Chapter 57 *****

Chapter 57 *****

So cold.

The water in the bathtub had grown icy. His eyelids felt as if they were glued together, unable to separate no matter how he tried. When he finally managed a slight peek, Ying Li saw a blurry figure looming over him, their face obscured in darkness, making it impossible for Ying Li to discern any features.

It was freezing. Ying Li drew his limbs closer, trying to curl up into a ball.

A splash echoed as the faucet was turned on, allowing a trickle of warm water to flow in. The temperature began to rise, overflowing water dripping onto the floor.

Alcohol clouded Ying Li's senses, making him sluggish. He tried to search his memory for any clue about the identity of the person before him.

"All cleaned up?"

The icy cold voice made Ying Li shudder. Opening his eyes, he saw a hauntingly familiar figure that seemed to be straight out of a nightmare.

"How did you get in?" Under the dulling effect of alcohol, the last bits of Ying Li's rationale took charge, "Get out, get the hell out!"

Qi Xie stood before him, head lowered, seemingly having been there for some time. His gaze was tranquil, devoid of any emotion, yet it instilled immense fear in Ying Li.

Ying Li felt like prey under the gaze of a lion. He tried to escape, attempting to stand shakily, but his feet gave way. As he tried to grasp the edge of the tub, weakness overcame him, and he couldn’t hold on.

His eyes wide open, he stared upwards from beneath the water at the ceiling light that dazzled brightly, bubbles rising from his mouth.

Though the tub barely reached his calves, Ying Li felt like he was sinking deeper.

He was about to drown. Why wasn't Qi Xie saving him?

Cold water invaded his throat, piercing through him. As Ying Li grew increasingly uncomfortable, in his daze, he saw a hand reaching out to him. When he tried to grab it, the hand clutched his jaw, pulling him up as if he was a kitten.

Gasping, Ying Li clung onto Qi Xie's arm as if it was his lifeline, taking deep breaths. Even in those brief moments, his lungs had filled with water, and he couldn’t cough it out, his face turning a deep shade of red.

The arm around him tightened, and Qi Xie looked down, calmly stating, "So afraid of me? You'd rather drown than face me?"

Ying Li didn't respond, so Qi Xie continued, answering his own question, "You should be afraid."

"Did you enjoy your night out with Shen Yao?"

Ying Li looked at him in alarm, his eyes filled with terror, even forgetting to cough.

With a slow and clear voice, Qi Xie remarked casually, "I've been following you."

Like a phantom of the night lurking beside them, he watched their every move—observing them play at the amusement park, stagger out drunk from a barbecue joint, and engage in intimate exchanges in the hallway.

Curiously, he wasn't angered. Seeing Shen Yao assist Ying Li into the car didn’t bother him; neither did Shen Yao's touch upon Ying Li's body. He only felt a hint of jealousy, something he couldn’t quite comprehend.

Stalking…

How could he speak of such a shameful act so brazenly?

Ying Li instinctively asked, "Why are you following me? What do you want?"

Qi Xie’s thin lips parted, but before he could utter a word, Ying Li screamed, not wanting to hear any excuses. Trembling with fear and wariness, his voice quivered, "I don't want to hear it! I don't!"

He wished it were all a dream, "Leave! I didn’t invite you in. I never gave permission. Get out..."

Memories of the shadows Qi Xie cast upon him flooded back, invoking sheer terror. Ying Li sobbed quietly, his body shivering. A hand, warm as burning coal, gently caressed his smooth back, soothing his escalating emotions.

To Ying Li, that hand felt like a venomous snake, coiling around his waist, threatening to squeeze his innards out. The moment Qi Xie touched him, his body arched in panic, crying out in despair, "Don't touch me! Go! Just go!!"

He was both desperate and infuriated, struggling to escape this menacing embrace.

With a crisp slap, Ying Li struck Qi Xie’s face. His fingernails left a long scratch from cheek to neck, resembling a crack on exquisite porcelain.

Qi Xie was momentarily stunned.

The bead of blood on Qi Xie’s neck alarmed Ying Li. Eyes shut, he apologized, "I'm sorry, I..."

"It doesn’t hurt." Qi Xie took his hand, observing without expression, "You should trim your nails."

"I'm so sorry." The hand gripping his felt burning hot, numbing Ying Li's senses. Overwhelmed and suffocated, he blinked away tears, gazing into Qi Xie’s eyes with the same age-old question, "Why? Why are you doing this to me? I’ve never wronged you or provoked you. Please, stop tormenting me, I beg you..."

As he stared into those chilling, dark eyes, Ying Li couldn't hold back his tears any longer. The hotel's soundproofing was impeccable; no one would hear the sounds from the bathroom. Nevertheless, Ying Li muffled his sobs, crying in suppressed agony.

Lately, he had cried more often than usual. This time was especially intense, serving as an outlet for pent-up emotions. Tears streamed down, cascading like a waterfall into the bathtub, unstoppable.

Ying Li, when crying, looked breathtakingly beautiful, tempting one to make him cry even harder. Yet, Qi Xie no longer harbored any intent to torment him. His already fragmented heart felt like a chunk was torn out once more.

"It won't happen again."

Ying Li took a breath, hearing Qi Xie speak in a fragmented tone.

"You don't like me, you despise me."

"You're no different from the others, equally afraid of me, equally looking at me with eyes filled with disgust and fear."

They might even wish for my death.

After all, who wouldn't be afraid of a madman who could snap at any moment?

Now, every time Yingly sees him, he avoids him. He doesn't meet his eyes when speaking and though he smiles at others, he hasn't smiled at him in ages. He vaguely realizes it's because of his previous harsh actions, but he doesn't know how to make it right.

Twenty-three years of emotional void has left him helpless in situations like these. He thought such actions would bring Yingly closer. He loves the slippery feel of Yingly's skin, the reddening birthmark when Yingly gets agitated, and the way Yingly cries yet takes pleasure.

He consulted a doctor and understood that physical reactions don't represent everything. Physical attraction doesn't equate to emotional attraction, and liking someone doesn't mean forcing and taking from them. He forced Yingly, which is why Yingly despises him.

He can't help but wonder how to make Yingly like him.

But Yingly will never like him.

Avoiding him with such aversion, how could Yingly ever like him?

Only in death will he truly be mine – no running, no jumping, no fuss.

Qixie took a deep breath, aware that such dehumanizing thoughts are wrong. Yet, the uncontrollable thoughts in his head grew more and more aggressive, as the shadowy beast within gnawed at his sanity.

That slender neck is right before him, and with a single move, he could choke the life out of Yingly.

His hand reached out slowly, but the sobs from Yingly and tears staining his pale face extinguished the rekindled flame of aggression in his heart.

"I will stay away from you."

His voice was hoarse and out of tune.

Yingly's heartbeat skipped, tears pooling on the floor, forming a small puddle.

"You cry even when I promise not to hurt you?" Qixie couldn't bear to see it. He wanted to wipe away the tears, but found his own sleeves wet, so he gently wiped them away with his fingertips.

He turned off the faucet, the last drops echoing in the empty bathroom.

Yingly also heard the thumping of his own heart. Lifting his head, he met Qixie's deep gaze, asking shakily, "Is it really, really true?"

His moist eyes blinked, they were fiery, pure, and innocent. The vulnerability of his upturned neck was evident. Qixie closed his eyes and said in a deeper tone, "I can't promise."

He had second thoughts.

It was as if the person who just confessed everything wasn't him.

Yingly has always been his coveted prey. How could anyone else dare to claim him? He won't allow it. He's petty, selfish, despicable, obsessive, and fiercely possessive. The flames of jealousy consume him, threatening to burn him alive.

Qixie wished nothing more than to claim every part of the man before him.

It was a lie after all. Before even a moment of joy passed, Yingly choked back a sob, feebly saying, “What's the point of you saying this? If you continue treating me like this, I can't promise how I'll react...”

He broke free from Qixie's grip and slowly slid into the bathtub. The lukewarm water enveloped him, and it felt like a protective shell, giving him a semblance of safety.

Qixie silently observed him for a moment and, without warning, swooped down, lifted him out of the water, and cradled him in his arms.

Water splashed all around the bathroom.

Feeling the sudden lack of gravity, Yingly struggled, "What are you doing? Don't touch me!"

Qixie adjusted him slightly, taking a breath to say, “The water's cold. Stay in too long and you'll get hypothermia.”

Yingly was infuriated, “What’s it to you? I don’t need you meddling!”

“One last time,” Qixie said, holding Yingly firmly, easily pinning his limbs. He gazed down, “I won’t do anything, just want to look at you.”

A similar incident had just occurred two days ago. Thinking of it now, Yingly felt numb, “I don’t believe you! You've lied before, I won't trust you.”

Qixie's gaze turned cold, his tone menacing, “Do you have a choice?”

“……”

In reality, he didn't. His phone was outside, and he neither could outrun nor fight back against Qixie.

After pondering for a moment, Qixie added, “If you’re afraid I'll cross a line, you can tie me up.”

His eyes conveyed sincerity. While Yingly wasn’t naive enough to trust him entirely, especially given Qixie’s past unpredictability, he thought it best to appease him for the moment.

“Keep your word,” Yingly said awkwardly, uncomfortable in Qixie's embrace, “I can walk by myself. Put me down.”

After a brief pause, Qixie set him down.

Yingly confidently stated he could walk, but he forgot about his earlier struggle in the tub. The moment his feet touched the ground, they gave way beneath him. Almost collapsing, he instinctively grabbed anything within reach.

His fingers, wrinkled from the prolonged soak, clung to Qixie's shirt, staining the smooth fabric with water. It was hard to tell which was more wrinkled.

The few steps he took were less steady than a toddler's first attempts at walking. His wobbly state betrayed the lingering effects of the alcohol.

Yingly's mind was in chaos. He knew he shouldn't seek help from the man in front of him, but he still looked up with a pitiable and somewhat helpless expression, murmuring, “I can't walk...”

He didn't even realize he was still bare, his fair skin shimmering under the lights. Qixie's eyes darkened. Grabbing a towel, he wrapped Yingly, and instead of cradling him, he hefted him onto his shoulder.

The softness of Yingly's abdomen pressed against Qixie's firm shoulder. With his head hanging down, Yingly felt blood rush to his head, causing nausea.

“I don't want to be carried like this.”

Yingly struggled but was met with a slap. It wasn't hard, but it was a clear threat, like a stone disrupting a calm lake, ripples expanding outward. Qixie's voice, menacing and hauntingly sinister, echoed in Yingly's ears: “Stay still. If you move again, I'll drop you.”

Yingly's mouth hung open in shock, fear, and disbelief. He had no doubt about the truth behind Qixie's words.

Qixie was that sort of man, even daring to ask him, “Do you know what I meant by that?”

“I do, I won't move,” Yingly's struggles ceased. His breath lightened, and his voice sounded pitifully faint, “You said you wouldn’t do anything to me...”

Qixie took large strides, making Yingly feel even more nauseous.

Once Yingly was placed on the bed, half of Qixie's shoulder was damp.

Yingly shrank back slightly, quickly adding, “I didn't move earlier.”

Qixie nodded, “I know. I was just trying to scare you.”

Yingly: “Please, no more scares.”

His voice trembled uncontrollably. Qixie's earlier crude remark had frightened him so much that he nearly passed out. Now, still not fully recovered, he felt no trust towards Qixie. His voice had a nasal quality, sounding both reproachful and whiny.

“I'm genuinely scared. I can't handle this...”

Qixie narrowed his eyes. If he had been even a tad more aggressive... There are lines one shouldn't cross.

Plugging in the hairdryer, he said, “Let's dry your hair first.”

The warm breeze blew on Yingly's neck, making him even more disoriented. His guard lowered. Was he dreaming? Why was this dream so bizarre, and after so much turmoil, why hadn't he awakened yet?

The hand atop his head pressed against his scalp, its touch perfectly soothing. It lulled him to the brink of sleep, but he constantly reminded himself of the dangerous wolf lurking beside him.

After drying his hair, Yin Li didn't forget what he had just said, "Tie it up."

Qi Xie raised an eyebrow and handed him a ribbon.

It was red again, evoking memories of the night Yin Li had been dominated by him. Irritated, he asked, "Do you deal in wholesale ribbons?"

Qi Xie extended both hands, clasped together, in front of him. Yin Li wound the ribbon around his hands three times and secured five tight knots. With a nervous glance, he told the silent man, "You better not break free."

"Mhm."

Yin Li wrapped himself tightly in the bath towel, only exposing the area above his neck to Qi Xie's view.

Every feature—his eyebrows, eyes, nose, and lips—was scrutinized intently by Qi Xie. His gaze grew more intense, almost tangible. What felt like a mere three to five minutes seemed endless to Yin Li, who was constantly watching Qi Xie's every move.

"Are you done looking?" The unsettling intensity of Qi Xie's gaze made Yin Li uneasy, as if he was being pulled into a whirlpool of emotions. He pursed his lips, "You said you'd just look and leave. Why are you still here? I want to sleep. I'm so tired. Please go."

Without waiting for a response, he quickly crawled under his blanket. But after rolling over just once, he immediately got up, about to step onto the carpet with his bare feet.

Qi Xie, acting swiftly, grabbed his waist and pulled him back, "Weren't you tired? Where are you going?"

Yin Li wiggled his toes, responding in a daze, "To get my socks."

Glancing down, Qi Xie noted, "They're wet."

Stubbornly, Yin Li said, "I always wear socks to sleep."

It was a habit from his childhood. He used to kick off his blankets while sleeping and would get cold easily, so he started wearing socks. Over time, it became routine.

Qi Xie gently seated him on the edge of the bed. Kneeling in front of Yin Li, he lifted the young man's feet onto his thigh, carefully drying them. He treated them as delicately as if they were fragile works of art.

He meticulously dried every part of his feet—the soles, the tops, even between the toes.

Those tender feet captured Qi Xie's full attention. Startled, Yin Li's toes curled reflexively, the arch of his foot straining taut.

In amazement, Yin Li whispered, "Thank you."

"Where are the socks?"

Yin Li's breaths came slightly ragged. Even in his dream, he felt a sense of oddity and discomfort. "In the suitcase, get a fresh pair."

Everything in Yin Li's luggage was neatly organized, allowing one to quickly locate any item. Without missing a beat, Qi Xie returned with a pair of pristine white socks.

Yin Li's feet were lifted again, resting on Qi Xie's knees. Qi Xie began to put the socks on him, just that and nothing more inappropriate.

Yin Li's bindings were secure, and a red mark was left on his wrists by the ribbon. His gaze settled on the back of his hand, touching the mark softly, "It hurts."

Qi Xie's gaze dropped to the now scabbed over marks, a slight itch emanating from them. "A little."

Gently caressing them, Yin Li murmured, "Why would you hurt yourself? It looks so painful."

The hand that was wrapping his foot paused, "Do you pity me?"

Meeting Qi Xie's intense gaze, Yin Li hesitated, biting his lip, murmuring, "These marks frighten me."

Of course, there was a measure of pity too. He'd feel the same seeing injured stray cats or dogs on the streets.

As Qi Xie continued to put on the other sock, he admitted, "I can't control it. I'm mad. If I don't do this to myself, I might hurt others."

The pain gave him brief moments of lucidity, preventing him from harming the innocent.

"Then why don't you take your medication regularly?" Yin Li couldn't grasp it. If one was sick, they should take their medicine. Did he really need supervision?

Whispering, Qi Xie confessed, "I do take them, always on time."

Every pill, always on time.

Indignantly, Yin Li retorted, "You're lying. If you took them on time, you wouldn't be like this!"

Qi Xie gazed at him silently for a moment, not offering further explanations. Instead, he pulled a pill bottle from his pocket, unscrewed the cap, and began swallowing pills two by two, then handfuls at a time.

Yin Li was stunned by Qi Xie's frenzied actions. It took him a moment to react, but he immediately knocked the pill bottle from Qi Xie's hand, scattering the white pills all over the floor.

"How many did you take? Stop! Spit them out! Spit them out now!"

The bitter taste of the pills began to dissolve in Qi Xie's mouth, but he didn't flinch. "Don't be scared. I just wanted to show you that these pills are useless for me now. No matter how many I take, they won't help."

He looked at Yin Li, his expression a complex mixture of emotions.

"I get it, I get it…" Trembling, Yin Li tried to pry open Qi Xie's mouth, urging, "Spit them out."

Scalding tears landed on the back of his hand, and in that instant, Qi Xie's heart, once as steadfast as rock, crumbled to powder: "Are you shedding tears for me now?"

He caught one and tasted it: "So salty."

Yet, there was an inexplicable hint of sweetness.

Concern shadowed every feature of Yin Li's face, "Stop talking. I don't want to hear you. Spit out the pills first."

Yin Li tried to induce vomiting by reaching into Qi Xie's mouth. But the moment he did, his finger was bitten. Qi Xie's teeth grazed over his knuckle, and the tongue, like a slick serpent, weaved between his fingers, tickling him to the bone.

"Stop it!" Desperate, Yin Li tugged him towards the bathroom. "You need to throw up. You must get them out!"

Qi Xie followed, his steps wobbly.

Yin Li tried to untie Qi Xie's hands, but the ribbon was wound too tightly: "I can't get it off. I can't."

With a sharp rip, the high-quality ribbon snapped into sections. Yin Li staggered back, startled and trembling.

Qi Xie regurgitated a terrifying amount of pills.

Unable to fathom the consequences of those pills digesting in his stomach, Yin Li gently patted his back, "Did you get them all out?"

"I did." Qi Xie's gaze met his, looking somewhat disheveled from the continuous retching, his eyes rimmed with red.

Still reeling from the shock, Yin Li asked softly, "Are you feeling okay?"

Qi Xie took Yin Li's hand, wiping the saliva-covered fingers clean, murmuring, "I'm fine. They've made me swallow so many before—one bottle, two bottles, or maybe three. I can't remember."

In a near whisper, Yin Li inquired, "Who are 'they'?"

Qi Xie paused, "You want to know?"

Confused by the emotion in Qi Xie's eyes, Yin Li responded, "Isn't that what I just asked?"

Qi Xie: "My family."

His mother, driven mad by him, hung herself in his room.

That night, the rain was heavy, and the wind howled. Carrying his deceased puppy, he climbed the stairs, and upon opening the door, he was met with a pair of dangling feet, pointed straight at him.

Above, a white dress and tangled black hair swayed with the wind, reminiscent of wind chimes dangling from a roof's edge.

A bolt of lightning illuminated the entire room, revealing eyes that refused to close in death, staring intently at him as if a vengeful spirit demanding retribution, pulling him to share its grave.

The household servants screamed in horror.

He wasn't allowed to attend the funeral.

Not long after, he routinely took the medication prescribed by the doctor every morning. His father, seemingly driven to madness with bloodshot eyes, remarked bitterly, “You take these pills daily, yet you don’t improve. Are you not taking enough?”

“How much is enough? One bottle? Two?”

“Hold his mouth open.”

“I can’t bear you any longer. How did I father such a monster?”

Handfuls of multicolored pills were forced into his mouth, with someone pressing down on his throat, ensuring he swallowed every single one.

Afterwards, he suffered brief amnesia for several days. Being so young, he couldn't recall the intricate details. Eventually, he was sent abroad.

Qi Xie merely mentioned it was his family, without going into specifics. Yin Li, with pursed lips, expressed his disappointment at not obtaining any useful information. He sulked, retreating and sitting on the bed in silence.

Qi Xie approached at a measured pace. He had washed his face, droplets clinging to his hair tips, and his clothes were soaking wet.

Yin Li brooded, wondering if Qi Xie's previous treatment towards him was due to illness. Did he see Yin Li as an easy target and decided to bully him?

Unbeknownst to Yin Li, Qi Xie had approached and began slipping a sock onto his foot.

Yin Li felt a mix of anger, pity, and sympathy. Although he was a child left behind by traveling parents, he was well-loved by them, and cared for by his grandmother alongside his sibling, Yin Tao. In contrast, from just a few words, it seemed that Qi Xie had a miserable childhood.

Overwhelmed by a flurry of emotions, perhaps the lingering effects of alcohol, Yin Li spoke softly, “You said you wouldn’t bully me anymore. From now on, refrain from making such remarks. It’s not pleasant, and I don’t want to hear it.”

“What kind?” Qi Xie's tone was slow and weighty, “Tell me.”

Yin Li felt a light tickling on his sole, unmistakably teasing. He tensed up, resembling an agitated cat, “Don't try to trick me into saying it. It’s distasteful. I won't utter it.”

It was mostly embarrassment. No one had ever spoken to him in such a brazen manner before. Flushed with indignation, Yin Li exclaimed, “Why would you say something like that to me?”

Qi Xie responded, “It was from the heart.”

“I don’t care what it was!” Feeling regret for previously sympathizing with him, Yin Li forcefully pushed Qi Xie away, “Never say it again!”

Qi Xie: "I can't promise that."

Ying Li glared at him, visibly irate, as if steam was about to erupt from the top of his head. He felt the urge to retreat into the covers and avoid communication.

Suddenly, Qi Xie gripped his ankle, saying, "Ying Li, I didn't touch you."

Ying Li was dazed.

Qi Xie looked up, stating candidly, "[a natural physiological reaction]."

Ying Li glanced down, his face flushing with embarrassment, fervently shaking his head, "No, no, I just... you touched my foot. No, you tickled me. And the words you said to me... I don’t know... I'm sorry..."

He wasn't sure what was happening, but the evidence was clear—Qi Xie hadn't touched him. With reddened eyes, he seemed slightly frightened by his current state and wished even more to hide under the covers.

Qi Xie held onto his ankle tightly, asking, "Do you know how?"

Ying Li hesitated for a moment: "Of course, I do..."

How could he not know? He just hadn't tried it himself. He knew the mechanics. He murmured in a mix of embarrassment and pity, "Just leave, please go."

It was just a normal physiological response, and it would fade soon. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this.

"I can't move; you're rubbing against my hand." Qi Xie nudged him, half-seriously admonishing, "Stay still."

Overwhelmed with embarrassment, Ying Li wondered how he ended up like this. He promptly halted his subtle movements, lamenting, "I'm sorry."

……

This sensation, both familiar yet alien, filled him with panic and vulnerability.

Ying Li felt as though he was sinking into a vast quagmire, the more he struggled, the deeper he sank. On the brink of demise, with no one to rescue him, a hand emerged from the mud, pulling him further down.

His head felt hazy, and as he slowly opened his blurry eyes, he gazed intently at the person in front of him. A vague emotion welled up within, and he suspected that it was the alcohol that kept him from resisting, finding no other excuse.

After a while, Qi Xie said to him, "Your sleeve is wet."

Ying Li took a look, turning his head away in embarrassment: "It's water."

"Hmm." Qi Xie nodded, his expression very serious.

Author's Note:

Qi Fei has never mistreated animals.

Dear reviewer, please be lenient.