16. Their Hearts Weigh Different Burdens

Chapter 16. Hearts' Secrets, Heavy and Light

"Is Qing Yun testing this official's patience?" His thin lips grazed her neck, his voice wrapping around her. "Or maybe doing improper things at night would be more fun than in the day?"

Her body went limp. Here, now—no, this can't be happening!

"No... I haven't deceived Lord Xu." A whimper slipped from her throat.

She felt his chest rise and fall. Her clothes were in disarray, her skirt slipping to her knees, revealing a pale, luminous leg.

"Are you bargaining with me?" His hand slid down, fingers pressing and rolling over a tender bud, smooth as jade, like a pearl.

The iron archery ring on his finger scraped against her slowly—cold and hard, yet warm, as if searing into her bones. He pressed deeper, and she let out a low moan.

His lingering, teasing touches drove her past all composure, her body responding freely.

Any resistance was just a show that amused him more.

"Lord Xu... what do you really want?" she asked between ragged breaths. "Is this about justice, or just your own desires?"

Xu Hanyun stopped abruptly, the iron ring catching painfully inside her. She did her best to ignore the odd feeling.

"At our first hearing, the incense on your robes was much stronger than usual," Gu Yuanzhi said, still breathless from his pressure. "Having been by your side these days, I know you always use incense by the book, never adding or cutting back—except that day..."

"So when court ended, you deliberately walked past me with that strong incense? You figured that once I smelled it, I'd get restless and come to see you?"

"From the moment I was put on that prison cart and smelled the pine-scented curtains, every seemingly casual kindness and pressure was part of your plan. You broke down my defenses bit by bit, then used my family's lives as bait to draw me in. Waiting for me to walk right into your trap."

Her eyes, like twin pools of ink-black jade holding autumn water, reflected his cold, guarded look—and revealed the darkness he kept so well hidden.

The weight on her suddenly lifted. His slender fingers pulled away, but the heat he'd stirred up hadn't faded yet.

It hit her in a flash—he'd only been fooling himself all along.

Sometimes he really hated how sharp Gu Yuanzhi was. The bird-catcher gets pecked by the sparrow, and the sparrow even gripes the cage has too wide a gap.

He prided himself on his intricate schemes and flawless plans, forcing her to rely on him. Everything he did and thought was hidden behind justice and the law, unseen by anyone.

But now she'd seen through it all with just a few words.

Frustration and self-loathing surged in his chest, drowning out the tide of desire.

After all his painstaking efforts to have her, he now pretended to be a virtuous gentleman.

He put back on his composed expression, though his narrow eyes still held a lingering gloom.

"You say you're afraid of implicating your parents—I'll take your word for it. I can understand."

"But defacing official court documents—I'll spare you severe punishment since it's your first offense. However, you'll need to personally copy these salt permit ledgers as compensation."

Gu Yuanzhi lowered her head to fix her clothes. He was clearly upset.

With this many documents, even without sleeping, it'd take two full days to copy them all.

But so what? Saying all that out loud made her chest feel lighter. This hypocrite had just never had his hidden motives exposed before.

Not a bad deal—she escaped his advances and kept the clues for her husband's appeal.

......

In Qinghui Garden, lanterns were lit, casting a lonely shadow on the desk.

After three straight hours of copying, her wrists ached, her neck was stiff, and her neat script had gone sloppy.

But she didn't dare slack off. That damned Xu Hanyun—because she'd gotten lazy and written sloppily, he said it wasn't neat enough and burned it, making her start over.

She pouted and secretly wrote an acrostic: Xu Hanyun is a Bamboo Spirit.

The more she thought about it, the less satisfied she was, so she added a few more lines. A hollow bamboo with no heart, a spotted bamboo full of flaws.

Gu Yuanzhi laughed at her own work, her brows curving like crescent moons.

Tired from all the writing, her vision blurred, and her thoughts drifted to the past.

In a daze, she seemed to have gone back to her maiden days.

It was spring then, the garden lush with fresh new green. Sparrows chirped nonstop, as if urging Mei Hezhi to hurry down from the tree.

The wind ruffled his sleeves as the sword-wielding youth radiated bold energy. With a flick of his scabbard, he knocked the green apricots off the branches.

Gu Yuanzhi scrambled under the tree, holding up her skirts to catch them, afraid to miss even one. The apricots thudded against the fabric of her hem, releasing a faint, fresh fruit scent.

She laughed freely, forgetting the reserve expected of a noble lady.

When the apricots piled up in a corner, Mei Hezhi spun and landed, casually plucking one. His gaze shifted, and he leaned down to offer it at her lips.

"Try it—the fruit ripened early this year."

Gu Yuanzhi found the fragrance irresistible and instinctively opened her mouth to take it.

A sour, astringent taste flooded her tongue. She frowned, on the verge of tears, and spat it out hastily. "Brother Hezhi, you're teasing me again!" She clenched her fist and gave his shoulder a light pound.

But the youth did not dodge. Instead, he pulled a packet of candied fruit from his bosom and placed it in her hand.

"Silly girl, I was just joking." A smile spread across his lips, starlight seemingly scattered in his eyes.

The two remaining sparrows on the branch fluttered their wings and chirped, as if laughing along.

"Sister Yuan, don't forget what I said—be sure to tell Scholar Gu."

Mei Hezhi harbored wild ambitions, unwilling to remain merely a minor garrison commander in Suzhou. And with her father being promoted to Vice Minister of Personnel and soon entering the Grand Secretariat, how could he not help his own kin?

"Oh, but if Brother Hezhi leaves, no one will play with me anymore."

"We're already betrothed! Once I return in triumph, you'll be the General's Lady, and I'll marry you in grand style!"

The green apricots rolled into the grass, their sweetness never to be savored. Just like the two of them—still green fruit, too young to understand the ways of the world.

Brother Zhi... A faint, wistful murmur slipped from her lips.

Spring breeze had given way to autumn wind. A cool draft made the candle flame tremble, and a drop of molten wax fell, burning Gu Yuanzhi's hand. The sting snapped her back to the present, and she raised her hand to rub her brow.

In copying the case files, she had unknowingly sunk into a quagmire of memory.

Her longing for her husband was born of true affection—she refused to believe what Xu Hanyun had said. How could Mei Hezhi's marriage to her have been for any ulterior motive?

The gentleness of him draping a robe over her shoulders by lamplight, the tender moments of painting her brows, the joy of riding side by side outside the city—were all of those false?

She remained lost in recollection, her brow reflecting the lamplight, her eyes like still water.

She never noticed that someone had entered her room without a sound.

The agarwood incense hung heavy in the air, and Xu Hanyun behind her leaned against the round table, like a figure veiled in haze.

In the dream, snow fell on a winter day.

Xu Hanyun arrived at the Snowfall Pavilion as promised and waited there for a while.

Finally, a slender figure appeared at the end of the path.

He recognized her at once. Even though the swirling snow made it hard to see who it was, he knew it was Gu Yuanzhi.

The girl in the pale green silk dress carried an oil-paper umbrella, walking slowly, leaving faint footprints behind in the snow.

She reached the pavilion, folded her umbrella, and shook the light snow from it.

"You're Master Yanshan?" Her voice was soft and sweet, like spring rain in the south.

He could hardly speak, just nodded hard and held out the half sheet of paper to her.

She pulled the other half from her sleeve. The two halves joined seamlessly—his boldness, her grace, each completing the other.

"So it truly was you." Her smile was like the sky clearing after snow, lifting the gloom that had clung to him for so long.

In that moment, the dream hit its peak. All the resentment, bitterness, and anger melted away, leaving only pure joy that almost made him weep.

He wanted to reach for her hand, to tell her he'd waited for this day through so many winters.

He had come in first in the metropolitan examination, and once he rose through the ranks at court, he'd give her the most honored title a lady could hold.

No clan barriers, no old grudges between them.

But just as his fingertips were about to brush hers...

And then the dream shattered.

Outside the window, a few stars scattered the sky.

He was slumped over the desk, cheek cold and wet—from the spilled tea or something else, he couldn't say.

Beside him, the woman who'd drifted from his dream into reality murmured another man's name in her sleep.

Like a silver needle stabbing his heart, it sliced through the old scar, stirring up the rot buried beneath.

Why you? And why me...

The obsession gnawed at his very bones. He wanted to drag her down into the mud with him.

Yet he couldn't stop himself from wanting to shield her from the cold.

He wrapped a cloak around her and covered her hand with his as she gripped the brush.

"You've been copying for so long, Qing Yun looks a little tired." A faint, knowing smile curled at his lips. "Just now, this official heard you call out a name?"

Gu Yuanzhi jumped, her wrist slipping, ink soaking through the paper.

What could she say? That she'd been thinking of her husband while copying? She'd be made to copy till dawn at this rate.

"Distracted," he said flatly. "Copying for half the day, and your mind's wandered off—flown to him, has it?"

Gu Yuanzhi pressed her lips together, pinned against him, his suffocating presence stealing her breath.

Stars burst in her vision, and her body went limp, toppling backward.

"What's wrong?" He frowned, pressing a hand to her forehead, finding it slick with cold sweat.

Gu Yuanzhi cracked her eyes open, tried to speak, but her stomach picked that exact moment to growl loudly.

"Lord Xu, I... I'm hungry..." A faint blush crept up her cheeks. She'd been raised never to embarrass herself in public, and here she was, doing exactly that in front of him.

"You haven't eaten?" he asked.

On the table's corner, the lacquered tray sat with food long gone cold, untouched.

"Why didn't you eat?" His brows knitted in faint anger.

"I didn't dare." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Didn't dare?" He almost laughed. "Would this official starve you?"

Xu Hanyun had never meant to make her copy on an empty stomach. Was she that scared of him? He bent down and scooped her up without warning.

"Lord Xu..." Gu Yuanzhi squirmed, trying to get out of his arms.

"Don't move." He looked down at her, eyes dark. "Move again, and I'll toss you out."

She couldn't tell if he was threatening or joking, but she didn't dare move again. So she let him carry her down the corridor, his long legs clearing the threshold.

No sedan chair—he just carried her out into the crowded street, blending into the flow of people.

"Oh, whose little wife is this? Needs her husband to carry her, can't let her walk a step—don't spoil her rotten!" A nosy old woman tending a snack stall teased.

"Look at him, doting on his wife like that."

Gu Yuanzhi burned with embarrassment, burying her face in his chest to hide her blush, stiff as a board in his arms.

"Milord, put me down... Where are we going?"

"To feed you." He didn't mind the teasing.

Lamps flickered to life, and the street swelled with people—the busiest hour. Vendors' calls and laughter mixed in the air.

At the mouth of an alley, a sweet, warm aroma drifted toward them.

It was a congee stall run by an old man. Seeing them, he called out, "Young master bringing your wife for porridge? Two bowls?"

Xu Hanyun didn't deny it, just nodded and sat down with her on a free bench.

"Two bowls of sweet porridge, one with extra osmanthus," he said to the old man.

The clouds parted to show a sliver of moon. Warm lamplight scattered soft glimmers over the two of them, leaning close.

Gu Yuanzhi leaned into him, waiting for the porridge.

"Try it—see if it tastes like the Suzhou you remember." He slid the bowl toward her.

It was the one with extra osmanthus. When had he figured out she loved osmanthus?

The steaming porridge, vivid red bean paste, little white rice balls bobbing in the congee, topped with a pinch of golden dried osmanthus—it smelled incredible.

For her starving stomach, it was irresistible. She scooped some up, blew on it, and took a tiny bite.

The warm, sticky rice porridge slid down her throat, the fragrance of osmanthus spreading, soothing her to the core and dispelling some of the chill.

"Did you ever eat this as a kid?" Xu Hanyun suddenly asked.

"Yes, I did. When I was young, our family cook often made this, and would also add lotus seeds and lilies." Gu Yuanzhi took a bite of the red date.

As a child in the courtyard, she would chase fireflies with a lantern, and when she got tired from running around, a maid would bring her a bowl of sweet sugar porridge.

Those peaceful, carefree days now felt like a lifetime ago.

"What about outside the house?"

"No..." She had been pampered since childhood; these little street snacks were something her family would never have allowed her to touch.

He went on, as if to himself: "When I was little, my mother worked all day washing and mending clothes for other people just to afford a tutor for me. For a bowl of porridge, she would only drink the thin broth, saving the rice grains at the bottom and the sugar she could rarely afford for me. She said, 'Have something sweet, and life won't feel so bitter.'"

She looked at the man before her and suddenly felt he was somewhat unfamiliar. All these days, she had only felt fear and distance toward him.

But at this moment, amidst the hustle and bustle of the streets, the brief flicker of loneliness on his face made her pause.

This man of immense power—it was hard to reconcile him with that poor child from his past.

"Then now, Lord Xu can buy your mother all the sweet porridge she wants, and never have to fear a bitter life again." Gu Yuanzhi's eyes were full of sincerity.

Xu Hanyun lowered his head, staring at the translucent little rice balls, silent.

Seeing her eat happily, he instinctively scooped the osmanthus and rice balls over to her, just as his mother had once left the rice grains and sugar for him.

"My lord, no need, I can't eat this much." Gu Yuanzhi held her spoon awkwardly, unsure what to do, though she was still a bit hungry.

"I already ate." Xu Hanyun picked up the remaining plain porridge and began to eat.

Gu Yuanzhi held the warm bowl, taking small sips of the porridge, sneaking glances at him out of the corner of her eye.

"What are you looking at?" he asked without looking up.