Chapter 51 Don’t Want to Lose

Chapter 51: Unwilling to Be Defeated

It was May in the capital, with mild, sunny weather—truly a fine season.

Emperor Yonghe's birthday was just around the corner, yet his *fine* son and daughter-in-law seemed completely unafraid of any delays on the road that might cause them to miss his grand celebration.

The returning retinue from the frontier entered the capital, and all ranked officials were summoned directly to the palace without even time to return home and change their clothes.

Jiang Yanzhou's neck wound now required his bandage to be changed every three days. Mu Baicao's special ointment guaranteed no scar would remain, and he could now speak, if only barely.

However, because his voice came out particularly hoarse—painful for him to utter and grating to hear—Jiang Yanzhou remained silent.

Emperor Yonghe inquired in detail about the events on the frontier.

He paid particular attention to the accounts of Liu Hexuan and the censor.

But the censor, having been terrified out of his wits by the mounted bandits, hadn't properly carried out his duties. It was only on the journey back, after glancing at the memorial Liu Hexuan kindly shared with him, that he managed to piece together his own report.

Thus, the three surviving civil officials were unanimous in their statements: the frontier had indeed been perilous at the time; it was Yarong who attacked first and the Crown Prince only retaliated.

It was absolutely not a case of the Crown Prince deliberately provoking conflict for military merit.

Emperor Yonghe believed about seventy to eighty percent of this, mainly because they had won the battle, and certain minor matters could be set aside.

Upon hearing that the frontier people, long plagued by mounted bandits, were holding city-wide celebrations and even wanted to create a local festival, students in the capital wrote many stirring articles over several days.

The Chief Eunuch, Shuang Quan, knew exactly how to please his master. He selected a few of the articles that praised Emperor Yonghe, which greatly pleased the Emperor.

Emperor Yonghe aspired to be a ruler who revived the dynasty's fortunes. The older he grew, the more anxious he became. Now, seeing hope on the horizon, his frequent headaches had lessened, and he could sleep better at night.

However, in the end, he dismissed the others and kept only Jiang Yanzhou back.

Having traveled most of the day to reach the capital and entering the palace without any rest, Jiang Yanzhou looked weary. Coupled with the snow-white bandage on his neck and his frail frame, others still saw him as sickly.

Emperor Yonghe re-examined the Crown Princess Consort, still unable to discern the daring to enter an enemy camp from his weak physique.

But the three officials had earlier stated that if not for the Crown Princess Consort, they feared they would never have laid eyes on the Emperor again. Especially the censor, who nearly wept again when mentioning his capture—his emotions were genuine and his manner sincere.

Emperor Yonghe narrowed his eyes slightly, seeming both moved and gratified. "I never knew before that you possessed such integrity."

Jiang Yanzhou raised his sleeve and silently bowed to the Emperor.

Emperor Yonghe already knew he couldn't speak well. A young eunuch stood beside Jiang Yanzhou, ready with brush and ink. Whatever he needed to answer, he would write down, and the eunuch would immediately present it to the Emperor.

Fortunately, Jiang Yanzhou's handwriting was now quite neat. In ancient times, the imperial examinations judged not only the content of essays but also the calligraphy. Little Young Master Jiang's handwriting wasn't up to examination standards, but it was barely presentable.

Jiang Yanzhou wrote: *Your Majesty praises me too highly; I am unworthy and dare not accept.*

Emperor Yonghe: "You are different from your father and brother. For such a great merit, simply rewarding you with gold and silver may not be enough?"

This was a test.

The Emperor had previously allowed Jiang Yanzhou access to the Ministry of War, seemingly hinting he was open to exceptionally granting an official position to the Crown Princess Consort.

But that was all a facade.

He wanted to see if Jiang Yanzhou truly had any intention of interfering in state affairs, and to what extent.

Emperor Yonghe stroked the paperweight, thinking coldly: *If Jiang Yanzhou makes excessive demands...*

Jiang Yanzhou: *My father and brother are both convicted criminals. That Your Majesty is willing to employ me is already imperial favor. To bestow gold and silver upon me as well fills me with even greater gratitude, beyond measure. What I did at the frontier was merely following the sacred decree.*

Jiang Yanzhou finished writing this passage first. The eunuch handed it to Emperor Yonghe, who thought to himself that these were fine platitudes, but he was sure there was more to come.

Jiang Yanzhou wrote on a new sheet of paper: *I also have one more thing to offer Your Majesty ahead of time.*

He took a memorial from his sleeve and placed it on the tray. The eunuch then carried both the paper and the memorial to Emperor Yonghe.

Emperor Yonghe initially maintained his imperial demeanor, ready to see what trick Jiang Yanzhou was playing.

But as he read, Emperor Yonghe—his back often aching from years spent hunched over desks—sat up straighter and straighter. His aged eyes widened more and more. When he finally put down the memorial, he looked at Jiang Yanzhou in disbelief, speechless for a long time.

He said nothing, and Jiang Yanzhou, being half-mute, couldn't speak either. For a moment, the room fell into an eerie silence.

Shuang Quan bowed, but his gaze secretly stole a glance at the Emperor's face, marveling inwardly: *What on earth has the Crown Princess Consort presented that could shock His Majesty so?*

Of course Emperor Yonghe was shocked and suspicious, because what Jiang Yanzhou wrote in the memorial was none other than this: while at the frontier, he had also secretly investigated the black market and actually discovered that the Ningzhou Jiang Clan was privately selling grain there.

For nobles, aristocratic families, and the wealthy, the authorities might turn a blind eye if they secretly engaged in a bit of trade. But the problem was the quantity. The amount of grain far exceeded what Ningzhou had reported in land taxes.

This was essentially handing the Emperor a direct pretext to investigate Ningzhou's farmlands!

For Emperor Yonghe, no birthday gift could be weightier than this.

Concerning the lifeblood of an entire clan, the very foundation of an aristocratic family's survival—Jiang Yanzhou had presented it with ease.

This wasn't like Jiang Yinhan switching sides only after his father was imprisoned, acting as a hindsight critic. This was genuine impartiality and strictness.

Even Emperor Yonghe was momentarily stunned, unsure what to say. He withheld the memorial, couldn't help but stand up, and wanted to pace with his hands behind his back, but forcibly restrained himself.

"You..." Emperor Yonghe's gaze at him was no longer that of looking at an ordinary person, but as if he had discovered some rare treasure in the world. "Do you know that once this matter is investigated, the Jiang Clan will have no chance of recovery?"

Jiang Yanzhou: *When I first learned of this, I was also deeply pained. But as a subject of the state, I must be worthy of the sovereign's grace above and not betray the people's trust below. I cannot bear to watch my own clan persist in error. All I have done is for a clear conscience.*

Emperor Yonghe was once again stunned into speechlessness by the four characters "for a clear conscience," written with a slight tremor.

After a long while, he finally looked at Jiang Yanzhou with a complex expression.

"You possess the heart of a true statesman. Good. In the future..."

If he truly dedicated himself solely to the state and the people, then even if the Eastern Palace were abolished and Xiao Yunlang killed, perhaps his life could be spared.

Jiang Yanzhou had rendered meritorious service, and the Jiang Clan was in his hands. Emperor Yonghe would only suspect Jiang Yanzhou of wanting to ally with Xiao Yunlang and be wary of the two of them.

But by proactively offering up the Jiang Clan, Emperor Yonghe could feel at ease about him.

Upon careful consideration, it was all Jiang Linque's fault for being inhumane. Seeing his son as having a short-lived appearance, he insisted on marrying him off to Xiao Yunlang to slight the imperial family. Jiang Yanzhou, marrying a man with the status of an aristocratic young master, even if he dared not complain, must surely have been deeply hurt.

What a pity.

Emperor Yonghe bestowed some more medicinal herbs. He did not grant him an official position but specifically mentioned that Jiang Yanzhou could still visit the Ministry of War before allowing him to leave.

Jiang Yanzhou bowed and took his leave. Emperor Yonghe was thoroughly satisfied at the moment, thinking to himself that Jiang Yanzhou certainly knew how to conduct himself better than his father and brother, though his education was probably quite average.

After all, his handwriting was very ordinary.

It seemed he acted based on conscience, not on schemes. The fact that he wasn't scheming made him even more reassuring.

Seeing how frail he looked, as if a gust of wind could knock him over, Emperor Yonghe actually ordered Shuang Quan to personally escort him out.

Shuang Quan quickly stepped forward to steady Jiang Yanzhou. "Your Highness, this way. I've already sent someone to prepare the sedan chair."

Jiang Yanzhou wasn't ill; he looked listless because he was genuinely sleepy.

He had gotten enough sleep last night, but perhaps because he knew he was returning to Yan Gui Xuan, he started feeling drowsy as soon as they entered the city gates.

By the time they reached the palace gates, the Crown Prince's carriage was still there, which meant Xiao Yunlang hadn't left.

When Jiang Yanzhou was helped out of the sedan chair, he could barely keep his eyes open, his legs feeling weak.

After Feng Lan and Feng Yi helped the Crown Princess onto the carriage, Feng Yi smiled and gave a light pat to Shuang Quan's hand, discreetly slipping something into his palm where the palace gate guards couldn't see.

Shuang Quan's eyes darted slightly, calmly tucking a small, surprisingly heavy money pouch into his sleeve—so small yet so heavy, it was likely gold.

While they spoke here, the soldiers nearby might not hear clearly, but Feng Yi remained cautious. He said with a smile, "It's been a while, Eunuch. I went to the border and it's almost strange to be back. The Emperor's birthday celebration is approaching. I hope all the esteemed nobles in the palace are well and if there are any new sensitivities? I will be constantly by His Highness's side and fear offending any noble, bringing trouble upon His Highness."

Feng Yi, the Crown Prince's bodyguard, would be stationed with the guards during the banquet, far from the Emperor's presence, with little chance of offending any nobles.

But this was an implicit understanding between them. Shuang Quan's narrow eyes crinkled into a smile. "All is well in the palace. His Majesty has been in good spirits lately; his headaches have lessened. As for the Empress... well, she is still recuperating through Buddhist rituals. I haven't seen her for a long time either. However, regarding Imperial Concubine Wei..."

Shuang Quan's tone turned meaningful. "With the Empress ill, the Imperial Concubine manages the six palaces, yet her conduct has become even more gentle and circumspect than before. Even servants who were punished in the past now speak well of her."

It seemed Imperial Concubine Wei, seeing Emperor Yonghe had kept Empress Jiang, not only kept her distance but also acted with greater caution, fearing the Emperor might be laying another trap for her.

"Sir, there are no new sensitivities among the nobles. You needn't worry."

Feng Yi: "Thank you, Eunuch."

Shuang Quan smiled as he watched the Crown Prince's carriage depart. He turned and walked back with his junior eunuchs, letting out a soft sigh.

The two junior eunuchs were his trusted god-sons. They hurriedly asked, "Why the sigh, Godfather?"

"I'm sighing over how difficult our lot is."

Emperor Yonghe believed himself strong and healthy enough to see his youngest son grow up, but Shuang Quan, who attended him, had no such confidence.

The prescriptions from the Young Miracle Doctor had been changed several times. Emperor Yonghe's headaches were incurable. It would be better if he could cultivate a calm mind, but he simply couldn't.

The affairs of court taxed his spirit, and whenever his emotions fluctuated greatly, he would suffer headaches and shortness of breath.

Having served the Emperor for many years, Shuang Quan harbored no ill intentions, but he still had to secure a path for himself and his people.

Who would win was still anyone's guess. As for these princes, he would simply avoid offending any of them.

The palace gates were profound, and the human heart, inscrutable.

Inside the carriage, now far from the palace gates, Xiao Yunlang sat beside Jiang Yanzhou. "Did the old man give you any trouble?"

Jiang Yanzhou shook his head. He used his finger to write, recounting everything that had happened for Xiao Yunlang.

Everything was proceeding smoothly according to their plan.

From the moment Jiang Yanzhou tricked the Jiang family into selling grain to the border, it was a series of interlocking traps. Not only did they use Ningzhou's grain to solve the army's urgent needs, but they also obtained leverage that could directly shake the Ningzhou Jiang clan.

The Emperor devising his own methods and Jiang Yanzhou proactively delivering the leverage were entirely different concepts.

Now, in Emperor Yonghe's eyes, Jiang Yanzhou was completely cleared of any association with the Jiang family.

Jiang Yanzhou's eyelids grew heavy as he wrote stroke by stroke on Xiao Yunlang's palm.

When communicating with Jiang Yanzhou, Xiao Yunlang preferred him to write on his palm. Even if ink and brush were available, they would be set aside.

Their palms and fingertips warmed each other, each softer than the other.

After writing the final stroke, Jiang Yanzhou let out a small yawn.

Xiao Yunlang: "Sleepy?"

Jiang Yanzhou softly hummed in affirmation and nodded.

The Crown Prince very naturally pulled him closer. "Then sleep. There's nothing else to attend to today."

Jiang Yanzhou closed his eyes as he leaned against Xiao Yunlang. Recently, he had gradually grown accustomed to various forms of contact from Xiao Yunlang. He no longer immediately tensed up when hugged or held.

Of course, this was still limited to when they were alone.

The Crown Prince's carriage returned to the residence. The bodyguards opened the carriage door, lifted the curtain, and upon seeing the scene inside, tactfully turned away, only lifting the curtain at the carriage entrance.

Xiao Yunlang stepped down, carrying the sleeping Jiang Yanzhou.

Even while carrying someone, his steps were soundless upon landing, a testament to his martial skill.

Xiao Yunlang lowered his voice. "Have the kitchen prepare a soup and prepare the ingredients for other dishes. Have the dishes served after Young Master Jiang wakes up. Also, his injuries aren't fully healed. Remember to give the dietary restrictions list to the cooks and make sure they memorize it."

Feng Lan accepted the order and left.

Xiao Yunlang carried Jiang Yanzhou straight into Yan Gui Xuan. The hem of the young master's robes flowed like water, swaying like delicate flowers in the breeze—a fleeting moment of beauty.

The Crown Prince, not entrusting the task to anyone else, placed Jiang Yanzhou on the bed and covered him with the quilt.

Perhaps because he touched the familiar bedding, the young master instinctively burrowed deeper into the covers.

Xiao Yunlang's heart melted at the sight, feeling there was no one in the world more pitiful and adorable.

He brushed aside the strands of hair on Jiang Yanzhou's forehead and couldn't resist leaning down to kiss his brow.

But just as he drew near, a deliberate, not-too-light, not-too-heavy knocking sounded on the window.

Xiao Yunlang's movements halted abruptly.

When he rose and went outside, his expression betrayed no emotion. Sui Yedao stood in the courtyard, gauging his expression and smiled. "I hope I haven't disturbed the two of you?"

Xiao Yunlang said expressionlessly, "...State your business."

Sui Yedao promptly and tactfully fell silent, producing a letter.

He had come to the Crown Prince's residence discreetly. The bodyguards, recognizing him, allowed him entry but remained stationed in the courtyard, dutifully keeping an eye on him.

The letter in Sui Yedao's hand contained a list of the Wei faction that had emerged after Xiao Yunlang left the capital.

Besides names, it detailed their connections with the Wei family—some deep, some shallow.

Investigating this wasn't easy; it required considerable effort. The Imperial Guards were finally returning to their original duties.

Xiao Yunlang first skimmed the list rapidly, then leisurely put it away. "Well done."

"The son of the Vice Minister of War, Pei Jingchen, will later join the Imperial Guards. I'm informing you."

An ally, Sui Yedao understood. "The Prince of Jin wants the Imperial Guards, but although His Majesty distrusts them, he has no intention of handing them over to anyone else."

The Commander of the Imperial Guard was deeply involved with Jiang Linque. By all rights, he should have been removed from his position in the previous case, but Emperor Yonghe not only spared his life but also allowed him to retain his post. This was clearly meant to make him feel grateful and obligated to serve.

Of course, it might also be because there was no suitable replacement available, so it was better to keep a handle on someone who had lost their patron first and then slowly select another.

"How is the palace patrol arranged for the emperor's birthday banquet?"

"The Brocade Guard and the Imperial Guard will jointly handle security," Sui Yedao replied promptly. "I'll obtain a copy of the shift schedule for Your Highness. But if I may speak out of turn, both sides are currently trying to outdo each other. With this coordinated defense, it will be difficult for outsiders to do anything within the palace."

"I have no plans to do anything inside the palace," Xiao Yunlang sneered. "The Prince of Jin found the borderlands too distant and difficult to control, so he wants me back. He's more anxious than I am."

Sui Yedao saw the point.

He had come over the wall, and he left the same way, disappearing without a trace.

When Jiang Yanzhou was woken up for dinner, he was still listless. If he didn't have to eat before his medicine, he might have slept straight through until the next day.

Seeing how tired he was, Xiao Yunlang didn't speak much at the dinner table. After Jiang Yanzhou took his medicine, he let him go back to sleep while he headed to the study to confer with his advisors.

Late into the night, perhaps because he had slept too much during the day, Jiang Yanzhou drifted into a light sleep and began to have strange dreams.

At one moment, he was still a modern-day student; the next, he was back in Daqi.

Then, he found himself wearing ancient attire but standing in a modern house.

Jiang Yanzhou looked at the room's layout and recognized it as his fifth foster home.

He remembered this place for its round table, a potted plant that had long withered but was never thrown away, and the poor lighting. Standing there always made him feel cold and suffocated.

Jiang Yanzhou held his breath lightly.

He heard the sound of repeated strikes.

A wooden stick cut through the air, heavily hitting something.

Jiang Yanzhou stepped around the clutter on the floor and followed his memory from the dining room to the living room. Logically, it should have been just a few steps, but for some reason, it felt like he walked for a very, very long time.

The light and shadows stretched, and in the worn-out passage of time, he saw what the wooden stick was striking—

The palm of a child.

A child named Jiang Yanzhou.

Jiang Yanzhou immediately flinched in pain alongside the child.

He couldn't see the child's face, nor could he see the person hitting him, but the words were sharp, clear, and seared into his memory.

"Just looking at you annoys me! We're already raising you out of kindness, what more do you want? Huh, causing us trouble all day long!"

At times, Jiang Yanzhou watched the child from the side; at other times, he became the child himself, his palms aching.

He retorted amidst the scolding.

...But I didn't ask for anything. I never made any demands.

But if my mere existence is enough to make you despise me...

"A little bastard like you, who only gets in the way, why didn't you just die back then!"

"Thwack!"

The heavy strike of the wooden stick made Jiang Yanzhou shudder violently.

Gasping, trembling, he thought, yes, why didn't I just die back then? Why was I brought into this world?

He had never received care, only observing from the sidelines what love looked like for others. He was cautious and meticulous, yet he always felt out of place wherever he went.

But, but he was already here.

As a child, he held onto grievances, but deep down, a stubbornness and unwillingness had also taken root.

That unwillingness was later almost worn away, to the point where he himself had nearly forgotten it.

Since he was here, why couldn't he live well? They said he didn't deserve it, so as he grew up, he gradually began to believe he didn't deserve it either.

In his dream, Jiang Yanzhou re-examined himself, as if finally understanding why he had turned out this way.

Living was painful, truly painful for a very long time. But if he died just like that, these people might sneer mockingly or, more likely, react indifferently, as if discarding a piece of trash—just a casual "oh," and then go about their business as usual.

They inflicted wounds upon him one after another, yet he meant nothing to them. Death would only hurt himself and serve no other purpose.

Besides, if he died, he wouldn't be able to see the occasional wildflowers blooming by the roadside, wouldn't be able to read his favorite history books, wouldn't have the chance to wander through the brilliance of civilization, wouldn't see the paintings Emperor Wu had created, and wouldn't...

Meet Xiao Yunlang.

Yes, he had met Xiao Yunlang.

Jiang Yanzhou suddenly raised his hand, his slender fingers overlapping with the small joints of his childhood self. Before the wooden stick could strike again, he snatched it away and threw it aside.

Though he couldn't see the face of the person before him, he knew they were shocked.

The towering shadow from his memory, standing before the present him, wasn't as tall or intimidating as he had imagined.

With reddened eyes, Jiang Yanzhou no longer needed to look up at him. He whispered softly, "I did nothing wrong."

"I never wanted to be a burden to anyone. I didn't choose to come into this world, but I'm here now, and I've tried my best. I..." In the dream, Jiang Yanzhou choked up briefly before slowly steadying his voice. "I did nothing wrong."

He had lived so cautiously because the environment around him had only left him bruised and battered.

But now it was different.

Someone cared about him, someone never saw him as a burden, and was even waiting for him to ask for something.

If he raised his hand, that person's eyes would light up with a smile.

The scolding and accusations from his memories gradually faded away in that person's warm embrace.

These wounds—Jiang Yanzhou rubbed his palms hard—these wounds, he didn't want them anymore.

He now had a place to return to.

Jiang Yanzhou turned around, wanting to escape from here, but the small house became a maze of twists and turns. Finally finding a door, he pulled it open and ran forward, only to step into empty air—

Jiang Yanzhou's heart lurched violently as he jolted awake from the dream.

Breathing shallowly, the sudden glare of light made him instinctively raise a hand to shield his eyes, having just escaped from the darkness of the dream.

When he slowly lowered his hand and opened his eyes, he realized it was already broad daylight.

Listening to the uneasy pounding of his heart in his ears, Jiang Yanzhou stared blankly at the canopy above the bed.

Some things were like bone-deep parasites, branded into his very marrow, and would surge up to gnaw at him.

Was it because he tried to change that they had emerged again?

But he had already made up his mind... Jiang Yanzhou clenched the blanket tightly, drawing in a sore, sharp breath as his hoarse throat choked back a wounded sound.

His eyes grew red at the corners.

—He didn’t want to lose.

Jiang Yanzhou refused to lose to the marks left by those who had never treated him kindly.

Xiao Yunlang, Liu Hexuan, the Young Miracle Doctor, and many others in the Crown Prince’s residence had opened windows for him and extended their hands.

Sincere goodwill should be the least frightening thing—he wasn’t afraid of malice, yet kindness made him flinch, only to needlessly distress those who cared for him.

If he didn’t want to disappoint or hurt them... he had to learn to wrench himself free from his cage and walk toward them himself.