Chapter 53

Chapter 53

After speaking, Lin Shuyun released her hand from Lu Yu's mouth. All her strength seemed to drain away in an instant, leaving her weak and exhausted, so she leaned against his chest.

She slowly closed her eyes, no longer having the energy to gauge Lu Yu's expression, whether he agreed or refused.

She stood at a crossroads, and maintaining the status quo seemed the best decision.

Yet, Lin Shuyun's heart was tormented—after all, this was a child she carried and birthed.

Ever since her brother found her and brought her home from the cliff, she had been grateful for heaven's compassion, which spared her and her child from death. Whenever she went to the temple to pray, she often saw women desperately seeking children.

She thought her children were like little angels sent from heaven, always appearing when she felt helpless.

Zhang'er's birth came at the peak of her relationship with Lu Yu, yet also when she had lost all her family. She had pinned all her hopes and dreams on his arrival—finally, there would be someone in this world connected to her by blood.

When she found out she was pregnant with Ying Ying, her body was still covered in fractures and scars. Even though her beloved family had found her, she couldn’t shake the gloom. It was only the toddling Zhang'er and the new life growing within her that kept her going through countless sleepless nights.

She thought, perhaps the children in heaven had specially chosen her to be their mother. How could she bear to abandon this child now?

At this moment, Lu Yu held her tightly in his arms and began walking slowly back toward the city, speaking softly.

"No matter what Wanwan wants, or doesn’t want, your wishes come first."

Lu Yu’s expression was calm, his attitude clear.

Whatever she decided, he would support her.

Even though it was the answer she had wanted, Lin Shuyun’s calm heart suddenly surged with a storm of emotions. Gripping Lu Yu’s lapel, she wanted to speak but didn’t know what to say.

"Uncle!"

"Waaah… I don’t want to ride in the carriage anymore, I want to eat."

Hearing the voices of the two children running toward them, they fell silent.

Ying Ying pouted, her eyes welling up with tears as she complained softly, "Ying Ying is tired, I want to eat."

Lu Yu replied, "The summer days are so sweltering. Knowing you were coming, I had the cook prepare some chilled chicken noodles and tangy soup noodles."

"Can I have a bowl of each?" Ying Ying gestured with her small hands.

Lu Yu smiled and said, "Of course. If there’s anything else you’d like, just let the cook know."

"Uncle, Mom said we came here to keep you company. Can I skip calligraphy practice? I’ll be busy spending time with you every day."

Ying Ying twirled the edge of her clothes, looking up at Lu Yu with a clever, mischievous glint in her eyes.

Before Lu Yu could respond, Zhang'er interjected, "No, you can’t skip learning your characters."

Tears immediately welled up in Ying Ying’s eyes as she whimpered, "Brother is being mean."

Listening to Lu Yu’s calm and cheerful conversation with the children and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, Lin Shuyun felt an unexpected anger rise within her once more.

Now, she finally understood what those overwhelming waves in her heart had been about.

She had been worrying about the baby day and night, unable to eat or sleep, tossing and turning.

How could he simply say, "It’s up to you," as if it were nothing?

Was this child something she could create on her own?

Lin Shuyun felt smothered and wretched. Her rationality could no longer control her body, and she instinctively raised her hand, landing a hard blow on Lu Yu’s chest.

Caught off guard, Lu Yu let out a muffled grunt, his eyes flashing with confusion.

He could only tighten his arms, holding Lin Shuyun even closer.

By the time they reached the general’s residence, Lin Shuyun managed to eat a little of the tangy soup noodles. After watching the maids take the two children away, her body finally gave way.

Without caring that Lu Yu was still sitting in the room, she was overwhelmed by exhaustion and fell into a deep sleep.

When she woke again, dusk had fallen, and candles had been lit in the room.

She propped herself up, and a soft, gentle voice spoke slowly, "This afternoon, I had the cook prepare some pumpkin porridge and flatbread. Would you like some?"

Lin Shuyun turned toward the voice and saw Lu Yu sitting upright on a round stool beside her bed, handing her a cup of warm water.

She took the jade cup, but the moment the warm water passed down her throat, an uncontrollable wave of nausea surged up again.

She thrust the cup back into Lu Yu’s hands and leaned over the edge of the bed, dry heaving.

Tears welled up in her eyes, making them red, and she couldn’t stop them from falling.

Lu Yu quickly supported her, set down a prepared copper basin, and worriedly patted her back, saying, "How about letting the military physician examine you tomorrow?"

Was he urging her to terminate the pregnancy?

Lin Shuyun’s eyes instantly filled with tears. She pushed herself up and stared at Lu Yu in disbelief, her anger flaring up again as she pummeled his arm.

"Are you already pushing me to end this pregnancy? Lu Yu, how can you not care about me? You say you’ll do whatever I want—what if I burned down your marquis estate? Would you let me do that too?"

Lu Yu gripped her hand tightly. "Wanwan, please calm down. I just thought having him check your health would be good—vomiting like this can’t be good for you."

Lin Shuyun’s tears fell uncontrollably. "I am calm now. I’ve never been calmer."

"You say nothing, just a simple 'it’s up to you,' but I’ve been thinking about this for two days and two nights straight."

All the grievances she had bottled up erupted like a volcano. Emotions she had suppressed for so long finally collapsed at this moment.

"When I gave birth to Zhang'er, I was driven out of the house before even finishing the postpartum month. I didn’t have enough milk, and the child cried out of hunger. I had no idea where you were."

"I couldn’t survive in the northwest, so I carried little Zhang'er all the way from the northwest to the capital to find someone. Then I met you, and you tried to send us away with just fifty taels."

"You not only made me serve you, but also that detestable Li Pingting. You not only demoted me from wife to concubine, but also sent me to a private residence to be your mistress."

Seeing Lu Yu standing silently before her, Lin Shuyun grew angrier with every word she spoke, as if her entire body were burning.

"You… you didn’t truly love my Zhang'er. Right after his first birthday, he was almost poisoned to death. You must have thought… if he died, it would be just in time for me to… bear you a new child."

"I… I didn’t," Lu Yu’s hoarse voice slowly spoke up. The guilt over neglecting his wife and children over the years had been tormenting him endlessly.

Hearing Lin Shuyun bring it up again today felt like countless strings were pulling at his heart, the occasional sharp pains that made his face go pale.

Lu Yu said, "Zhang'er was a child we had long awaited. How could I not love him?"

Lin Shuyun said through tears, "Then grant Zhang'er the status of heir."

"Wanwan, I myself am still the heir—I cannot grant him the title." He leaned forward slightly, his hands barely touching Lin Shuyun’s shoulders before she shook them off. "Don’t touch me."

Lin Shuyun spoke, tears suddenly welling up: "And the water of Mirror Lake was truly cold, so cold it made my bones ache."

These successive accusations intensified the suppressed agony in Lu Yu's dark eyes.

He lowered his gaze, his warm hand suddenly pressing a cold object into Lin Shuyun’s palm.

When Lu Yu slowly lifted his eyes to look at her, his face was pale, his gaze as deep and unfathomable as a bottomless icy pool, filled with profound self-reproach.

In a low, hoarse voice, he said, "I was terribly wrong about what happened back then... After I learned of your death and that of our child, I only wanted to burn down the entire marquis manor."

Lin Shuyun felt her wrist being slowly pulled toward him. She tried to drop the object in her hand, but Lu Yu’s large hand gripped hers tighter and tighter.

"This... is all... what I deserve."

Suddenly, a tearing sound rang out, and the scent of blood and iron rushed into her nostrils.

Lin Shuyun froze in shock. Her pupils contracted sharply, and in the dim candlelight, she saw the gleaming dagger buried in Lu Yu’s abdomen.

Lu Yu has gone mad—he’s completely lost his mind.

Lin Shuyun’s face turned deathly pale. She yanked her hand back, and with a clang, the dagger fell to the floor.

She watched as Lu Yu hunched slightly, his bloodshot eyes fixed on her with desperate care.

Tears flooded her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but the metallic stench made her nauseous all over again.

Lin Shuyun sobbed, "Lu Yu, you're insane... Keep your madness away from me..."

As soon as she finished, she covered her mouth, on the verge of vomiting.

"I’ve never even killed a chicken, and you actually made me stab someone... I will never forgive you..."

Lu Yu lowered his eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry."

Then he reached out to steady her, but she pushed him away.

"Ugh..."

"Stay away from me..."

Lu Yu staggered to his feet, picked up the dagger from the ground, clutched his wound, and slowly stepped back. He stood there silently, waiting for her to speak.

But half an hour later, steady breathing came from within the gauze curtains.

Lu Yu froze, his deep gaze gradually darkening. He quietly walked out and opened the door.

Ming Yue was pacing nervously outside. Hearing the door open, she saw Prince Lu emerge, bleeding. Trembling, she bowed respectfully.

He rasped, "Go take care of the princess."

Ming Yue stumbled into the room, trembling as she lifted the gauze curtain. She took a deep breath and found Lin Shuyun already lying on the bed, fast asleep.

She sighed in relief. Thank goodness there had been no fight.

The next day, the sun was already high.

Lin Shuyun rubbed her eyes and slowly opened them. Seeing the unfamiliar surroundings, her groggy mind hadn’t yet registered where she was.

Ming Yue’s gentle voice drifted in: "The princess is awake. Are you still unwell? Shall I bring you breakfast? The heir has already left for the military camp early this morning."

Only then did Lin Shuyun remember—she had come to Shuobei to find Lu Yu.

She sat on the bed, dazed, replaying the previous day’s events in her mind. Not only was Lu Yu mad, but she seemed to have lost her mind too.

She had always been soft-spoken, never quarreling with anyone, yet yesterday’s inexplicable rage had surged so fiercely.

She had actually cried and raged at Lu Yu for so long—and before she could even finish, she had fallen asleep.

Lin Shuyun sat blankly before the dressing table. After yesterday’s turmoil, she felt as though the tightness in her chest had finally eased.

Suddenly remembering something, she glanced down at her still-flat abdomen.

"Are you... here to collect his debt?"