited love."

Tian Ruan: "Huh?"

Yu Jingmo waved his hand, and Yu Shang walked out from another department. "This is the medicine prescribed for your friend."

Tian Ruan: "Medicine? But he's a living person."

Yu Shang: "I'm the cure. I have a big donkey... appendage."

Tian Ruan: "..."

Yu Shang: "Your friend's unrequited love will be cured by eating a big donkey... appendage."

Tian Ruan found it strange: "Are you really Yu Shang?"

The next second, Yu Shang had already authoritatively grasped Lu Qiuyan's hand and placed it on his big donkey... appendage, firmly declaring, "I am your medicine, guaranteed to work."

Lu Qiuyan: "Oh? Let's go then."

And then they left.

Tian Ruan felt inexplicably excited and wanted to follow them, but Yu Jingmo caught him. Then, he shrank to the size of a palm in Yu Jingmo's hand. "?? Doctor, what did you do to me? Why am I so small now?"

Yu Jingmo said coldly, "I'm not a doctor - I'm actually a wizard. I've waited here for seventeen minutes, and you finally came."

"Seventeen minutes? You waited for me that long? What do you want to do?" Tian Ruan stood on Yu Jingmo's palm. Because the surface was soft, he had to hold onto Yu Jingmo's middle finger for support.

Yu Jingmo removed his mask and leaned closer. His striking, handsome features were as expansive as the sky itself.

Tian Ruan suddenly felt a bit shy. "Mr. Yu, you've made me so small. What can we do now?"

Yu Jingmo began undoing Tian Ruan's clothes with his fingertip.

Tian Ruan clutched his clothes tightly to stop him, but Yu Jingmo suddenly blew a gust of wind, sweeping away all his flimsy clothes. Left with no choice, Tian Ruan had to clutch naked to Yu Jingmo's middle finger to cover his embarrassment.

Yu Jingmo gently wiggled his finger, making the tiny figure in his palm cling even tighter in fear.

"Mr. Yu, I'm scared," Tian Ruan said.

Yu Jingmo curled his thumb and gently kneaded the little figure.

Tian Ruan was pressed like dough, making small noises.

Gradually, the dough-like little figure turned into a sponge-like figure, soaked through. With just a press or a squeeze, moisture would seep out.

"Ah..." The soft whimpers melted into breathy moans, "Mr. Yu..."

Yu Jingmo's palm glistened with moisture, and the miniature Tian Ruan lay in it, like a raindrop caught in his palm. He tenderly brushed the little one's cheek with his fingertip, "Would you rather stay like this, or return to normal?"

Tian Ruan seemed to know what would happen if he returned to normal, but he still nodded.

Yu Jingmo quirked his lips and restored him to size.

Tian Ruan lay sprawled on the clinic desk, with Yu Jingmo in a white coat standing behind him, recreating those same movements from his palm—only more intense now.

At seven in the morning, Tian Ruan woke up, gazing vacantly, quietly reliving the dream.

"Awake already?" Yu Jingmo's voice was lazy and calm.

Tian Ruan startled, "Mr. Yu, you're awake?"

Yu Jingmo drew him in, "Maybe ten minutes now."

Tian Ruan blushed slightly at his scent, "Then why only speak now?"

Yu Jingmo gave him a knowing look, "What kind of sweet dream did you have to be so guilty?"

"..." Tian Ruan said, "Nothing."

"Dreamed of someone else?"

"No."

"Then it was me."

Tian Ruan had no comeback—not only had he dreamed of Yu Jingmo, but the dream had gone in such a... vivid direction.

"What did you dream about me?" Yu Jingmo asked.

Tian Ruan muttered casually, "Nothing much, just you giving me a massive diamond."

"How huge?"

"As big as the moon."

Yu Jingmo chuckled, "You've got quite the imagination."

Tian Ruan, "Of course."

Yu Jingmo slid a hand beneath the covers, "Then what's this? All damp down here."

Tian Ruan: "…………"

Tian Ruan's face burned scarlet—he'd forgotten. While he could hide the dream, the body couldn't. And he wasn't even wearing pajamas.

Yu Jingmo leaned against the headboard, watching the young man's flustered embarrassment, raising a brow, "Seems you've kept a lot from me."

"...I need a shower."

Yu Jingmo laughed heartily and carried him to bathe.

After washing up and putting on fresh clothes, Tian Ruan felt cleansed inside too. Over breakfast, he finally came clean to Yu Jingmo.

After listening, Yu Jingmo remarked, "In your dream, aside from you and me, everyone else was OOC."

Tian Ruan: "Maybe my dream showed their true feelings."

Yu Jingmo elegantly wiped his lips with a tissue and asked, "Still heading to work today?"

"Yeah, I'm fine now."

"Stay out of trouble today."

"...Mr. Yu, last night you praised my nonsense as an incredible skill, and now it's 'causing trouble'?"

"Fine, let me put it this way—be on your best behavior today."

"Oh."

Yu Jingmo drove him to the ancient town. Upon arrival, he ruffled the young man's fresh hair and said, "I'll pick you up for lunch at noon."

Tian Ruan: "I can just eat here. You focus on your own work, Mr. Yu. I swear I’ll be good today."

Yu Jingmo stared into his eyes, expression serious. "One more heatstroke or injury, and you’re done with this summer camp."

Tian Ruan nodded like a bobblehead.

"Go on."

Tian Ruan slung his backpack over his shoulder and stepped out of the car, walking briskly into the ancient town.

It was already 9 a.m., and the town was as crowded with tourists as the day before. Since Yan Xx's film crew had been shooting scenes here, even the local residents had come to join the bustle, making the already small town even more packed.

Tian Ruan first went to the town’s community center to change into the knight costume he’d worn when he fainted the previous day—now washed and dried. One of the aunties at the center asked, "Did you just leave yesterday?"

Tian Ruan: "I blacked out from heatstroke, so my family took me home."

The woman: "Oh dear, are you alright? How did you get heatstroke?"

Tian Ruan smiled. "I’m fine. I’m off to play my NPC role now."

As he walked, he shot Lu Qiuyan a quick ‘I’m fine’ text, then headed straight to Xilai Inn. Once again, he went to the kitchen, where Nan Huaiju was taking it easy today, sorting veggies in the shade of the walkway.

When he saw Tian Ruan, he shot him an annoyed eye-roll.

Tian Ruan crouched down to help him pick the vegetables. "Sorry, Nan Huaiju. Yesterday, I said you were strong-arming Hai Chao. I just wanted to provoke Wang Weiqi into picking a fight with you so Hai Chao could play the hero."

"Play the hero?" Nan Huaiju yanked the veggies away from Tian Ruan and flung them back. "Pfft, I could wipe the floor with Wang Weiqi one-handed. I don’t need Hai Chao to 'save the day.'"

Tian Ruan deftly picked the celery clean and placed the trimmed stalks in the basket. "I know, I know. You’re untouchable—way out of a clown like Wang Weiqi’s league."

"Hmph, as long as you know." Nan Huaiju’s temper fizzled out, and he asked awkwardly, "I heard you got heatstroke and fainted yesterday from standing in punishment?"

Tian Ruan wiped nonexistent sweat from his forehead. "Yeah."

"You’re too much of a straight arrow. Can’t even fake being tired?" Nan Huaiju imparted his wisdom. "Let me tell you, if you just turn on the puppy eyes or play helpless, even a stone-cold guy like Hai Chao would help you out."

Tian Ruan froze.

Nan Huaiju pulled out a cushion compact. "I ‘borrowed’ this from my cousin. Just dab this on, and you’ll look like death warmed over."

"..."

Nan Huaiju opened the compact, dipped the puff in foundation, and patted it onto his face in front of a small mirror. His already pale face, now coated in ivory-toned foundation, did indeed look downright cadaverous.

Tian Ruan's lips moved slightly, but he ultimately said nothing.

Nan Huaiju announced triumphantly, "It hurts, but the results are worth it. Though the makeup process stings, the result is quite impressive."

"Uh, and then?" Tian Ruan asked.

Nan Huaiju handed him the makeup cushion, "You get one use out of it. It's almost empty, and I’ll be relying on it for the next few days."

Tian Ruan had no intention of using it—he just wanted to see what Nan Huaiju was up to.

Nan Huaiju kept sneaking looks toward the threshold connecting the front hall and the kitchen corridor. When he spotted Hai Chao’s tall, upright figure, he picked up the basket of celery and sighed with a dramatic sigh, "So tired..."

Hai Chao paused mid-step as he passed by, "Tired?"

Nan Huaiju nodded, showing Hai Chao his pale face, "I think my anemia is acting up again."

Hai Chao stared at him expressionlessly, "Did you accidentally fall into a sack of flour?"

"?"

"Your face is covered in flour."

"..." Nan Huaiju recoiled in horror, "I—I didn’t put flour on my face!"

Tian Ruan held up the makeup cushion, "I can confirm, Nan Huaiju didn’t use flour. He just used this."

Hai Chao said, exasperated, "Once or twice is fine, but if you want to slack off, at least change your excuse." With that, he headed into the kitchen, emerged with two large dishes, and walked away without looking back.

Nan Huaiju stood there stunned—

Tian Ruan returned the makeup cushion to him, saying, "Thanks, but I won’t be needing it."

Suddenly, Nan Huaiju sprang up, "Now what?! I can’t slack off anymore!!"

Tian Ruan thought for a moment, then said, "If someone indulges your laziness, it actually means..."

"Means what?" Nan Huaiju pressed urgently.

"It means you’re just a lazy bum."

"..."

Tian Ruan waved a small hand, "Keep at it, Nan Huaiju. Keep fighting the good (lazy) fight."

As he stepped out of Xilai Inn, Mao Qi approached carrying a Segway, saying, "Ma’am, Mr. Yu got this for you."

Tian Ruan lit up, "Mr. Yu is always so thoughtful."

With prior experience riding a Segway, Tian Ruan mastered it instantly, zooming off like the wind—a wind laced with a fiery breeze, like the mythical Nezha on his wind-fire wheels.

Mao Qi: "...Ma’am, slow down!"

The four bodyguards struggled to keep up, eventually fanning out in four directions just to report which street Tian Ruan was on in time.

Riding his "wind-fire wheels," Tian Ruan zoomed toward the film set, darting left and right until he reached the interior, where yesterday’s NPCs were now working as extras. They spotted Tian Ruan and happily crowded around him.

The director, however, felt a vein throb in his temple as he forced a smile and asked, "What brings you here, little ancestor?"

Tian Ruan glanced around, "Are you guys short on water?"

"We're good."

"Are you short on food?"

"We've already ordered takeout."

"Takeout's got zero nutrition. I'll get you all a more wholesome meal."

"No need, no need. We couldn’t possibly put you out like that."

Tian Ruan waved her small hand. "Don’t sweat it. I'll go prepare it for you right away. Just have your cash ready."

"..."

With that, Tian Ruan took off like a shot again, calling Lu Qiuyan on the phone: "I've found another business opportunity. Let's make some money together."

Lu Qiuyan asked, "What's the play?"

"The crew's got no decent food. Let's cook something and deliver it to them."

"...What can you cook?"

Tian Ruan thought for a moment. "Noodles?"

Lu Qiuyan: "No way, me too!"

"Noodles it is, then! It’s scorching—noodles won’t weigh anyone down."

Before long, Tian Ruan borrowed a large pot from a nearby shop, and she and Lu Qiuyan dug in with gusto.

"First, fill the pot with water," Tian Ruan said with experience.

"Then throw in the greens," Lu Qiuyan added, pouring in a basket of prepared vegetables. "And a few eggs."

"A few definitely won't be enough. Let's do dozens," Tian Ruan said, stirring the water in the pot with a large ladle. "Crap, the water’s not even hot!"

Lu Qiuyan remained calm. "We can still get it going."

"And salt, green onions, soy sauce, pepper, star anise... let's add a bit of everything. Toss these geese in too, and some apples."

"Apples too?"

"Of course! Gotta have fruit with a meal, right?"

"Then let's throw in these tomatoes as well," Lu Qiuyan said. "There are a lot of people—some'll get veggie and egg noodles, others tomato and apple noodles, and some might even get goose soup noodles."

Tian Ruan beamed. "We're geniuses."

An hour later, the two of them just stared at the steaming mess of multicolored noodles.

Yu Shang, after hunting for them forever, entered the kitchen and was hit by a weirdly good-and-bad smell. He glanced at the frozen pair, then at whatever-the-hell was in the pot. "...Are you cooking pig feed?"

Tian Ruan took a deep breath. "No worries, we can fix this—Brother Mao, Da Zhuang, get in here and save these noodles!"

In the end, they spent another half-hour sorting out the glop that looked like pig slop... okay, noodles.

Lu Qiuyan: "Vegetable and egg noodles, tomato and apple noodles, goose soup noodles, and mushy noodles—there's something for everyone."

Yu Shang blurted, "You’re seriously gonna sell this?"

Tian Ruan: "This might maybe be edible; after all, it's all made from edible ingredients."

"..."

Then they transported a small mountain of disposable noodle bowls to the film crew using a handcart.

Lu Qiuyan had trouble mustering enthusiasm to sell the noodles.

Tian Ruan rode ahead on a Segway, calling out, "Brothers, it's mealtime! Today’s special is men’s noodles. Ladies, you'll have to settle for fast food for now."

Hearing the "men’s special," the female crew members were mildly annoyed. What era is this, still differentiating between men and women?

The director coughed and said, "Thank you, thank you. Well, we are hungry—let's dig in."

Lu Qiuyan lifted the tarp on the cart, revealing bowls of noodles shrouded in steam, their contents barely visible. The male crew members lined up to receive their bowls, forcing grins as they thanked him.

The director was the first to open his bowl—unluckily, he ended up with the "mushy noodles." A mix of black, green, yellow, and white swirled together. If this were a live broadcast, the bowl would need to be blurred out to pass censorship.

The director: "……………………"

X was the second to open his bowl, only to find a goose head with a few remaining feathers gazing up at him, flanked by apple slices shaped like wings on either side of the noodles.

X: "……………………"

One by one, the men opened their bowls, their eager smiles froze in place.

The women, seeing this, scrambled back, distancing themselves from this cart of culinary disaster—no wonder it was "men’s special." They truly couldn’t stomach it.

Tian Ruan beamed at Lu Qiuyan and said, "Look how happy everyone is! But we mustn’t get complacent."

Lu Qiuyan mimicked Yu Shang, "Mhm."

Yu Shang: "..."

The director asked stiffly, "What is this?"

Tian Ruan: "Noodles! They're delicious. Everyone's hungry, so dig in."

They suspected this meal might be their last.

Tian Ruan: "Only fifty bucks a bowl, not too pricey, right? Everything's expensive around here, and I'm not making much profit."

The director felt like slapping himself—what had he been expecting? He'd even canceled their McDonald's order!

X handed the goose-head noodles to his assistant, "I'm on a diet, so I'll pass."

The director just wanted to get rid of this little cash vampire ASAP, "Not pricey at all. Accounting will wire you the money ASAP. How many bowls in total?"

Tian Ruan: "Exactly a hundred. Thanks for your patronage. Next time—"

"There won't be a next time," the director cut in quickly. "Next time, we'll try something else."

"Well, if you ever crave noodles again, just give me a shout."

"Sigh."

Tian Ruan happily dragged Lu Qiuyan off to count their haul.

At the entrance of the West Inn, they ran into Wang Weiqi crouched there. After a moment, the wild man scurried over, "Tian Ruan, shouldn't you be off resting?"

Just as Tian Ruan was about to speak, Yu Shang remarked coolly, "Not only did he not take leave, he's practically full of energy and stirring up trouble."

"?"

Tian Ruan: "...That's not true."

Lu Qiuyan tapped the payment confirmation on WeChat, and just like that, three thousand yuan came through. He added, "I was with him."

Yu Shang said flatly, "You two are in cahoots."

"..."

Tian Ruan: "We earned this money fair and square—a willing buyer and a willing seller. Mr. Yu said it himself, this is my skill. Could you pull that off? Even with ten times the courage, you wouldn’t show Lu Qiuyan your donkey dick like in my dream."

Yu Shang: "What?"

"The Yu Shang in my dream would boldly flaunt his donkey dick to Lu Qiuyan. Could you do that?"

"..." Yu Shang seemed to have never faced such a ridiculous insult. Despite well-read as he was and his undefeated record in debates, he was left speechless.

Wang Weiqi asked, "What’s a donkey whip? Some kind of whip?"

Lu Qiuyan: "No..."

People came and went at the restaurant entrance, occasionally glancing their way.

Yu Shang strode inside first and headed upstairs.

Wang Weiqi, still eager to eat, promptly followed like an eager lackey, leaving only Tian Ruan and Lu Qiuyan staring at one another.

Lu Qiuyan took a deep breath. "What kind of weird-ass dream was that?"

Tian Ruan: "It’s true. In my dream, Yu Shang showed you his donkey dick, saying it’d cure your lovesickness."

"...Even if you dreamt something like that, did you really have to say it out loud? Do you really think I won’t hit you?" Lu Qiuyan’s face flushed with embarrassment and annoyance.

Tian Ruan quickly said, "You could just dream of Mr. Yu showing me his big donkey dick. Then we’d be even."

Lu Qiuyan: "I don’t have your weird mind—I can’t dream something that crazy. Besides, Uncle Yu flashing you his donkey dick wouldn’t be strange at all. It’s already happened in real life."

Tian Ruan: "Then dream about me showing Mr. Yu my donkey dick?"

Lu Qiuyan looked him up and down. "You got one to show? Like you could dream that up?"

Tian Ruan: "..."

Tian Ruan asked quietly, "What about you? Ever dream about Yu Shang?"

Lu Qiuyan fell silent. "..."