Chapter 83

Chapter 83

What an unfair question to press.

Shen Lian's breathing grew rapid, and he dared not lift his head to meet the young concubine's piercing gaze.

Privately, by himself, he would inevitably ask himself this question.

Why was it that when he was with others, he felt no urge to cuddle or be close at all?

This question was a bottomless abyss; Shen Lian only dared to test the edges, and one look down and he'd be doomed forever.

To protect his own life, he'd promised himself he wouldn't dig deeper.

But now, the young concubine had suddenly shoved him toward the cliff's edge, forcing him to leap, demanding he be devoured by the abyss for eternity.

There was no going back, no more sitting on the fence, no more freedom to slip away at any moment.

How could anyone be so impossibly pushy?

Why did the air suddenly feel so thin?

He couldn't draw in a breath, his body helplessly pulled by gravity toward the abyss, and the hand bracing Shen Lian's lower back pressed down harder.

But this time, Xie Yuan didn't back down, brazenly letting him press close.

Xie Yuan showed the proof of how Shen Lian had bewitched him, refusing to let anyone stay naively innocent.

"If you really must know, Dian Xia," Shen Lian surrendered, pressing his forehead slowly against his chest, answering wearily: "I don't want you to be any different from Han Wangchuan or Lu Huaizhi. I don't want you to be the special one at all."

"Mm." Xie Yuan still pressed relentlessly, his low voice demanding an answer from above, pushing him to sink deeper: "But in reality? Have I lived up to your wishes?"

Shen Lian was taken aback.

Did Xie Yuan show this same no-mercy, no-holds-barred attitude toward his enemies?

These fierce qualities that had once inexplicably made Shen Lian admire him now seemed so cruel in that moment.

Shen Lian's heart ached, and he was almost moved to tears.

"You have to be the same as them." Shen Lian murmured in a hoarse voice: "My whole life has been one of confusion and helplessness. When I was little, my parents didn't care about me, and I had to learn to navigate this strange, bizarre world all by myself, afraid that anyone would think I didn't know how to talk or act right. And then I met you."

Shen Lian closed his eyes, the wetness on his lashes soaking into Xie Yuan's chest. "No matter how badly I acted, in your eyes, it was always amusing. I loved how I could make you laugh until you couldn't stop, and I loved how you'd indulge me even when you were offended, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. No one's ever treated me like this, Dian Xia. Even my dad and my brother were always trying to fix me, but you like seeing me like this—the original me."

"Ha..." Xie Yuan looked down at the young physician in disbelief: "So you knew how I felt? You've always been deliberately messing with me, haven't you?"

"Yes, I'm truly sorry." Shen Lian kept his eyes closed, pressing against his chest in bliss, a smile tugging at his lips: "But I'll keep doing it. Being able to mess with you like this means a lot to me."

Xie Yuan: "You think you can keep getting away with this without paying a price?"

"I'm actually willing to pay a price..." Shen Lian slowly opened his eyes, looking at the now completely dark room, his voice barely a whisper: "In my eyes, you've always been able to do anything. When I'm with you, this world that confuses me becomes safe and endearing. All of this is because Dian Xia is my loyal brother, my brother in arms. But what if we were... more than that? For a short while, I might treat you even more lawlessly, but that kind of intensity is different from the steady, long-lasting bond between brothers."

Xie Yuan warily stepped back, his right hand lifting the young physician's chin, forcing him to meet his gaze: "What do you mean?"

In the darkness, he couldn't see Shen Lian's reddened eyes, only heard his aggrieved, hoarse voice: "What I mean is, you cannot be different from Han Wangchuan and Lu Huaizhi, because then I would inevitably start demanding more from you, until you could no longer bear it."

Xie Yuan narrowed his eyes in confusion: "What kind of scheme have you come up with that could drive me to my limit? You know how indulgent I am with you."

Shen Lian pursed his lips and gave a bitter smile: "In some ways, there's a chasm between us. There are boundaries of yours I've never even dared to test. But Dian Xia, we're just brothers. Though we may possess less, we can hold on to it for a very, very long time."

"Just brothers?" Even in the darkness, one could feel the young concubine's extreme displeasure as he frowned.

"Isn't that better?" Shen Lian looked at those amber eyes gleaming in the dark: "As long as we don't cross that line, I'll never have to find fault with you. You're free, Dian Xia. In truth, you need that freedom more than I do, so stop pushing me."

The young concubine lowered his gaze in thought for a moment, then suddenly bent down and scooped him up, placing him back on the bed. He turned to the nightstand, fumbled in the dark for a flint, and lit the lamps in the room.

He clearly hadn't fully understood Shen Lian's meaning, so he needed light—needed to observe his prey's expression to help him judge.

The lamplight illuminated the canopied bed.

Shen Lian sat cross-legged on the bed, hands gripping his slender pale ankles, looking up with an innocent expression.

His peach-blossom eyes were glossy and dark as ink, his lips full and vibrant—so delicate and harmless.

"Lord Shen seems to want to keep having me serve you without any cost?" The young concubine gripped the bedpost, his eyes full of protest: "I'm more capable than Lu Huaizhi and Han Wangchuan, but I can't be the special one? Is that it? Shen Lian, in another situation, a less honorable man would have already rebelled. You should consider me more."

"It's precisely because I've considered you too much that I made this decision." Shen Lian grabbed a corner of the blanket and looked up at him: "Dian Xia, will you stay the night as well?"

The young concubine stared at him in disbelief.

He paced back and forth beside the bed a few times.

"I'm not as easy to appease as you think." Xie Yuan fumed: "Since there's no difference, can Lu Huaizhi and Han Wangchuan stay the night too? Lord Shen, since I'm no different from them, I'm going home. Now."

Shen Lian lowered his head, somewhat disappointed, thought for a moment, then said: "Alright then. Be careful on the road."

It was the first time he watched the young concubine leave in such fury.

The door closed.

As if losing the last breath that had been supporting him, Shen Lian collapsed onto the blanket.

Eyes closed, breathing silently.

He could have spent a lifetime happily playing at the edge of the cliff with the abyss.

-

Having finally mustered the courage to seek comfort, he instead went home with a belly full of anger.

Along the way, Xie Yuan kicked even the smallest pebble as far as he could.

In all his years, no one had ever so openly declared they only wanted to use him.

The young physician's admiring, infatuated gazes were only because Xie Yuan was more useful and gave him a greater sense of security than those other two fools.

But Xie Yuan couldn't demand different treatment because of that.

He had worked so hard to prove his worth, won this contest, and had become the most eager and ridiculous fish in the pond.

In his fury, his vigilance was blinded. It wasn't until he had walked two li that he noticed the two men following him.

Shen Zaishan and his son had truly run into bad luck.

Had they not crossed paths at this moment, Prince Qi would likely have first figured out their identities.

But there was no patience for that now.

They had been tailing him just fine when they suddenly lost sight of him. Before they could react, each received a kick and went flying to the ground.

Shen Zaishan's old bones hit the ground, his head knocking against something, and he passed out instantly. His son beside him was scared out of his wits, clutching his backside as he turned to beg for mercy: "Don't hurt me! Master Wangchuan! We're on the same side! We're on the same side!"

Hearing the other call him "Master Wangchuan," Xie Yuan grew even more furious. Was he really that indistinguishable from the other two? Was it that hard to tell them apart?

He stepped forward, tilting his head as he demanded: "Where do I look anything like Han Wangchuan?"

Shen Shuangcheng was so terrified he nearly fainted, crawling backward in panic: "No! No! It was you yourself, young master, who said it at the spring sacrifice..."

The mention of the spring sacrifice finally snapped Xie Yuan back to his senses.

In fact, it was after that spring sacrifice, when he had slaved away for Shen Lian, that Shen Lian had begun to throw himself at Xie Yuan.

Xie Yuan had pondered countless possibilities.

Perhaps it was because his archery was too outstanding, too formidable, that the young imperial physician couldn't help but admire him, a male favorite of the prince.

Finally, someone who didn't care about his status or position, who loved him so deeply. In that case, Prince Qi should do his best not to disappoint this innocent young imperial physician.

He had mulled it over for a full two months, only to realize he had been overthinking.

A harsh wake-up call.

"Why were you following me?" Xie Yuan asked coldly.

Shen Shuangcheng, never the sharpest tool in the shed, was scared out of his wits and immediately blamed his father: "My father said Han Wangchuan is someone else, and wanted me to find out just who you really are, young master. Since... since you're Shen Lian's friend, you're our friend too. If we're going to send gifts in the future, we need to know where to send them..."

Xie Yuan let out a cold snort: "I'm nobody. Not even fit to run errands for the Tengxiang Guard. Don't trouble yourselves on my account. Get lost, and don't bother me again."

-

Shen Lian hadn't even taken off his clothes, slumped over the blanket in a deep sleep.

In the middle of the night, his father quietly slipped in, closed the window for him, removed his shoes, lifted him onto the bed, and tucked him in.

The next morning, the rooster crowing in the courtyard woke him up.

His whole body felt inexplicably drained, but he still had to show up at the Imperial Medical Bureau.

Today he had to deliver blood pressure medication to the Empress Dowager again—the last bottle he'd gotten from the system had run out.

Groggily, he opened the system interface. His vision flashed—for the first time, he saw fireworks effects welcoming him to browse the shop.

A system popup appeared: "The male lead's corruption value has surged to 112! Keep it up, host!"

In the past, Shen Lian had cared deeply about the state of the arrogant dragon-protagonist Prince Qi, but now he could barely manage his own affairs and had completely lost the energy to worry about whether the idol of his youth was alive or dead.

Fine, let him go dark, then.

But wait—a spike that big... could it be that someone close to him got framed?

That thought made Shen Lian a little uneasy.

He was very worried that Prince Xi might be sacrificed because of his arrogant dragon-protagonist younger brother's awakening.

Nowadays, Shen Lian cared even more about Prince Xi than Prince Qi. It wasn't just concern for his sugar daddy—Prince Xi had always been genuinely gentle with him, and Song Jin went without saying.

If Prince Xi were caught up in the succession struggle, Shen Lian would probably go dark right along with the dragon-protagonist lead.

On second thought, that probably wasn't it. If Prince Xi were implicated, the corruption value would have shot up to at least five hundred instantly.

A corruption value of just over a hundred meant, at most, that something had happened to one of Prince Qi's trusted generals.

Shen Lian breathed a sigh of relief, clicked confirm, scrolled to find the cost-effective blood pressure medication he'd refreshed earlier, and purchased two more bottles.

As the points were deducted, he instinctively glanced at them.

Joy and shock always came out of nowhere.

His female-readership popularity points had actually climbed to over two hundred thousand.

The male-readership points, which had barely recovered to positive four thousand a few days ago, had now plummeted to over sixty thousand in the negative.

He wasn't too worried, though—the female-readership popularity points had consistently been several times higher than the male channel's. Even if settlement came, they should cancel each other out with plenty left over.

He got up, freshened up, and hopped on his little donkey.

Shen Lian still felt a twinge in his chest.

Because the young male favorite had forced him to confront his own hidden, shameful desires.

He finally understood what Song Jin had meant when he kept warning that Shen Lian might never get a response as perfect as Prince Xi's.

So Song Jin hadn't been bragging.

He had been worried all along that Shen Lian would recklessly pour his feelings into someone without thinking.

Someone as lucky as Song Jin—you could search through all of history and barely find a handful.

Drifting through the day in a daze, he returned home to find a letter had arrived. Shen Lian snapped back to life, rushed into the courtyard, and opened the gate.

It was a letter from Lu Huaizhi, asking him to attend a victory banquet together.

This time, Prince Qi's army had overall returned triumphant, of course. The matter of the stolen military provisions wouldn't even have been brought up if it had been any other general.

But for the War God of Great Wei, plenty of jealous types would seize the opportunity to gossip, and the factions of the First Prince and Second Prince would deliberately use it as an excuse to rain on his parade.

With the complete annihilation of an entire elite Tatar cavalry unit, there was a victory banquet at the palace, followed by another one at the military camp.

Lu Huaizhi knew Shen Lian had always looked up to Prince Qi, so he'd managed to get an invitation for him too—maybe he'd even get a chance to see Prince Qi in the flesh.

Shen Lian hadn't originally wanted to attend, but since Lu Huaizhi had already gone through the trouble of getting him the invitation, he couldn't possibly let his buddy down. So he agreed to go.