Chapter 48 I Was Wrong

Chapter 48: I Was Wrong

Rain fell over Wangyue Pass.

Frontier rains are always swift, coming and going in a rush, violent and torrential. When it pours, churning up the ground into muddy slurry, it's nearly impossible to move. But as soon as the rain stops, the water quickly drains away, erasing all traces.

Jiang Yanzhou listened to the clamor of the rain outside his room, but soon enough, the fierce sun was blazing again.

He'd lost a lot of blood and had become chilled easily. The frontier's temperatures swung wildly between day and night. During the day, the windows had to be opened for ventilation, but by night, he needed two braziers to maintain a comfortable warmth.

For the first two days after waking up, the wound on his neck kept Jiang Yanzhou flat on his back. Only by the third day could he sit up, propped up in bed.

The military surgeon had earlier shortened and fixed a wooden splint around Jiang Yanzhou's neck to immobilize it. Although Mu Baicao had changed the dressing, he had kept the splint in place.

Other than the occasional twinge of pain from the wound, Jiang Yanzhou's neck mostly felt stiff and numb.

He wasn't alone; Liu Hexuan was also present.

The Emperor's orders for Liu Hexuan and the other civilian officials were to find out if the Yarong tribe had truly started the trouble and to see how the various Western Regions kingdoms were reacting.

Regarding the Yarong matter, Liu Hexuan knew the truth. His memorial to the Emperor was already prepared; he would add a few final touches before returning to the capital and then submit it.

Personally, he wished to check on the situation of the northwestern populace, but he had temporarily put off going to see for himself. For now, he spent most of his days in Jiang Yanzhou's room.

Jiang Yanzhou had really scared a lot of people this time.

Before this incident, many had been deceived by his frail appearance. After this, more people understood that this young master was truly willing to gamble with his own life.

There were plenty of despicable individuals who toyed with others' lives, but those daring enough to risk their own were the ones people truly feared.

Among the officials Jiang Yanzhou had rescued, Hanlin Academician Zhang had died, but besides Liu Hexuan, two others remained.

The timid Censor from the Censorate, who had wept and sniveled during captivity, was so scared he fell ill upon returning. He trembled at the sound of hoofbeats and still dared not leave the small courtyard.

The other official, after resting for a day, wished to get back to work. The generals stationed at Wangyue Pass treated him with polite courtesy, showing him only what the Crown Prince was willing to let outsiders see.

However, remembering his debt for saving his life, he had already expressed his intention not to speak recklessly.

Liu Hexuan turned a page of his book.

Jiang Yanzhou couldn't speak, making communication somewhat inconvenient. But Liu Hexuan had also noticed that, aside from lacking the energy for conversation, Jiang Yanzhou spent most of his time lost in thought.

He seemed immersed in deep contemplation, or perhaps simply drifting in reverie.

Initially, Liu Hexuan worried that Jiang Yanzhou might grow bored or restless from being unable to speak or move, so he had prepared several books to discuss with him gradually.

He would speak, and Jiang Yanzhou would respond in writing.

But upon realizing Jiang Yanzhou's preoccupied state, Liu Hexuan adjusted. He quietly kept him company, speaking only occasionally to avoid disturbing Jiang Yanzhou's thoughts.

There were only certain moments when Jiang Yanzhou would definitely not be distracted.

For instance, when certain letters arrived.

To assist Jiang Yanzhou, a small bell had been hung by his bedside. A pull would ring it, allowing attendants to hear and come immediately.

When another dispatch was delivered, as expected, Liu Hexuan heard the silver bell's chime.

His eyes flew over the document. He walked to the bedside and met Jiang Yanzhou's expectant gaze. He shook his head. "It's not a military report."

Young Master Jiang's eyes, which had just brightened, instantly dimmed, like delicate, shattered glass.

Who could see that and not feel for him?

Liu Hexuan hurried to console him. "The preparations for this battle are thorough; victory is assured."

Jiang Yanzhou picked up a nearby brush dipped in little ink. Unable to lower his head, he could only raise it before his eyes and write slowly: *But the provisions are not as abundant as anticipated.*

Liu Hexuan understood at a glance that he was still preoccupied with the grain supplies robbed at Wangyue Pass. He sighed. "His Highness achieved two swift and decisive victories, which saved supplies that would've been used up on the march. Combined with the provisions just delivered to Ganquan Pass, after some redistribution, it will be sufficient."

"The Crown Prince is valiant, and there is the battle-hardened Marquis of Zhenxi at the front lines. There will be no trouble there. It is you who must avoid worrying yourself sick, and moreover..." Liu Hexuan looked at the bandage on his neck, his heart still holding a trace of fear. "You must never do such a foolish thing again."

Jiang Yanzhou pressed his lips together.

In the past, no one had cared for him, so he never had to consider whether others would worry for him.

He had formed a habit. So even though he usually knew Xiao Yunlang treated him well, when it came to harming himself, he simply couldn't remember to consider how those around him might feel.

Because in the past, there had been no one beside him.

But Xiao Yunlang wanted him to remember, bone-deep, that he was not alone now.

No longer was he the one who could only watch enviously from a corner while others sat together happily around a table.

No longer was he the one left outside the door on nights of thunderous storms, crying himself hoarse with no one to heed him.

Someone accompanied him shopping and dining, employed his strategies, and even gave him a courtesy name.

It seemed he was truly being cherished, having a place to return to.

Xiao Yunlang had said: *You don't believe I truly care for you.*

Jiang Yanzhou had never considered this.

Precisely because he had never considered it, when Xiao Yunlang pointed it out, he belatedly realized... perhaps it was indeed true.

But what should someone who firmly believes another cares for them be like?

He had seen many peers who dared to act spoiled and playful amidst the smiles of family and friends because they didn't fear being abandoned.

That must be the appearance of complete trust.

Jiang Yanzhou knew he could never become like that.

Xiao Yunlang's distraught state—he couldn't bear to see it a second time.

So this was what people meant when they advised others to think of those around them before taking risks. Because with bonds, there would be someone who would feel their pain multiplied.

Now, Xiao Yunlang would feel pain on his behalf.

If he were to die casually, freeing himself of burdens, Xiao Yunlang would be heartbroken and devastated.

Jiang Yanzhou couldn't help but raise a hand to gently touch the bandage on his neck.

His death was no longer inconsequential dust to others.

Feeling somewhat dejected, he picked up the brush to "speak" to Liu Hexuan in writing.

"I think I pissed him off."

After writing the words "I think," he immediately crossed them out.

No 'think' about it—he definitely is.

Liu Hexuan said seriously, "Because of what happened this time? He was just worried about you. Did you promise him you wouldn't do anything like that again?"

"I didn't get a chance to tell him."

Liu Hexuan smiled. "When he comes back victorious, tell him then. That'll make him happier than any victory celebration."

Okay.

Jiang Yanzhou decided: the moment Xiao Yunlang returned, he'd go tell him.

*

Across the rolling yellow sand, a camp was set up in the desert. Xiao Yunlang had found a spot to sit in the wind, holding a jade pendant in his hand.

The jade was warm from his grip, but his gaze was fixed on the tassel attached to it.

The peace knot swayed gently in the wind, its golden threads and red silk shimmering faintly.

When the Marquis of Zhenxi found him, his eyes went straight to the jade—white with a hint of red, its color warm and lustrous. "That's a fine piece of jade."

Xiao Yunlang replied, "It's not the jade; it's the tassel."

The Marquis raised an eyebrow, understanding immediately. "A gift from your sweetheart."

The Marquis, without ceremony, sat down beside him. "You can't wear fragile accessories in battle, but this tassel looks like it could be worn on its own. Why haven't I seen you wear it?"

Xiao Yunlang gently stroked the pristine tassel. "The battlefield is covered in blood and mud. Who would want to let it get stained?"

The Marquis never expected that at his age, he'd be smacked in the face with the affection of a young man, leaving him feeling oddly jealous.

His own son was about Xiao Yunlang's age, so he didn't tease him further. He said, as if making casual conversation, "Back in the day, my wife and I were just as lovey-dovey. Ah, thinking about it now still makes my teeth ache from the sweetness."

Xiao Yunlang tilted his head slightly. "And now?"

The Marquis stroked his beard and smiled. "Now? A glance, a word, a piece of clothing, a bowl of tea—she's in everything. Our lives are so intertwined, we can't be separated anymore."

Speaking with the wisdom of experience, he said sagely, "Brew the years into wine, and savor the flavor slowly. You're still young, Your Highness. Take your time."

Xiao Yunlang tucked the jade pendant back into his robe and patted his clothes. The Marquis asked, "Is it the Crown Consort?"

Xiao Yunlang didn't hide it. "Yes."

Xiao Yunlang had never imagined he would give his heart away, so he couldn't even see what his own heart truly looked like.

He had never received love, nor did he know how to love. He thought it wouldn't matter even if he ended up alone for the rest of his life.

Until he met Jiang Yanzhou.

His nanny and tutors taught him that everyone in this world wants something from you.

But Jiang Yanzhou was the exception.

This person slowly pieced together softness and warmth in his heart, filling it with warm, living feeling. Just looking at him made Xiao Yunlang feel content.

Simply sitting side by side, they were like two trees leaning against each other, their leaves rustling in the wind like a song.

By his side, Xiao Yunlang grew new branches, becoming whole. From being a mere blade, he found the taste of being human.

He loved this feeling.

The Crown Prince was decisive in battle. Once he made up his mind, he dared to offer his heart.

Whether it was accepted was up to others, but giving it was his own decision.

"The Jiang family actually produced a good sprout," the Marquis sighed. "He dared to venture alone into the enemy camp to rescue the hostages. That's a courage many warriors lack. I am truly impressed."

"But with the Jiang family in its current state, and the Emperor's stance... the Crown Consort must be having a hard time, right?"

Xiao Yunlang sneered at the mention of Emperor Yonghe. "No matter what the Emperor's intentions were in sending him as a military supervisor this time, upon our return, he must be credited for his achievements. Sacrificing oneself for righteousness in the face of the enemy deserves to be recorded and celebrated."

Unlike Jiang Yinhan's flawed act of "sacrificing family for righteousness," once Jiang Yanzhou's noble reputation was established, the Emperor couldn't simply find an excuse to kill him.

Jiang Yanzhou's name would eventually be separated from the Jiang family's, and now was a good opportunity to start.

"After capturing two cities from Yarong, add a few lines in your military report to the court, Marquis," Xiao Yunlang said. "We're also going to attack Fengjia."

The Marquis narrowed his eyes. "Will the Emperor agree?"

"Niangui identified the leader of the grain raid as a Fengjia native. Fengjia must take responsibility for this. When the Emperor sees they dared to target the court's grain, isn't that a slap in the face of Daqi? Proposing to deal with Fengjia now, he'd even dip into his private treasury for military funds to slap back."

Not to mention the national treasury was currently full, so he wouldn't need to spend his own money.

As for the matter of the traitor leaking the route, Xiao Yunlang wouldn't bring it up now.

Hanlin Academician Zhang and the Prince of Jin left no evidence, and the Emperor didn't trust the Crown Prince. Mentioning it would only make the Emperor suspect Xiao Yunlang was trying to frame political opponents and eliminate dissenters, twisting the matter.

Thus, Xiao Yunlang would only say it was a strategic ambush by Fengjia and would further highlight Jiang Yanzhou's contributions.

When the time was right, he would settle the matter of the traitor as well.

The Marquis gave him a thumbs-up: as expected of father and son, Xiao Yunlang truly understood Emperor Yonghe better.

"Alright, I understand. Speaking of which, I read the statements written by the surviving civil officials. The Crown Consort has never been to the borderlands. How did he identify the leader of the mounted bandits as a Fengjia native at a glance?"

These bandits wore random clothes to hide their identities and spoke in the Daqi language. Their leaders' Daqi speech barely carried a Western Regions accent.

Xiao Yunlang said, "He's a little immortal, so of course he can tell."

"Really? Does he practice divination?" The Marquis grew intensely curious. "Have him tell my fortune too!"

"He doesn't practice divination," Xiao Yunlang stood up. "Let's go, Marquis. It's time to break camp."

After the order was given, the entire army quickly packed up and stood ready.

The marching horn sounded once more, banners fluttered, and war drums thundered.

In the eleventh year of Yonghe, the Western Regions' Yarong invaded the border. Crown Prince Xiao Yunlang and the Marquis of Zhenxi led their troops in a counterattack, capturing two Yarong cities in just a few days, unstoppable in their momentum.

The news of victory spread back to the capital, celebrated throughout the court and the country.

By the time the military report reached Wangyue Pass, Xiao Yunlang was already on his way back. Jiang Yanzhou held the report, reading it over and over again.

Feng Lan returned from Ganquan Pass and had arranged a wheelchair for Jiang Yanzhou. He still couldn't walk, fearing it might strain the wound on his neck, but with the wheelchair, he could occasionally get some fresh air in the courtyard.

Seeing the young master, who had finally regained some health, looking sickly again after such a major incident during his absence, Feng Lan felt heartbroken.

Jiang Yanzhou kept track of the time, waiting for Xiao Yunlang's return.

However, in ancient times, there were no particularly precise timekeeping devices, so the army's arrival time was only approximate. Moreover, Jiang Yanzhou was currently too depleted in vitality and prone to drowsiness during the day after taking his medicine.

On the seventh day, he started waiting early, but despite his efforts, he still succumbed to sleep.

When Jiang Yanzhou opened his eyes again, it was already dusk.

Alarmed, he quickly tugged the small bell by the bedside.

Feng Lan came over and, knowing exactly what Jiang Yanzhou was most concerned about, immediately said, "His Highness returned an hour ago. He came to see you first, but was called away again and has only just departed."

Feng Lan helped him sit up and Jiang Yanzhou wrote: *Where did he go?*

Feng Lan: "He might be at the camp by the city wall right now."

Having missed the army's entry into the city, Jiang Yanzhou didn't want to keep waiting idly. He wrote again: *Let's go to him.*

So Feng Lan got Jiang Yanzhou ready, brought along the wheelchair, and pushed him out.

They asked and found out that Xiao Yunlang had gone up to the city wall.

Feng Lan was about to send someone up to inform His Highness, but Jiang Yanzhou gently tugged at him.

Jiang Yanzhou took out the writing implements from the box by the wheelchair and wrote: *Let's go up.*

Feng Lan was taken aback: "But your injury..."

Jiang Yanzhou tapped his neck, indicating the splint: *Just like when you helped me up. The physician said it's fine as long as we're careful.*

This wasn't something he made up. Over the past few days, while changing dressings and taking medicine, he had been extremely cautious, and the wound was healing well.

Last time he woke up, Xiao Yunlang had been keeping vigil by his side. Before he could even answer the question, Xiao Yunlang had to rush off to the battlefield.

So this time, Jiang Yanzhou thought, he should be the one to go to see Xiao Yunlang.

Thus, Feng Lan carried Jiang Yanzhou on his back, with another attendant supporting Jiang Yanzhou's head from the side, and they made their way up the city wall.

Xiao Yunlang had just finished discussing official matters with the generals. He was thinking that once he was done wrapping things up, he should go back to check if Jiang Yanzhou had woken up. But when he turned around, his gaze fell unexpectedly on the sight of a water-colored robe hem.

Xiao Yunlang: "..."

The nearby officers were momentarily stunned, then exchanged glances and wisely fell silent.

Xiao Yunlang hesitated briefly before walking over.

He took Jiang Yanzhou from Feng Lan's back, carefully cradled him in his arms, and sat down, supporting Jiang Yanzhou's head with one hand.

Sitting in his embrace, Jiang Yanzhou instinctively tensed up, then made an effort to relax.

The two sat atop the city wall, while everyone else temporarily withdrew, giving their masters some space.

Surprised by his actions, Xiao Yunlang wasn't sure what face to make: "Why didn't you wait for me to come back?"

Jiang Yanzhou didn't have any paper or ink on him, so Xiao Yunlang opened his palm, letting him trace characters on it.

Soft fingertips met a warm palm as Jiang Yanzhou traced each stroke.

*I wanted to tell you something as soon as possible.*

Xiao Yunlang's gaze shifted: "What is it?"

*I was wrong.*

Little Young Master Jiang admitted sincerely.

Feeling the slight tickle on his palm, Xiao Yunlang couldn't help but let the corners of his mouth lift a little, though he restrained himself and asked, "And the answer I wanted?"

Jiang Yanzhou wrote again.

*I'm willing to learn.*

*To be kinder to myself.*

*If I do something wrong again.*

*You teach me.*

*Alright?*

Jiang Yanzhou couldn't lower his head, so while writing, he kept his gaze fixed on Xiao Yunlang. The written words and the unspoken ones were all reflected in his eyes, like freshly melted snow.

He still didn't know how to accept someone's kindness without burden, nor did he understand how someone who is cared for should reassure those who worry about him.

But... he could learn, and he wanted to try learning.

Because someone had repeatedly expressed their care for him, Jiang Yanzhou didn't want to disappoint this person.

Xiao Yunlang hoped for his existence, and from then on, the very act of living held meaning for Jiang Yanzhou.

So, someone truly wanted him to stay in this world.

Then Jiang Yanzhou was willing to try living again, for his sake.

And then, little by little, he would try to understand what it truly means to cherish oneself.

Xiao Yunlang suddenly grasped Jiang Yanzhou's fingers resting on his palm, as if afraid he might take it back, and quickly said, "It's settled, Jiang Niangui. You can't go back on your word."

Jiang Yanzhou blinked gently, his eyes filled with a bittersweet smile, the corners slightly reddening.

Xiao Yunlang finally let out a muffled laugh, no longer suppressing the curve of his lips. He wanted to lean his forehead against Jiang Yanzhou's but was afraid of disturbing the neck wound.

So he hooked Jiang Yanzhou's fingertip, making a pinky promise and locking their fingers together.

"A promise is a promise."

Jiang Yanzhou's eyelashes fluttered, his lips moving silently in agreement—

"A promise is a promise."