chapter 65

Chapter 65: I am Tainted

By mid-September, the entourage returning to the capital from the summer resort traveled via waterways.

They traveled in batches, with the Emperor, being the most venerable, naturally taking the largest ship ahead of others.

Shen He was initially assigned a spot on that ship, but of the servants who accompanied him to the resort, only one or two could join him. The rest had to travel back slowly with the main convoy and carriages.

On the ship, besides his maternal aunt, Shen He wasn't familiar with anyone else.

Moreover, now that he's grown, even visiting his aunt required discretion.

After weighing his options, Shen He decided to return to the capital with the carriages, accompanied by Lian Qiao and the rest.

Meanwhile, those in the capital eagerly awaited their return.

Upon hearing that the main ship would return ahead of schedule, Qi Zhuoyun's gaze softened momentarily, followed by a mysterious shadow in his eyes.

Since Zhong Hong accompanied Shen He to the summer resort, no one close to Qi Zhuoyun remained in the palace who could discern his thoughts. The palace maids kept their distance, approaching only when summoned.

Song Shaofu inquired, "Your Highness, have you made your choice in the meantime?"

Song Shaofu spoke calmly, "In my humble opinion, the eldest daughter of the Frontier General is the most suitable... The young master is fond of Your Highness and will surely inherit the Duke's estate. The Duke's estate will naturally be at your service. Unfortunately, the young master hasn't fully lived up to the former Duke's legacy. These years have shown he's slightly lacking. Solely relying on the former Duke's military reputation might not suffice."

Qi Zhuoyun lowered his gaze again, replying softly, "The decision hasn't been made. We will discuss it later. I don't need marital alliances to strengthen my position. If I did, I wouldn't have rejected the Governor's daughter a few years ago."

The Governor's only daughter was wed to Qi Leyong, becoming his principal wife.

Upon hearing this, Minister Song nodded subtly, lost in contemplation. After a moment, he spoke, "If Your Highness is not keen, arranging a marriage for the young lord isn't out of the question. Given the close bond between him and Your Highness, his marriage could be of assistance to you..."

Before Minister Song could finish, Qi Zhuoyun slowly lifted his head. No longer fixated on the object in his hand, he met the minister's gaze.

His eyes were dark and inscrutable, "Whom do you have in mind, Minister? If we are to arrange a marriage for Hehe, which lady would be suitable?"

Minister Song opened his mouth to speak, but upon seeing Qi Zhuoyun's demeanor, he inexplicably swallowed his words.

After a brief pause, Minister Song said, "There isn’t anyone specific yet. This matter should ultimately depend on the young lord's preference. If he's unwilling, we cannot force him."

He was well aware of the depth of the young crown prince's affection for Shen He.

If young Lord Shen is not inclined to discuss marriage at this age, his wedding might be even more challenging than the crown prince choosing his own bride.

If he truly intends to arrange a marriage for Shen He, finding a bride from an equal standing, beneficial for alliance, might be achieved more quickly by coaxing Shen He.

Minister Song's words made Qi Zhuoyun's expression turn even graver.

After a brief glance, he averted his gaze, "When the big ship returns to the capital, I will go to greet them."

Minister Song responded softly.

Qi Zhuoyun looked at the characters on the rice paper, but his eyes didn't seem to register the individual strokes.

Shen He's preferences?

He recalled Lady Wang.

The records they found were still on the desk in his sleeping chamber.

Marrying a delicate and pampered young lady of privilege, so his beloved Hehe would be doting on someone else?

The mere thought was almost unbearable for Qi Zhuoyun.

Hehe has always been the one cherished and cared for; who else could possibly be worthy of his affection?

Qi Zhuoyun's eyes darkened further.

Restlessness weighed on his heart.

High summer had passed, yet the burning fervor in his heart intensified with each passing day.

Nights became sleepless.

The more he berated his own tainted nature, the more his dreams seemed to remind him of the depth of his depravity.

With his restless spirit, Qi Zhuoyun dealt with Qi Leyong's antics with a hint of malice.

Qi Leyong, having encountered him several times, regarded him with a wary gaze, seemingly speculating if Qi Zhuoyun was planning a severe retaliation.

Their power struggle had indeed been long-drawn.

Yet, Qi Zhuoyun hadn't made any further moves.

Days later, the Emperor returned to the capital.

The crown prince and the second prince, accompanied by a group of ministers, went to the palace gates to welcome the Emperor.

Qi Zhuoyun's gaze swept over the crowd. Spotting Empress Liu Xuan and even the sixth prince, his brow furrowed slightly when he couldn't find Shen He.

Once the crowd dispersed, Qi Zhuoyun approached Empress Liu Xuan and learned that Shen He had joined the main contingent. Not wanting to abandon the attendants of Lianqiao and feeling stifled on the ship, Shen He had made this choice.

Qi Zhuoyun: "..."

He held his forehead.

Such a move was indeed typical of Shen He.

Empress Liu Xuan curiously asked, "Why didn’t Your Highness accompany Shen He to the summer retreat this time? He mentioned you repeatedly during his stay there."

Her gaze sought to discern something from Qi Zhuoyun's expression.

Qi Zhuoyun rose slightly and responded, "I had matters in the capital that required my attention, so I let him go to the villa alone. He probably wasn't too pleased. I'll explain things to him when he returns."

Seeing no sign of a rift, Empress Liu Xuan's concerns were alleviated. She looked at Qi Zhuoyun approvingly and chuckled, "He still possesses the innocence of youth. In a few years, he'll be of marrying age. Your Highness might not want to indulge him too much."

While saying so, her face carried a radiant smile, clearly pleased with Qi Zhuoyun's fondness and indulgence towards Shen He.

She thought to herself, given how endearing her Shen He was, it wasn't surprising that the crown prince regarded him as a close brother.

After taking his leave, Qi Zhuoyun's gaze turned notably somber.

He questioned himself, "So tainted are your thoughts that they manifest in your dreams."

If he couldn't even deceive himself, how would he face Shen He in the future?

Would he watch Shen He marry and have children? Or would he keep him close forever?

If truly for Shen He's sake, he should heed Minister Song's advice: to match Shen He with a gentle girl of equal standing. As long as he lived, Shen He would forever be protected and carefree.

Shen He would have children who'd play around him, grow up under his guidance, and perhaps even affectionately call Qi Zhuoyun "Royal Uncle."

His children would likely resemble him, with round, luminous eyes and a smile that curved their features, revealing a radiant row of teeth—children sculpted from jade and snow.

...Could you bear it, Qi Zhuoyun?

Could you stand to see the child you raised with such care, not prioritizing you anymore, having someone more valued and closer to his heart?

Even as a mere thought, it made veins pop on Qi Zhuoyun's neck. His fingers dug into his palm, and tension visibly surfaced.

With his jaw clenched tightly, upon reaching the familiar surroundings of the Eastern Palace, in an unexpected move of frustration, he violently kicked a column!

The nearby attendants were taken aback, dropping to their knees in alarm. Never before had they seen the Crown Prince so enraged.

He had merely gone to welcome the Emperor. Why such anger?

The palace maids and guards trailing him were even more perplexed, for nothing along the way seemed to have provoked the Crown Prince.

Taking a deep breath to suppress the fury ignited by his own thoughts, Qi Zhuoyun rasped, "It's fine, get up."

Without another word, he strode into his chamber, murmuring, "All of you, leave."

The maids promptly exited the room, cautiously shutting the door behind them.

Qi Zhuoyun covered his face, fearing that his unsavory thoughts had contorted his features into something grotesque even when no one was watching.

Pressing down on the desk beside his couch, he murmured, "No one in this world can treat Shen He as I do. Others cannot love, protect, and endlessly indulge him as I can."

Qi Zhuoyun slowly lowered his hand, his eyes clearly dark, as black as ink yet appearing as if they concealed slowly flowing magma.

He fondled a small trinket tucked inside his sleeve.

It was tiny, hardly the size of his palm.

A miniature cloth tiger that seemed to bear the weight of years.

Clasping the little tiger close to his chest, his expression softened, whispering, "Hehe, it's my fault."

"Dear Mother, he's the only treasure I have. If you're watching from above, please, aid me."

This was perhaps a threshold.

Once determined to cross it, Qi Zhuoyun's past months of turmoil seemed peculiarly laughable.

He was never truly a good man to begin with.

*

Shen He remained oblivious to the protagonist's descent into obsession.

Inside the carriage, the daily travels rattled him to his bones.

He could only wander about during their camping rests.

As the days wore on, Shen He grew restless in the carriage. He eventually borrowed a horse, relishing the freedom as he galloped ahead, no longer feeling confined.

Leading the horse by its reins, he preferred to stray from the main path, darting through the woods and emerging from another end.

Lianqiao, concerned about the sun's rays, procured a large sun hat, insisting he wear it.

Beside the carriage, Shen He, lowering his head, allowed Lianqiao to fit the hat, grumbling, "Lianqiao, you always say I'm the young master, but you never respect me."

Lianqiao chuckled, "My apologies, young master. Would you like to punish this humble servant?"

Shen He huffed, and once Lianqiao secured the hat strap, he led the horse away.

Lianqiao immediately fell back into the carriage, laughing with Heling, their giggles teasingly reaching Shen He's ears.

Hindered by the large hat, Shen He lost the joy of dashing through the woods.

After a long journey, Shen He finally returned to the capital city. First, he made rounds at the Duke's mansion and Liu's residence to announce his return.

Both families showered him with affection, stuffing his pockets with snacks. As he headed to the palace, he was still munching on a piece of pastry.

Shen He's eyes sparkled. After swallowing the pastry, Lianqiao poured him a glass of water. Once he'd taken a sip, he asked Zhonghong, "Do you know if the Crown Prince is currently in the East Palace or perhaps discussing matters with others?"

With a playful smile, Zhonghong replied, "His Majesty returned to the palace a few days ago. I believe the Crown Prince is likely inside, sharing stories of his travels with the Emperor."

Shen He thought to himself, of course, the old Emperor must have been worried.

Upon returning to the East Palace, he found that Qi Zhuoyun was indeed absent.

Zhonghong and Chang'an, along with some attendants, began organizing the items Shen He had brought back.

Lianqiao gently pushed Shen He forward into the palace, asking, "Young master, are you tired? It's almost nightfall. After such a tiring journey, perhaps it's better to rest early. In a day or two, you'll need to return to the Imperial College."

Alas, the summer vacation has come to an end.

Seizing the moment, Shen He crouched beside his box filled with art albums and books, picked up a new one, and climbed onto the couch to read.

Midway, he left to bathe and change, shedding the clothes dusted with dirt.

Perhaps it was the warm bath, but Shen He genuinely felt exhausted.

In the blink of an eye, he went from being full of energy to only half-charged.

He couldn't even wait for his hair to dry and collapsed onto the bed, falling into a deep sleep.

Lianqiao, amused, used a cloth to dab the moisture off his damp hair ends.

A commotion echoed from outside.

Qi Zhuoyun entered the inner chamber. Lianqiao and Heling whispered, "Your Highness."

Qi Zhuoyun stood not far from the bed, silently observing the sleeping figure.

The young boy's soft cheeks were buried in the cushion, creating a cute squishy effect, making his cheeks puff out.

He was deeply asleep, his eyelashes and eyebrows still moist, and a faint blush tinted his skin, giving him a dreamy, ethereal look.

Qi Zhuoyun's gaze was inscrutable. In a soft voice that sounded unusually gentle, he murmured, "Leave him to me. Everyone, withdraw."

Lianqiao handed the dry cloth to Qi Zhuoyun, and, taking Heling with her, exited and closed the chamber doors.

It was presumed that, just as in the past, the Crown Prince wanted to spend the night by the young master's side since he had been away for so long.

Holding the semi-wet black hair in his hand, Qi Zhuoyun meticulously dried it with the cloth, displaying utter patience.

Once the hair was dry, he casually set the cloth aside, bent down, cradling the boy's waist, and turned him over to lay face up.

A rosy hue imprinted on the young boy's fair cheeks.

Being turned, the boy remained deeply asleep, unresponsive. His lips moved slightly as if he tasted something delicious in a dream.

There was still some dampness near his temples, and his skin felt moist and cool.

Qi Zhuoyun's dry, warm palm met the damp skin. The dreaming boy, seemingly finding the dry touch comforting, rubbed against it unconsciously.

Qi Zhuoyun swallowed hard, feeling an intense dryness in his throat.

Looking at Shen He in this vulnerable state.

He thought that perhaps one day, when Hehe realizes his tainted intentions, he'd loathe and resent him, never resting so peacefully by his side again.

Yet, he couldn't let go.

When not beside him, he couldn't let go. Watching the one stirring forbidden thoughts within him, he felt even more reluctant.

Silently, Qi Zhuoyun cursed himself.

His broad hand covered the young boy's face, caressing it gently, then moved upwards to rest over the closed eyes.

He leaned down; the lamplight flickered, casting his shadow against the inner wall of the bed.

The young man's eyelashes trembled ever so slightly, making a move as if afraid to ripple the waters, and he placed a tender kiss on the boy's smooth and fair forehead.

The candlelight, blocked by his form, cast the boy entirely within his shadow.

As if being held captive.