Chapter 189: Mutual Confession

Chapter 189: Mutual Confession

He always threw endless little tantrums with Yan Huaixuan.

But now, Shen Lian couldn't bring himself to refuse.

Yan Huaixuan lowered his head and kissed Shen Lian's cheek. "Shen Lian, I'm so happy."

His fingertip gently caressed Shen Lian's face, his eyes brimming with smiles.

"You said... you like me, didn't you?"

Hearing this, Shen Lian's temper flared again.

Even though he was the one who'd initially thought Yan Huaixuan was dead, the questions Yan Huaixuan asked him afterward were clearly on purpose.

Yan Huaixuan knew he was worried, but still used the chance to say all that.

Irritation flickered in Shen Lian's eyes as he glared at Yan Huaixuan.

"Don't touch me! You wanted to see me make a fool of myself on purpose, so of course you're happy. That was all nonsense I made up—I was scared you'd die restless, so I was just trying to comfort you."

But this time, Yan Huaixuan grabbed his hand tight and wouldn't let go.

Yan Huaixuan said softly, "I was wrong. I'll make it up to you."

Shen Lian lifted his chin. "Just because you apologize, I have to accept?"

Yan Huaixuan raised an eyebrow and pecked his cheek. "Then what do you want me to do to get you to accept?"

Shen Lian said, "Then I'll erase the memory you just heard, and you can pretend you didn't hear anything."

As he spoke, Shen Lian raised his hand to press it against Yan Huaixuan's forehead.

Yan Huaixuan caught his wrist, lowered his lashes naturally, and gave Shen Lian that look again.

He didn't say anything, but it made you feel like he was wronged.

Yan Huaixuan brought Shen Lian's hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. "I finally got to hear those words after all that effort, and you want to just erase my memory like that?"

Shen Lian's eyes felt dry, and he couldn't pull his hand away.

By now, Yan Huaixuan had gotten pretty good at pulling this trick.

It always left Shen Lian helpless.

But if he forgave Yan Huaixuan just like that, wouldn't it make him look soft-hearted and lose face?

Shen Lian insisted, "I'm not just erasing this memory—I'll erase all your past memories too."

Shen Lian had only said it offhandedly, but to his surprise, Yan Huaixuan actually asked, "Is A Lian serious?"

This time, Shen Lian was the one stunned. "What did you say?"

Yan Huaixuan looked at Shen Lian. "Do you want me to erase all my past memories? Now that I have a new body, if they're erased, I'll be a brand new Yan Huaixuan."

At first, Shen Lian didn't react, but then he looked at Yan Huaixuan's features.

Suddenly, it hit him.

Shen Lian said, "You think I hate your past and want to start fresh with you?"

Yan Huaixuan hummed in agreement.

Seeing that Yan Huaixuan didn't seem to be joking, Shen Lian frowned. "What are you thinking?"

Yan Huaixuan said, "In the past, I did all those things to you..."

Before he could finish, Shen Lian clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Yan Huaixuan, that's enough. Keep joking and you're going too far."

But to his surprise, Yan Huaixuan was still looking at him seriously.

He looked like he meant it.

Shen Lian's lips moved, and his mind suddenly recalled that Yan Huaixuan had initially said his memories were slowly coming back, but he hadn't brought it up since.

Shen Lian abruptly looked at Yan Huaixuan. "How much of your memory have you gotten back?"

Yan Huaixuan didn't answer.

Shen Lian's expression did change. "Yan Huaixuan! Don't tell me you haven't gotten your later memories back?"

He'd also forgotten whether Yan Huaixuan had ever fully remembered everything.

Yan Huaixuan paused, gently gripping his shoulder. "At first, I really didn't want to recover them. But later, I couldn't bear to let go of the memories of you."

Whether sour, sweet, or bitter, every single frame had traces of Shen Lian in it.

He thought, if one day Shen Lian really left him, then he could rely on these memories to get through the rest of his life.

Shen Lian was furious. "How could you even think that?"

But a trace of bitterness appeared in Yan Huaixuan's eyes.

He barely managed to curl the corners of his lips. "Because I can't accept that the person I was in the past hurt you either."

So Yan Huaixuan had really considered sealing away all his past memories and staying by Shen Lian's side as a brand new Yan Huaixuan.

Shen Lian laughed in exasperation. "Then what would I want that Yan Huaixuan for? If you don't remember anything, are you even still Yan Huaixuan?"

Yan Huaixuan said, "No, what I mean is, I'd cut that period of memories—even that version of Yan Huaixuan—completely out of my soul, then reshape a new Yan Huaixuan who'd still love you. You wouldn't have to do anything."

Shen Lian: "...A cloned sheep."

Yan Huaixuan frowned. "What's that?"

Shen Lian gritted his teeth. "You've really lost it."

But soon, Shen Lian realized why Yan Huaixuan had come to hate his past self and resist getting his memories back.

Shen Lian said, "Is it because, that day, you asked me if I still felt the same way about you as I did in the mortal world?"

Yan Huaixuan froze, then slowly looked at Shen Lian.

Shen Lian said softly, "At that time, I really couldn't answer you. Everything happened too fast."

"But now, I can tell you for sure."

Shen Lian looked up at Yan Huaixuan.

When their eyes met, Yan Huaixuan's heart gave an inexplicable lurch.

Shen Lian took Yan Huaixuan's hand and slowly pressed it against his own chest.

"You already share a heart with me—how can you still not feel it?"

Yan Huaixuan's hand stilled. At those words, his eyes went briefly distant.

Then he felt it—his own heart, beating away, thump after thump.

Ever since he and Shen Lian became dao companions and shared a heart, he could sense the other's emotions in broad strokes.

And right now, what he felt was pure joy and delight.

Yan Huaixuan's eyes went dry.

He looked at Shen Lian, voice rough. "This is..."

Shen Lian smiled at him in return. "I remember back in the Primordial Realm—didn't you ask me to teach you what feelings were?"

"Do you feel it now?"

Yan Huaixuan stared at Shen Lian, unblinking.

His gaze traced from Shen Lian's brows, to his eyes, down the bridge of his nose, to his lips.

He couldn't bear to miss a single detail.

So this was how Shen Lian had felt about him all along.

This was the joy and delight Shen Lian felt whenever he faced him.

When you love someone, just looking at them is enough to fill your heart.

But the joy was short-lived—a sharp pang of pain rose in Yan Huaixuan's chest.

Shen Lian noticed the corners of Yan Huaixuan's eyes reddening.

Alarmed, he asked, "What's wrong?"

Yan Huaixuan pulled him into his arms, chin resting on Shen Lian's shoulder. "A Lian... I'm sorry."

Shen Lian was so good to him, and yet he hadn't cherished him.

He'd had all of Shen Lian's love from the very beginning, and he'd turned a blind eye to it the whole time.

He'd even hurt Shen Lian.

And the better Shen Lian was, the more it showed how despicable he'd been back then.

Shen Lian was quiet for a moment. "Yan Huaixuan... you were reborn, weren't you?"

Yan Huaixuan went rigid.

Shen Lian lifted his gaze. "I noticed something was off with you a long time ago."

Yan Huaixuan could foresee many things. In the original storyline, after he became the Deposed Crown Prince, he'd been somewhat despondent.