Chapter 19

Chapter 19

After that, He Qiuxia went on with a long list of earnest reminders, and Ji Yunshu sat through it all, squirming in her seat, but she gritted her teeth and heard her out.

"Once the door is closed at night, try to go along with him, but don't give in to everything he wants. Don't be afraid. The first time is bound to be uncomfortable—just grit your teeth and get through it. What goes on between a husband and wife in the bedroom is nobody else's business. Keep your self-respect and make a good life for yourself, and I'll rest easy." He Qiuxia said to Ji Yunshu at last.

Ji Yunshu nodded, her face bright red.

The next day, Meng Yunzhen came by the compound as well, to help Ji Yunshu make the final preparations for the wedding.

The wedding was to be held in the compound's mess hall. After the wedding, Ji Yunshu would stay at the Pei family home for three days before departing for the island. Ji Yunting had long since delivered the wedding invitations to the families and neighbors of Ji Haiguo's old comrades.

Ji Yunshu's red wedding dress was made together by He Qiuxia and Wang Wanru, and the flower pinned to her chest was picked by her grandmother. The whole family bustled around getting things ready for the couple—decorating the Pei family's bridal chamber and buying all the necessities—and they didn't stop until late into the night.

The night before the wedding, Meng Yunzhen ended up staying in Ji Yunshu's bedroom. The two sisters, who had only recently become sisters, curled up in the room sharing whispered secrets.

Meng Yunzhen adored this younger sister, just as much as she loved Meng Li. But she couldn't shake the feeling that during her two years studying in the capital, Meng Li had changed a great deal. Many of the things Meng Li had done this past year had saddened Meng Yunzhen deeply. She couldn't bring herself to tell Ji Yunshu about it, so instead, she helped Ji Yunshu iron tomorrow's dress and asked, "Xiaoshu, do you truly love Comrade Pei?"

Romance wasn't allowed at university. Even young men and women with budding feelings would only dare to secretly hold hands. Meng Yunzhen was devoted to her studies and had never had any romantic feelings at all.

Outside the door, both families were busy with wedding preparations. Inside, Ji Yunshu felt a sudden, inexplicable melancholy. The words slipped out before she could stop them: "No."

She felt admiration and respect for Brother Pei, as well as the familial affection that came from years of growing up together, but she didn't have that special kind of romantic feeling between a man and a woman.

Or rather, she didn't know whether the nervous, heart-pounding sensation she occasionally felt around Pei Yufeng came from romantic love.

He Qiuxia had told her many things about what goes on between husband and wife yesterday. She'd said that if two people truly loved each other, everything would come naturally—your body doesn't lie. But after hearing He Qiuxia's words, Ji Yunshu felt that when she faced Pei Yufeng, she didn't exactly want to be completely close to him, to be completely his... She didn't know how to describe the feeling, but if Pei Yufeng were to be with someone else, she absolutely couldn't stand it.

After thinking it over, Ji Yunshu felt she shouldn't be so absolute. She was quiet for a moment, then said, "Actually... I don't know."

What was love? She'd only read about it in storybooks, or in letters written by revolutionary martyrs to their sweethearts. But those feelings were restrained and out of reach—not something she'd experienced firsthand. She didn't know what love truly looked like.

Ji Haiguo and He Qiuxia were a loving couple, known all over the compound. But even they argued sometimes. When He Qiuxia was angry, she could say terribly hurtful things, and Ji Haiguo was just the same. But soon enough, they'd make up and become the compound's picture-perfect couple once more.

He Qiuxia said that when feelings ran deep, you can't help but want to hug the person you love. But Ji Yunshu mulled it over and felt that hugging Pei Yufeng wasn't all that different from hugging Ji Yunting... Well, no, there was a difference. Ji Yunting sometimes said things that made her want to throttle him, but Pei Yufeng never did.

Pei Yufeng had always been gentle with her—gentle and restrained, never crossing the line.

They had hugged twice before, but she'd been very young then. She only remembered that he smelled good. Beyond that, there was nothing else.

Meng Yunzhen stopped what she was doing and gently tucked a strand of hair behind Ji Yunshu's ear. "Xiaoshu, of course I want you to be happy. But moving to the military base is so far away. If you're truly unhappy, you can always come back to Su City. Our family... well, our background isn't great, but at least we'll never lack for food or clothing."

"Thank you, sister. I know you all care about me very much." Ji Yunshu smiled back at her. "Brother Pei treats me very well. I want to learn to love him slowly, the way Mother and Father did—to make a good life together."

But what Ji Yunshu didn't know was that while she was quiet, thinking about Meng Yunzhen's question, Pei Yufeng had been standing outside her bedroom door. The hand he'd raised to knock slowly fell to his side.

He pressed his lips together, did nothing else, and quickly smoothed his expression back to normal, as if he hadn't heard a thing. He walked off calmly to discuss the next day's wedding details with Ji Yunting.

--

The wedding was held in the compound's small mess hall. The mess hall wasn't large—normally used by the compound's busy families and cadres—but today it was decorated with two strips of red cloth, and a large red double-happiness character was pasted up on the stage. It was simple, but it looked festive.

Ji Yunshu rarely had trouble sleeping, and when Meng Yunzhen pulled her out from under the covers, she was still groggy. When He Qiuxia started urging her to get dressed, Ji Yunshu's temper flared, but remembering it was her wedding day, she grudgingly put on the dress.

He Qiuxia combed her hair. Ji Yunshu's hair had grown longer, reaching down to cover her thin back. Washed yesterday, it was soft and clean, and the comb ran through it in one smooth stroke.

"When you were little, your hair was thin and scraggly. I was afraid it wouldn't grow out nicely." He Qiuxia's voice caught as she combed. "But it turned out beautiful—black and shiny."

Ji Yunshu saw He Qiuxia's eyes redden in the mirror, and her own nose stung, but she fought back her tears. "Mother, don't say any more."

He Qiuxia made a soft sound of acknowledgment. "I won't." She pinned Ji Yunshu's hair up and pinned two red velvet flowers into it.

It was Ji Yunshu's first time pinning her hair up. After applying lip color, she had more color in her face and looked more mature. She wasn't quite used to the woman looking back at her, but both Meng Yunzhen and He Qiuxia said she looked beautiful.

Pinning the red bridal flower to her chest, Ji Yunshu studied herself in the mirror. The red dress made her skin look fair with a rosy glow—she looked prettier than usual.

After that, He Qiuxia had Ji Yunshu eat some pastries to tide her over, and then they waited for Pei Yufeng to come fetch the bride.

Meanwhile, Pei Yufeng was in front of the mirror, adjusting the collar of his military uniform again and again.

He wasn't surprised by what he'd overheard yesterday, but the immense disappointment and loneliness still washed over him. Even the double-happiness characters pasted in the wedding room seemed to carry a hint of bitterness.

This marriage was something he'd pushed for. He'd always felt it wasn't right to propose to Ji Yunshu when she was at her lowest point, and he knew she didn't have feelings for him. Yet he still couldn't let go.

Pei Yufeng reached up and touched the marriage certificate in his chest pocket again.

It was proof that Ji Yunshu was already his wife.

When he touched the left breast pocket, Pei Yufeng's heart raced faster than when he'd faced storms at sea. When a storm came, he knew what to do—grip the wheel, steady the ship, and ride it out. But now, dressed in his military uniform, about to marry the girl he'd loved for so many years, he didn't know what to do next.

Pei Yufeng's palms were slick with sweat. He wiped them on his trousers, then wiped them again.

"Nervous?" His grandmother had appeared beside him without him noticing, looking up at him with her eyes crinkled into a smile.

He didn't confirm it, but he didn't deny it either.

His grandmother patted his arm and said, "Don't be nervous. Since Xiaoshu agreed to marry you, she won't run off."

Pei Yufeng nodded silently. Yes—Xiaoshu was already his wife. He should win her over through his actions and build a good life with her, instead of standing here feeling sorry for himself.

Once Pei Yufeng came to this realization, he felt much more determined. After checking his watch more than a dozen times, it was finally time, and he eagerly grabbed the flowers and headed out.

Pei Yufeng arrived at the Ji family's home punctually, accompanied by three other fine young men from the compound. There was no tradition of blocking the door or teasing the newlyweds these days. Upon arriving, Pei Yufeng first had to offer tea to the elders of both the Ji and Meng families.

The ceremony was simple. Once it was done, Pei Yufeng officially took Ji Yunshu to the wedding.

A good number of people had already gathered in the small mess hall. Neighbors and family members who'd received invitations took up nearly five tables. He Qiuxia, Ji Haiguo, and Meng Guangze and Wang Wanru sat together, with Grandma sitting beside He Qiuxia. Wang Wanru's eyes were red, but she had a smile on her lips.

Ji Yunting and Meng Yunzhen were in charge of passing out wedding candy. Ji Yunting stood at the door in his military uniform, handing a pack of candy to each person who walked in. He was genuinely happy, smiling so much his face was starting to ache from smiling.

Meng Yunzhen stood beside him, mainly handing out candies to the women and children. She was simply and plainly dressed, she didn't put on any rich-girl airs, and some of the children adored her.

Pei Yufeng led Ji Yunshu inside, and the family members and cadres all offered their congratulations.

Throughout the walk, Ji Yunshu kept her arm linked through Pei Yufeng's, practically leaning her whole weight on him. She'd never been this nervous in her entire life.

Her palms were slick with sweat and her legs felt weak, but she told herself she couldn't make a fool of herself. So many people were watching—she had to keep smiling and she couldn't embarrass Pei Yufeng.

The two of them responded to everyone's congratulations as they walked forward as everyone watched. When Ji Yunshu glanced at Pei Yufeng, he was already looking at her.

The witness for the wedding, invited by Ji Haiguo and grandmother, was Political Commissar Qiu—the most senior cadre in the compound.

Political Commissar Qiu had seen both of them grow up. Although Ji Yunshu's family situation was complicated, she really was a good kid. Now that she'd married Pei Yufeng and was willing to follow him to the army post, he no longer had to worry about that young Pei fellow's love life.

With Political Commissar Qiu officiating, Ji Yunshu's position in the compound was completely secure. If anyone wanted to stir up trouble with idle gossip behind her back, they'd have to think twice about the weight of Ji Yunshu's marriage first.

Political Commissar Qiu moved the ceremony along quickly. After the ceremony ended and the guests were seen off, Ji Yunshu, who'd been running around all day, finally had a moment to catch her breath.

She'd been following Pei Yufeng around all day. She'd been extremely nervous—perhaps even overly so—doing whatever Pei Yufeng told her to do; she hadn't even had time to look at his face. Only now did she realize she'd been smiling all day and her cheeks were sore.

By the time Ji Yunshu had seen He Qiuxia and the others off and snapped back to reality, she was already at the Pei family's home.

Grandma was already asleep, and in the quiet little house, only the soft breathing of her and Pei Yufeng could be heard.

The lights on both floors were on—warm and bright. The bridal chamber was upstairs, and the stairs were narrow, so they ascended single file, neither speaking. Each step made the stairs creak, each creak seeming to whisper: *This is it—no turning back.*

Ji Yunshu stood at the door of the bridal chamber, too hesitant to step inside.

She glanced inside—the bedsheet was new, vividly red; the pillow had been changed too. On the nightstand sat a pair of enamel mugs, each printed with a bold red double-happiness symbol. The window was adorned with paper-cut decorations Grandma had made: a neat square “囍” character, strikingly crimson.

Pei Yufeng stood behind her, waiting a moment. When she didn’t move, he spoke—his voice lower than usual, slightly hoarse: “Go in.”

Ji Yunshu steeled herself and stepped in, sitting down on the edge of the bed. The freshly laid sheet felt stiff beneath her, offering no give. She placed her hands on her knees, one folded over the other, gripping tightly until her knuckles turned white.

Pei Yufeng hesitated briefly at the doorway. Watching Ji Yunshu sit quietly on the bed’s edge, his heart pounded so fiercely it felt as though it might leap from his throat.

Ji Yunshu had been breathtaking all day—dressed unlike her usual self—and he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Yet throughout the day, she’d barely looked at him, appearing nervous, yet also leaning on him, obediently following his lead in a way utterly foreign to her nature.

Pei Yufeng gazed at Ji Yunshu—radiant as a fully bloomed peony—drew a deep breath, walked over, and sat beside her. A fist’s width of space remained between them, and neither shifted closer.

The room was utterly silent—so silent that the ticking of the wall clock echoed clearly, each *tick-tock* landing like a weight upon both their hearts.

Ji Yunshu kept her head bowed, staring at the tips of her shoes. She wore a pair of black cloth shoes today, embroidered with two small flowers on the uppers—stitched meticulously by Wang Wanru, thread by thread. She stared at those tiny blossoms for a long time, her mind blank, unable to think of anything at all.

Pei Yufeng kept his head lowered too, remaining silent for a while longer. He saw his own shadow—blurred, expressionless—but he knew his ears were burning hot.

“I…”

“You…”

They spoke simultaneously. Ji Yunshu’s gaze met Pei Yufeng’s for an instant before darting away. Pei Yufeng hurriedly said, “You go first.”

“I… I have nothing to say. Let’s go to sleep.” Ji Yunshu had summoned extraordinary courage to utter those words. She knew what was expected tonight—not only He Qiuxia but Wang Wanru had instructed her thoroughly. Yet now that the moment had arrived, no amount of advice could compare to confronting reality itself—and Ji Yunshu felt a quiet fear of that reality, with its inevitable pain.

Even so, she remained seated on the edge of the bed, clutching her skirt, her entire body taut, showing no sign of rising to wash or prepare for bed.

Just then, the wall clock chimed—nine clear strokes.

The whole day had passed. It was now nine o’clock at night.

Pei Yufeng finally spoke, shifting closer to Ji Yunshu until they sat nearly side by side: “Xiaoshu.”

Ji Yunshu hummed faintly in response—her voice so soft it seemed squeezed from her throat.

“If you’re scared,” Pei Yufeng paused, his Adam’s apple bobbing, “then tonight… let’s not.”