Chapter 86 Love?: “Did you ever love me?”

Chapter 86: Love? "Have you ever loved me?"

Xie Tanwei pressed for answers, clearly not letting her off so easily.

Tian Qin closed her eyes and shook her head. "Tian Qin wouldn't dare presume."

"Wouldn't dare presume?"

He quickly thought of another possibility, suspicion growing bit by bit. "That means you're trying to sow discord, planning to run away yourself."

Tian Qin was vigilant and trembling. He had appeared so suddenly and guessed her thoughts so accurately that she couldn't find any words to defend herself.

In that moment between life and death, Tian Qin recalled his past teachings—she had to fight and vie, to be jealous for him.

He could choose not to give, but she couldn't be without desire. And here she was, saying she didn't want the position of the lady of the house, as if she didn't care about him at all—this was a grave offense in his eyes.

"After everything, how could I still think of running?"

Tian Qin lied against her conscience, her eyes faintly burning. She went along with his meaning and admitted: "That's right, I do want to be the lady of the house. Both my sister and I belong to you, so why can she stand openly by your side and manage the household, while I can only lurk in the shadows with no name or status? A concubine can be tossed aside when you get bored, but a wife cannot. I want to make my position more secure. Go ahead and punish me, brother-in-law."

She hoped this speech could fool Xie Tanwei, at least to escape the immediate punishment.

Her hands hung properly at her sides, her eyes dazed and teary.

Xie Tanwei listened motionlessly, weighing the truth of her words—it was obviously a lie. Her acting wasn't very good, and he saw through it at a glance. Yet still, he found this lie inexplicably pleasing, willing to immerse himself in it and listen a little longer, filling an unspeakable inner emptiness.

"Didn't you always want to go out and get married?"

He asked.

Tian Qin's eyes welled up. "Would you let me?"

"Maybe sometime in the future."

Xie Tanwei gave a meaningful look, his mood deep. "You're willing to be my concubine, no longer waiting."

Tian Qin's heart was dark and lifeless. "Mm, there's nothing worth waiting for. I'm already just like one of your concubines. Once I'm formally brought in, at least I'll have a proper status."

He reminded her: "As a concubine, you must follow this man for life. You can't change your mind, can't step past the inner gate, and won't have the freedom you have now."

She said: "I know. I was one in my past life."

"Did you love me in your past life?" Xie Tanwei suddenly dropped a heavy, lethal question, as if it were nothing.

Love...? Tian Qin almost let a confession slip from shock. It came out of nowhere, bringing up that strange, taboo word. He had once said not to love, and that she must not overstep and love him—that would be an offense. Now she had no idea what the right answer was.

Xie Tanwei read her face. "It's okay. Just tell the truth."

He waited for the answer.

This was far too vague for Tian Qin, across a faraway lifetime. She was very unwilling to answer.

Her idea of love was very hazy, especially under this tyrant's long, twisted rule. Her mind was already warped, losing the ability to feel things normally.

Although she didn't understand what love specifically was, it definitely wasn't love for Xie Tanwei; what she felt for Xu Junzheng was closer to love.

What did Xie Tanwei's question want her to answer—love or not love?

She secretly studied his face but couldn't spot any crack.

Xie Tanwei waited another moment, his patience ran out. He came over and pulled her into his arms, his mood as unpredictable as a cloudy sky, his tone soft and distant, like rain dripping on bamboo leaves. "Is such an easy question that hard to answer?"

Tian Qin was clear and still as ice, letting out a shaky breath. "I don't dare take my brother-in-law's questions lightly."

"I'm afraid you're making up another lie to fool me." His tone was a bit sharp.

"Then did brother-in-law love me in his past life?" She had a sudden idea and turned the question around on him.

Xie Tanwei answered quickly and honestly: "No."

"Oh." Tian Qin leaned back, and he trapped her between two thick bamboo stalks dotted with crystal raindrops. Her heart was calm and undisturbed. Given his coldness and murderous intent toward her in the past life, it'd be weird if he had loved her.

"Then in my past life, I also didn't..." She was about to make up a suitable answer based on his reply when he cut her off without a hint of emotion, as if he knew her answer wouldn't cut it. "As a concubine in the past life, it was only fitting for sister to love and respect the Lord and his Lady."

Love and respect. There was the word "love" in it, which was a clear hint.

Tian Qin was grateful this riddle-master had given her a hint. She changed her phrasing: "Then in my past life, I... loved and respected brother-in-law."

"Be more precise." Under the dark bamboo, the line of Xie Tanwei's jaw gleamed a porcelain blue.

Tian Qin felt disgusted. "How?"

He let out a cold laugh and offered no more hints, leaving it all murky and obscure.

Love and not-love were two separate things. There was no gray area called "love and respect." Love was love, not-love was not-love—what the heck was "love and respect" supposed to mean?

He said "love and respect" to give her, this oblivious girl, some ideas for spinning lies.

She braced herself, her tongue quivering, forced herself to say: "In my past life, I 'loved' brother-in-law."

At that, Xie Tanwei smiled like raindrops making ripples, unable to let her go. "Who gave you permission to love?"

Tian Qin's cheeks were cool where he cupped them. "Mm, I don't deserve it."

"Keep it under wraps, don't let it slip out. That'd be too disgraceful."

His tone wasn't quiet at all—it was laced with affectionate warmth. Even a lie could be pleasant enough. He tapped her nose and said, word by word: "...Sister... love... brother-in-law."

"I secretly love my brother-in-law." She mindlessly parroted him, hoping to wrap up this interrogation fast.

Xie Tanwei held her in his arms, stroking the patterns on her blue gown, his mind still terrifyingly sharp.

"Since you loved me in the past life, in this life, sister, do you also overstep and love your brother-in-law? We agreed to see you married off, and we wouldn't fall for each other."

Cold sweat beaded on Tian Qin's forehead.

Loved in the past life. What about this life?

Heaven only knows whether he wanted her to love or not in this life.

The word "love" was almost driving her crazy, until she couldn't even recognize the word anymore.

She pulled the same old trick again, asking him first: "Then in this life, does my brother-in-law love Tian'er? Has my brother-in-law broken our promise?"

Xie Tanwei, however, evaded this time: "I'm asking you. Don't bring me into this."

"Is the answer really that important?"

"Yes." He bit her earlobe, his breath moist. "Whatever I ask you, you must answer truthfully."

Tian Qin suffered unbearably, stiff and still as if she'd stopped breathing. The answer was clearly no—she had never loved him in either life, past or present.

But if she bluntly blurted out such crude words, Xie Tanwei would probably torment her to death.

This life, this life. He didn't take her as a concubine, often humiliated her, and repeatedly warned her never to have any designs (on him).

She had once asked him, overstepping her bounds, and his reply was, "Does Sister enjoy being abused?" Clearly, he knew his behavior was vile and had no intention of softening toward her.

Given all this, the answer he expected now should be "I don't love you," to confirm that this troublesome woman knew her place.

Tian Qin took a deep breath and said, "In this life, I don't..."

Xie Tanwei cut her off coldly again. "Since you're asking me for a formal position (as concubine), you'd better sort out your true feelings before speaking."

Tian Qin felt a chill run down her spine. His interruption meant her answer was wrong.

She thought quickly. He was extremely vain and self-important, demanding that she compete with others for his favor. He must also require her to be madly in love with him—this was consistent.

He didn't love her at all, yet her loving him to death would satisfy some psychological need, giving him a sense of superiority.

She had been foolish earlier, thinking incorrectly.

This lie was far too transparent. Tian Qin struggled for a long time, then finally forced the words out, "In this life, I... broke the agreement and fell in love with Brother-in-Law, too."

She nearly ground her teeth to pieces.

Xie Tanwei said "Thank you" coldly, praising her honesty. He closed his long lashes softly, buried his face in the hollow of her shoulder, sucking in her scent deeply, almost pathologically. For a long, long time, he didn't move or utter any more threatening or colorful words.

He was very satisfied.

Held tightly by him, Tian Qin stood like an empty shell amid the secluded bamboo grove, pointlessly weary.

He had pried the word "love" from her mouth, as if it were something monumental.

...

After that confrontation with Xie Tanwei in the painted garden, it took Tian Qin a long time to collect herself.

Xie Tanwei appeared and disappeared unpredictably. From now on, she would have to speak cautiously, act carefully, and tread step by step in this unfathomable mansion to survive.

But word of Tian Qin's hope that the Lord and the Lady would divorce somehow reached Xian Qiu's ears. Xian Qiu flew into a rage and completely turned hostile toward Tian Qin.

It turned out that the day Tian Qin and Xie Tanwei faced off in the bamboo grove, the maid Zi Wan had eavesdropped and then reported it to Xian Qiu.

Zi Wan, as Xian Qiu's most loyal senior maid, had recently been keeping an eye on Tian Qin, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

Zi Wan also held a grudge against Tian Qin, as her twisted mouth was Tian Qin's doing. It was Tian Qin who had reported her to the Lord, and the Lord punished Zi Wan by slapping her face until it was bloody and two teeth had fallen out.

Tian Qin had tolerated Zi Wan to the breaking point. Zi Wan's repeated harm drove her to contemplate murder.

Zi Wan's eavesdropping on Xie Tanwei's and Tian Qin's conversation also offended Xie Tanwei as the head of the household, to some extent.

Tian Qin used this as an excuse to have Xie Tanwei dispose of Zi Wan.

But he was lazy and indifferent—whether a maid lived or died was none of his concern. He told Tian Qin to handle it herself.

With his permission, Tian Qin had Nanny Chen and two capable men seize Zi Wan, forced her to drink a mute potion, punished the gossipy woman so she could never speak again, and then sent her to a farm to do hard labor.

Thus, Tian Qin so easily struck at one of Xian Qiu's people.

Previously, the steward Li Fu, whom Xian Qiu trusted, had also been killed at Tian Qin's instigation. In the past life, it was Xian Qiu who moved against Tian Qin's trusted maids; in this life, the tables had turned.

In this conflict between a concubine and the wife, Tian Qin had struck first.

Tian Qin had the Lord's favor; Xian Qiu only had the empty title of the Lady.

Xian Qiu burned with rage, her head splitting with pain. She was considering whether to risk offending Xie Tanwei by dealing with Tian Qin, when Tian Qin unexpectedly came to her first, bluffing and intimidating, and explaining that it was Xie Tanwei who wanted Zi Wan's life—she hadn't killed her, only beaten her and sent her to the farm, thus in theory sparing Xian Qiu's servant.

Tian Qin was smooth-tongued and artful, putting Xian Qiu at a disadvantage and leaving her with a belly full of fire but nowhere to vent.

"A mere servant offended Sister. Do with her as you wish," Xian Qiu said coldly.

Xian Qiu was still desperately seeking a cure for her stone disease; she had to swallow her pride and endure humiliation and wait for the day this little wretch Tian Qin would meet her doom.

Tian Qin then explained the matter of the divorce.

Following her prepared script, Tian Qin admitted jealousy. Xian Qiu was the legitimate daughter of a prominent family, had an extraordinary status, and was the Lord's rightful wife, whom the Lord deeply adored. That was why Tian Qin felt unbalanced and deliberately slandered her.

"Deep down, I've always been dark. On the surface, I pretend to be Sister's sweet little sister, but in truth, I envy you. I've wronged you, Second Sister. Please just throw me out."

Speaking intimately despite their shallow acquaintance, Tian Qin learned from Xie Tanwei's unpredictability and suddenly blurted out her inner thoughts, catching the seething Xian Qiu off guard.

A crying person is hard to hit. Since Tian Qin was so sincere, Xian Qiu had no choice but to have someone help her up and offer a few words of comfort.

When she heard Tian Qin say "jealous," Xian Qiu was strangely moved and felt inexplicably relieved. "Silly child, we are family. My good is your good. How could you have such thoughts?"

"Your brother-in-law dotes on me, but he also dotes on you. If we fight and tear each other apart, we'll only make fools of ourselves for others to laugh at."

"From now on, be peaceful and don't think about useless things anymore."