Chapter 89: I can’t hold back.

Chapter 89: I can't hold back.

"I wonder where the captain and the others have gone."

After taking showers, Shen Yao and the others had gone to bed. It was rare for them to have a quiet evening, a chance to rest. Yet, no one slept. The room's stifling atmosphere was suddenly chilled by Xie Wen's comment.

Shen Yao lay on his side, facing away from them. His eyes were closed, but he showed no sign of drowsiness.

He had asked the crew about it, and all they said was that Qi Xie had borrowed a car. They didn’t know where he'd gone. Shen Yao regretted not discreetly following earlier. This way, he wouldn't be tossing and turning, or perhaps he should've been more assertive, more dominant, and prevented Ying Li from leaving.

Yet, he was acutely aware he had no standing to act in such a manner, not even a reason to be upset.

He was nothing.

Shen Yao turned heavily in bed, the weight of his thoughts causing the mattress to creak.

Song Ji Mo kept his eyes closed, not making a sound. He hadn't given away his whale necklace yet.

The atmosphere in the room grew heavier and more subdued, the air almost palpable with tension.

Xie Wen Shi brushed through his golden hair, preparing for bed when a voice from below said, "They went to watch the blacksmith's blooms."

Xie Wen Shi leaned over the railing, "Blacksmith's blooms?"

"Mhm, I just came across a video." Bian Qiao remarked, viewing it on his phone, "This must be them."

Xie Wen Shi got out of bed quickly, forgetting about Bian Qiao's penchant for cleanliness and plopped onto his bed. Bian Qiao frowned slightly but remained silent.

He took the phone and scrutinized the video. His eyes widened bit by bit, "It really is them!"

The video, taken casually on a mobile phone, was filled with background noise, and the shaky camera work made the visuals blurry. It seemed to be recorded before the blacksmith's blooms began.

In the footage, Xie Wen Shi noticed the dense crowd. Qi Xie, standing head and shoulders above the rest with his exceptional height and distinct aura, was immediately recognizable. Soon after, he spotted Ying Li, noticeably shorter, standing in front of Qi Xie, both of them in tandem.

As the performance hadn't started and the lighting was dim, with the cameraperson quite distant, their expressions weren't clear. However, Xie Wen Shi could make out, in a brief moment of illumination, Qi Xie gently, almost imperceptibly, kissed the top of Ying Li's head — so light that it could have been mistaken for an accidental touch.

The unedited video, spanning a full five minutes, showcased the blacksmith's blooms lighting up the sky brilliantly. Yet, throughout the spectacle, Qi Xie never once looked up, his gaze intently fixated on Ying Li, eyes filled with such deep fascination, as if wanting to pull him closer.

After watching, Xie Wen Shi couldn't help but wonder why the captain hadn't invited them to witness this. A suspicion formed in his mind — could the captain have feelings for Ying Li?

Although young, Xie Wen Shi understood more than one would expect. He held a fondness for Ying Li, but having addressed him as "brother" from the start, Ying Li always treated him like a younger sibling, protective and nurturing. Admittedly, he wasn't as mature as his other "brothers."

Sigh.

Handing the phone back to Bian Qiao, he remarked dryly, "It's beautiful, like fireworks."

"Even more beautiful than fireworks," Bian Qiao responded, activating the comments, "Looks like some have recognized them."

Many fans had come specifically upon hearing about their filming in the area. No matter how much they tried to disguise themselves or how understated their attire, it was rare to see someone as tall as Qi Xie. His fans recognized him effortlessly, yet the barrage of comments was rife with speculation about the identity of the person beside him, whose appearance was concealed to the extent that not a strand of hair was visible.

Xie Wen Shi mused, "These netizens sure are incredible guessers. To think they mistook Little Li Brother for me. If the captain had taken only me along, I'd be racking my brain over every wrong thing I've done in the past eighteen years..."

He tried to lighten the mood with a jest, but the atmosphere didn’t improve; it only became more somber.

Shen Yao suddenly got off the bed and put on a mask. Xie Wen Shi inquired, "Where are you going?"

Without turning his head, Shen Yao replied, "It's stifling in here. I need some fresh air."

Rather than lying in bed overthinking, it's better to go out and try his luck, hoping to run into them.

"Shen Yao's heading out to find Qi Xie and the others, right? Should we tell him where they are?"

A staff member from the next room asked.

Someone responded, "Let's not. Didn’t the director say we shouldn't reveal anything?"

"How did he leave without even taking his phone?"

"Shen Yao's panicking! He's truly panicking!"

Even the viewers could read between the lines. Those staff members who work closely with them had long seen through everything, but chose to remain silent.

"Oh my gosh! That's too sweet!"

"Oh no, did my favorite pairing just become a reality?"

"Damn, the least likely couple turns out to be real!"

A crowd gathered around the monitor, each one wearing a teasing grin.

"I truly admire the director for persuading someone with social anxiety to participate in the show."

"What social anxiety? Our dear Little Ying is just an adorable, lively guy who doesn't like taking photos!"

"Why did Qi Xie ask if Little Ying could be pregnant? Did they... you know?"

"Not that I've noticed anything unusual between them..."

Their photographer, unable to contain his excitement, exclaimed, "This just proves that netizens have eagle eyes! I've been with them for so long and never noticed!"

A young lady held her chest and sighed, "How could he resist not kissing? I can hardly contain myself!"

"Licking his finger? That's incredibly suggestive! The look in his eyes, that gesture, it's like he's about to devour someone. Such a scene would surely be censored in a TV drama."

"So gentle, completely unlike him."

"Exactly. When he came to ask the director to borrow the car earlier, he was so brusque. His tone was like someone owed him."

As soon as the live broadcast ended that evening, Qi Xie approached the director, "Lend me the car, two hours. I'll be back by ten. Don't follow."

"He's always been like that, but love does soften one's edges!"

On the balcony, Li Changhong was having a smoke. The assistant opened the door and walked over, whispering, "Director, it seems the camera in the car was left on. It captured something."

"Ah, turn it off," Li Changhong replied. "Delete what was recorded, and don’t breathe a word about it."

The assistant firmly responded, "Understood."

Did the director know something all along?

Li Changhong was just as shocked as they were. Nowadays, fans are quick to ship couples, reading endless meanings into the slightest interactions and glances. However, this time they might have stumbled upon a real romance. Turning a group variety show into a "romance variety" wasn't something he had anticipated.

Recalling how Qi Xie had raised Ying Li's show fee from two hundred thousand to six hundred thousand not long ago, Li Changhong chuckled, "This kid..."

He had been wondering who this important friend was. Turns out it's a boyfriend.

—

"It's not."

"I don't have feelings for you."

"I don't like you."

Ying Li genuinely panicked, denying repeatedly.

"I don't have feelings for you..."

But the more he said it, the softer his voice became, until even he couldn't hear himself.

He lifted his head slightly, the brim of his hat shading half of his eyes. It blocked the descending light and hid the misty haze in his gaze.

The close proximity allowed him to catch the scent from Qi Xie: a blend of gentleness and assertiveness. A mysterious nerve in his brain felt like it had been tugged, causing his thoughts to scatter, leaving him with a sole instinct to deny.

Silence enveloped the surroundings, with only the whispers of the wind and the rustling of leaves playing with his breath.

"So quick to deny," Qi Xie's once cloudy eyes now shone clear, with sparks of flame flickering within.

His tone was even, his speech not rushed, yet to Ying Li, every word seemed to echo endlessly.

Ying Li remained silent, observing Qi Xie's expression. The dim light made it hard to see, and the brightness in Qi Xie's dark eyes felt piercing to Ying Li.

Qi Xie too wore a mask, but the visible parts of his face were exquisitely handsome, far more so than most. His eyes, clear as water, seemed to see right through Ying Li, leaving him feeling exposed and anxious.

As Ying Li observed Qi Xie, Qi Xie too was taking in every detail of Ying Li's expressions and movements. He noticed Ying Li's brows knitted tightly in evident annoyance.

Does he dislike me that much?

However, when Ying Li turned his head and light shone on his profile, the fading fire in Qi Xie's eyes flared up, as if fueled by kindling, turning even more intense, enough to redden the corners of his eyes.

A sudden headache hit Qi Xie, but he felt no discomfort.

He remarked, "Your face is so red."

The portion covered by the mask remained hidden, but everywhere else – Ying Li's ears, neck, any exposed skin – was flushed, even to the corners of his eyes.

The body's primal reactions never lie.

He almost believed it.

It was as if a timely rain had nourished his parched heart, rejuvenating it. His joy burgeoned uncontrollably, like moss spreading wildly.

"You blush when you lie."

A hint of surprise sparkled in Qi Xie's eyes as he said in a hushed tone, "You lied."

Ying Li had feelings for him.

Ying Li wasn't telling the truth.

Ying Li's heartbeat raced faster, with every word from Qi Xie landing like a blow, churning his emotions into a whirlwind, making him feel breathless.

Creating some distance, Ying Li could finally breathe properly, his eyes wide with panic, "No, I didn't lie."

Qi Xie took a step closer to Ying Li, slightly lifting his hat to reveal his smooth forehead, glistening with a thin layer of sweat. "Why would your face turn red if you weren't lying?"

"Is it that hot? You're sweating."

Qi Xie brushed aside the stray hairs on Ying Li's forehead and gently wiped away the sweat with the palm of his hand.

His defenses were breached once more. The moist and warm breath from Qi Xie's exhales clung to Ying Li's face. Grasping for an excuse, Ying Li said, "You just touched my face."

He cupped his face, pinching his chin to prevent him from turning away.

Qi Xie remarked, "Just a touch and your face turns red?"

Ying Li swallowed nervously, "Yes."

It must be so. It has to be.

"So sensitive."

A mere touch makes his face flush, a slight caress sends shivers down his spine. Like a timid bunny nestled in his embrace, tempting one to tease even more.

Qi Xie inquired, "Does anyone else's touch affect you like this?"

"I don't know."

Ying Li felt his sanity eroding bit by bit, his voice shaky and muffled, "No one... no one has ever touched me like this."

Qi Xie's breath was slow, his words stubborn.

"I'm the first."

"Only I have touched."

"Only with my touch does this happen."

The emptiness in his heart was filled with joy. He cherished this feeling, even more than physical pleasure.

Even though it's a valid statement, coming from Qi Xie's mouth it sounded strangely laced with desire.

Ying Li didn't continue to deny. Looking at the deserted amusement park, the nearest attraction was a carousel, spinning with a tinkling sound, even though it was unoccupied.

Qi Xie glanced around and asked, "Do you want to start with the drop tower or the roller coaster?"

Whenever Ying Li visited the amusement park, he always went for the high-altitude rides. Qi Xie truly seemed to know everything. After a moment's thought, Ying Li responded, "The roller coaster."

Most people tend to believe that the first row of a roller coaster is the most terrifying seat. However, only those who've experienced it know that the very last row offers the greatest thrill. From there, one can see the entire ascent, high-speed dive, and the inverted twists of the roller coaster. The psychological thrill is much more intense than the physical sensation.

The weightlessness from the roller coaster and the drop tower made every cell in Ying Li's body rejoice. Later, they took a ride on the Ferris wheel, something Ying Li had never tried before. Firstly, the Ferris wheel always had the longest wait time, and secondly, a single rotation took almost half an hour—quite time-consuming.

Qi Xie took the seat opposite Ying Li. Ying Li had assumed they would sit side by side.

The sound of machinery hummed beneath them as the Ferris wheel began its slow ascent, with the buildings and pedestrians below gradually shrinking in size.

By Ying Li's estimation, it took five minutes to reach the top. As the Ferris wheel climbed, the adrenaline coursing through him began to settle, allowing him to appreciate the beautiful view.

Gazing through the clear protective windows, Ying Li marveled at the city's nighttime panorama below, "It's so high—higher than the drop tower."

He didn't dare stand up, fearing even a slight movement might cause the Ferris wheel to wobble.

Peering into the distance, he pointed and asked, "Is that where we came from? It looks like the spark show is over."

"Hmm," Qi Xie glanced in the direction Ying Li pointed, "Seems like it."

"The hills over there are also beautiful."

"Lovely."

Ying Li's curiosity made him resemble an eager child, always keen to share new discoveries with someone beside him. Even though the responses he got were brief, the continuous attention made him feel cherished.

Under the soft, amber light, the icy demeanor Qi Xie usually wore seemed to be melting away slowly. To Ying Li's surprise, he detected something akin to tenderness in Qi Xie's eyes.

Without the wait, in just half an hour they managed to experience all the high-altitude rides in the amusement park.

As they exited the park's entrance, they encountered a mother and her young son.

The young mother crouched down, trying to soothe her son, "Sweetie, didn't you ask the ticket seller earlier? The amusement park isn't open today."

The little boy pouted, "Then why were those guys allowed to play?"

"I want to play! I want the roller coaster, I want the carousel..."

Ying Li looked over at Qi Xie.

Qi Xie shot a glance, pulled his hat lower, and said coldly, "No. Only you get to play."

The light cast a silhouette from behind him, wrapping his tall frame in a velvety glow. The gaze that met Ying Li's face was noticeably softer.

Beneath his mask, Ying Li's cheeks began to redden again. As he raised his eyes to meet Qi Xie's, he felt a slight dizziness. He shifted his gaze and murmured, "Okay."

On their way to the parking lot, Ying Li noticed a marked decrease in pedestrians and asked softly, "What time is it?"

Qi Xie responded, "Half past nine."

They still had a little over half an hour. If they headed back now, they'd reach the inn around ten.

As the car started, Ying Li realized they weren't on the route back to their lodging. "Are we going somewhere else?"

"Yes, one more place." Qi Xie inquired, "Tired? If you are, we can head back."

"I'm fine."

They'd come all this way by car and even at the amusement park, they'd been ferried around in shuttle vehicles. They'd hardly walked. How could he be tired?

Unable to contain his curiosity, Ying Li asked, "Where are we headed?"

Qi Xie replied, "Stargazing."

Ying Li was taken aback. Stargazing?

Instinctively, he looked out the window. The sky wasn't pitch-black but resembled the hue of dark blue ink. The heavy cloud cover obscured any sign of the moonlight, let alone stars.

Ying Li pursed his lips, his eyes filled with confusion, "There aren't any stars tonight, are there?"

Qi Xie simply stated, "There are."

The car drove several kilometers towards the outskirts. As the number of pedestrians and streetlights dwindled, they began ascending a winding mountain road. It was then that Ying Li recognized the familiar mountain, "Is this the mountain we saw from the Ferris wheel?"

Qi Xie nodded, "Yes."

As the car reached the summit, they came upon a vast observation deck, likely designed for stargazing enthusiasts. Perhaps due to the seemingly starless night, the deck was nearly empty.

Qi Xie parked the car on the observation platform and continued on foot with Ying Li, heading towards the highest point.

The wind was strong atop the mountain. Ying Li, dressed only in a short-sleeved shirt, watched as Qi Xie moved to the back seat of the car to retrieve a jacket.

"Put this on."

"Thank you."

It was that same black windbreaker. Just like at the airport, Qi Xie draped it over Ying Li. The sleeves proved too long, so Qi Xie effortlessly rolled them up for him, as though he'd done it countless times before.

Ying Li couldn't help but cast another lingering look at Qi Xie, a subtle tenderness growing within his heart.

The moisture and wind at the mountain's peak were intense, leaves quaking in the breeze. The city lights below twinkled like scattered jewels, their faint, shimmering glow creeping up to the mountain's base. Above, the sky was an intense shade of blue, as if covered by a thick curtain, illuminated only by a pale crescent moon casting a melancholic glow.

Confirming the absence of stars, Ying Li, slightly breathless, murmured, "No stars."

"They'll appear soon."

Turning to face Qi Xie, Ying Li inhaled the crisp air, which stung his nostrils slightly.

Qi Xie stepped beside him, instructing, "Look up."

With a mix of skepticism and hope, Ying Li lifted his gaze. To his surprise, he thought he heard a faint fizzing sound near his ear. Blinking to focus, he suddenly saw streaks of light piercing the night sky, soaring upwards.

They originated from the observation deck.

Wide-eyed, Ying Li soon realized they weren't meteors, but fireworks.

Countless fireworks exploded before his eyes, tearing through the thick cloud cover and painting the sky in vibrant hues, one after the other, a dazzling spectacle too rapid to fully take in.

From their elevated vantage point, it felt as if the fireworks were bursting right above them, their embers nearly within reach.

Ying Li's heart felt heavy, like a waterlogged sponge. Turning to Qi Xie in astonishment, he asked, "Did you bring me here to watch fireworks?"

The colorful glow from the fireworks illuminated his face, revealing an expression of pure elation.

Qi Xie turned his face gently, lifting his chin and whispered, "To watch the stars."

What stars? They were clearly fireworks.

But the fireworks were breathtaking nonetheless.

"The stars have arrived."

In an instant, Ying Li's eyes widened in disbelief. A silver streak of light shot up to the sky. Instead of just bursting, it blossomed into countless stars of various sizes, shimmering and radiant. These stars lingered in the air for a long while before descending; as one dimmed, another took its place. It was as if real stars had emerged, a sight truly captivating.

He turned excitedly to Qi Xie, only to see Qi Xie lower his head, whispering in his ear, "One minute left."

The smile on Ying Li's face visibly faded, piece by piece. Had two hours passed so quickly?

He pursed his lips, his eyes, clear as water, fixed on Qi Xie: "Is it time to leave?"

Qi Xie murmured in acknowledgment.

A mix of emotions swirled within Ying Li. It was hard to part from such a beautiful sight. "But the fireworks aren't over yet."

Qi Xie asked, "Do you want to wait till the end?"

"Yes." Ying Li nodded without hesitation, "We're already here, and it would be a pity not to watch such beautiful fireworks till the end..."

It was as if he had been given a gift and had only unwrapped half of it. He didn’t want to leave; he wanted to see the entire present.

This was the most beautiful fireworks display he had ever seen.

No one had ever set off fireworks just for him.

"Is it okay if it goes beyond two hours?" Qi Xie stared at Ying Li's face, flushed with excitement, his tone calm yet restrained.

"It's fine," Ying Li gently shook his head, "How much longer will the fireworks last?"

"Half an hour."

"Okay."

Ying Li's smile returned, the dimples on his face deepening.

Qi Xie called out to him, "Ying Li."

"Yes?"

Qi Xie asked with grave sincerity, "Do you like it?"

A twinge in Ying Li's heart, he responded with pursed lips, "It's okay."

It seemed to be more than just "okay", perhaps a bit more than that.

"I like it."

"I really do like it."

"I like all of it."

The wind lifted his hair, his brows and eyes strikingly bright and beautiful, breathtakingly so.

Qi Xie intently observed the person before him. Ying Li was wearing his coat, enveloped in his scent, seemingly immersed in his aura.

Emotions ebbed and flowed in Qi Xie's eyes.

"Ying Li."

"Ying Li."

"Ying Li."

"Ying Li..."

Qi Xie looked into Ying Li's eyes, repeatedly calling out his name, his voice echoing overhead, seemingly louder than the burst of fireworks.

With each call, Ying Li's heart trembled.

The atmosphere was both strange and charged. Ying Li's heart raced, "What's the matter?"

He noticed Qi Xie's eyes were incredibly bright, filled with an unrestrained fervor. The intense gaze felt as though it was piercing through him, making him uneasy and instinctively take a step back.

Qi Xie admitted, "I'm sorry. I'm a scoundrel, a madman, a pervert, a jerk... I'm irredeemably corrupt."

"Why say that all of a sudden..." Ying Li was taken aback, realizing these were the exact words he'd used to insult Qi Xie in the past.

Lust, affection, and madness were evident in Qi Xie's eyes: "I want to do something audacious. I just insulted myself in advance for it."

As he spoke, the fireworks ended. The brilliant sky instantly plunged into deep darkness, a suffocating blackness encroaching from all sides.

Ying Li stared at the now vague contours of Qi Xie's face, suppressing a heart that felt like it might leap from his throat, and hesitantly asked, "Can't you refrain?"

In the next second, he felt his face mask being pulled down.

Heavy breaths were audible right next to the ear, growing increasingly urgent.

The air was damp and oppressive, with passion fermenting and swelling in the humid atmosphere like never before.

"We shouldn't."

"I can't hold back any longer."

Author's Note:

By Buddha's grace, this nun is finally about to taste meat.