Chapter 3 Nightmare

Chapter 3: Nightmare

Lu Jiming's adopted daughter, Ning Jia, was a child he had accidentally found in a mass grave outside the capital the year he came to the capital.

At the time, she was on the brink of death. Lu Jiming saved her, took pity on her, and adopted her as his daughter, raising her by his side. Ning Jia had a complicated background. Though young, she possessed martial skills and had served by Lu Jiming's side for many years, acting both as his adopted daughter and a capable aide.

Back then, to obtain clues about Princess Nanping, Lu Jiming had sent her to gather intelligence by the side of the notoriously libertine heir to Prince Rui. Seeing Ning Jia again now, Lu Jiming felt he owed her a great debt.

However, the Ning Jia before him still looked like a teenager, which felt somewhat unfamiliar to Lu Jiming. Upon seeing him, Ning Jia bowed in greeting, appearing both naive and inexperienced.

Lu Jiming blinked several times, still trapped in a dreamlike haze, feeling everything before him was utterly unreal.

"Father, the shop clerk just delivered the birthday gift for His Highness the Crown Prince. Would you like to take a look?" Ning Jia, unaware of Lu Jiming's unusual state, spoke to him of her own accord.

"What?" Lu Jiming was utterly bewildered, barely able to comprehend Ning Jia's words, and could only blurt out the question to her.

Noticing Lu Jiming was not himself, Ning Jia explained, "Has Father forgotten? Tomorrow is the Crown Prince's birthday. You ordered a gift from the jade shop, and the clerk just delivered it. The person hasn't left yet."

Lu Jiming pressed his temples and followed Ning Jia's lead, saying, "Bring it for me to see. If the gift delivered today for tomorrow's presentation isn't to my liking, there's little to be done about it now."

He couldn't recall anything about a Crown Prince or a birthday; everything was a blur. He was merely answering Ning Jia out of instinct.

Ning Jia had the servant following her bring over a box. Lu Jiming glanced at it—it was a jade pendant carved with a Chinese trumpet creeper flower.

Sealed memories suddenly revived. Lu Jiming remembered that many years ago, for Wei Yan's birthday one year, he had indeed gifted him a jade pendant carved with a trumpet creeper.

Wei Yan's birthday was in midsummer, the season when trumpet creepers bloom. However... such a pendant was suitable for a lover or a close friend, but presenting it to the Crown Prince truly crossed a line.

"Forget it, put this away for now. There's a box in my study containing a unique set of maps drawn by a famous artist from the previous dynasty. Have someone wrap it up and prepare it."

Ning Jia acknowledged the order and turned to leave when Lu Jiming suddenly spoke again, "Jia'er, what year is it now?"

Ning Jia dismissed the servant first, then turned back to Lu Jiming with a smile, "Father, are you still drowsy from your nap? Why ask that?"

Lu Jiming fell silent. He still hadn't figured out his current situation, so it wasn't wise to say anything rash to Ning Jia.

Seeing Lu Jiming silent, Ning Jia didn't press further and simply answered, "It is currently Zhaohe 7."

Zhaohe 7... the year before the late emperor passed away, while his own entanglement with Wei Yan occurred in Zhaohe 8.

Lu Jiming gazed at Ning Jia, softly repeating "Zhaohe 7" a few times under his breath, then began to laugh. His laughter grew louder, eventually tinged with a hint of mockery.

How ridiculous! To have actually returned to the past! Then what was the meaning of his past life? Why did all those choices, that pain, that confusion, even need to exist!

Ning Jia was alarmed by his behavior and hesitantly asked, "Fa... Father... what's wrong? Is something amiss?"

Lu Jiming stopped laughing. After his breathing steadied, he shook his head at Ning Jia, "It's nothing. Jia'er, in this lifetime, your father will definitely protect you well. I won't let you do anything you're unwilling to do."

Though not fully understanding the meaning behind Lu Jiming's words, Ning Jia stated firmly, "I am willing to do anything for Father." Lu Jiming had saved her life, given her a home, and treated her as family. She was willing to give anything for him.

Lu Jiming still shook his head but said no more to Ning Jia. He told her to go back and rest, then turned and returned to his study.

The servant had already found the maps Lu Jiming mentioned and presented them for his inspection, "Young Master, were you referring to this set?"

Lu Jiming acknowledged, "Wrap it up and have it ready. You may leave if there's nothing else."

"Is Young Master feeling unwell today?" the servant continued to ask.

Lu Jiming thought to himself that this person was quite talkative. He glanced at the servant and suddenly recognized him, asking in surprise, "Are you Lu Guanguan?"

Lu Guanguan replied helplessly to Lu Jiming, "Young Master must have truly bumped into something, not even recognizing this humble servant." Lu Guanguan was a house-born servant of the Lu family, having attended to Lu Jiming since childhood, looking after his daily life and also serving as his book boy. He was the most trusted of Lu Jiming's confidants.

Later, when Lu Jiming became Chancellor, Lu Guanguan also rose in rank, was posted elsewhere, and became a local magistrate. The last time Lu Jiming saw him was two years ago.

However, the long separation wasn't what shocked Lu Jiming so much. It was that around the age of twenty or twenty-one, Lu Guanguan had suddenly shot up in height for some reason. From then on, in Lu Jiming's memory, he had always been a hulking figure, nine feet tall and burly.

Now, suddenly seeing this slender, slight servant before him, Lu Jiming simply couldn't match him up with the behemoth that was Lu Guanguan.

"I'm still muddled from my afternoon nap, not fully awake. You may go now, make sure the gift is properly arranged." Lu Jiming vaguely dismissed Lu Guanguan.

Lu Guanguan always believed whatever Lu Jiming said without a hint of doubt. Happily clutching the wrapped gift, he left the study.

Alone at last, Lu Jiming finally had enough time to sort through his thoughts.

Ning Jia said it was now Zhaohe 7, and tomorrow was the Crown Prince's birthday, meaning today was the twenty-third day of the fifth lunar month.

Zhaohe 7, he was twenty-three years old, in his fourth year serving as Crown Prince Tutor. At that time, Wei Yan had not yet ascended the throne. Those entanglements that should never have begun had not yet started. Those wrong paths he took, those mistakes he made, had not yet appeared.

Thinking of this, Lu Jiming couldn't help but curl the corners of his mouth again. He felt his entire body trembling uncontrollably.

Only now did he gradually come to his senses and grasp the flavor of it... he had actually been reborn, lived another life, returned to the time he most wished to return to. Everything was still early, everything could be done over.

Lu Jiming laughed out loud once more. As he laughed, tears followed.

To have stolen an entire lifetime.

After the surge of intense emotion subsided, Lu Jiming gradually calmed down and began to ponder what to do next.

The Lu family... in his previous life, he had almost sacrificed his entire being to restore the Lu family to its former glory. But what had he gained? Stubborn, rigid elders; dissolute, absurd nephews and nieces—each one clinging to his back, sucking his blood and marrow.

Lu Jiming had smoothed over their various crimes one by one, hoisting each person to high positions, while he himself discarded everything and ended up with nothing. Lu Luan wasn't even on the Lu family register!

Lu Jiming was utterly disillusioned with the Lu family. Even when sending the secret letter to Liao, a faint sense of satisfaction had risen in Lu Jiming's heart—he had used the most desperate method to sacrifice these leeches swarming his back.

The debt of the Lu family's upbringing had been repaid in his previous life. As for this life... Lu Jiming thought, he didn't want to climb anymore, and the Lu family should not expect to get anything more from him.

And Wei Yan...

Thinking of Wei Yan, Lu Jiming closed his eyes. It was always difficult for him to think of Wei Yan calmly.

Having died once, Lu Jiming finally admitted frankly to himself that he did indeed love Wei Yan. Because he loved him, he cherished Lu Luan doubly.

He had deceived Wei Yan many times, but one sentence was true—Lu Luan was his child with the person he loved. Wei Yan might not even have dared to believe that the 'person he loved' Lu Jiming spoke of referred to himself.

But for Lu Jiming, love had always been the most insignificant thing. Therefore, he had abandoned Wei Yan time and again, entangled for a lifetime yet never once uttering a word of love to him.

And this lifetime... Lu Jiming recalled the smiling face of Wei Yan he saw as he was dying, remembered that final thought. How he wanted to live for himself once, to grow old together with Wei Yan, neither failing the other.

But Lu Jiming immediately halted his train of thought. Forget it, Lu Jiming thought.

Wei Yan had already been ruined by him once; why trouble to drag him down a second time?

He and Wei Yan, even if they hadn't become husband and wife, had been monarch and minister for twenty years. Lu Jiming knew all too well that their personalities were incompatible, always failing to understand each other's thoughts. No matter how many times they started over, they would only drift further apart.

Lu Jiming asked himself, even if given another life, he couldn't guarantee that he and Wei Yan could truly walk through life together smoothly.

Rather than repeat past mistakes and breed resentment, it was better never to take that step, to silently watch him have a family full of children and grandchildren.

What a coward, Lu Jiming thought self-deprecatingly. But having stumbled and fallen so many times, he didn't dare to be as unyielding as in his previous life, once he set his mind on something. Escaping was always better than crashing headlong until bloodied.

It's just a shame A-Luan will never be here again.

But perhaps it's for the best. A-Luan won’t have to suffer through those illnesses anymore. Reborn into another family, he can have an ordinary life with both parents and happy siblings.

After thinking it all through, Lu Jiming left the study and stood before a full-length mirror, carefully examining his reflection.

He must not engage in any improper behavior with Wei Yan again, or do anything that might give Wei Yan the wrong idea.

Lu Jiming remembered Wei Yan loved it most when his eyes crinkled up when he smiled—though Lu Jiming himself could never see the appeal. Still, he tried smiling into the mirror, attempting to keep his eyes wide open when he grinned.

After many attempts, it didn't work. A slight smile was manageable, but whenever his smile widened, his eyes would uncontrollably curve downward. Lu Jiming pulled the corners of his eyes up with his fingers and sighed helplessly.

Then he heard a sneaky noise behind him.

“I told you the young master was possessed, and you didn’t believe me. Now he’s smiling so weirdly into the mirror—he must have been taken over by something unclean,” Lu Guanguan said.

Ning Jia retorted, “My foster father has always been a straight arrow; he wouldn’t be easily possessed. Brother Guanguan, don’t talk nonsense.”

Lu Jiming’s lips twitched, thinking to himself, *At least my good daughter trusts me.* Then he heard Ning Jia continue, “Foster Father probably just bumped his head somewhere and isn’t thinking clearly.”

Lu Jiming: ...

Lu Jiming cleared his throat. Lu Guanguan, who'd been peeking in the window, jumped and immediately pulled Ning Jia down to hide beneath the windowsill.

“No use hiding,” Lu Jiming said to the window. “Where'd you learn to skulk around like that, even in your own house?”

Hearing this, Ning Jia tugged Lu Guanguan up, and they both stood, nodding at Lu Jiming.

“It's just that you seemed so different from usual today, Foster Father. Both Brother Guanguan and I were a bit worried,” Ning Jia explained.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just had a very, very long dream,” Lu Jiming replied, having no idea how to explain that he had died and come back to life, so he offered an excuse instead. “In the dream, I made some mistakes, and by the time I realized it, there was no turning back.”

“Dreams are the opposite of reality,” Ning Jia said earnestly, trying to comfort him.

Lu Guanguan, meanwhile, covered his mouth and laughed. “My lord, how old are you now? Still getting spooked by nightmares like when you were seven or eight?”

Lu Jiming chuckled along, unable to control himself, his eyes crinkling once more. “Lu Guanguan, you’ve grown bold, daring to tease even me.”

In his past life, he had always sought the approval of the Lu family. Only after dying once did he realize that perhaps blood ties weren’t what mattered most—he already had family right beside him who cared for him wholeheartedly.

It was just that, in his previous life, he had never had the time to notice.

Author’s Note:

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*The title “Crown Prince Tutor” is a made-up official position. All official titles in this story are mixed with personal settings, including the “Imperial Guard,” which differs from the historical Imperial Guard. Please don’t overthink it. Place names are also semi-fictional and unrelated to real locations.