Chapter 37: Was the Surgery Really a Success?

Chapter 37: Is the Surgery Really Successful?

Severing the link was exactly as the doctor described: two simple steps—find and sever.

Qin Shu felt for his own marks within Li Wuya’s mental domain, snapping them off one by one, without mercy.

Struggling was inevitable; even the specially reinforced restraint suit couldn’t hold Li Wuya down. Helpless, Qin Shu could only embrace him, and the two rolled to the ground. Qin Shu pinned his head down.

Unfocused eyes, raw terror and chaos laid bare, pupils dilated, irises in disarray.

That facade of normality from before—it was all an act, wasn’t it?

Black seawater spilled from behind Li Wuya, only to be wrapped in something glittering and shimmering. His legs were pinned under Qin Shu, his hands firmly pinned behind his back.

Struggling was futile. Heart racing. Every warrior’s most appropriate response: use pain to awaken the mind. Qin Shu saw blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.

Fucking Li Wuya—he’s actually trying to bite his tongue off?

Qin Shu brutally wedged his arm into Li Wuya’s mouth, blocking it.

He sensed the noise in the mental domain.

How to put it? The mental domain of interstellar humans is so private not only because it is tied to life itself, but also because it represents each individual's truest self.

For Qin Shu, it was a glittering cold vacuum; for Li Wuya, it was this viscous black sea.

Now the black sea was fracturing, collapsing piece by piece, teetering on the brink of losing control, balancing on that thin line of calm.

The roar of the waves was deafening. The blackness was like an abyss, yet in Qin Shu’s eyes, it was crystalline and eerily tame.

Qin Shu had always thought he understood Li Wuya, just as Li Wuya understood him. Their lives were tightly intertwined, and they never hesitated when their lives depended on each other.

But when it came to love, why were they so unfamiliar?

Beyond reality, Qin Shu saw the deepest part of Li Wuya’s mental domain—some mental tendrils were being clutched by Li Wuya's consciousness at the bottom of the black sea.

Within reality, Li Wuya stopped struggling. Qin Shu’s hand closed around his neck.

The truest essence, the most vulnerable lifeline, was “seen” by him, choked by him.

Li Wuya could let him seize control with such utter defenselessness—so why couldn't Li Wuya trust that he would always be caught by him?

Trust and love might really not be the same thing.

Qin Shu thought distractedly as he retracted all those tendrils.

The next moment, the sea surged backward, the earth shook and mountains trembled. Pain shot up his arm.

Teeth viciously sank into his flesh.

Curiously, he touched the corner of Li Wuya’s mouth.

Li Wuya lifted unfocused eyes and slowly licked the torn flesh and broken blood vessels, and the fingertips Qin Shu had stuffed in.

-

“Hey,” Qin Shu said.

“...”

Those were not the eyes of someone clear-minded.

"How many fingers is this?" Qin Shu held up one index finger.

He remained silent.

"Who am I?"

"A Shu." His lips brushed against Qin Shu's fingertips.

Qin Shu: ?

After studying Li Wuya for a good while and then taking a look around his mental domain, Qin Shu finally confirmed he wasn't faking being out of it but was genuinely still out of it.

They were pressed up close together, with cold-colored sparkles occasionally floating around them—this was Qin Shu's mental power made visible.

He had to hold Li Wuya's shattered mental domain together, keeping it together so Li Wuya could slowly heal—at least get the mental domain back into its original shape first.

After calling the doctor, Qin Shu confirmed Li Wuya's current condition was theoretically normal, and even a pretty good kind of normal.

"What? You're asking about the Guide? The Guide's perfectly fine, don't worry."

"Really, it's fine. I'm not lying. Thanks, doc..."

After a few more reassurances, he hung up. Qin Shu stared at Li Wuya, bored out of his mind.

Li Wuya rarely had emotional fluctuations; calm and gentle was his default, at least in front of Qin Shu, so the occasional smile or panic attack would catch Qin Shu off guard.

But then again, Li Wuya had been panicking for a while now.

"Hey, there's something I forgot to ask you." He pinched Li Wuya's cheek.

"Have you been happy in the capital lately?"

A question that didn't need answering.

-

Feeling uncomfortable being watched all the time, Qin Shu simply knocked Li Wuya out, then crouched off to the side and scrolled through his terminal.

"Kongtong Buyue 7432: Any recommendations for tourist planets?"

"You En: Damn, you finally came around?"

"Kongtong Buyue 7432: Huh? I've always been a very open-minded person, okay! I was just held up by something before."

"Kongtong Buyue 7432: But now it's almost done. I think I can leave soon."

"You En: How did you deal with Li Wuya?"

"Kongtong Buyue 7432: ..."

"You En: Ah, by the way, the Empress's succession was so abrupt. Feels like... Li Wuya's doing?"

"Kongtong Buyue 7432: ..."

"You En: Forget it, it's not important. As long as it doesn't affect you. I'll quickly compile a summary of tourist planet recommendations and send it to you! Little Shuer, muah~"

"Kongtong Buyue 7432: Gross, gross, gross."

Just as he was typing on the keyboard, he sensed some movement.

Qin Shu immediately closed his terminal and walked over to Li Wuya.

Their eyes met.

Qin Shu had been wanting to say this for a long time: "Li Wuya, the surgery was a success. How's it feel? Still like me?"

Just kidding.

-

Li Wuya knelt down on the floor, wrapping the final layer of gauze around his arm.

Qin Shu's arm was already bandaged. Neither of them cared about a minor injury like that; Qin Shu was just concerned with the act itself.

"Li Wuya, did that count as self-harm just now?"

"Sorry, A Shu, I just couldn't control myself."

Li Wuya paused, then answered Qin Shu's earlier question: "I still like you too."

"Losing the link hurt me, but now I'm wrapped in your mental power, and it makes me happy."

Qin Shu: "Uh, how's your mental domain feeling?"

Li Wuya checked and said, not really paying attention, "Most of it's shattered."

Qin Shu sighed, exasperated: "So what are you so happy about? I'm wrapping you because you're dying."

"A Shu doesn't want me to die, so I'm happy."

Well, Qin Shu figured he still wasn't used to this full-force Li Wuya.

He felt awkward: "Don't you have work to do?"

"I guess."

"..." Qin Shu said, "But you can't leave me right now. How about you take me to work?"

"I can work remotely. A Shu doesn't like those kinds of places."

"Alright then." Qin Shu breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll recover soon, so A Shu doesn't have to worry."

"Yeah, it can't take too long," Qin Shu nodded. "I still want to go out and have fun."

An abrupt silence.

Qin Shu watched as Li Wuya returned to that strangely docile state.

"Okay, A Shu," Li Wuya said. "I won't delay your visit to Teacher Zhang in the Arctic Star Region."

"It's fine. Your mental domain is recovering quickly, so it definitely won't be delayed."

After visiting Teacher Zhang, Qin Shu still planned to stay in the capital for a while.

With Li Wuya's volatile mental state, it was hard not to worry.

Once he confirmed Li Wuya was fine, he would continue his plan to travel around.

He figured Li Wuya definitely wanted to go with him, but as a general and the director of the Military Affairs Bureau juggling multiple roles...

He had found his own work, so let him do it slowly!

Qin Shu patted Li Wuya on the shoulder. "Where are we going now, your place or mine?"

His mood, which had been low, lifted again because of Qin Shu's words. Li Wuya said, "We... can we go to A Shu's place?"

"Sure." Qin Shu agreed without hesitation.

-

The two of them couldn't stay outside; manifesting psychic energy in public was considered a public disturbance.

Besides, Li Wuya's condition...

The adjutant, who had come in a hurry to submit work, his hands shook, and he dropped the files everywhere. "G-General, w-what the hell are you doing?!"

He was on the verge of tears. "Sure, Colonel Qin's pissed at you for now, but that doesn't mean it'll last! Don't go offing yourself like this, man!"

Li Wuya frowned. "I'm not dead yet, am I?"

Well, anyone with half a brain could see Li Wuya's mental state was as good as dead.

Hell, maybe worse than dead.

Most Sentinels drop dead when half their mental domain shatters, but Li Wuya's still kicking with most of his mental domain in pieces.

So how the hell is he still alive?!

How?!

Qin Shu slung an arm around the adjutant's shoulder. "Relax. He's not gonna die anytime soon."

Only then did the adjutant spot the thick layer of psychic energy wrapped around Li Wuya.

"Colonel...!"

For some reason, the adjutant looked like he'd been granted a favor he'd never forget.

-

After shooing away the adjutant, who kept glancing back, the two got into the car.

"Your adjutant's really got your back," Qin Shu said.

"Mm," Li Wuya replied. "All the officials in my faction look out for me."

"You've got great leadership skills and charisma."

"It's just because our interests line up, A Shu. I'm their mouthpiece."

"Getting them to trust you is a skill in itself," Qin Shu answered casually.

After a few more pointless exchanges, Li Wuya finally popped the question.

"...A Shu, what are you looking at?"

"A promo video for a tourist planet."

His fingers curled up, almost without thinking.

Qin Shu turned his head. "Your mental domain's shaking like an earthquake."

"..."

"You don't want me to go on that trip."

Li Wuya leaned in closer: "Sorry, A Shu, I don't want you to give up what you want to do because of me, but I can't really control myself right now. Just keep watching the trailer, and if I get closer, and you keep looking at me, I can feel better..."

Qin Shu still wasn't fully used to Li Wuya's gay comments.

I mean, with that serious, stern face, acting all pitiful—it's just too damn weird!

He was super embarrassed, holding back the urge to pull away: "Don't put yourself down like that."

Li Wuya dropped his gaze: "Okay."

His sluggish brain started working: How high of a stance would keep Qin Shu?

No... how high of a stance would make Qin Shu let him tag along?

Suddenly a hand reached out, grabbed his face, and pulled him in.

They locked eyes.

Sharp brows and bright eyes, a fake casual look, but his earlobes were pink.

"I mean, we don't have a marriage contract or a deep link now, can you chill out a bit? I'm not gonna freak out just because you're gay... uh,"

Qin Shu's voice trailed off.

"Anyway, even if you're gay, I hope you're a normal one, without marriage guilt, without deep-link anxiety and dependence. You get to know me again, and I get to know you again, okay?"

Silence.

Li Wuya's mental domain was having an earthquake, the fractured sea was storm-tossed, collapsing everywhere, the vibrations getting worse with every word he said, the harsh noise making Qin Shu's mental energy a bit uncomfortable, but in reality, Li Wuya didn't move at all.

Still calm, still meek.

Even his heartbeat didn't change.

"...Wuya?"

Qin Shu asked awkwardly, "You okay?"

Wasn't this supposed to be the part where they make up after a heart-to-heart? Why did it feel like he'd driven Li Wuya crazy again?

The next second, Li Wuya moved.

He leaned in and whispered, "A Shu, can I hug you?"

"Sure."

He leaned into him.

His head buried in Qin Shu's neck, arms wrapping around his waist in a very light hug.

The sea shook and then settled, his heartbeat raced, then synced back up with Qin Shu's. Since the link was broken, Li Wuya's body was ice-cold, almost like a dead person's, his breath cold too, slowly seeping into Qin Shu's clothes.

"I'll do it."

"Get rid of all those old thoughts, get to know you again, be normal, right? I'll do my best..."

Qin Shu patted his back: "Come on, do you even know what normal is? Just saying you'll do your best."

"...Sorry, A Shu."

Transparent mental energy wrapped around the two, a pain that was oddly comforting.

Li Wuya's vision was dark; he hadn't been seeing well lately, but luckily his perception was still working. Today was even luckier; in his perception, he could see Qin Shu's mental energy, sparkling every now and then.

How great would it be to keep this up? To just hand his life over to Qin Shu—if the mental energy was taken back, he'd die. What a perfect setup.

But that didn't seem like something a normal person would think.

What should a normal person do?

No guilt, no anxiety, no dependence... A Shu's being sincere with him, so does he have to go along? No, he can't go along too much either...

Where's the line?

"A Shu, what is a normal person like? Tell me, okay?"

He lifted his face, looking meek and calm, and said, "I'll do my best."

Qin Shu was always perfect—the universe, love, freedom... Qin Shu seemed to have been born understanding these things. Qin Shu had a true heart.

How could he be worthy of following this heart?

—

Li Wuya's vitality was truly astonishing.

At home, Qin Shu played games while Li Wuya curled up next to him working.

From noon to evening, just a few hours, Li Wuya's mental domain, which had been shattered into dozens of pieces, healed and repaired itself into a rough shape. Qin Shu no longer had to wrap his mental energy around him so tightly, and Li Wuya didn't have to stay so close to him.

So Li Wuya asked him: "A Shu, can I cook for you?"

Qin Shu, who was stretching, almost threw his back out.

"Is it not allowed?"

"It's allowed, but—"

He stared dumbfounded at Li Wuya, who immediately stood up.

To this day, Qin Shu didn't understand why Li Wuya liked cooking so much!

With the attitude of getting to know Li Wuya anew, at the dinner table, Qin Shu asked him this question.

Li Wuya also answered: "It's not that I like cooking. It's that I like A Shu."

His hand trembled, and the chopsticks fell onto the table.

"There's nothing substantial I can help you with. A Shu has no desires and lacks nothing. Only in such trivial details can I intrude into your life and existence..."

"Alright, alright, stop talking!" Qin Shu was helpless. "Don't always be like this!"

"I'm very satisfied," Li Wuya said truthfully. "I like cooking for you."

If possible, Li Wuya even wished he could become food.

To bring A Shu a feeling of fullness? To make A Shu feel satisfied, to be chewed and swallowed... Just thinking about it felt wonderful to him. Unfortunately, he was human, and A Shu didn't eat people.

Unaware that Li Wuya, who seemed to be daydreaming across from him, was thinking something very bizarre, Qin Shu picked up the chopsticks and tried to ease his own embarrassment: "Alright then."

Ugh, Li Wuya, how can he be so love-obsessed?

"By the way, what did you mean by that line, 'I have no desires and lack nothing'?"

Qin Shu thought he was just an ordinary person, with obvious joys and sorrows—was that really him Li Wuya was describing? The filter was way too thick.

Li Wuya paused.

"Because A Shu doesn't have anything he wants."

"I have plenty," Qin Shu thought for a moment. "I just bought a big bundle in the game."

"No, not those—I mean desires in life. Power, wealth, status, fame, victory or defeat, dignity... things like that."

People in society are always greedy. Even the most powerful beings crave to be remembered for eternity, but not Qin Shu.

Qin Shu wouldn't hurt others to get what he wanted, nor would he compromise himself for something. Qin Shu didn't have anything he "must have"—

Maybe victory? Qin Shu had pursued victory, but even then, it wasn't for himself.

War causes human suffering, and he deeply empathized with that pain. He fought for humanity.

How terrifying—how could there be a Qin Shu like this in the universe? As if he existed solely to save others.

"I can't use your desires. Aside from taking care of your daily life and getting you used to my presence, I have no other way to get close to you."

Qin Shu propped his chin on his hand and looked at him.

"There's so little I can do, so little I can give you. A Shu, I've always been troubled by the fact that my love is useless to you. Anyone could do what I do by your side—so what makes Li Wuya special?"

"I've never found the answer, and I no longer care about it," Li Wuya said calmly.

"I'm as close as I can be to you. Li Wuya can only be me—that's the only fact."

"...Sorry, A Shu. I said too much just now."

Qin Shu bit into his dessert: "Yeah, quite a lot. But I don't think you're right."

"I don't lack anything because I have you. If you weren't here, then I'd be missing you... or something."

Before he finished, Qin Shu suddenly felt awkward.

Damn, that was so cheesy! How did he even say that out loud?!

He awkwardly pretended to look busy!

After a few seconds, he snuck a glance at Li Wuya, who was still sitting calmly.

His spiritual domain suddenly went deathly silent.

What's wrong with you now, Li Wuya?

Before he could ask, Li Wuya's spiritual domain suddenly erupted again, a sharp shriek that made Qin Shu leap out of his chair.

Li Wuya spoke: "Me?"

He walked stiffly over to Qin Shu.

"Me?"

"...Li Wuya, don't freak out."

The military man stood there, restless, he bent his knees a few times, but he still managed not to kneel.

He stammered, sounding strange: "I—I'll be a good Li Wuya."

"..."

He took a step closer, only to be warily kicked away by Qin Shu.

He turned on the recording function on his terminal.

"A Shu, could you say that again?"

Qin Shu: ...

He was so done with these gay guys!